I have the look and the counting thing down too and it works. They know if they don’t listen they go to timeout and they hate timeout. They don’t have the cool toys in their room. Those are in the playroom. Their room is sparse with just beds and a couple books and toys. The main point of timeout is that they don’t get our attention. It works too because they cry the entire time they are in there and act a whole hell of a lot better when they come out.

My parents raised me with the be good and get rewards motto and never said “Because I said so” and well you can determine how you think I turned out. Honor roll all through school. Graduated college Magna Cum Laude with two degrees. Never been arrested. Never got in trouble at school. No unwanted pregnancies. No drug addictions or drinking addictions. Now a productive member of society who pays her bills on time every month. I would do backflips of joy if my kids turn out like me!

I’ve seen April’s method of teaching in practice, and then the switch was made to be closer to CB’s method. For a while the children in question were spoiled brats that had almost no discipline because they didn’t get shiny new stuff all the time for acting like they should’ve in the first place. They had almost no respect for rules unless it got them something, and still have trouble with authority figures they are familiar with because they learned early on that they could get what they want.
They are getting better, but they shouldn’t have been given that option in the first place.

This is the mean, sick, incompetent mom here. I raised my kids to have a sense of humor. One of many things I did right, in my humble opinion. Lighten up. It was a joke! They knew it was a joke.

And, so you know, I was working, not on vacation. And my husband was easy to contact.

I have mastered “The Look” and accompanied by three fingers in the air, rapidly counting down, most naughtiness generally stops. Also, I don’t use “because I said so unless it’s my last resort”, but I do use “I don’t know”. It’s actually led to some interesting conversations, but not at bedtime – as CB said – sometimes you just have to be the parent and recognize those stall tactics and put an end to them.

April, you are no more qualified to parent than the rest of us who raise our children. I am a registered nurse AND a certified teaching assistant. I was no more equipped to deal with children of my own than the next parent.

Sounds like bribery to me. Think of the converse…They know if they DON’T act up, they GET nice things.

You’re fooling yourself, kids really do understand these things.

PPPS: I honestly do wish you well raising your kids. It’s not easy, no matter what method you happen to choose.

You have feet, learn to put at least one of them down.
Or start penning guilt-ridden notes you can send to your emotionally crippled adult children in the future.

My tea-totaling mom bought her fair share of toys for us in her time, but not as rewards, just as entertainments. And she never held them over our heads as anything but gifts freely given, not rewards for good behavior. You, on the other hand, expect your preschoolers to be grateful for the bounty you’ve bestowed upon them and act accordingly (“See what I got for you?! Don’t you love me now?”). Not really a gift because you just think they’ll like it if it comes with strings of guilt attached, is it?
You’ve worked in child development…re: guilt, how about this…“Mommy lets you do so many fun things and buys you all the coolest toys so why on Earth must you screech and whine and drive me crazy!!! Do you have any idea how lucky you are?!”
That’s so much worse than “Because I said so!” that I can’t put that sort of emotional blackmail into words.

Parents don’t explain the rules, they enforce them. If my child asked why the sky is blue, I’d explain why (because the atmosphere filters out all of the colors of the rainbow but blue when the sun is high in the sky). If they asked why it was bedtime, I’m not going to spent a half hour explaining human physiology. I’m going to tell them it’s because I said so. It helps to build self-discipline in the child when a kid knows when to shut up and just do as they’re told without a discussion about it. But spoiled kids don’t have much self-discipline, do they?

Maybe you teach your children that the purpose of good grades is parental and teacher praise, but my mom taught us that getting a good education simply resulted in good grades. She expected, even demanded them, and when we brought good grades home she was happy. Good grades were not rewarded, but bad grades were punished. Good grades meant we were being educated, poor grades meant we weren’t working to our abilities…and slacking was not tolerated by my mom.
I knew kids who got money for bringing home good grades. My mom said my reward was that I’d learned something.
Teach your kids that being the best at what they do will get them the big promotion all you want, go ahead, lie to them. See if I care. Or, you could try preparing them for the real world, it’s up to you.

Life is only about rewards if you’re greedy, if you want to get technical. Life is about personal growth and fulfillment. You cannot take material rewards with you when you die, and the world will little remember you for what you have not given back.
Life isn’t about how much shit you can accumulate while you’re here. It’s about how much wisdom (even wealth) you can gain and successfully pass on to help others. Try to beat the selfishness bug, and you may see that some day.
The sad thing is, for now, you’re raising your kids to think that it’s all good as long as they get more in the end. Sometimes, doing the right thing means getting less in the end materially, but gaining in ones spirit by it.
MORALITY. I’ll get to that later.

Don’t know where you get physical punishment from “The Look” as I administered exactly one (1) spanking in all the years my children were growing up.
I’m not sure tossing them in their room for a “time out”, where all of their many cool toys happen to live, is much of a hardship to them, but you know your brood better than I. I know my kids would have pouted all the way to their room, shut the door, then laughed at my dumb ass and kept themselves amused with their toys.
Self-confident children adjust that way. Spoiled brats do not.

They are all over 20 years old now (one is over 30), so I don’t anticipate any beatings in the near future.

I’m sure your children behave just fine in public, mine behaved just fine in public as well as at home. They didn’t whine and moan to the point they could make me crazy as you say yours do to you. Yours know the game…make mommy proud in public and we get a present. Your problem is, when random strangers mention your children’s good behavior, you feel proud of yourself and feel validated (you’re that selfish) instead of being proud of your children. You’re probably actually also feeling more than a little relieved that said random stranger has only seen your child’s “outside behavior”…but hey, it’s all about appearances, right?

You shouldn’t teach your kids to obey the rules so they don’t get punished (get tickets or go to jail). You teach them to do the right thing because doing the right thing is the right and moral thing to do. You don’t teach them to be moral because if they don’t they’ll pay for it. That’s guilt-driven morality, not true morality. Morality should be their natural state. Again, you rule by threat vs. reward rather than just plain right from wrong. This teaches that anything is right, as long as you don’t get caught. You’re teaching them that the ends justify the means. Yet another key trait borne by all spoiled brats.

Nice that you worked in child development, but you don’t seem to know much about the matter, or the matter of raising adults. And it only gets harder to keep them on the right path later on if you start off allowing them to feel you owe them an explanation every time you lay down the law. You’re setting yourself up for failure and a trip to the Maury Povich show crying about how slutty your once cute and girlish 13 year-old is.

I don’t “attack every mother I see”, just your ilk.
Keep your “better ideas”, and I’ll keep my successful, well adjusted adult children raised on centuries-old, time-tested ideas about child rearing.
I mean, hell, your parents never told you “Because I said so!”, and look how…well… you turned out!