Well, that seems (uri)logical enough.

← Not to worry, I’m alive. Not that you’d care. I’m only your mother! That must be some damn good coffee… →

October 4th, 2010 · 50 comments

Today’s dose of bathroom humor is brought to you by our submitter, Johnny in New Zealand, with the contributions of two anonymous would-be Conchords.

FILED UNDER: all clogged up · New Zealand · smartass · toilet

50 responses so far ↓

#1 Maas

If cakes cannot increase the culinary appeal of a urinal, I suppose it’s too much to ask of a piece of gum.

Oct 4, 2010 at 8:03 pm rating: 90

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- #1.1 Nack
  
  Unless it’s Orbitz, it cleans a dirty mouth, imagine what it must do for a urinal!
  
  Oct 4, 2010 at 9:45 pm rating: 90
- #1.2 ammali
  
  Yes, a sub-par travel agency works wonders on dirty mouths AND urinals.
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 7:56 am rating: 90
- #1.3 Ed Depaine
  
  What the french toast? Who are you calling a cootie queen you lint licker! U son of a biscuit eating bulldog!
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 8:17 am rating: 90
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#2 Maas

It’s a pity that the urinal cannot handle big jobs.

Oct 4, 2010 at 8:05 pm rating: 90

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#3 farcical aquatic ceremony

Are we gonna make Maas do all the heavy comedic lifting???…That’s Maas’d up.

Oct 4, 2010 at 8:39 pm rating: 90

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#4 farcical aquatic ceremony

*sigh* I can just picture all the boy-men snickering as they exit the restroom, sauntering back to their desks, slipping markers & pens into pockets, walking back to said restroom–nonchalant as all get-out–only to emerge grinning and sweaty-faced 35 seconds later…

…just, someone, remind me to NEVER use a boy-man’s writing utensil that still retains a suspicious amount of thigh-warmth…

(did I say that???)

Oct 4, 2010 at 8:46 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 Maas
  
  In this modern age we face many challenges. There is the need to write on bathroom walls, and the need to keep “bathroom writing implements” off the desks. I suggest that these Maslowian needs can be best fulfilled by placing bank-style pens on chains in the stalls.
  Wouldn’t you want to know that when you walk into a public restroom the pen is hanging there just for you?
  
  Oct 4, 2010 at 9:50 pm rating: 90
- #4.2 Canthz_B
  
  Watch it Maas and fac…someone may accuse you of spending all day coming up with comments, or being an entire office full of people, if you post too many times too close together in time!
  Even worse, they’ll say you don’t have a life!!
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 1:31 am rating: 90
- #4.3 Maas
  
  That must be why they call us legion…
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 1:37 pm rating: 90
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#5 shwonline

Does your chewing gum lose its flavor in the urinal overnight?

Oct 4, 2010 at 9:07 pm rating: 90

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- #5.1 se
  
  when your mother says don’t chew it, do you swallow it in spite?
  
  Oct 4, 2010 at 10:13 pm rating: 90
- #5.2 catburglar
  
  Can you catch it on your pecker
  Can you heave it left and right?
  
  Oct 4, 2010 at 11:16 pm rating: 90
- #5.3 Canthz_B
  
  Is your chewing gum less in favor,
  Once it’s steeped in piss all night?
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 1:23 am rating: 90
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#6 Worker 11811

The all-time best sign I ever saw above a urinal said:

“The hands that have to pick the cigarette butts out of this urinal are the same hands that make your food!”

Oct 4, 2010 at 10:26 pm rating: 90

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- #6.1 The Elf
  
  ….. And there went my appetite.
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 7:40 am rating: 90
- #6.2 GhostWriter
  
  …And one time I left a chalupa in the urinal, and saw it twenty minutes later on the lunch menu.
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 8:48 am rating: 90
- #6.3 Mo®
  
  Urinal shabu-shabu?
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 11:15 am rating: 90
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#7 Canthz_B

Do not put chewing gum into this urinal as it tends to eat the cake.

Oct 4, 2010 at 11:23 pm rating: 90

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- #7.1 lisa
  
  this just in! the cake wasn’t a lie, it was just eaten by a ferocious piece of urinal gum.
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 11:37 am rating: 90
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#8 Canthz_B

Wrigley’s now has a new gum to complement cinnamon-flavored “Big Red”.

All “Pale Yellow” needs now is a salty ad campaign!

Oct 4, 2010 at 11:31 pm rating: 90

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#9 Canthz_B

Gum in the urinal serves a very useful purpose.

Young boys need something interesting to aim at to hone their skills.

This works for grown men as well, ladies. If your guy thinks the inside of the toilet lid is supposed to be used like a basketball backboard, try placing a few of those mini-marshmallows in the bowl.
Sure, it’s not as cool as writing your name in the snow, but it’s a close second!

Oct 4, 2010 at 11:38 pm rating: 90

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- #9.1 The Elf
  
  Don’t they make little flushable targets for toilet training little boys?
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 7:41 am rating: 90
- #9.2 GhostWriter
  
  They’re called goldfish.
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 8:51 am rating: 90
- #9.3 farcical aquatic ceremony
  
  (For beginners, you wait ’til they die to toss ‘em in. Once your lil’ squirt’s gotten a little more skilled, throw ‘em in live.)
  
