“New York Times reader” didn’t become a right-wing synonym for “elitist” out of nowhere. As the newspaper itself proclaims, “Times readers are a well-educated group. They expect sophisticated coverage and literate prose.”
But how does that literate sophistication hold up when the Gray Lady goes a-missin’? Well, if “self-aggrandizing smugness” counts as sophistication and “almost free of basic spelling and grammar errors” counts as “literate” — remarkably well, actually! (That whole “i before e” thing is pretty tricky, after all.)
Exhibit a) From Alan in Washington, DC:
![NOTICE TO WELL-READ 1809 THEIF [sic] I would be grateful if you cease snatching my copy of the New York Times. If not, I shall have to cancel my subscription, which will deny us both the application. -JSS](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3186/2752683743_f901192070.jpg "NOTICE TO WELL-READ 1809 THEIF [sic] I would be grateful if you cease snatching my copy of the New York Times. If not, I shall have to cancel my subscription, which will deny us both the application. -JSS")
Exhibit b) From an anonymous submitter in Lawrence, Kansas:
Exhibit c) From Elizabeth in Queens:
![will the person who keeps stealing my times, please stop...we're neighbors here and i shouldn't have to worry about a theif [sic] in my home. if money is that tight buy the post. -stew](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3154/4555928920_f8b8c6cb76.jpg "will the person who keeps stealing my times, please stop...we're neighbors here and i shouldn't have to worry about a theif [sic] in my home. if money is that tight buy the post. -stew")
Unimpressed? Well, for the sake of comparison, let’s take a look at some notes by readers of less “sophisticated” newspapers. Like, say, the Washington Post:
Adds Robin in DC: “This person has also posted several other notes making various threats, including a promise to fill their paper with feces and glitter.”
As much as I appreciate that imagery, it’s actually New York’s other status-symbol-paper that inspires my favorite note of this genre — primarily because it so perfectly captures the essence of the Patrick Bateman/Gordon Gekko-worshipping tool I imagine the writer to be.
Our submitter, meanwhile, found the note more puzzling than anything else. Writes Danielle: “What kind of boring person steals the Wall Street Journal?”
And that, dear readers, is a question for another day.
related: Free markets, free people, free papers
extra credit: Dear Neighbors, Read This Note! [nytimes.com]
82 responses so far ↓
#1
sb
is it irresponsible to point out that the two new york times readers can’t spell “thief” but the washington post reader can?
Sep 12, 2010 at 12:33 pm rating: 41
#2
ClearlyDemented
I can just picture the NYT subscribers scoffing at their computer screens. “I wonder how many *average* people have been tricked into believing ‘theif’ isn’t a word. “
Sep 12, 2010 at 1:15 pm rating: 3
#3
MAMARILLA2
Doesn’t Angela Landsbury prefer the London Times.
Sep 12, 2010 at 2:31 pm rating: 8
#4
jfruh
Nobody who uses “quality” as an adjective/synonym for “good” has the right to call themselves an intellectual.
Sep 12, 2010 at 3:11 pm rating: 10
#5
Laestig
I love the Angela Lansbury threat. I can’t help hoping they mean Mrs. Potts. Or maybe the Empress from Anastasia?
Sep 12, 2010 at 3:36 pm rating: 4
#6
Kelly
While in college, I needed a subscription to the Wall Street Journal for a Finance Class. I think I was able to pick it up only twice a week, the other days it was taken…
Sep 12, 2010 at 3:56 pm rating: 1
#7
becca
I had a problem with someone stealing our paper a few years ago. I taped a little camera to our peephole and when we caught the bastard we showed the tape to our apartment management company. The dude was kicked out. lol
Sep 12, 2010 at 4:05 pm rating: 6
#8
finette
Most of these note-writers do sound like pompous asses, but I have known the seething fury inspired by the unknown apartment building newspaper thief. At the time I was a poor grad student and didn’t even have internet access at home, so it was a hit to my budget as well as my awareness of the day’s news.
I even tried a note, but I like to think I was a bit craftier than these people: after reading a paper that hadn’t been stolen, I rolled it back up with the note inside and left it where the carrier usually did. (I don’t recall what the note said, but I think it was more appealing to their conscience than threatening bodily harm.) Unfortunately the thief either didn’t take the bait, or they put that one paper back after finding the note. In any case it certainly didn’t deter them from stealing future papers. That was a depressing year.
Sep 12, 2010 at 4:44 pm rating: 3
#9
Canthz_B
I haven’t had my newspaper stolen, heck, even I don’t want my Arizona Republic anymore!
Sep 12, 2010 at 5:24 pm rating: 1
#10
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
What’s a newspaper?
