Signed, the world's least threatening pimp | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

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Risky Business

October 11th, 2010 · 73 comments

Tremaine spotted this note posted in the lobby his Calgary apartment building. I like to imagine it the “lust” stop on Slothful Scotty‘s Seven Deadly Sins Tour.

FILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · Calgary · neighbors · sex sex sex

73 responses so far ↓

#1 Gunderson

Someone’s typewriter is missing a few keys…

Oct 11, 2010 at 9:34 pm rating: 90

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#2 adam

he says “stop calln” because he’s balln.

Oct 11, 2010 at 9:37 pm rating: 90

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- #2.1 clumber
  
  Would that be blu balln ?
  
  even I hate myself for that one…
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 9:17 am rating: 90
- #2.2 Mo®
  
  “Gutter Balln”
  A Jackie Treehorn production
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 10:32 am rating: 90
- #2.3 Mark
  
  Don’t be fatuous, Jeffrey.
  
  Also, “♪ Cause I’m free… free balln ♫”
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 10:54 am rating: 90
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#3 Big Commerce

I miss the days when a pimp would take you out into the street and slap you in front of everyone.

Oct 11, 2010 at 9:41 pm rating: 90

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- #3.1 Scribbles the Monkey
  
  I know it! I know people who used to pay double for that.
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 9:37 am rating: 90
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#4 JetJackson

Who knew that escorts experience the same “no-show” problems as taxi drivers. If I were a pimp I would establish a global blacklist with other pimps in the city. Thus resulting in higher utilisation of each escort unit leading to an increase in return on capital employed… otherwise known as more buck for your bang.

Oct 11, 2010 at 10:04 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 Scribbles the Monkey
  
  Well, the last time taxi drivers and prostitutes got together, somebody got hurt.
  
  You talkin’ to me?
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 9:39 am rating: 90
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#5 Canthz_B

She should do like psychiatrists do…they bill you for your missed appointment. It doesn’t matter whether they get you on the couch or not.

Oct 11, 2010 at 10:56 pm rating: 90

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#6 David G

That escort was fucking delicious!

Oct 11, 2010 at 11:02 pm rating: 90

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- #6.1 eslinger
  
  I love how WotV’s wrath does not scare you whatsoever. Even I’ve given up on saying it on every single post. I’m saving it up for when it’ll be fun to say once again instead of just irritating others. Until then, I half-heartedly offer you a thumb in solidarity, brother.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 2:15 am rating: 90
- #6.2 G
  
  Wow, Eslinger, your post, in support of said phrase, was fucking deeeliccious!
  
  Trolling… oh, what fun!
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 7:41 am rating: 90
- #6.3 Woman on the Verge
  
  Dear David and G,
  
  You two have irritated me this morning. I am in no mood for your dragging out of the tired, tattered, and no longer funny turn of phrase.
  
  I would very much like to skewer you on a red hot poker and watch as you cook from the inside – out.
  
  I hate trolls. eslinger – do NOT thumb any more of these. I will know. I will hunt you down. It will not be fun.
  
  love,
  
  WotV
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 8:57 am rating: 90
- #6.4 Spork Girl (Formerly Jon)
  
  I’m pretty sure that it’s gonna be the escort that finds YOU fucking delicious.
  And WotV, your wrath does not scare me. My high-school-senior-trying-to-get-into-college frustration will forever be stronger than your irritation.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 11:38 am rating: 90
- #6.5 Woman on the Verge
  
  Jon,
  
  You have no idea who you are dealing with. None at all. I am on the verge.
  
  love,
  
  WotV
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 11:56 am rating: 90
- #6.6 Maas
  
  Yay Repetition, the mentally disabled stepbrother of Creativity and Originality.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 12:13 pm rating: 90
- #6.7 Mo®
  
  Yaaaaaay!!! You have a pretty voice!
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 1:40 pm rating: 90
- #6.8 Spork Girl (Formerly Jon)
  
  Don’t worry, WotV, I got it all out of my system.
  But DO NOT underestimate my powers of Bitchy Teenage Angst. Add in my PMS and there will be no survivors.
  PS: Stop calling me Jon. I’m a girl.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 3:33 pm rating: 90
- #6.9 Woman on the Verge
  
  Listen, kid. You called YOURSELF Jon first. I can smite you. I was once a Bitchy Teenage Girl. I am now an adult Bitch. I can take you down. Trust me on this. Just ask the PAN regulars.
  
  love,
  
  WotV
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 5:54 pm rating: 90
- #6.10 Spork Girl (Formerly Jon)
  
  Fine. I concede to your bitchiness. Happy now? (Probably not, with all the bitchiness and all).
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 8:25 pm rating: 90
- #6.11 Leaf
  
