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Not to worry, I’m alive. Not that you’d care. I’m only your mother!

October 3rd, 2010 · 87 comments

Our submitter and her brother — both adults — recently received this e-mail from their mother, who’s currently traveling (thus making telephone calls difficult). What ever did empty nesters do before e-mail?

So, that's it??? You are never going to email me again??? OK. Never mind about all the times I let you do really fun things. Love, Mom

(Actually, it’s pretty easy to imagine this in telegram form — just take out the word “email” and sub in <STOP> for all those question marks.)

related: Thanks, Mom, for reminding me why I moved out in the first place.

 

FILED UNDER: confusion??? · e-mail · guilt trip · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · signed with love


87 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Canthz_B bang

    Aw, just what we always wanted…a custom-made, long-distance nagging!

    Oct 3, 2010 at 11:06 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

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    • #1.1   Quite Contrary

      I might have received this email but I deleted it without reading it. Is that wrong?

      Oct 5, 2010 at 1:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
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  • #2   Kel

    My mom does the same thing if she’s trying to reach me and hasn’t heard back within a few hours time.
    She also will leave super ambiguous messages to the tune of “I have something VERY interesting to tell you” which turns out to be something along the lines of her running in to an old high school aquaintence of mine at the town grocery store.
    LOL!

    Oct 3, 2010 at 11:13 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

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    • #2.1   punkypower

      My mother likes to start phone conversations with “well, I have some bad news…” followed by something like “I tore up the carpet upstairs!”

      Oct 4, 2010 at 8:23 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
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  • #3   JetJackson

    … really fun things.

    That sounds awfully suspect and I am sure that Freud would have something to say about it.

    Oct 3, 2010 at 11:21 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

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    • #3.1   FeRD bang

      Now, now, JJ. Sometimes overprotective parenting is just overprotective parenting.

      Oct 3, 2010 at 11:45 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
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  • #4   Nack

    I’m Team Mom. Why? Because I have a teenager. Believe me, this starts then, because that’s -all- you have.

    Oct 3, 2010 at 11:28 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

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    • #4.1   someone

      It’s not good to invest all of yourself into one thing. Even parenting.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 12:55 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.2   Nack

      No no, you misunderstood. Guilt is all you can get through their pee little brains.

      ;)

      Oct 4, 2010 at 2:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.3   eslinger

      I think peeing on your children is just wrong. Shame on you, Nack. Shame.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 5:41 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.4   The Elf

      But the submitters are adults, Nack. Theoretically, they don’t have to be hovered over.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 7:41 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.5   Maas

      Maybe they ignore her emails because her punctuation is so offensive…

      Oct 4, 2010 at 12:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.6   Nack

      I’d like to see proof of that “adulthood” before I change my voting stance. I’m willing to bet that the kids that get “hovered” for the most part were constantly telling Mom “I can’t find it!” (it’s your backpack!) or “I forgot to do my homework!” (For eight classes?)

      Besides, peeing on your children ought to be an effective parenting tactic, they do it to you;)

      Oct 4, 2010 at 12:06 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.7   park rose

      Hovering pissers are the worst kind, but I like Nack’s responses. Thumbs to all!

      Oct 4, 2010 at 1:35 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.8   Mo® bang

      never mind, nothing to see here.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 5:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
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  • #5   farcical aquatic ceremony

    So, let’s see if I’ve got this straight–she wants credit for all those times she didn’t STOP them from having fun?? I don’t think I’d publicize it if I’d aimed for such a low level of parental competence, myself.

    Oct 3, 2010 at 11:43 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

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  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    I’d say leaving mom alone while she’s on vacation qualifies as letting her do fun things.

    Go ahead, Stella…get your groove back. ;-)

    Oct 4, 2010 at 12:22 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

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  • #7   MAMARILLA2 bang

    I don’t believe it for one minute.. Children , leaving their parents alone for a time…It is not something that I have witnessed first hand yet…

    Oct 4, 2010 at 12:44 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

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  • #8   pony girl

    I’d rather receive that email than come home from 4 hours of running errands to find two police officers making a ‘welfare’ check because my mother hadn’t received a reply to her emails and phone calls. God knows what horrible things she said to make them visit a 30-something that hadn’t been heard from in 5 hours. I wish I were kidding.