Sep 12, 2010 at 7:34 pm rating: 7
#11
aaa
Mr./Mrs. Second Floor has renewed my faith in the power of a good passive aggressive note. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen such creative and inspired channeling of anonymous fury. In a time when inconsistent formatting and even clip art seem to be too much effort for today’s passive aggressive note writer, Mr./Mrs. Second Floor has reached directly into my soul with their angry red capitalization and creepy and inconsistent pictures ganked from Google Image Search and directly deposited within hope for the future of passive aggression. So thank you, Mr./Mrs. Second Floor. Thank you for giving me the strength to know that I can go out into the world with confidence that I can count on those who are just too damn angry to confront their targets directly.
Sep 12, 2010 at 8:25 pm rating: 8
#12
butt
I like the first one, actually.
Sep 12, 2010 at 8:39 pm rating: 0
#13
cathy
Alright, I’ll go ahead and say it. Mostly because I get to stay nameless and avoid eye contact by hiding behind my computer. But these notes are no more smug and pompous than about 90% of readers’ posts on this blogsite. Indeed, most responders on PAN resort to the most unctuous and haughtily-wordy taunts, even when the popinjay vernacular of the hoi polloi would prove just as suitable. Seriously, if you’re going to laugh at the scorned NYT readers, then start posting ROFL, “dats gayyyy” and “retardud.” like NORMAL blog readers.
Sep 12, 2010 at 8:53 pm rating: 15
#14
April
The Angela Lansbury note is by far the BEST note this site has ever seen! Something about that note is an epic win.
Sep 12, 2010 at 9:09 pm rating: 8
#15
Lhyzz
Elizabeth from Queens’ submission refers to the NY Post, not the Washington Post. (Or was the following note really about a stolen Washington Post? It wasn’t clear.)
Anyway, the NY Post is a cheap tabloid owned by Rupert Murdoch that most people don’t tend to associate with the more educated newspaper reader. Think of it as the FOX News of print journalism.
By the way, when education and literacy pass for elitism in this country, we’re in trouble.
Sep 12, 2010 at 9:49 pm rating: 10
#16
Canthz_B
Dear sir,
I would never steal your New York Times thinking myself literate enough to read it.
My new puppy, however, enjoys it so much he pees while reading it.
He seems to especially love the Editorial page.
Yours truly,
NY Post (but only Page Six and the Sports section) Reader
Sep 13, 2010 at 12:53 am rating: 1
#17
Canthz_B
HA!
Buy the Post…if I wanted a rag, I’d buy a box of Kotex!!
Sep 13, 2010 at 1:05 am rating: 0
#18
Nack
Team Angela Landsbury. Hell yeah. That note wasn’t passive aggressive, it was full on aggressive! And I loved it! More! More!
…oh no…Someone stop me before it comes out…
That note was fucking delicious. IT said so.
Sep 13, 2010 at 2:54 am rating: 3
#19
Bunnee
I get the first two images that represent “batshit crazy”, but why the image of the fat girl trying to button her jeans? Is she getting ready to go into a Hulk-like rage because she can’t button those pants? Besides, everyone knows that you need to lie down in order to get tight jeans buttoned and zipped. (practical advice from the 80′s)
That being said, I don’t think lying down will help in her efforts. Think stretchy pants, sister!
Sep 13, 2010 at 9:37 am rating: 3
#20
fauxelitist
I had this very same problem, except it was people stealing my Vanity Fair (is that pompous enough?). The 70-30 ad to content ratio made it always too biblical in size to fold into the mailbox, so the mailman would just toss it in front of my door.
Instead of getting passive aggressive, I did the sane thing, and had it sent to my office.
Sep 13, 2010 at 10:00 am rating: 2
#21
michelleology
WSJ has a great Friday crossword.
Sep 13, 2010 at 11:01 am rating: 0
#22
Kitty
Mmarilla2, I thought “treif” meant torn, and “chazzer” meant pig. But what do I know, I’m just a shiksa
Sep 13, 2010 at 11:33 am rating: 2
#23
pasquared
If they’re so worried about someone stealing their newspaper, why not order the online publication? Idiots.
Sep 13, 2010 at 5:46 pm rating: 1
#24
Divvitar
The English word is tripe, which is basically what these notes are. The last one is especially banal, and reinforces the stereotypical vernacular of the knuckleheaded New Yorker. I’m not sure what scares me more, Pennywise the Clown, or the Secretary of State looking like someone just shoved an ice cube down her pants.
Sep 14, 2010 at 1:59 am rating: 1
#25
Madrias
I used your copy of the Wall Street Journal as toilet paper, because toilet paper is now too expensive. I’ll kindly give your paper to the guy trying to catch the newspaper thief as they’ll only have to add glitter to guarantee his threat.
Sep 14, 2010 at 11:07 pm rating: 0
#26
Glenn Friesen
I saw a man steal a newspaper, read it, and return it. Hey, what happened to neighborly love?
Sep 15, 2010 at 1:22 pm rating: 1
#27
Bobby
I don’t understand why these people can’t find out when their papers are being delivered or arrange for the paper to be more securely delivered.
Sep 22, 2010 at 3:16 pm rating: 0
#28 Won’t someone think of the children? | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] All the news that’s fit to steal [...]
Dec 16, 2010 at 9:43 pm rating: 0
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