Okay, I’m totally calling bullshit on this note (spotted by Seth in the lobby of his Brooklyn apartment building).
If one of your neighbors knocked on your door and said, “Hey, so, I’ve been really needing a doormat….can I have yours?” — would your response really be, “Well, since you asked…here you go!!”
Shame on you for being a bold-typefaced liar, notewriter!
related: Wrath mat
48 responses so far ↓
#1
Sirius¤
If that hand-shaped stain were red instead of blue, it would go a long way toward keeping people off your threshold.
Sep 16, 2010 at 2:21 pm rating: 13
#2
farcical aquatic ceremony
And if you can’t afford your prescription mats, AstroZeneca may be able to help!
Sep 16, 2010 at 2:37 pm rating: 23
#3
C
If this note is accurate, then this person may have had their doormat stolen, but they ARE a doormat. So it evens out.
Sep 16, 2010 at 2:43 pm rating: 11
#4
MommaT
I’ve recently had a conversation with a woman who told me her welcome mat was stolen. “If they’d just asked, I would have given it to them! I feel bad, because I tempted them to steal it!” (this conversation went on for awhile, all along these lines. It was her fault for leaving out the mat to steal, if they’d asked her for it she would have happily given it to them.)
So, yeah, there are people out there who think this way.
Sep 16, 2010 at 2:56 pm rating: 2
#5
Citrico
Last time I lost my welcome mat it was the wind. I found it later blown off the deck.
I was disappointed because it had a pineapple on it.
Sep 16, 2010 at 3:24 pm rating: 8
#6
Sesquipedalian
Nothing says “I love to share” like an accusation of theft emphasized with red ink.
Sep 16, 2010 at 3:41 pm rating: 9
#7
Drake
It’s bald-faced liar. With an “a.” It refers to clean-shaven con men, as opposed to those with beards to help hide the fact they’re lying. It means a very confident liar. It has nothing to do with typeface or the way the lie is told. It just refers to the liars skill.
Sep 16, 2010 at 4:20 pm rating: 4
#8
Mel K
Stealing a doormat because you need one is not shameful- it is sad and boring. How cool can this doormat be? Really, was it from LLBean with a reindeer or loon on it?
Stealing your neighbour’s doormat because it would be fun to (insert teenage fun activity here) is more realistic.
Sep 16, 2010 at 5:09 pm rating: 8
#9
Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)
After reading this note I’ve decided that every time I visit one of my kids at their apartment, I’m going to take a random doormat and move it to someone else’s front door.
After several weeks of fun, I’ll perform the royal flush of doormatfoolery — to take six or eight of them and arrange them in a tile format in front of a door previously naked of matting.
Sep 16, 2010 at 7:13 pm rating: 23
#10
Kate
If one of my neighbors asked for my doormat I’d definitely give it to them. I like my neighbors, and doormats aren’t particularly expensive.
Sep 16, 2010 at 7:40 pm rating: 0
#11
Michelle
I personally give a way doormats to encourage people to go inside (not really). Did you know that when you step outside you inhale 1 liter of others anal gasses daily?
Sep 16, 2010 at 7:52 pm rating: 0
#12
crystal
Someone stole my welcome mat once…who does that?
I really liked it too.
Sep 16, 2010 at 8:02 pm rating: 1
#13
quat
To my mat you’re “Welcome”
Tho’ you really are a ho’
To pull somebody’s “Welcome” mat
From right in front they do’.
Sep 16, 2010 at 8:28 pm rating: 9
#14
Nack
“It’s not stolen. Someone was killed on it. It was evidence. So it was collected, destroyed, or otherwise altered so that it couldn’t be traced back. I was doing you a favor! Imagine all the questions that brain-matter or blood would’ve brought to be!” ~ Welcome Mat “Thief”.
Sep 16, 2010 at 8:37 pm rating: 5
#15
maliss
Would be extra funny if it was this mat.
http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm77/elliotdotvictoria/a76dfc87.jpg
Sep 16, 2010 at 8:38 pm rating: 1
#16
Kay
This reminds of something my grandmother did shortly after moving into a senior’s apartment building. Coming home on a particularly nasty rainy day, she discovered that someone “had the nerve to leave their filthy galoshes” on her nice clean doormat. So she chucked them down the garbage chute, “thinking that will fix him!” Of course upon returning to her door, from the walk down the hall to the garbage chute, she discovered by the apartment numbers that she was on the 3rd instead of the 4th, having exited the elevator on the wrong floor in error. She had just chucked out some “innocent’s” galoshes for no reason. She didn’t leave a note.
Sep 16, 2010 at 8:42 pm rating: 25
#17
Sarah
No point leaving a note – the thief won’t be anyone who lives in the building (and if it is, well, pretty easy to get the doormat back)
Once I waited ages for the lift in my building. I could hear it stopping on every floor. When it finally got to the bottom two girls got out. I got in, and realised there was a stack of doormats in the lift, with mine on top. I took mine back. Five minutes later the rest were gone.
Sep 17, 2010 at 1:09 am rating: 4
#18
Liz
I avoid purchasing “Welcome” mats, in case they give visitors the wrong impression:
- welcome to ring my doorbell when they want? nope
- welcome to take my mat with them as a memento? no way
If you’re an anticipated and scheduled visitor (or you’re the FedEx guy with some nifty purchases), you are welcome to ring the doorbell. And if you’re really nice, I might even let you take my doormat with you.
Sep 17, 2010 at 1:20 am rating: 1
#19
Lhyzz
I, too, live in a Brooklyn apartment building. We don’t have a welcome mat outside our door, because not everyone is welcome. We do have a doormat, but it’s on the other side of the door.
Our extravagant next-door neighbor, however, has TWO welcome mats in front of her door. One keeps trying to migrate over to our side, but I keep kicking it back. Fuck you, welcome mat!
Sep 17, 2010 at 4:14 am rating: 9
#20
Canthz_B
Someone asked my overbearing neighbor for her doormat. I haven’t seen her husband since.
Sep 17, 2010 at 6:09 am rating: 7
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