    Oct 4, 2010 at 1:10 am   rating: 54  small thumbs up

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    • #8.1   ashmeadow

      I feel you, ponygirl. I’m almost tempted to tell the submitter to suck it up. MY mother called up campus police to let her in the dorms, because I didn’t call her immediately after arriving in my dorm room for the night (after, mind you, she had watched me get out of her car and walk into the dorms). And there were so many more things along this line, it was like being suffocated by the sharp claws of an eagle.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 1:48 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       

    • #8.2   dixiechick

      I was enjoying a lazy Saturday-morning bubblebath in the privacy of my own apartment, when all of a sudden my crazy neighbor from across the hall hammers on MY bathroom door, hollering, “Girl! The police are here! Your mama called them, girl!!!” (She’d let herself in with her copy of my key.) Apparently when my mother called me, one of my cats, irritated by the phone ringing, knocked it off my desk. So all she heard were snuffling, breathing noises. So, well, she called the police, 600 miles away. Jeez. “Mortified” is one word to describe standing there in a towel, dripping bubbles on the carpet, explaining things to the local cops while my paranoid, pothead neighbor (whom they should have been busting) fluttered in the background squeaking, “Girl! Girl! Oh my god, girl! Your mama called the fuzz on you!”

      Oct 4, 2010 at 8:14 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       

    • #8.3   pit pat

      Wow, pony girl! You don’t answer your mom’s calls and emails, and the police give you a welfare check? How much was it for? Maybe I’ll try that.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 9:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       

    • #8.4   Gladystopia

      Oh HELL no. I thought I was the only one whose mother did this…I was at the dentist getting two teeth yanked, then running minor errands, when I feel my phone vibrate in a pocket of my bag. “You have elebenty-three missed calls…” As I walked the last two blocks home, I call my boyfriemd. His first words whem he answered:” You need to call your mom NOW!!! The cops were here TWICE, and the second time they told me that if no one heard from you in the next 30 minutes, they were gonna take me in for questioning!”

      So, standing outside my building, I ccalled my mother, whose first question was “Who do you have living with you? (Backstory–Mom disapproves latgely with my choise of partners not only is he unemployed, he’s talso sthe “wrong” race. Apparently

      Oct 5, 2010 at 12:05 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
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  • #9   Mrazda71

    Ooooh i can not wait for all you none sympathetic commenters to have kids of your own… THEN and only then will you truely understand this email.

    Oct 4, 2010 at 3:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

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    • #9.1   MAMARILLA2 bang

      What about those of us who have children (grown) and look forward to the all to brief moments of empty nest.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 6:19 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.2   Canthz_B bang

      It’s precisely because we have children (grown) that we cannot truly understand this email. ;-)

      Oct 4, 2010 at 7:20 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.3   The Elf

      Hmmm….. That implies that we are all going to have kids. Ever hear of birth control?

      Oct 4, 2010 at 7:42 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.4   anglophile bang

      Ah, yes, the smug “wait til you have kids of your own” argument. I’m not having kids of my own. I made that decision because every time someone told me I would be different after I had kids of my own only cemented the growing suspicion that I would have to become a dippy, humorless individual who believes that I am defined by motherhood and that my entire self-worth would be determined by how cute/smart/accomplished/obedient my offspring were. No thank you.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 8:28 am   rating: 60  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.5   m

      with an attitude like that, it is probably best that you don’t reproduce anyway.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 9:26 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.6   pony girl

      actually, m, with an attitude like that I wish anglophile would procreate.
      We need more people like her in this world.
      and less like you.
      ps – tell your kid to get off my lawn.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 9:42 am   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.7   anglophile bang

      Well, really, it is probably best that I don’t reproduce because of my numerous genetic defects such as poor vision, shortness, wide feet, predisposition for alcoholism and mental illness, and tendency to freckle, but thanks for validating my decision!

      Aw, shucks, pony girl :oops:

      *hands pg a sugar cube*

      Oct 4, 2010 at 9:44 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.8   ClearlyDemented

      I see your concerns Anglo (if I may call you that), but please remember the moms that turn their kids into their whole life were dysfunctional before they had kids and are the sole reason us normal people can’t go to a PTA meeting without wanting to use projectile vomiting as a defense mechanism. If these are the only people procreating, there will never be a happy, well-adjusted adult again. Please reconsider!

