Monica in Iowa City, do-gooder that she is, volunteers with a friendly visiting program at the local senior living center. And while Monica’s no stranger to old folks and their antics, even she was struck by the sight of this heartbreakingly despondent note on one resident’s door.
I couldn’t help but think of poor Snowman, the ill-fated pony from the German petting zoo (and as I see it, kindred spirit to this old lady in Iowa). I picture them kvetching together in heaven someday, asking “Why? Why? Why?” for all eternity.
related: The zen koan of a Jewish grandmother
35 responses so far ↓
#1
havingfitz
I’d like to say that the humming bird was fucking delicious, but it was actually rather bland.
Sep 25, 2010 at 12:58 pm rating: 12
#2
dixiechick
I wish I had something snarky to say here. But this is so genuinely sad, havingfitz is welcome to the Unitard.
We can’t even make fun of the font, because the handwriting is so painstaking, like someone practicing calligraphy, trying to get all the downstrokes just right.
Sorry. Passive-aggressive FAIL.
Sep 25, 2010 at 1:29 pm rating: 31
#3
TippingCows
Why oh Why
By Old Man Snow
“Why oh why?” the horse did speak
his tone somber, dull and bleak
“I loved my map, I loved my bird,
I love the sound of this word:
Why.” And so the horse grew large
as equines do when they eat
french fries and Mountain Dew.
His last words rang sweet and true:
“Why … why … why?”
Sep 25, 2010 at 2:34 pm rating: 14
#4
se
I am curious.
If Monica says “she was struck by the sight of this heartbreakingly despondent note on one resident’s door.”, why did she send the note here to be mocked?
Is it possible that she volunteers just so she can tell her friends what a good person she is, while she makes fun of the old folks she is “helping”? What a piece of crap she is.
Sep 25, 2010 at 2:59 pm rating: 30
#5
LSK
I did a double take at “Iowa City” because that’s where I go to school. Hooray for synchronicity!
Sep 25, 2010 at 3:15 pm rating: 1
#6
Diary of a Young Black Asshole
I was trying to think of something clever to say here, but I couldn’t, but that feeding to death is pretty funny.
Sep 25, 2010 at 3:34 pm rating: 2
#7
Elorel
Because that wasn’t a hummingbird. It was my pair of needle-nose pliers.
Sep 25, 2010 at 8:02 pm rating: 7
#8
Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)
Maybe it’s the handwriting. When I read that first note my mind substitutes “Middle Earth.”
I can’t think of anything clever to post either. But I love the superlative passive-aggressiveness of the Snowman sign.
Sep 25, 2010 at 8:32 pm rating: 1
#9
park rose
Note One:
A. I don’t know. Maybe Maya Angelou knows? Peter, Paul and Mary? Carly Simon?
B. Because she was too square for we aging artificial hipsters.
Sep 25, 2010 at 10:23 pm rating: 5
#10
park rose
Actually, I do think there is a strange kind of correlation. I think one was absconded and the other violated because they were both flat. An atonal hummingbird? Just because its owner was deaf doesn’t mean all the residents were. And just because the amateur cartographer did not believe in Copernicus or Galileo, doesn’t mean that all the other residents were still stuck in the dark ages.
Sep 25, 2010 at 10:28 pm rating: 5
#11
aaa
Earth is male. Jeez, get it right people.
(Gah, gigglebrax fail!)
Sep 26, 2010 at 12:03 am rating: 3
#12
matt
dear resident,
your hummingbird is in a very safe place. I appreciate it every time it hums as it sends tingles up my spine.
As for your map of mother earth – replace the toilet roll next time, you underdeveloped douche.
Sep 26, 2010 at 3:07 am rating: 4
#13
matt
hahaha. Pony “snowman” has a not so clean record after all. The local mafia fed him to death after he was caught on the streets selling bad “snow.” The zoo should have seen it coming with a name like that. Unfortunately, this highlights the need for further background checks, even in animal storage. You can never be too careful.
Sep 26, 2010 at 3:15 am rating: 2
#14
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
As usual, the subject PAN was not as engaging as the comments.
I swear I’ve seen that horse before, is that a recycle from years back on PAN?
Sep 26, 2010 at 12:09 pm rating: 0
#15
Clive dunn
C’mon people.
There was no humming bird, there was no map. She’s always wittering on about this shit. Just turn the tv up and take the pills.
Sep 26, 2010 at 12:40 pm rating: 8
#16
eslinger
I must admit, I do enjoy hummingbirds. Both the animal and the vibrator (but not together).
EDIT: I can understand why the old lady would be angry. If someone took my vibrator, and I was stuck in a nursing home, oooooohhh, there’d be hell to pay!
Sep 26, 2010 at 2:44 pm rating: 5
#17
UnclGhost
saddest pan ever
Sep 26, 2010 at 3:36 pm rating: 7
#18
wheezeew
I took your humming bird so I could feed it to a pony. I crumpled up your map of mother earth so I could use it to clog your toilet. Asked and answered.
Sep 26, 2010 at 10:17 pm rating: 2
#19
trouble
I live in Iowa City!
…
That is all.
Oct 16, 2010 at 10:44 pm rating: 0
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