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Things not to flush down the toilet: your hopes, your dreams…your sweaters

September 1st, 2010 · 60 comments

Linda spotted this little work of artistic genius at Louie’s Cafe in Santa Fe, New Mexico:

Don't Flush: Tampons Maxi Pads Paper Towels Cigarette Butts One Night Stands Cellphones Condoms Love Letters Junk Mail Sweaters Socks Hopes Goldfish Dreams Diapers Make-up Wallets Maps Gum Poetry Babies Puppies  Your Ex

related: Please do not flush…anything.

FILED UNDER: all clogged up · most popular notes of 2010 · restaurant · toilet

60 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Cletus B Rough

    What if I have any of these listed forbidden items in my crap? Must I sort/sieve?

    Sep 1, 2010 at 7:20 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Suntrap

      If you have any of those items in your crap, I would skip the sieve and head straight to the doctor.

      Sep 1, 2010 at 8:18 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Cletus B Rough

      As my (newly) hydro/claustro-phobic ex partner will tell you (& any law enforcement officer that will listen). I have no heart. Therefore my swallowed gum has nothing to stick to, so sieving may be my only option should I wish to turn a new leaf and follow these rules of the lavvy.

      Sep 1, 2010 at 10:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   FeRD bang

      I thought it was the appendix, that was nature’s underside-of-the-table? That’s why I had mine removed, to facilitate quick elimination of my daily intake of gum! (I’m up to a pack a day.)

      Sep 2, 2010 at 12:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   lisa

      if a sweater comes out of your ass, I think the note writer will let you take a pass.

      Sep 2, 2010 at 1:55 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   El Jefe

      @ Cletus: you gave your ex rabies? How rude!

      Sep 2, 2010 at 12:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #2   Courtney

    Puppies? Babies? Really?

    Sep 1, 2010 at 7:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Chrys

      It has happened, mostly at the prom.

      Sep 1, 2010 at 7:49 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

  • #3   jessi

    well crap… no babies in dumpsters OR in toilets? now what?!

    Sep 1, 2010 at 7:33 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Mo®

      Splat them out in front of the Jiffy-Mart with everyone else.

      Sep 2, 2010 at 9:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #4   ClearlyDemented

    ‘A’ for effort for the slowly decreasing font. But throwing goldfish in between hopes and dreams just seems forced and insincere.

    Sep 1, 2010 at 7:35 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      The decreasing font was extra nice. It categorized the items by importance. Therefore, we can conclude that it’s extra-important not to flush tampons and paper towels. It’s pretty important not to flush junk mail and sweaters. Not so important? Your ex. It’s only slightly advised not to flush your ex. I can assume your ex is a peice of shit anyway, so I guess it would depend if your ex was a “big job” or not.

      Sep 2, 2010 at 7:43 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Mo®

      My ex is a big something.

      Sep 2, 2010 at 9:01 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   toopoorforTP

    This is actually pretty funny. I’m considering using this for my office restroom.

    Sep 1, 2010 at 7:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   zanie

    Really?! No exes? Shoot…

    Sep 1, 2010 at 8:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Auntybron

      I did. Hence no exes.

      Sep 2, 2010 at 4:15 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #7   schnauzergal

    I’ve flushed many a dead goldfish! Don’t know why not?

    Sep 1, 2010 at 8:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #8   Blueknittedmonkey

    I’m going have to ignore the part about not flushing my dreams away.

    Sep 1, 2010 at 8:43 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   eslinger bang

      Those dreams were flushing delicious.

      Sep 6, 2010 at 6:55 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    Good, I can still flush my radiator, but who can afford antifreeze these days?

    Sep 1, 2010 at 9:06 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #10   The Great Joe Bivins

    It’s reverse psychology: “Oh yeah? Well I AM going to flush my wallet, HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW!!” The wallet and its contents are then collected and processed by the septic tank elves, the profits from which operation are then donated to far-right political groups. FLUSH FUNDS.

    Also that sweater you’re eyeing at the thrift store: JUST WALK AWAY.

    Sep 1, 2010 at 9:20 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   FeRD bang

      So THAT’S why the changing rooms smell like pee!

      Sep 1, 2010 at 9:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   RigaToni

      Step three, Profit!

      Sep 2, 2010 at 12:26 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Ndawg

      That reminds me of the blonde joke where she accidentally drops a dollar in the outhouse shithole, then follows it with a fifty, “cuz I’m not going down there just for a dollar!”

      Sep 2, 2010 at 11:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   eslinger bang

      Maybe the Flush Funds could be used to buy some more pens.

      Edit: The bastards would probably just flush the pens. What a vicious cycle.

      Sep 6, 2010 at 6:44 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #11   TippingCows

    If only flushing exes was so easy! Give me an industrial toilet capable of such big loads and I’m there. Hopefully THX SANDRA won’t be there to admonish me if it clogs, though.

    Sep 1, 2010 at 11:02 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #12   Gladystopia

    I notice the conspicuous absence of “drugs” on this list. So we’ve got THAT going for us, anyway.

    Sep 1, 2010 at 11:03 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Canthz_B bang

      You’ve caught me with my drugs! How embarrassing…now I’m all flushed! :oops:

      Sep 2, 2010 at 8:41 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #13   WMDKitty

    This suggest there has been a problem with people flushing these things. O.O

    Sep 2, 2010 at 12:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   The voice of... James Mason

      I dunno… It seems to me that offering such a big list of things is an invitation to flush things that didn’t make the list… Puppies are a no go, but baby seals are ok!

      Or maybe I’m just a bit drunk.

      Sep 2, 2010 at 12:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #14   lisa

    It would have been more efficient to list flushable items and put a blanket ban on anything not mentioned. Especially blankets.