      Shag (unprotectedly) for the cure!

      Oct 4, 2010 at 11:21 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.9   Maas

      “Kids of my own”? How offensive. Who are you to judge my lifestyle of kidnapping and raising other people’s children?

      Oct 4, 2010 at 12:07 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.10   Mo® bang

      I am shocked, nay I am appalled that you are judging me as part of the above small lifestyle segment of the population that chooses to raise “Manchurian Candidates” out of other peoples abducted kids.
      I am sure that Octomom broad has some Noble prize candidates and Mensa members in her litter. Those Duggar kids are surely going to be quite productive members of society contributing great things. So… Yeah you don’t know until you have some kids. It makes people regular brainiacs.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 12:17 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.11   anglophile bang

      Thanks, CD, but I am afraid that won’t be happening. Sometimes we use the bluster of offensive humor to hide very deep and painful sorrows, and perhaps “m” should consider that before callously telling strangers on the internet that it’s best they don’t reproduce.

      Damn. Now I need to call my therapist again.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 1:52 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.12   oi

      This is not ‘Nam. This is an internet. There are rules, man!

      Oct 4, 2010 at 3:14 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.13   Mark bang

      Shut the fuck up, Donny. You’re out of your element.

      *lithium*

      Oct 4, 2010 at 4:25 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.14   Mo® bang

      I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Therapists, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 5:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       

    • #9.15   Canthz_B bang

      I trust that should ‘Glo ever have a child, she’d make a great mother…unlike some of these folks who have children and don’t have a fucking clue how to be even a half-way decent parent.

      Just because you choose to breed doesn’t mean you have more good sense than God gave a grasshopper.

      Oct 6, 2010 at 4:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
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  • #10   G

    Mom’s fun bags no longer have the same appeal — yes it was fun, now its sick, Mom…

    Oct 4, 2010 at 3:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

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  • #11   orinoco womble

    Mom, remember all those times you yelled at me, “Just grow up! I wish you’d grow up!” Well, I did.
    I wish you would.

    Oct 4, 2010 at 7:02 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

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  • #12   someone

    My husband’s mother is sooo like this.

    Oct 4, 2010 at 8:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

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  • #13   shwonline bang

    Looks like mom’s serving spam again.

    Where’s that unsubscribe button?

    Oct 4, 2010 at 10:11 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

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    • #13.1   Mo® bang

      Mmmm but Mama’s spam fritatas are soooo good!

      Oct 4, 2010 at 5:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
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  • #14   Mamasita

    Oh, Mamma who still hovers over adult kids, get a life. I’m a momma who treasures getting her life back with her kids raised right & grown. Unfortunately, my momma has decided that I’m still her responsibility. Sigh. She needs friends too.

    Oct 4, 2010 at 10:48 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

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  • #15   Woman on the Verge bang

    Cheezus! How far do I have to go to get my mother to stop emailing all together? I’m going to have to fake my own death again, aren’t I?

    Oct 4, 2010 at 2:17 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

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    • #15.1   Mo® bang

      Mama Verge has ways to find you!!! :razz:

      Oct 4, 2010 at 3:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       

    • #15.2   Nucky

      It had less impact the second time WotV. Try an elaborate and public “abduction”.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 3:19 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       

    • #15.3   Woman on the Verge bang

      Good idea. I’m thinking aliens. Or claw. Either way I’m coming back damaged.

      Oct 4, 2010 at 3:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       

    • #15.4   Clumber

      Does Claw let anyone “come back” ?

      Oct 5, 2010 at 8:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       

    • #15.5   Woman on the Verge bang

      I’m here, aren’t I? Claw’s basement is like my vacation condo. Okay, maybe that isn’t quite the right image… um… Claw’s basement is like my recurring nightmare.

      Oct 5, 2010 at 9:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
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  • #16   berge bang

    Add “emailing your mom as often as she would prefer” to the list of “Things that are more difficult than changing the toilet paper roll.”

    Oct 4, 2010 at 3:29 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

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  • #17   fate's bitch

    Well, I notice that you all don’t really know how long it’s been, and you are just assuming that mom is really in the wrong, here. How long does it take to send a “Hi, everything is fine, email”? Furthermore, I think it’s really shitty that one of them sent their mother’s email to PAN. Also, I think the email is kind of amusing.

