A different sort of Dear John letter

October 6th, 2010 · 50 comments

Leslie in Wilmington, North Carolina says her baby sister has “always been pretty intense.” To wit: while going through some old papers recently, she dug up this card, which her then-10-year-old sister sent to Leslie’s boyfriend at the time.

(I’d like to think that beneath that thin layer of Liquid Paper lies an even more specific accusation, but baby sis’ decided that a more veiled threat would be the best way to scare Jon straight.)

Dear Jon, I hope you have a great birthday. I know my sister likes you, so you better not mess around or else. I mean it.

related: Let the rest of us eat cake.

FILED UNDER: birthday · not-so-veiled threats · siblings · Wilmington

50 responses so far ↓

  • #1   ChesterCopperpot

    I wish my younger brothers had done this for my boyfriends.

    Oct 6, 2010 at 9:04 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #2   TippingCows

    Am I reading that right? This was written by a ten year-old?
    Oy vey!

    Oct 6, 2010 at 9:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #3   Lisa

    My son is a total peacelover, but recently when someone messed with the sister he’s always battling, he and the oldest wanted to go “take care of it.” When I pointed out that he’s a peacemaker, he looked at me totally seriously and said “if I kick the crap outta him, it’ll keep the peace.” Apparently it doesn’t matter how you do or don’t get along with a sister — no one else is allowed to mess with them.

    Oct 6, 2010 at 9:39 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   ashmeadow

      “My son is a total peacelover… the sister he’s always battling.”

      Maybe he doesn’t love peace as much as everyone thinks he does.

      On the other hand, he could have a really awesome WWE stage name.

      Oct 6, 2010 at 10:14 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Auntybron

      I learned that in the ’60s from Wednesday Addams – she was the only one who was allowed to torture Puggsley.

      Oct 6, 2010 at 10:27 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   WMDKitty

      Exactly! Nobody messes with my siblings… except ME.

      Oct 7, 2010 at 12:40 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   Nack

      My bro and I constantly fight. We’re very close. But as we like to put it, “The only person allowed to make him miserable is me!”

      It’s a territory thing. But also a love thing. ;)

      Oct 7, 2010 at 10:20 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #4   park rose

    I totally misunderstood the introduction and thought that Jon was the baby sister’s boyfriend, and that the older sister (Leslie) also happened to like him and so Kendra(?) was setting him straight. Don’t you fool around on me kid, especially with my sister, or else. Then again, I have a hard time understanding most things.

    Oct 6, 2010 at 10:07 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   ashmeadow

      Uh…that’s not what this is?


      …It’s funnier the other way.

      Oct 6, 2010 at 10:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   park rose

      The goddess has changed the intro now – but yeah, it was kinda fun that way, especially if you put that interpretation onto ChesterCopperpot’s comment ;)

      Oct 6, 2010 at 10:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    When a ten year-old girl threatens you with an “…or else”, it’s time to make sure you’re never alone in the same room again.

    It’s far too easy for a kid to accuse someone of inappropriate touching these days, but then, a couple of years without work and bills could be refreshing.

    Oct 6, 2010 at 10:15 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   WMDKitty

      Sure, it’s easy to accuse, but if it’s a false allegation it gets tossed out pretty quick.

      Oct 7, 2010 at 12:41 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Canthz_B bang

      Yes…on TV shows.
      In real life a guy is presumed to be a pedophile until proven innocent…and even then the stigma stays with him. :???:

      We’ve been conditioned to err on the side of the child, lest a pervert run loose in the community.
      This is especially true of elected judges, as nothing says lose the next election like, “Judge Smith is soft on pedophiles.”

      Oct 7, 2010 at 1:19 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   matt

      i.e. mud sticks

      Oct 7, 2010 at 1:42 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   Ms.W

    That is so sweet. <3

    Oct 7, 2010 at 12:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #7   Vivi

    According to my best friend in highschool, I once said pretty much the same to one of her short-term boyfriends (he was in his mid-twenties and I didn’t believe his intentions to be honourable). I can’t remember it, but then my memory is pretty bad.

    But from a ten-year-old? Wow.

    Oct 7, 2010 at 6:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Canthz_B bang

      If the guy was in his mid-twenties and your friend was in high school, trust me, she was being messed with…messed with by a socially awkward pervert who was afraid to deal with women his own age.

      Oct 7, 2010 at 7:17 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Sesquipedalian

      Standard creepiness rule: Don’t date under (age/2 + 7)


      Oct 9, 2010 at 12:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #8   clumber

    My spouse and I went out to dinner with my little sister and her (now) husband. This was one of the first times we’d met him. At one point he and I were briefly alone together at the table. I smiled my most winning and social smile and calmly and slowly stated, “By the way I think it is only fair that I let you know that if you ever make my sister unhappy, ” (pause as I made direct steely eye contact with him), “I will have you killed.”

    He sort of laughed nervously then noticed that I was no longer smiling, and had not broken gaze. He got pale and about then my sister and my spouse returned to the table. He was quite nervous the rest of the evening and I am told that on the drive back to their hotel he told my sister what I had said to him. Her reply? “Heh – yeah, she will too. Seriously.”

    He has been remarkably polite when I am in earshot ever since, and seems to avoid me rather carefully.

