Paul has lived in his apartment in Berlin for 15 months, but this note is the first time he’s heard a single complaint about his door. Especially annoying, Paul says, is the fact that it’s anonymous, “even though it could possibly have been written by only one of two people,” and that it’s written in English, “which most expats would consider an insult.”
Just another example of how — no matter smiley faces you sprinkle throughout — your oh-so-courteous anonymous note is probably just going to leave everyone more “pi**ed off.”
![Dear Neighbours, some people livin here , are really pi**ed about the way, you close your door, when coming/leaving. >>Closing<< is usually the wrong term to describe this. >>Crushing<< is mostly the better term. If your door is broken , let it repair from our beloved [redacted] or Repair it yourself or Use your key to close it in a way, not bothering your neighbors. ....and kindly give this info your visitors too ;-) Greetz & Peace](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4139/4767057071_7135a658f2.jpg "Dear Neighbours, some people livin here , are really pi**ed about the way, you close your door, when coming/leaving. >>Closing<< is usually the wrong term to describe this. >>Crushing<< is mostly the better term. :-( If your door is broken , let it repair from our beloved [redacted] or Repair it yourself or Use your key to close it in a way, not bothering your neighbors. ....and kindly give this info your visitors too ;-) Greetz & Peace")
related: Wie bitte(r)?
extra credit: “Greetz” [urbandictionary.com]
90 responses so far ↓
#1
TippingCows
Don’t CRUSH your door! CLOSE your door! Or we’ll send Nazis to CRUSH your face!
We are PI**ED you A**HOLE!
We send Hanz and Franz over to pump YOU up!
Oct 7, 2010 at 11:15 pm rating: 32
#2
pony girl
Weird.
All the Germans that I know would just tell you to your face, “Stop slamming your door!”
or, rather, “Stop crushing your door!”
Oct 7, 2010 at 11:16 pm rating: 12
#3
bryce
None of those commas in the first sentence are necessary.
Oct 7, 2010 at 11:40 pm rating: 8
#4
VM
German tends to use commas more frequently, so they’re probably a carryover from the writer’s native punctuation sense.
Oct 8, 2010 at 12:00 am rating: 4
#5
Madrias
From someone who deals with slammed doors often waking me up at night, I side with the note-writer. If you don’t know how to close the door properly, then leave your freaking door open.
Second, I’d love to shoot the idiots who think that they own the tool shed downstairs just cause it’s semi-attached to their house. It’s communal property for this apartment, everyone has a key. Stop walking through it cause you’ve got a back door and are too f-ing lazy to walk to the front door. The door on the tool shed is held on by 2 shitty hinges that shriek when closed, and they slam the door.
Oct 8, 2010 at 12:41 am rating: 8
#6
Sarah
That’s the second time I’ve heard the word “greetz” today. The first time was on an email from a prospective flatmate, who I rejected arbitrarily based on the use of that word. Made him/her (I can’t remember) sound like a teenager trying too hard to be trendy.
Oct 8, 2010 at 1:34 am rating: 22
#7
Canthz_B
Yet another reason to not use online translation tools to write PA notes.
Oct 8, 2010 at 2:26 am rating: 4
#8
Pat
I live in Germany and this is absolutely typical. I don’t know how many such notes I have gotten over the years. Many older Germans still think they have a right to have quiet hour in the afternoon and most of the weekend. One of my neighbors yelled at me repeatedly for vacuuming because it disturbed his cat. Kindergartens and daycare centers have trouble finding places to set up shop because the neighbors protest that the kids will be too loud. The neighbors probably assumed the tenant couldn’t speak German and because many people in Germany are quite convinced they “can English” perfectly, they like to show off. One of the many charming points of living here…
Oct 8, 2010 at 3:27 am rating: 30
#9
Canthz_B
Crushing doors? Those Berliners have never gotten over that time the Russians came to visit, have they?
Oct 8, 2010 at 3:47 am rating: 6
#10
Canthz_B
I’d love to crush/slam a door or two sometimes, but I’m psychologically unable to do so.
When I was a child, I used to spend the summer with my grandmother in South Carolina. She had a thing against her wood-framed screen door being slammed.
A switch from a Chinaberry tree branch quickly convinced me she was very serious about it.
Now, just thinking about slamming a door raises welts on my buttocks. That’s why I wrote this standing up!
Oct 8, 2010 at 4:07 am rating: 15
#11
Silver
I’d have written over the note with a permanent pen “say it to my face, and maybe I’ll consider it., twat.”
Oct 8, 2010 at 8:23 am rating: 3
#12
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
Hell is other people. I’m just sayin’.
Oct 8, 2010 at 9:28 am rating: 19
#13
aaa
Some of their neighbors are too fucking lame to swear properly. Their censoring of swears is just as useless and transparent as censoring in Japanese cartoon porn.
Oct 8, 2010 at 12:14 pm rating: 1
#14
shwonline
*peeks at door through thumb and forefinger*
I’m crushing your door! Crush crush crush!
Oct 8, 2010 at 12:57 pm rating: 25
#15
Komrade127
This happened to me when I lived in Germany. My landlord was constantly criticizing the loudness with which my roommate and I closed the door to our flat. This went on for months. I think it’s pretty typical for older Germans to expect silence in the corridors.
