Sara says her sister in Waxhaw, North Carolina stumbled upon this personal inscription at a rummage sale of donated books.
Here’s a synopsis: Basically, our writer Robert starts out by giving himself a gold star for selecting such an “interesting” Christmas gift, then lets Leah down easy with the old “God told me I could do better” excuse, and finally peaces out with “So…see ya on christianmingle.com!”
Why Leah would want to part with such a precious gem, I have no idea.
![Dear Leah, This is a very interesting Christmas present! I hope you like it! I have prayed about us since our first date. I think we should be friends and I hope that is the same the Lord told you. Our search for our life's companion [sic] continues...Robert](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4107/5065789731_99b5a54dc5.jpg "Dear Leah, This is a very interesting Christmas present! I hope you like it! I have prayed about us since our first date. I think we should be friends and I hope that is the same the Lord told you. Our search for our life's companion [sic] continues...Robert")
![Dear Leah, This is a very interesting Christmas present! I hope you like it! I have prayed about us since our first date. I think we should be friends and I hope that is the same the Lord told you. Our search for our life's companion [sic] continues...Robert](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4125/5065789437_ea73ab7912_b.jpg "Dear Leah, This is a very interesting Christmas present! I hope you like it! I have prayed about us since our first date. I think we should be friends and I hope that is the same the Lord told you. Our search for our life's companion [sic] continues...Robert")
related: The “Next to Marry” List
69 responses so far ↓
#1
zbird
Shofar Blew. And you didn’t, so God told me to dump you.
xoxoxo,
Robert
Oct 10, 2010 at 9:43 pm rating: 210
#2
TippingCows
What a nice excuse – I’m sure god was very pleased to be your scapegoat.
I tend to not use invisible spirits for my relationship counselors, though. Plus, asking god for advice on relationships is like asking a priest for sex advice … with women.
Oct 10, 2010 at 10:16 pm rating: 51
#3
Kay
Wow. Leah’s best Xmas present ever — losing a very scary guy. Leah now said to be heard praying thanks that Robert is NOT her life companion.
Oct 10, 2010 at 10:26 pm rating: 57
#4
France
Dear Rob,
I have prayed the Lord since our first date. I think I should lift a certain finger to you, and I hope the Lord thinks the same.
My search for the dickest dick will not continue. You will remain in my heart, for reasons your humourless you might oversee. Thanks for the fun – namely all my girlfriends are extremely grateful to you for their future fun,
Leah of a Past She.
Oct 10, 2010 at 10:30 pm rating: 13
#5
Joshua
If Leviticus weren’t so clearly opposed, I would totally date Richard. He sounds like my kinda guy.
Oct 10, 2010 at 10:49 pm rating: 24
#6
Anya
Is it wrong of me to hope that she hit him with the book?
Oct 10, 2010 at 11:08 pm rating: 47
#7
zenvelo
so how soon after Christmas was the rummage sale? I bet it was never read….
Oct 11, 2010 at 12:13 am rating: 7
#8
Divvitar
Actually, he’d been praying since his first date that Leah would put out. When Leah pulled out the Purity Ring, it really put a strain on “Little Robert” So, his prayers from the Divine One went unanswered, meaning his search for losing his virginity continues.
Oct 11, 2010 at 12:59 am rating: 10
#9
Izzy
I’ve read this book. Clearly he hasn’t, though, because there are relationship problems in it too. Not a good book to buy someone if you’re breaking up with them.
Oct 11, 2010 at 1:24 am rating: 8
#10
Canthz_B
Robert: What Christmas gift should I give to a woman I’m kicking to the curb, Steve?
Steve McGarrett: Book her, Rob-o!!
*cue 5-0 theme music*
Oct 11, 2010 at 4:01 am rating: 10
#11
Canthz_B
Sounds like true love in code to me.
You can’t tell a book by its cover page.
Oct 11, 2010 at 4:08 am rating: 2
#12
Nahhh
Dude has girly handwriting.
Oct 11, 2010 at 4:19 am rating: 9
#13
Axis of Peter
Maybe Toot here was getting the message from God bolloxed up. Cuz he either did the unthinkable–trying to emulate a business letter by including a more legible version of his name and a scrawlyazz signature (though he got the order wrong)–or God visited him with an aneurysm right at the end of that note.