  PeTA, I’m just kidding!!!
  
  (No, I’m not.)
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 12:48 pm rating: 90
- #9.4 Maas
  
  Ooh! No! You shouldn’t do that – no that’s dangerous. Yes, they breed in the sewers, and eventually you get evil-smelling flocks of huge soiled Gums flying out of people’s lavatories infringing their personal freedom.
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 2:23 pm rating: 90
- #9.5 Canthz_B
  
  Not if they’re made by Pepperidge Farms…then they just get soggy and sink.
  
  Oct 9, 2010 at 8:20 am rating: 90
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#10 Madrias

Used chewing gum makes a toilet smell better, till the first time someone pees on it.

Oct 5, 2010 at 1:44 am rating: 90

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#11 matt

if the patrons of this toilet were t0 receive treatment for their urinary infections, there would be no overpowering stench of rotting fish and therefore no need for chewing gum air fresheners.

Oct 5, 2010 at 1:57 am rating: 90

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#12 anglophile

The only thing I can think of is the current Nick Hornsby audiobook I’m listening to. The British actors so charmingly say ur-EYE-nal.

Oct 5, 2010 at 7:22 am rating: 90

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#13 Woman on the Verge

The only comment that comes to mind when I look at this note is, “What the fuck?”

Oct 5, 2010 at 7:30 am rating: 90

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- #13.1 Ndawg
  
  WotV, at least no one commented on how delicious the urinals, urinal gum and blockages were. Yet.
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 10:09 am rating: 90
- #13.2 park rose
  
  But fuck in one comment, delicious in the next – all you need is for someone to put them together in the third.
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 2:54 pm rating: 90
- #13.3 eslinger
  
  Those gum-covered urinal cakes were So. Fucking. Delicious.
  
  Oct 7, 2010 at 8:40 pm rating: 90
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#14 Ed Depaine

Please do not throw your gum in the urinal it ruins the flavour of the giant pink sweet tart in there.

Oct 5, 2010 at 8:11 am rating: 90

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#15 GhostWriter

Please do not put chewing gum into this urinal because it will blow a bubble when you pee.

Oct 5, 2010 at 8:54 am rating: 90

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#16 whipoorwill

and for some… ‘please do not eat the chewing gum that is in the urinal”…

Oct 5, 2010 at 10:46 am rating: 90

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- #16.1 Mo®
  
  Oh so you get your gum out of the urinal?
  Luxury!
  We had to go to the waste treatment plant and pluck it out of the floaters as they went by. Sometimes it was only corn and not juicy fruit.
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 11:18 am rating: 90
- #16.2 Mark
  
  You got corn?
  
  We had to go to train station, and lick the urinal clean, wit’ tongue! Then drink a cup of sulfuric acid, and THEN, our mum and dad would cut us in two wit’ bread knife!
  
  And you try to tell that to kids today, they won’t believe you.
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 11:23 am rating: 90
- #16.3 Mo®
  
  They used a butter knife?
  
  We didn’t even know what butter was! We would steal grease of streetcar axles rub it on pebbles and pretend it was buttered popcorn.
  
  Kids these days they won’t believe you if you tell em!
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 1:53 pm rating: 90
- #16.4 ashmeadow
  
  You had it easy with your pebbles!
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 3:09 pm rating: 90
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#17 berge

Your mom does not work here. Pee on your own gum.

Oct 5, 2010 at 11:44 am rating: 90

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#18 Mo®

In the distant future, the year 2011,
In the distant future, the year 2011
urinal cakes will be made of gum
Affirmative!

Oct 5, 2010 at 1:50 pm rating: 90

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- #18.1 Mark
  
  In A.D. 2101
  War was beginning.
  Captain: What happen ?
  Mechanic: Somebody set up us the gum.
  Operator: We get signal.
  Captain: What !
  Operator: Main urinal turn on.
  Captain: It’s You !!
  Cats: How are you gentlemen !!
  Cats: All your gum are belong to us.
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 2:30 pm rating: 90
- #18.2 Mo®
  
  It’s a trap!
  
  Oct 5, 2010 at 2:49 pm rating: 90
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#19 Madrias

That urinal was fucking disgusting!

(A nice twist on all those horrid ‘fucking delicious’ jokes)

Oct 5, 2010 at 11:54 pm rating: 90

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- #19.1 eslinger
  
  Those jokes are fucking delicious, too! Though, nowhere near as tasty as the gum-covered urinal cakes.
  
  Oct 7, 2010 at 8:43 pm rating: 90
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#20 Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

“We don’t stick our urinal cakes under your table, so please don’t leave your gum in our toilet!”

Oct 6, 2010 at 1:02 pm rating: 90

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#21 Canthz_B

So many urinal jokes. They rain down upon us like a golden shower.

Donna Summer’s urinal joke: Someone left the cake out in the rain.

I hope these meet American Standards.

Oct 9, 2010 at 3:19 am rating: 90

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#22 It’s called “performance art.” | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

[...] — spotted by Erin in the employee restroom of an AT&T Store in Los Angeles — I think the Kiwis have a clear edge over us Yanks…at least when it comes to smartass bathroom [...]

Oct 12, 2010 at 9:52 pm rating: 90

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