That’s…actually a totally reasonable request

August 26th, 2010 · 51 comments

What’s frightening, of course, is that these things needed to be stated in the first place.

ATTENTION: Please stop urinating on the door handle. Thank you!

Please do not vomit on door

Smearing your bodily fluids on the fixtures is not socially acceptable. Please stop and learn some proper hygiene.

(Thanks to Jill in Des Moines, James in the U.K., and Heather and Eric in New York for submitting…and the kid from The Squid and the Whale for the, uh, inspiration.)

related: Apparently every office has someone with an insatiable need to spread the contents of their nose on the wall


FILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · bodily fluids · hygiene · most popular notes of 2010 · piss · vomit · WTF?


51 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Jonathan

    Those bodily fluids would be even more fucking delicious if I knew whose they were. Or not.

    Aug 26, 2010 at 11:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   catburglar

    Wow, don’t those get the imagination moving. Kind of like The Mysteries of Harris Burdick.

    Aug 26, 2010 at 11:31 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Thumbed soundly for the lovely VanAllsburg reference.

      Aug 27, 2010 at 7:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Meg

    Wow, really? There are so many different things on the door we must collectively refer to them as just “bodily fluids”? Ew.

    Aug 26, 2010 at 11:34 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   aaa bang

    What’s even more amazing is that the pee-soaked door knob is in the women’s restroom.

    Aug 26, 2010 at 11:44 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Splint Chesthair

      I’ve seen more unexplainable horrors in the ladies loo than the mens. I wouldn’t doubt it.

      Aug 27, 2010 at 8:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Mo®

      Wow those ladies are limber!

      Aug 27, 2010 at 8:59 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   infant tyrone bang

      Des Moines, home of corn-fed tall Amazons full of piss and vinegar.
      Skip the Italian salad dressing in the dorm’s downstairs cafeteria.

      Aug 27, 2010 at 3:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   merkin4

      When The Man(agement) takes out the paper towels and installs those “green” air dryers powered by low-emission unicorn farts, you’ve got to expect that people will have wet hands when they exit the loo.

      Aug 27, 2010 at 3:24 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Woman on the Verge bang

      That would just take way too much effort. It’s hard enough to “hover” over the seat so you don’t come in contact with nasties.

      Aug 28, 2010 at 9:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Nack

    So…one has to wonder how all of these conditions came to be. And, who noticed so often that they had to post a note about it? And lastly where they are posted…common hallways? The second looks like a kitchen door, does this face out to the restaurant patrons, or in to the kitchen?

    …Just gives you all kinds of ideas!

    Aug 26, 2010 at 11:47 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Silence

    …and they all became germophobes and lived happily ever after, as long as they had adequate supplies of sanitizer and protective gloves.

    The End.

    Aug 27, 2010 at 12:29 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   wright1

    WRT note #1: a PA attempt to keep others from overlaying their scent markers on the poster’s, thus insuring the latter’s dominance of this particular doorway. Clever!

    #3: bodily fluids should instead be collected in buckets and placed BESIDE the fixtures. Duh.

    Aug 27, 2010 at 12:37 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Lydia1310

    Hahahah, I’ve seen the first one before – it’s on an elevator door at my college.

    Yes, I am going to be living in Higginson next year (not by choice but necessity.)

    Aug 27, 2010 at 3:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      College is for dummies.

      Aug 27, 2010 at 11:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   eslinger bang

      College For Dummies

      Aug 28, 2010 at 8:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Woman on the Verge bang

    So, smearing bodily fluids is only SOCIALLY unacceptable?

    Aug 27, 2010 at 7:05 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Mo®

      But when Lucy LaMode does it it is art!

      Aug 27, 2010 at 9:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Canthz_B bang

      Well, it’s certainly not POLITICALLY unacceptable, spouting shit is almost a prerequisite for the job of politician.

      Aug 27, 2010 at 9:11 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   RedHurring

      Or a member of a news network.

      Stay classy San Diego.

      Aug 27, 2010 at 3:02 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Splint Chesthair

    These signs don’t work. When I was a janitor, people used to ask me to put up signs like this but it never made sense. People who smear feces on walls aren’t going to have their actions changed by a sign. “Whoops! Is feces-smearing frowned upon in this society? I had no idea!”

    Aug 27, 2010 at 8:51 am   rating: 54  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      Yes, I could see how this could rather entice the mischievous element into participating in the foolishness.

      “Whatever you do, do NOT think about elephants…”

      Aug 27, 2010 at 11:57 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   VerityBrown bang

      Depending on where this bathroom is, the culprit might be a child. I knew an ADHD child who had difficulty with proper toileting habits, and if he accidentally got poo on his hands when he was wiping himself, the OBVIOUS solution was to rub it off on the wall next to the toilet paper dispenser. :~P

      Aug 27, 2010 at 1:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Kat

      I fail to see how ADHD is an excuse for smearing feces on the wall. Unless you’re, say, five.

      Aug 27, 2010 at 9:52 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   jessi

      my son is five… with social issues… yet he hasn’t wiped poo on anything since he was 10 months old.

      Aug 28, 2010 at 2:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Xenobio

      Right, because all kids with learning disabilities or mental handicaps have the SAME behaviour problems.

      Aug 30, 2010 at 2:06 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   Canthz_B bang

      It’d be nice if he’d at least learn to wipe his poo on toilet paper, jessi.

      If he hasn’t wiped it on anything for over four years, well, that’s just nasty…even if one has “social issues”.

      Is “social issues” the same as “retarded”? It’s a very ambiguous term to use, so just trying to clarify.