  I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school… I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy…
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 9:27 pm rating: 90
- #6.12 Spork Girl
  
  LEAF DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 10:25 pm rating: 90
- #6.13 Woman on the Verge
  
  Leaf! You have cake? Cake fixes everything.
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 5:18 am rating: 90
- #6.14 The Elf
  
  The cake is a lie.
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 7:41 am rating: 90
- #6.15 bored @work
  
  Should I do it? No, must restrain the impulse. I will not comment on how the cake was so scrumptious it made me use expletives.
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 7:47 am rating: 90
- #6.16 Scribbles the Monkey
  
  That cake was dad-gum delectable.
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 9:43 am rating: 90
- #6.17 Madrias
  
  Can’t….Resist….Temptation.
  
  That cake was fucking delicious.
  
  Sorry, WotV. hopefully first and last time.
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 2:43 pm rating: 90
- #6.18 The Elf
  
  There’s no sense crying over every mistake.
  You just keep on trying until you run out of cake.
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 3:04 pm rating: 90
- #6.19 Lulu Ladybug
  
  Elf…love that song from Portal…fits right in as you said. I actually have that song as my ring tone…visiting south afirca right now and havent heard my phone ring for two months…must have run out of cake!
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 5:18 pm rating: 90
- #6.20 bored @work
  
  Lulu, it sounds more like you have run out of minutes.
  
  Oct 14, 2010 at 7:29 am rating: 90
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#7 matt

what’s this guy complaining about? why doesnt he just take the escort for himself, have some fun and leave the other guy feeling lonely (and broke)

Oct 11, 2010 at 11:51 pm rating: 90

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#8 Divvitar

Wait a sec…how does this guy know they’re escorts? Is he their passive-aggressive pimp?

Oct 12, 2010 at 12:36 am rating: 90

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#9 B S D

It could have been the escort herself. They do talk, you know.

Oct 12, 2010 at 12:39 am rating: 90

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- #9.1 Scribbles the Monkey
  
  What a sexist remark! I think you mean to say, “it could have been the escort him or herself!”
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 9:46 am rating: 90
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#10 ISpy

Dear Notewriter,

Escorts are a pre-paid product. It’s a little apartment number mix-up. What you see as a problem, I see as an opportunity.

Helloooo.

Oct 12, 2010 at 12:51 am rating: 90

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- #10.1 jadefirefly
  
  I TOTALLY hear your “Hellooooo” in a George Takei voice. I hope you meant it that way.
  
  If not, accidental awesome is still awesome.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 3:48 pm rating: 90
- #10.2 ISpy
  
  Totally. GT is all kinds of awesome.
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 1:18 am rating: 90
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#11 Canthz_B

Dear Note Writer,

When I call a limo service I expect a limo, not a shitty little Ford Escort. I’ll not answer the door for one…I have my pride and still a bit of my reputation to protect.

Oct 12, 2010 at 2:30 am rating: 90

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#12 bored @work

I’m guessing he might keep finishing up before they get to his apartment. He may want to call escorts who live closer or stop surfing porn while he waits.

Oct 12, 2010 at 7:33 am rating: 90

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#13 anglophile

There are many things people in this world get off on. I support Apt 406′s prostitute-banging-on-the-door kink. It’s a lot less creepy than, say, women with bunions in tight shoes.

Oct 12, 2010 at 8:15 am rating: 90

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- #13.1 The Elf
  
  Women with bunions in tight shoes wouldn’t wake up nearby apartment dwellers, though. Stood up “escorts” would.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 8:39 am rating: 90
- #13.2 Mo®
  
  Prostitutes banging the Doors!? Oh Jim Morrison you rapscallion!
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 8:46 am rating: 90
- #13.3 Woman on the Verge
  
  Glo, was it necessary to bring Bunion Boy into this? Ew.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 8:59 am rating: 90
- #13.4 Nightfire
  
  Oh, now that’s just nasty.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 11:18 am rating: 90
- #13.5 orinoco womble
  
  Or indeed women in shoes with tight bunions.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 11:42 am rating: 90
- #13.6 Woman on the Verge
  
  By the way, Mo, ‘rapscallion’ is one of my favorite words…
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 11:57 am rating: 90
- #13.7 Nightfire
  
  Mine too, however, I rarely remember to use most of the nifty words in my vocabulary.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 12:38 pm rating: 90
- #13.8 Mo®
  
  Aw don’t let them sit idle, break them out!
  I like ‘lurid’ and ‘hootenanny’ as well!
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 1:48 pm rating: 90
- #13.9 Nightfire
  
  I’ve always liked the word lucid. ^^;
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 2:21 pm rating: 90
- #13.10 The Elf
  
  I’ve been waiting for the opportunity to drop antidisestablishmentarianism into conversation. Sadly for me, it’s not often I’m dealing with people who oppose removing the support of an official state religion or have the opportunity to discuss 19th century British politics. I’m also excessively fond of “fatuous”, so Mark has my love today. Mo, not as much, even though rapscallion is a fine addition to the English language.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 2:39 pm rating: 90
- #13.11 anglophile
  
  Luckily, Nightfire, the pedant quotient is so high here at PAN that you can use all the fifty-cent words you got. Indulge yourself.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 3:01 pm rating: 90
- #13.12 Nightfire
  
  Elf, antidisestablishmentarianism was the word my friend Mike always used to see if he was drunk. He could only say it properly when completely plastered.
  