    Sep 2, 2010 at 1:57 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #15   Kel

    My favorite part of this note is the typographical arrangement of words to form one of those fancy plungers (google “Master Power Plungers”).
    The author provides great imagery through his/her use of concrete poetry.
    This is seriously deep stuff! (pun intended, of course)

    Sep 2, 2010 at 3:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Splint Chesthair

      looks like a microphone

      Sep 2, 2010 at 6:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   TheOldSchool bang

      Well spotted, Kel, but by asking people to google “Master Power Plungers,” you’re not only plugging a product, you’re also inviting us to clog up our own systems with butt loads of crap from the toilet boys.

      Who has that much time to waste?

      Besides, to my eyes, the typographical arrangement is more reminiscent of how a cannister of powdered Drano looks after a failed attempt at flushing it.

      Try it home and you’ll see exactly what I mean.

      Sep 2, 2010 at 6:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   GhostWriter bang

      If I squint, it reminds me of a tadpole-shaped turd that a schnitzel dinner might bring. The head section usually causes me to squint.

      Sep 2, 2010 at 12:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   The Elf

    How do you flush a one-night-stand anyway? I always figured that was more of an event rather than a object. I see the results of one-night-stands are mostly covered – both condoms and babies are non flushable.

    Sep 2, 2010 at 7:47 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   eslinger bang

      One night stand is not okay. Two night stands are acceptable.

      Sep 6, 2010 at 6:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #17   Canthz_B bang

    I’d hoped this list wouldn’t contain any redundancies, but flushing condoms and flushing babies sent my hopes down the drain even while prohibiting such a thing.

    Sep 2, 2010 at 8:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #18   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    This is one of the most brilliant subject notes I have ever seen at Passive Aggressive Notes, and I would despair of matching its wit in any comment. So far none of the comments has (have?) done it justice.

    Sep 2, 2010 at 8:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Mo®

      Things to Flush?

      1.) Pheasants

      Sep 2, 2010 at 9:06 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   Canthz_B bang

      Guessing…”none” of them “have”?

      Singular “has”, plural “have” (that comment has not done justice…those comments have not done justice…)?

      Not my forte, but there are some real grammar whizzes around here, I’m sure we’ll find out.

      Sep 2, 2010 at 9:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   The Elf

      2) Peasants

      Sep 2, 2010 at 10:44 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   Critical Grass bang

      3) Lizards

      Sep 2, 2010 at 11:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.5   The Elf

      4) Passive-Aggressive Notes

      Sep 2, 2010 at 1:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.6   Zsa

      5) Gizzards

      Sep 2, 2010 at 2:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.7   Wolverine Girl

      6) Nun frocks

      Sep 2, 2010 at 8:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   GhostWriter bang

    Brilliant!?! Baahh…

    “Don’t flush one-night stands, cellphones” – Too early in the list for this nonsense
    “Poetry” – Fail; already used “Love Letters”
    “Babies, Puppies” – Wrong sequence; should finish with the shocker
    “M80′s” – Totally missing; -10 points

    Final Grade: B -

    Sep 2, 2010 at 9:28 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #20   nick

    So I can flush a bomb down the toilet, and blow the whole sewage system apart so no one can flush anything!


    Sep 2, 2010 at 9:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #21   anglophile bang

    Sure, the note writer amused herself, and for a few days or so, probably allowed herself to hope it would actually work. That just made it all the more infuriating the next time a flushed tampon backed up the toilet. Now all she can hope for is someone to add something to the list to let her know at least one person in this world read her masterpiece and appreciated it, dammit.

    Sep 2, 2010 at 11:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #22   Katie

    Nice one!

    On a side note, Louie’s Cafe is in Santa Fe, NEW Mexico, USA. We’ve been a state for 98 years now.

    Sep 2, 2010 at 11:18 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   anglophile bang

      I understand you may get frustrated with morons not knowing you live in an actual state, Katie, but if it makes you feel better, I’m quite sure that was just a typo. After all “this website made especially for you with love by Kerry in Austin, Texas”, and I bet she’s perfectly well aware where Santa Fe is. For what it’s worth.

      Sep 2, 2010 at 11:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #23   Critical Grass bang

    What?! What’s a girl supposed to do with her exes now? Never mind…

    Sep 2, 2010 at 11:26 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #24   aaa bang

    Dreams? I have no dreams
    Can’t flush something I don’t have
    Don’t flush this haiku

    Sep 2, 2010 at 6:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #25   Ms. Snark


    @nick Nice catch on the bomb

    @the voice of.. James Mason.. Puppies are protected, but someone hates kitties.. and unicorns and rainbows along with your baby seals.

    Sep 3, 2010 at 10:53 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #26   Elorel

    If that’s the Don’t Flush list, what’s the *Do* Flush list?

    I can guess what’s at the top in the biggest font, but I’m intrigued to imagine the bottom items in the smallest font. Does it wrap around to the Don’t Flush list? Is any item on both?

    Further, where do baby alligators fit in?

    Sep 3, 2010 at 11:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #27   agirlie Hmmmm looks like you scooped them!

    Sep 4, 2010 at 11:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   eslinger bang

      With a pooper scooper.

      Sep 6, 2010 at 6:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #28   eslinger bang

    If you want to destroy my sweater
    Flush this thread as I walk away

    Sep 6, 2010 at 6:51 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #29   Josh

    It might be just me but if you look at the note from a distance, the shape of the text seems to resemble a certain part of the female anatomy that tampons go into.

    Yeah, it’s probably just me.

    Sep 9, 2010 at 11:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #30   Your car will start making the expensive knocking/tapping sound and NO ONE WILL TALK TO YOU AT PARTIES EVER AGAIN. |

    [...] related: Things not to flush down the toilet: your hopes, your dreams…your sweaters [...]

    Aug 22, 2011 at 5:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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