Oct 8, 2010 at 1:35 pm rating: 3
#16
RedDelicious
Has it crossed anyone’s mind that maybe they really -are- slamming (read: crushing) the door? Some people are just oblivious to the fact they do it, and hardly would remember to change their behavior once reproached. Some people are just assholes. For instance, my upstairs neighbor blasts his music at 3 a.m. after he comes home drunk from bars, has urinated off his balcony onto my plants (on purpose), and pounded on my door at 2:45 a.m. while I was asleep to apologize for it. The threat of eviction from the apartment owners hasn’t changed his behavior. Some people just have no regard for anyone else but themselves. As long as they’re having a good time, screw anyone else they might be infringing upon to do so. Respect is apparently an antiquated notion.
Oct 8, 2010 at 2:22 pm rating: 22
#17
Nahhh
Ich bin ein zerdrückte Berliner.
Mein Creme Einlage sickert ab ihrer Pforte. Mmmm…
Oct 8, 2010 at 2:55 pm rating: 2
#18
Eatthepeach
The best/worst aspect of this is the sarcastic attempt at English but why are we saying older Germans? Germans of all ages love to tell others what to do and how to do it. They love to enforce rules.
Oct 8, 2010 at 3:06 pm rating: 3
#19
Lauri
I am also on the “no slam” side. I stay in a lot of hotels for business and so many people slam the damn doors when I’m trying to sleep. When you slam the door hard enough to make the floor vibrate in MY room, you have serious issues.
It took the note writer 15 months either because they really didn’t want to make an issue out of it but finally couldn’t stand it anymore OR they just moved in and aren’t afraid to put a stop to it right away.
Oct 8, 2010 at 4:31 pm rating: 6
#20
Odious
I had a roommate that went to work at 6am and slammed the door so hard that, every day, window blinds fell down and cabinet doors swung open. I finally told her to knock it off and she claimed ignorance.
Oct 9, 2010 at 1:35 am rating: 1
#21
Daniel
I think anyone pretentious enough to say the phrase “which most expats would consider an insult” in regard to a note being written in English has it coming to them.
Oct 9, 2010 at 4:47 am rating: 12
#22
Doug Stephens
“Crushing” your door. I love it. I am stealing that term from whatever German used it incorrectly.
:):):)
Oct 10, 2010 at 12:37 am rating: 0
#23
matt
dear neighbors,
some house-keeping rules
1. Do not make a single sound after 5pm.
2. Do not disturb our pets by any means.
3. Do not close/crush your door.
4. Do not use your vacuum cleaner or any other appliance which we might hear.
If you are found in breach of these rules, you will be taken outside and shot.
Peace dude. Love, your neighbor
Oct 10, 2010 at 1:04 am rating: 6
#24
Susan
I’m Team Neighbor, but I admit I have a bias. One of my new neighbors slams his door every time he goes in and out, and it sounds like a goddamn gunshot. My floor literally shakes every time he does it, and if it’s late, it wakes me up. I have been debating what to do about it. Probably he has no idea he’s doing it. But well, it’s NYC, I don’t know the guy, and I don’t want him to get hostile with me. Shoot me, but I’ve been debating a polite note.
Oct 10, 2010 at 10:27 pm rating: 1
#25
Divvitar
So, if he’s crushing the door, does that mean he’s using a maul or sledgehammer or something? Repeated crushing would imply that the door must be shattered by now. Now, *slamming* the door is different. Perhaps this word doesn’t really translate into Deutsch?
Oct 11, 2010 at 1:18 am rating: 0
#26
People are funny
When you live in an apartment, you will always have someone who complains. I had loud neighbors – but generally could stand it. I mean, it was an apartment; you will hear other people living.
What used to make me insane though was my neighbor’s Karaoke machine. That went beyond what I could easily endure. Drunken Barry Manilo karaoke songs at 3:00 a.m. got them a broom banging on the wall.
Oct 11, 2010 at 9:25 am rating: 1
#27
joebob
A common misconception is that none must always be treated as singular. The customary support for this view is that none necessarily means “not one” (implying singularity); in fact, “none” is just as likely to imply “not any” (implying plurality). As noted in The American Heritage Dictionary: “the word has been used as both a singular and a plural noun from Olde English onward.”
Oct 11, 2010 at 10:20 pm rating: 2
#28
YG
I’m an expat living in Germany, and it’s true…if a German had a problem with something you were doing, they’d come over and say it to your face. They’re very direct people. I don’t get the whole note thing.
Oct 13, 2010 at 2:33 am rating: 0
#29
mystic_eye
Well the note wasn’t written by an American, it uses the “international” spelling of the word neighbour.
Oct 14, 2010 at 9:11 am rating: 0
#30 Paige’s example of Rhetorical Situation Myth « English 276: Introduction to Rhetoric
[...] rhetorical situations in terms of the Bitzer-Vatz debate. For example, in this little note (http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/10/07/crushing/ ) to a neighbor complaining about the way he/she closes the door, I am sure the author may have [...]
Oct 25, 2010 at 11:38 am rating: 0
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