    I’m going to go away and not read any more comments, because I know that since I disagree with you all, you’re going to be really mean.

    Oct 4, 2010 at 10:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

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    • #17.1   Sesquipedalian

      Buh-bye.

      Oh wait, you did sneak back here to read the comments after all, didn’t you?

      Oct 4, 2010 at 10:39 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       

    • #17.2   anglophile bang

      Nice flounce, bitch.

      Oct 5, 2010 at 7:16 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       

    • #17.3   The Elf

      The Mom is on vacation. If it were me, I’d assume she was too busy to read my email so I wouldn’t bother to send anything. It doesn’t take that long to write an “everything’s fine” email, but it wouldn’t occur to me that she’d read it before she returned home. With any luck, she and Dad are actually enjoying themselves on vacation are aren’t checking email. We can chat when she comes back and has lots of pictures to show me.

      When I’m on vacation, I don’t check email and I don’t answer my cell phone (unless the call is from the pet sitter). That’s why I’m on vacation, to get away from everyone else!

      Oct 5, 2010 at 9:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #17.4   Woman on the Verge bang

      Since the Bitch isn’t coming back (you know that Elton John song will now be earworming you all) we can move along without having any more joy sucked out of the comment section.

      Oct 5, 2010 at 9:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       

    • #17.5   Risha

      Said like someone who’s never had a mother threaten to call the police to check on you if she doesn’t hear from you every other day.

      Oct 5, 2010 at 2:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #17.6   TippingCows

      I think that’s a mother that needs a few thousand miles of space between her and her child.

      Oct 5, 2010 at 2:48 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
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  • #18   April

    Oh no, this will probably be me many years in the future. I have used this arguement with my preschoolers. “Mommy lets you do so many fun things and buys you all the coolest toys so why on Earth must you screech and whine and drive me crazy!!! Do you have any idea how lucky you are?!”

    Of course on the other hand I might be super stoked that the kids left home too. I often fantasize about when kindergarden will start and I will have 7 whole hours to myself everyday!

    Oct 5, 2010 at 5:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

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    • #18.1   orinoco womble

      Kindergarten is 7 hours a day now? When I was five it started at 8.30 and we were home by noon.

      Oct 5, 2010 at 2:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.2   TippingCows

      Maybe mommy should learn how to say “no” once in a while to cool and fun things so the kids don’t expect that they’ll get everything they want when they want it. It might help your sanity, is all I’m saying.

      Oct 5, 2010 at 2:51 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.3   Mo® bang

      Team TC!

      Oct 5, 2010 at 3:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.4   Canthz_B bang

      Yet another parent leaving it up to the all-day kindergarten teacher to teach their children that they can’t have all of the coolest things whenever they want them.

      So much for “home training”.
      Thanks for giving the world a few more spoiled brats.

      Oct 6, 2010 at 4:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.5   April

      So because I take my kids fun places and they have lots of toys means I don’t discipline them? News to me. That argument is part of the discipline procedure. I yell it at them as I chunk their butts in time out. Thanks for playing though.

      Oct 6, 2010 at 6:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.6   Canthz_B bang

      Time out and a raised voice telling them they have the power to drive you crazy?!…Somebody call CPS!!! :-P

      Here’s some news to you:
      The correct answer is not to argue with your whining preschooler that since you do fun things with them and buy them cool stuff they shouldn’t be whiny brats…the correct answer is “Because I said so!” followed by The Look. You don’t need “time out” if you’ve perfected The Look. The whining stops right there and the compliance begins.
      But, since you want to be their friend and not their parent I too must ask…”Do they know how lucky they are?”. Woefully spoiled, but a child would think that’s a lucky thing to be.
      I doubt their future co-workers and acquaintances will agree though. Spoiled children grow up to be annoying adults.

      Thanks for playing “Parent” though.
      Now get serious about it. It’s not a game!
      You’re trying to raise responsible adults, not worshipers who feel beholden to you for goodies, AKA bribes.
      Good parenting isn’t about do what I say and you’ll earn something. It’s about do what I say and you’ll learn something.
      You’re not teaching them right from wrong, you’re teaching them right for reward.