    And yes. I will.

    Oct 7, 2010 at 7:46 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Nightfire bang

      My best friend’s boyfriends have always gotten the same talk from me, as well.

      Back in high school it carried some merit, as I was the creepy, silent girl that sat in the far back corner, was darkly clad, and never very outgoing, so there was a certain air of uncertainty about whether I actually meant it or not.

      Oct 7, 2010 at 8:53 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #9   MAMARILLA2 bang

    Ah memories…When my oldest girl brought home her first serious boyfriend, my oldest son brought out his knife collection and began to sharpen each and every blade, all the while he had a lovely civil chat with the intended. Dad was helping him check the edge on each blade as he finished…This guy lasted almost 3 years..*sniffle* Good times, good times…

    Oct 7, 2010 at 7:52 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Canthz_B bang

      That’s nothing, ‘Rilla.

      When my sister brought home her first serious boyfriend, I brought out my watermelon collection and…

      Oct 7, 2010 at 8:50 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    This card is from a child…

    This card isn’t passive-aggressive enough for me because…

    This isn’t worthy of my expectations of this site because…

    Just thought I’d get that BS out of the way before some other numb-nuts felt the need to vent. ;-)

    Oct 7, 2010 at 8:47 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #11   WotV

    My sister is twelve years older than I am. I remember sitting on the stairs when I was about four and she was in the living room with her boyfriend. Every ten minutes or so I would say in my outdoor voice, “I don’t hear any talking!” Mom paid me a quarter every time I said it.

    Oct 7, 2010 at 9:06 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Clumber

      2,000% awesome.

      Oct 7, 2010 at 1:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      I learned PA from the Master.

      Oct 7, 2010 at 1:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   Woman on the Verge bang

      For some reason, I have multiple personalities on this thread. Awesome.

      Oct 8, 2010 at 7:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   eslinger bang

      I wondered about that, but I figured it just made you that much more edgy and truly on the verge.

      Oct 8, 2010 at 7:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   Woman on the Verge bang

      That is a lovely compliment, but your “fucking delicious” comment still makes me want to punch you in the throat.

      Oct 8, 2010 at 7:32 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #12   Jon

    I’m Jon. HELP!!

    Oct 7, 2010 at 9:38 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Clumber

      eyes this “Jon” – if it is your real name – both suspiciously and with threatening lowered eyebrows….

      Oh wait – you said Jon. My BIL is Jason. 2 less letters. Sorry about that. Oh my, you peed yourself? Sorry, my threatening stare is a bit strong….

      Oct 7, 2010 at 1:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #13   shwonline bang

    Does this threat extend to “doin’ the mess around”? Because everybody does the mess around.

    Oct 7, 2010 at 1:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #14   GhostWriter bang

    Is anybody else interpreting this as a ten-year-old’s fantasy crush on her older sister’s boyfriend? Something like, “I noticed that lately you’ve been spending alot of time with Leslie. In fact, she likes you, and if you think you’re gonna tap that ass before you’ve tapped mine, you’ve got another thing coming. I mean it!!

    Oct 7, 2010 at 2:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #15   Jon

    Your sister was fucking delicious.

    Oct 7, 2010 at 3:08 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Nightfire bang

      No. Bad Jon! Very bad

      Oct 7, 2010 at 3:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   Canthz_B bang

      There $1000 for the person who says “I did!” to the question: Who shot Jon?

      Oct 7, 2010 at 7:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   pony girl

      I did!

      I accept paypal and cashier checks…
      or sweetfeed and sugar cubes…
      or carrots and apples…

      Oct 7, 2010 at 7:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   eslinger bang

      What if I say, “Jon was fucking delicious.”? What do I get then, CB?

      Oct 8, 2010 at 7:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.5   Canthz_B bang

      Invited to a blow job competition…say “Ahh”.

      Oct 8, 2010 at 6:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #16   Woman on the Verge bang

    Then I kill you both. Fucking delicious is OVER. Shut the fuck up. And no gigglebrax lecture. That damn Secretariat ad was over the add to this thread link.

    Oct 8, 2010 at 7:30 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Jon

      That Secretariat was fucking delicious.

      Oct 8, 2010 at 9:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

      Okay Jon, quit horsing around.

      Oct 8, 2010 at 8:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   Canthz_B bang

      Quit (b)eating a dead horse, too.

      Oct 9, 2010 at 3:01 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #17   Nightfire bang

    Anyone have some duct tape for Jon?

    Oct 8, 2010 at 11:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Jon

      That duct tape was fucking delicious.

      Oct 9, 2010 at 12:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Dear Jon,

      Go find a sharp stick. Sit on it. And spin.



      Oct 9, 2010 at 1:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #18   Not Jon

    Forgive me. It was my first “fucking delicious” and I quickly became drunk with power. And that power was fucking delicious.

    Oct 9, 2010 at 4:39 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      I hate you.

      Oct 10, 2010 at 10:01 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   TippingCows

      Hate is still a feeling, Jon. You haven’t lost until she’s apathetic.

      Oct 10, 2010 at 4:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   Woman on the Verge bang

    Shut up, Cowboy.

    Oct 10, 2010 at 4:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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