Entries from August 2010
Our submitter in Orange County, California came across this note on a table at the local public library while studying for the Bar Exam. “I figured the added noises would simulate the noises during the actual test,” our submitter says. “Apparently the noise isn’t the only thing that bugs some of the other patrons.” (What’s really bugging me about this note: WHAT IS UNDER THAT WHITE-OUT STRIP ON THE FIRST LINE?)
Meanwhile, Daryl in Vancouver, B.C. spotted this pinned to the bulletin board at his gym. I don’t know if this means I’m going soft, but the thought of creepy bicycle-shorts guy walking up to the bulletin board and reading this while all of the other little kick-boxing vixens look on actually makes me feel sorry for the guy. The note’s amusing, I guess, but it also seems a little…below-the-belt, no?
related: You seem like really nice people, but…
Tags: a little insensitive · attire · gym · library · mean girls · noise · odor
Uh, you got me. The employees at the Arizona Blockbuster store where the manager posted this sign were similarly stumped. Writes our submitter: “I’m all for recycling, but I have to wonder who’s forcing her to run a 100k marathon…not to mention what that has to do with recycling paper.”
related: Al Gore knows
Tags: Arizona · crazy boss · God · recycling · smiley · WTF?
This seems like a reasonable enough request to ask of your housemates…except for the fact that, as Jason explains, “Our water is full of assorted minerals (and who knows what else), and drips from the ceiling above the bathtub all day.”
So those yellow stains in the tub? Yeah, not urine. Just evidence of a bathtub in need of some serious scrubbing. (And those pink stains on the water cooler? Probably not lipstick.)
But if your shower smells like piss…well, it’s gonna be hard to blame that on hard water.
related: Who takes a crap in the shower?!
Tags: bathtub · Oops? · piss · shower · signed with love
Spelling & Grammar Nazis…not necessarily known for compassion and self-restraint. Sure, maybe there is “a time for every matter under heaven” — but maybe this isn’t wasn’t the best time to point out your superior knowledge of homophones?
(Thanks to Robin in Las Vegas for submitting.)
related: “Domestic violence isn’t cool but neither is keeping us all awake.”
Tags: a little insensitive · Comic Sans Alert · most popular notes of 2010 · thanks (but not really)
For her 28th birthday, Jennifer in Arizona received this thoughtful card from her mother-in-law (who apparently comes from the same school of gift-giving as my own Grandma Cookie). “Since April I’ve lost 15 pounds,” Jennifer explains. “Apparently she’s concerned that I’ll gain it back.”
related: Take this and go buy yourself a couple of scales, okay, sweetie?
Tags: Arizona · birthday · ice cream · irregular capitalization · Mothers-in-Law · your/you're
“Typically, the people at my son’s day care just tell me when he’s running low on diapers or they write a note on his daily progress report,” says Lindsey in Peoria, Illinois. “Last time I forgot, and he had to use a few of theirs. I guess this was his teacher’s passive-aggressive [Ed. note: AND TOTALLY CREEPY] way of ensuring that I’d remember this time.”
related: Is your babysitter trying to get in your kid’s pants?
Tags: Illinois · kinda creepy · Moms & Dads
Okay, dude, I really don’t want to kick you while you’re down — getting your scooter stolen definitely sucks. (Also, based on the rage level in your note, I think you’d probably kick back pretty hard.) And yet…I’m not really buying your framing of this as some kind of public service announcement.
For one thing, I’m guessing that if you took a poll of your neighbors (including Alex, our submitter) and asked, “Hey, did you know that if you leave your personal property in this alley, it could get stolen?!” I’m pretty sure most would respond with someone along the lines of, “Uh, no shit.” Just sayin’.
related: Paintball punk is playing at my house (my house)
Tags: Denver · fuck fuckity fuck fuck · not so much passive-aggressive · scooters & mopeds · stealing
I think this has got to be my new favorite (unintentional) twist on the old “your mother doesn’t work here” trope. So congratulations, overbearing office manager! The three hours of company time you spent searching for just the right clip art — not to mention your charmingly cavalier disregard for spell-check — did not go unappreciated!
P.S. I promise, from now on, I will be sure to always clean and scrub the delicious Italian rice balls so graciously provided by the Phantom Mammas infiltrating our kitchen.
related: Yo momma doesn’t work here (or here, or here, or here)
Tags: bold-underlined-caps · cleaning · clip art catastrophe · Denver · dishwasher · irregular capitalization · kitchen · Your mother doesn't...
Frustrated by fridge thieves who continually ignore your polite (or not-so-polite) requests to keep their paws to themselves? Don’t get mad — get creative! You could end up with something so crazy it might actually work…that is, if it doesn’t totally backfire.
You could go for the classic bluff, with the hopes that you’ll inspire just enough self-doubt to encourage the thief to go for the next lunch bag over.
Or you could hold out hope that the thief in question is either very lazy, very stupid…
…or that he or she appreciates your twisted sense of humor enough to take mercy on your pathetic self.
Or you could just bring this for lunch. (Somehow, I think this would have been safe, even without the note.)
Thanks to Theresa in Birmingham, Alabama; Stacey in Manchester, New Hampshire; Alissa in Memphis, Tennessee; and Marianne in Dublin, Ireland for submitting!
related: That’s breastmilk!
Tags: beverages · cheese · fish · food · most popular notes of 2010 · not-so-veiled threats · office fridge · stealing · tea · water