      Oct 8, 2010 at 5:05 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.7   TippingCows

      If I weren’t already in love, I’d be in love!

      Oct 10, 2010 at 4:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.8   April

      Right….My guess is your mom never bought you toys and was too drunk to take you to the playground so you have to attack every mother you see? I think I nailed it.

      I guess when I get stopped by random strangers out in public who compliment me on how well behaved my kids are they are lying? You lose.

      I don’t bribe. I don’t have to. They know if they act up they don’t get nice things period because I follow through with the discipline. Not all kids need to be whopped upon to behave. 10 minutes in their room shut off from everyone else sends my kids into hysterics. That punishes them plenty.

      You are wrong, life is about rewards if you really want to get technical. You go to work and do a good job you get a promotion and a paycheck. You make good grades, you get parental and teacher praise. You obey the laws, you don’t get tickets and put in jail. You act nice to people, you get friends.

      Oct 14, 2010 at 12:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.9   April

      ps- I used to work in child development so I think I have a better idea how to take care of children than you do.

      pps-”Because I said so” is a terrible cop out parenting move. I have never pulled that on my kids and my parents never pulled it on me. That teaches kids nothing. You have to explain to them why you are making rules or why they are being punished or they don’t learn anything from it. Now who is not teaching their kids how to be effective adults?

      Oct 14, 2010 at 12:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.10   Canthz_B bang

      You’re quite the newfangled one, aren’t you?

      My tea-totaling mom bought her fair share of toys for us in her time, but not as rewards, just as entertainments. And she never held them over our heads as anything but gifts freely given, not rewards for good behavior. You, on the other hand, expect your preschoolers to be grateful for the bounty you’ve bestowed upon them and act accordingly (“See what I got for you?! Don’t you love me now?”). Not really a gift because you just think they’ll like it if it comes with strings of guilt attached, is it?
      You’ve worked in child development…re: guilt, how about this…“Mommy lets you do so many fun things and buys you all the coolest toys so why on Earth must you screech and whine and drive me crazy!!! Do you have any idea how lucky you are?!”
      That’s so much worse than “Because I said so!” that I can’t put that sort of emotional blackmail into words.

      Parents don’t explain the rules, they enforce them. If my child asked why the sky is blue, I’d explain why (because the atmosphere filters out all of the colors of the rainbow but blue when the sun is high in the sky). If they asked why it was bedtime, I’m not going to spent a half hour explaining human physiology. I’m going to tell them it’s because I said so. It helps to build self-discipline in the child when a kid knows when to shut up and just do as they’re told without a discussion about it. But spoiled kids don’t have much self-discipline, do they?

      Maybe you teach your children that the purpose of good grades is parental and teacher praise, but my mom taught us that getting a good education simply resulted in good grades. She expected, even demanded them, and when we brought good grades home she was happy. Good grades were not rewarded, but bad grades were punished. Good grades meant we were being educated, poor grades meant we weren’t working to our abilities…and slacking was not tolerated by my mom.
      I knew kids who got money for bringing home good grades. My mom said my reward was that I’d learned something.
      Teach your kids that being the best at what they do will get them the big promotion all you want, go ahead, lie to them. See if I care. Or, you could try preparing them for the real world, it’s up to you.

      Life is only about rewards if you’re greedy, if you want to get technical. Life is about personal growth and fulfillment. You cannot take material rewards with you when you die, and the world will little remember you for what you have not given back.
      Life isn’t about how much shit you can accumulate while you’re here. It’s about how much wisdom (even wealth) you can gain and successfully pass on to help others. Try to beat the selfishness bug, and you may see that some day.
      The sad thing is, for now, you’re raising your kids to think that it’s all good as long as they get more in the end. Sometimes, doing the right thing means getting less in the end materially, but gaining in ones spirit by it.
      MORALITY. I’ll get to that later.

      Don’t know where you get physical punishment from “The Look” as I administered exactly one (1) spanking in all the years my children were growing up.
      I’m not sure tossing them in their room for a “time out”, where all of their many cool toys happen to live, is much of a hardship to them, but you know your brood better than I. I know my kids would have pouted all the way to their room, shut the door, then laughed at my dumb ass and kept themselves amused with their toys.
      Self-confident children adjust that way. Spoiled brats do not.