So, Leah never saw this and continues to visit Horndog in the nursing home, where she mistakes his gurgles of horror for exclamations of welcome.
“Mindy,” she says to her “roomie” as she returns to her Hummel-adorned digs, “he said, ‘I love you’ today. Well, it was more like ‘Luck You,’ but you know, that’s pretty good for someone who’s been paralyzed for two years and all.”
Oct 11, 2010 at 5:06 am rating: 22
#14
Flaboy2425
I don’t think she lost much. He’s too chicken to tell her face to face. She’s probably jumping for joy because she found out what kind of guy he is before the wedding.
Oct 11, 2010 at 6:08 am rating: 5
#15
eslinger
More like Merry Douchemas.
Oct 11, 2010 at 6:45 am rating: 7
#16
Gavin
Chastity is just a method employed by men that are uninspiring in bed, to tie a girl down…
Oct 11, 2010 at 7:50 am rating: 7
#17
Mo®
Verily we say unto thee if thoust didst not goeth down then the rod was spoilt. If with a grin thoust did wipeth thine chin then all wouldst be forgot.
Oct 11, 2010 at 8:57 am rating: 8
#18
Woman on the Verge
Dear Robert,
I too have prayed about us since our first date. I, however, do not hear voices. God hasn’t told me anything yet, but if he does start speaking to me I hope to Hell it isn’t about you. I’m hoping for the cure for cancer; the secret to World Peace; or the winning Lotto numbers.
Thank you for allowing me to gracefully dodge the bullet of being your “life’s partner”.
Leah
Oct 11, 2010 at 9:07 am rating: 38
#19
Dave
In addition to what has already been said, who really wants an “interesting” Christmas present? In terms of gifts, I ususally hope (i.e., pray) for something awesome, or at least useful. “Interesting” is how I euphemistically label sucky gifts.
Oct 11, 2010 at 9:10 am rating: 11
#20
berge
Did he sign it… and then sign it again with a fancier signature?!
Oct 11, 2010 at 11:12 am rating: 7
#21
Nightfire
I think it’d be funny if she hit him with the book and/or a bible, then told him that God told her to do it.
Oct 11, 2010 at 11:52 am rating: 2
#22
T.U.M.
It’d be just like that wacky old Lord to tell Robert they should just be friends, but then tell Leah they should get married, move to the suburbs, and have four kids!
Oct 11, 2010 at 12:10 pm rating: 16
#23
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
Rummage sale of donated books, huh.
I’m surprised Leah didn’t want to keep this book forever, with a rejection note in it to explain to her eventual children.
I’ve had a guy break up with me by email and justify it by saying, “I’ve always expressed myself better in writing.” Plus, I’m a bloody coward and hate scenes.
Oct 11, 2010 at 12:17 pm rating: 13
#24
Noelegy
I once had a psycho friend declare herself an ex-friend by informing me that we could no longer be friends because it was interfering with her “walking with God.” Afterwards, I felt like it was ME God was looking after….!
Oct 11, 2010 at 4:29 pm rating: 17
#25
aaa
Well, I asked my god what he thought about it, but then all David Bowie did was me a bunch of cease and desist letters from his lawyers. I can never get a straight answer out of him. :/
Oct 11, 2010 at 6:54 pm rating: 8
#26
Odious
He threatens “the same thing the Lord-God told you”. Because, you’d think he’s prepared to hear, “Really? Cuz God told me something different. I wonder who he’s lying to?”.
But what he’s really saying is “Unlike you, God actually talks to me and if you say something different, then you’re calling God a liar. You see, this isn’t about me, it’s about you calling God a liar!”
This guy’s a slime ball who uses the supernatural to threaten his dates. Man, what hubris (I’m god’s message boy)!
Totally P/A!!
Oct 12, 2010 at 12:20 am rating: 8
#27
TippingCows
Because if there is a god, he/she/it really cares about your first date.
If things like that pique this god’s interest, it’s no wonder the world is such a shitty place.
Oct 12, 2010 at 3:18 am rating: 6
#28
kristanova
Waxhaw NC represent! LOL that’s where i grew up. i 100% believe the legitimacy of this, knowing that town.
Oct 17, 2010 at 9:47 pm rating: 3
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