      Kat, “I fail to see how ADHD is an excuse for smearing feces on the wall.”?…Anal Discharge, Habitat Dispersal disorder doesn’t ring a bell? :-P

      Aug 30, 2010 at 3:37 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   Scribbles the Monkey bang

      I once knew a kid who had ADHD… The guy was always looking forward to some place with a lot of rabbits. He liked to pet them, I guess.

      Aug 31, 2010 at 1:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    Smearing your bodily fluids on the fixtures is gross.
    Everyone knows you must flush, wash your hands, go back and wipe off the handle, wash your hands, wipe off the sink handle/knob, exit the restroom, turn ’round, go back and wash your hands (in case someone else didn’t wash their hands before touching the exit), wipe off the exit door handle…then, and only then leave the restroom.
    Is that so hard?

    Aug 27, 2010 at 9:05 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   harmonicpies

      Only if you lose track of where you are in the cycle and get stuck in an endless loop, never quite able to leave the bathroom. It happens.

      Aug 27, 2010 at 4:46 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   strangelove bang

    Here is a sign that explains proper toilet use, made with Universal Symbols. I kid you not!
    http://www.maestrobilly.com/podcast/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/IMG_00711.jpg
    And this is no joke, as I’ve discovered working in a place with a public toilet. It’s just astounding, what people do.

    Aug 27, 2010 at 9:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Janellionaire

      Aw, but the second 2 ways are so much fun!

      Aug 27, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Ali

      This is because in a large portion of the world, particularly in Asia, a toilet is just a hole in the floor with foot treads on either side. You stand on them, you squat over the hole, and you go. To someone who has never touched her bum to a toilet seat, the idea of doing so would be repulsive. Even many North American women are too paranoid to sit on the seat in a public toilet. Sheesh!

      Aug 27, 2010 at 11:23 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Xenobio

      It’s not a frigging hole in the floor. It’s a toilet bowl in the floor and I’m sick of white people visiting, going back home, and telling their friends “OMG in Asia they piss and shit into a hole in the floor” as if a squat toilets is some kind of latrine hole in the jungle. Even the plushest, shiniest, airport washrooms in Japan, the most obsessively clean country in the world, have both squat toilets and sitting toilets. It’s NOT A HOLE IN THE DAMN FLOOR.

      …I wish female urinals would catch on, I’m sick of bitches who “hover” over sitting toilets and sprinkle pee on the seats. If you want to hover, flip the seat up.

      Aug 30, 2010 at 2:10 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Canthz_B bang

      WOW, you have to be white to think that shitting/pissing into a hole in the floor (whether there’s a toilet down there or not) is, um…exotic?
      That’s like saying you have to be white to be racist.
      I’d think that singling out one race to focus ones ire upon would make one a racist. But I could be wrong, because I’m just a black man…and we all know how they are! :-P

      “I’m sick of white people visiting, going back home, and telling their friends “OMG in Asia they piss and shit into a hole in the floor”….think about it.

      I’ve never visited Asia. Is it a hole in the floor with a toilet beneath? If so IT IS A HOLE IN THE FLOOR. Do you expect guests/visitors to go spelunking to find out the inner workings? Just curious, you understand.

      Aug 30, 2010 at 3:55 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   JJ

    “Please Do Not Vomit On Door” appears to be on a kitchen door.

    Yummy, yummy, recycled pies and stew

    Aug 27, 2010 at 9:31 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Zorin

    These signs actually don’t surprise me that much.

    Most of us are used to living around civilized people, and don’t even see the sort of people these signs are directed at.

    In some of the less fortunate areas of many cities, you will find all sorts of scum who have habits that will make you vomit so quickly you won’t have TIME to get past the door.

    Aug 27, 2010 at 9:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   oi

    They want them to stop urinating on handles only. It is fine anywhere else on the door, just leave the handles alone. Talk about low expectations!

    Aug 27, 2010 at 10:46 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   infant tyrone bang

      Perhaps evidence of low expectancy.

      Or, they’re just taking an incrementalist approach
      and the handles seemed (to them, the committee)
      as good a place to start as anywhere else.

      Aug 27, 2010 at 8:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Madrias

      If I can’t pee on the door handle, I’ll crap on it instead!

      Aug 28, 2010 at 12:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   oi

    These signs reinforces my aversion for public restrooms.

    Aug 27, 2010 at 10:47 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Wade bang

    I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids by smearing them on fixtures.

    Aug 27, 2010 at 5:12 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      What, are you a commie?

      Aug 27, 2010 at 5:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   infant tyrone bang

      No, Ma’am, thet thair is Gen. Buck Turgidson !

      Aug 27, 2010 at 8:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Canthz_B bang

      It’s all part of the larger communal facilities conspiracy.

      Aug 28, 2010 at 10:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.4   infant tyrone bang

      Absolutely…I heard a guy on Art Bell who blew the lid off this pernicious plot by pickled pepper picking pinochle players.
      It’s all revealed in his new blockbuster book The Melders of Zion.

      Aug 28, 2010 at 11:18 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   azita

    lmao at the squid and the whale reference

    Aug 27, 2010 at 7:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Dave W.

    Oh wow. A local one! Edens and Higginson are two dorms at Western Washington University in Bellingham, Washington.

    Aug 28, 2010 at 1:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   WMDKitty

      Local ones are always awesome — I’m sure there are tons more of these around town, if we look.

      Aug 28, 2010 at 2:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   TippingCows

    I think I want a sign like #2 on all the doors in my house. Except I will change the bodily function for every door. Oh, what fun my next fondue party will be.

    Aug 31, 2010 at 12:12 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   The dirty bird | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] That’s actually a totally reasonable response. [...]

    Nov 17, 2010 at 6:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

Comments are Closed