      They are all over 20 years old now (one is over 30), so I don’t anticipate any beatings in the near future.

      I’m sure your children behave just fine in public, mine behaved just fine in public as well as at home. They didn’t whine and moan to the point they could make me crazy as you say yours do to you. Yours know the game…make mommy proud in public and we get a present. Your problem is, when random strangers mention your children’s good behavior, you feel proud of yourself and feel validated (you’re that selfish) instead of being proud of your children. You’re probably actually also feeling more than a little relieved that said random stranger has only seen your child’s “outside behavior”…but hey, it’s all about appearances, right?

      You shouldn’t teach your kids to obey the rules so they don’t get punished (get tickets or go to jail). You teach them to do the right thing because doing the right thing is the right and moral thing to do. You don’t teach them to be moral because if they don’t they’ll pay for it. That’s guilt-driven morality, not true morality. Morality should be their natural state. Again, you rule by threat vs. reward rather than just plain right from wrong. This teaches that anything is right, as long as you don’t get caught. You’re teaching them that the ends justify the means. Yet another key trait borne by all spoiled brats.

      Nice that you worked in child development, but you don’t seem to know much about the matter, or the matter of raising adults. And it only gets harder to keep them on the right path later on if you start off allowing them to feel you owe them an explanation every time you lay down the law. You’re setting yourself up for failure and a trip to the Maury Povich show crying about how slutty your once cute and girlish 13 year-old is.

      I don’t “attack every mother I see”, just your ilk.
      Keep your “better ideas”, and I’ll keep my successful, well adjusted adult children raised on centuries-old, time-tested ideas about child rearing.
      I mean, hell, your parents never told you “Because I said so!”, and look how…well… you turned out! ;-)

      Oct 15, 2010 at 1:27 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.11   Canthz_B bang

      PS: “Because I said so!” is NOT a parental cop-out. It’s a setting of the limits as to what your fresh-mouthed child is allowed to talk back to you about.
      And you damn sure don’t explain adult decision-making
      to a preschooler and expect they’ll learn something from it. What they learn from “Because I said so!” is two-fold, 1) You’re the boss, 2) They can feel confident in your ability to set the boundaries they need.
      When your children understand that your rules are not a subject for discussion and/or debate, they will respect the boundaries you set for them. Discussion of how and why the rules are there is for pre-teens and teens…and even then not up for debate. Do it right when they are younger, and you won’t have to argue much with your tweens and teens because they are accustomed to respecting your judgement…not making you explain yourself to their satisfaction (which will only get harder the older they get).

      You have feet, learn to put at least one of them down.
      Or start penning guilt-ridden notes you can send to your emotionally crippled adult children in the future. :-P

      Oct 15, 2010 at 3:02 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.12   Canthz_B bang

      PPS: “I don’t bribe. I don’t have to. They know if they act up they don’t get nice things…”

      Sounds like bribery to me. Think of the converse…They know if they DON’T act up, they GET nice things.

      You’re fooling yourself, kids really do understand these things.

      PPPS: I honestly do wish you well raising your kids. It’s not easy, no matter what method you happen to choose. :-)

      Oct 15, 2010 at 3:45 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.13   The Elf

      Oof. The Mommy wars.

      Oct 15, 2010 at 6:18 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.14   Woman on the Verge bang

      Guess what? I’m a mom. I have three amazing, well-adjusted sons who are confident and intelligent. I am just adding my two cents because I can’t resist. Preschoolers whine because it works. If you don’t react to it, it doesn’t work anymore and they stop. Not forever. They are children, after all, and they will keep trying, on occasion.

      I have mastered “The Look” and accompanied by three fingers in the air, rapidly counting down, most naughtiness generally stops. Also, I don’t use “because I said so unless it’s my last resort”, but I do use “I don’t know”. It’s actually led to some interesting conversations, but not at bedtime – as CB said – sometimes you just have to be the parent and recognize those stall tactics and put an end to them.

      April, you are no more qualified to parent than the rest of us who raise our children. I am a registered nurse AND a certified teaching assistant. I was no more equipped to deal with children of my own than the next parent.