  Anglophile, I’d love to, but my problem isn’t knowing the words, its remembering to use them in the correct context. I’ve compared my memory to that of a retarded goldfish before.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 3:09 pm rating: 90
- #13.13 Mo®
  
  I guess I am just simpleminded. I like the sounds of certain words and how they are said. I wasn’t referring to their rarity of loftiness.
  Really. I could say ‘eschew’ all afternoon long, or ‘Hottentots’.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 3:15 pm rating: 90
- #13.14 anglophile
  
  Hottentots. Hottentots. Hottentots.
  
  Have I told you lately that I love you, Mo?
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 3:21 pm rating: 90
- #13.15 Nightfire
  
  Heh, there are many words I like due to how they sound =)
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 3:22 pm rating: 90
- #13.16 Mo®
  
  I had a lucid dream of a lurid hootenany. Hottentot drummers kept the rhythm with the dancers cavorting capriciously.
  WHeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 3:47 pm rating: 90
- #13.17 jadefirefly
  
  I’m very simple, in my love of words.
  
  My favorite is ‘pod’.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 3:50 pm rating: 90
- #13.18 Nightfire
  
  Mo, that was win. =D
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 4:36 pm rating: 90
- #13.19 Canthz_B
  
  All such wonderful words.
  I’m satisfied just seeing “Dookie” in print.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 11:05 pm rating: 90
- #13.20 The Elf
  
  Mark, you’ll have to step aside. I love Mo now.
  
  Jade, there is something special about the simple odd words. My favorite: moist.
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 7:45 am rating: 90
- #13.21 Woman on the Verge
  
  Lascivious. That one just rolls off the tongue…
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 7:48 am rating: 90
- #13.22 Ed Depaine
  
  Lascivious, just his hands on your hips and a flick of the tongue. Kind of like the time warp but different and yet will drive you insaaaa-ya-ya-ya-aane! Really good word Ms WotV.
  I have been fond of monsoon or it’s musical cousin bassoon. But the Spanish for butter is beautiful to roll off the tongue. Mantequilla. Say it like Antonio Banderas, with gravitas. ; )
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 8:35 am rating: 90
- #13.23 Nightfire
  
  Oh, monsoon, there’s another good word. I’m fond of its close friend hurricane.
  
  One word that has always amused me is the word spork.
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 9:26 am rating: 90
- #13.24 Mark
  
  “embiggen” is also a perfectly cromulent word.
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 9:36 am rating: 90
- #13.25 Scribbles the Monkey
  
  This stupid word conversation has gone on long enough. Take it to the dictionary.com blog, you prattling boobs!
  
  Oct 13, 2010 at 9:53 am rating: 90
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#14 Mo®

failure to properly gigglebrax

Oct 12, 2010 at 3:45 pm rating: 90

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#15 Clarabo

I swear, the delivery guy wouldn’t have had a choice about eating the McMuffin, I’d have rammed it all the way down his stupid throat for yelling in the hallway. He gets what he doesn’t want, Scotty doesn’t get what he does want, all stupid people dealt with. Two birds with one McMuffin you might say.

Oct 12, 2010 at 5:39 pm rating: 90

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- #15.1 ashmeadow
  
  Wait, this apartment gets their hookers from McDonalds? I guess “I’m lovin’ it” is right.
  
  Oct 12, 2010 at 6:01 pm rating: 90
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#16 CAPow!

wow…..I wanna live in THAT building!

Oct 12, 2010 at 6:21 pm rating: 90

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#17 Spork Girl

Notewriter, can’t you just call the prostitutes hookers or whores like a normal person? Escort sounds too classy for Scotty’s Seven Sins.

Oct 12, 2010 at 8:27 pm rating: 90

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#18 Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

Escort: You were supposed to find me at apartment 90-h. Next time I’m calling a brunette.

Oct 12, 2010 at 9:03 pm rating: 90

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#19 Kenrih

She was supposed to reach in underneath the door. I left very specific instructions.

Oct 18, 2010 at 2:12 pm rating: 90

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