      Oct 15, 2010 at 6:34 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.15   Rani

      Hoooray for April, CB, Wo and all the parents that took their past experiences, what they learned and are trying hard to have good people come from their homes. In this crazy world that surrounds us this is not too easy and a tip of the chapeau to those parents that actively participate in the rearing of their children.
      Hooray for the rest of us that have decided or through fate decided not to have children. Brave decisions all around!

      Oct 15, 2010 at 8:40 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.16   Nightfire bang

      Team CB.

      I’ve seen April’s method of teaching in practice, and then the switch was made to be closer to CB’s method. For a while the children in question were spoiled brats that had almost no discipline because they didn’t get shiny new stuff all the time for acting like they should’ve in the first place. They had almost no respect for rules unless it got them something, and still have trouble with authority figures they are familiar with because they learned early on that they could get what they want.
      They are getting better, but they shouldn’t have been given that option in the first place.

      Oct 15, 2010 at 9:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.17   April

      Eh agree to disagree. It is hard to really sit there and make judgements on me when you have never met my kids or me or seen me in action. My kids also get compliments in the home from visitors too or when we visit other people on their good behavior so I must be doing something right. Just about the only time they ever act up in when it is just us at home and then I deal with it.

      I have the look and the counting thing down too and it works. They know if they don’t listen they go to timeout and they hate timeout. They don’t have the cool toys in their room. Those are in the playroom. Their room is sparse with just beds and a couple books and toys. The main point of timeout is that they don’t get our attention. It works too because they cry the entire time they are in there and act a whole hell of a lot better when they come out.

      My parents raised me with the be good and get rewards motto and never said “Because I said so” and well you can determine how you think I turned out. Honor roll all through school. Graduated college Magna Cum Laude with two degrees. Never been arrested. Never got in trouble at school. No unwanted pregnancies. No drug addictions or drinking addictions. Now a productive member of society who pays her bills on time every month. I would do backflips of joy if my kids turn out like me!

      Oct 15, 2010 at 12:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.18   April

      Also yes, of course you teach your kids that sometimes you do stuff and get no reward like charity work but even then you do get some reward. You get the joy of feeling good about yourself because you did the right thing. I do charity work as an adult and did it in school too. On my own initiative. So yeah, I think I turned out just fine.

      Oct 15, 2010 at 12:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.19   Canthz_B bang

      At least I didn’t call your mom a drunk.
      You do something like that, and you tend to get on my bad side.
      I’m really a very nice guy! :lol:

      Oct 15, 2010 at 5:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       

    • #18.20   se bang

      Team Rani, FWIW

      Oct 15, 2010 at 6:43 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
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  • #19   Diane

    Ah lovely. Parental guilt. I’m glad that my parents can’t use email.

    Oct 5, 2010 at 6:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

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  • #20   the submitter

    I submitted this. In my mom’s defense, she meant this facetiously (although some of the guilt-tripping is definitely genuine). I also mentioned this site to her not too long ago and I almost wonder if she didn’t send that KNOWING I would send it here. Not that it’s the first of its kind.

    I know people who have non-facetious hovering moms, the ones who call the cops to check your apartment because you didn’t answer the phone when they called in the middle of the night….. so I’m not complaining! Just bemused. I find the e-mail rather artful, in its way.

    Oct 5, 2010 at 12:50 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

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    • #20.1   TippingCows

      Don’t cover up for your mom – she needs de-programming and you know it. Help her “the submitter”, don’t enable her!

      Oct 5, 2010 at 2:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       

    • #20.2   the submitter

      Yeah, I think I have Stockholm Syndrome.

      Oct 5, 2010 at 3:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
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  • #21   youallneedtogetoutmore

    Oh my gosh, IT WAS A JOKE!!!

    This is the mean, sick, incompetent mom here. I raised my kids to have a sense of humor. One of many things I did right, in my humble opinion. Lighten up. It was a joke! They knew it was a joke.

    And, so you know, I was working, not on vacation. And my husband was easy to contact.

    Oct 15, 2010 at 6:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

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  • #22   Savannah

    I’m pretty sure everyone knows it’s a joke. 99% of what is said on this site is as a joke. Also, I would like to point out that a lot of people were “Team Mom”… well…until you commented, that is.

    Oct 15, 2010 at 7:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

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  • #23   Rosalba Juarez

    hahhaha just like my mom when calling my younger brother!!!

    Nov 2, 2010 at 5:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

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