Based on this example — spotted by Erin in the employee restroom of an AT&T Store in Los Angeles — I think the Kiwis have a clear edge over us Yanks…at least when it comes to smartass bathroom snark.
related: The bathroom-stall booger epidemic
extra credit: National stereotypes according to Google Autofill [buzzfeed.com]
FILED UNDER: art · bathroom · nose-picking · retail hell · smartass
Edwina the Defrocked Nun
That dried mucus was… no, I won’t. I won’t say it.
Oct 12, 2010 at 10:09 pm rating: 13
That’s good. You don’t want to attract WoV’s attention. The Eye of Sauron has nothing on her.
Oct 12, 2010 at 10:16 pm rating: 10
Yes, heaven forbid we invoke the wrath of some random uptight bitch on the Internet.
Oct 12, 2010 at 10:42 pm rating: 13
Ah, but her uptight bitch wrath represents the silent many. Hell, I’m not even gonna vote next month, ’cause I’m pretty sure I can rely on WotV to show up in appropriate situations and pronounce her hatred of asshats on a national scale. Fuck the bicameral system, I just want WotV to scornfully deride people into making better decisions.
Oct 13, 2010 at 12:24 am rating: 19
Woman on the Verge
Ah… nicely done, my friends. Except snoofle. You are obviously a douche canoe. I am random and a bitch. But uptight? Seriously? Hahahahaa!
Oh, and sleeps? I think I love you.
Oct 13, 2010 at 11:55 am rating: 17
trolls when multiplied are still trolls…fvck off trolls.
Oct 13, 2010 at 11:55 am rating: 10
I’ve been lurking around PAN for a long while now, and of all the times I’ve seen WotV post, I don’t think any of them has ever been in an uptight manner.
Oct 13, 2010 at 11:57 am rating: 10
You were tight
but Claw took care of that.
Oct 13, 2010 at 12:02 pm rating: 10
I ♥ Wotv!
Oct 13, 2010 at 12:35 pm rating: 6
Better to invoke the wrath of WotV than the Wrath of Khan.
Oct 13, 2010 at 12:37 pm rating: 3
She tasks me. She tasks me and I shall have her! I’ll chase her ’round the moons of Nibia and ’round the Antares Maelstrom and ’round Perdition’s flames before I give her up!
Oct 13, 2010 at 12:49 pm rating: 8
There are some rules worth enforcing, snoofle–if that’s your real name–and the FD rule is definitely one of them. It’s kind of like Goatse. It was hilarious the first time somebody sent you that link about “opening up to a new reality” and you sent it along to a few of your friends as well. But around the third time you saw that dreaded jpg you started to notice things. Was that an inflamed mucous gland or an engorged kernel of corn? Perhaps it was a polyp, but was it benign? You needed to know. So you started looking at all the goatse images to see if there was a better shot. Somebody needed to call this guy and tell him to get that thing checked out. Then, after downloading digital enhancement software for 19.95, and a pesky trojan horse file that eventually resulted in a full format of your disk, you realized that it was a fecal fragment. Just poop, no more no less. So this jerk had the audacity to stretch his anus to excruciating limits and couldn’t even clean his plumbing.
The point I’m getting at, snoof, is that your name sucks. Also, the FD comment is shit nobody needs to see anymore.
Oct 13, 2010 at 8:02 pm rating: 14
Woman on the Verge
I love you, too, Claw.
Oct 14, 2010 at 7:39 am rating: 1
When I thumb Claw will I need a penicillin shot?
Oct 14, 2010 at 8:23 am rating: 3
Woman on the Verge
Clumber, there is a whole series of shots required when you thumb claw or runbarbara. Unless you wear gloves. Then you’re okay. I love my team. ♥
Oct 14, 2010 at 9:37 am rating: 3
OK, I will hereby give up my FD comments unless it’s for shens and actually appropriate. All to make the world a better place. Because I care. And because frankly, Team WotV and Claw scare me just a tiny bit. Also, because it isn’t as fun anymore.
Oct 23, 2010 at 2:27 pm rating: 0
I hope the smartass wannabe ponied up and tore all the stall doors off. Now THAT would make whatever was done in there “performance art”…
Oct 12, 2010 at 10:14 pm rating: 7
And it’d make the shameful shitters own up to the fact that they *gasp!* shit… JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!
Oct 12, 2010 at 11:53 pm rating: 1
Scribbles the Monkey
For some reason, this reminded me of a YouTube video I saw of some hipster performance art where this girl mixes mud with Spaghetti-O’s, inserts the mix into herself (yes, you guessed it) and then allows it to dribble out in front of a room full of perhaps 50 people.
Oh yeah, she was wearing jeans, so to get started, she used scissors to cut out her crotch area.
Fumbled a bit with the can opener…
All in all, a pretty swell show.
Oct 13, 2010 at 9:58 am rating: 0
I am not sure but I think the Wendy O. Williams used to shove candied yams in her ass on stage.
Edit: Oops. It was Karen Finley.
Oct 13, 2010 at 11:00 am rating: 0
Wow! The complainant has quite the detailed idea about how those boogers got there!
Anyone else notice that the noter complains that bathroom walls are not the place for tissues? Also isn’t booger storage the issue, not extraction? Sheesh this noter fails many competency tests.
Oct 12, 2010 at 10:18 pm rating: 5
You’d think if they could invent the cuspidor, they could come up with a cusnodor (snottoon) to handle the storage issue.
Oct 13, 2010 at 12:44 am rating: 18
snottoon! Many internets to you sir!
Oct 13, 2010 at 8:40 am rating: 3
yes, happy rock said it perfectly..
many internets to you, CB
Oct 13, 2010 at 2:22 pm rating: 1
I suppose piss on the floor and unflushed floaters are “performance art” also? If so, your art is a load of crap that doesn’t deserve to be pissed on or sneezed at!
Oct 12, 2010 at 10:47 pm rating: 2
I agree, though I’ve seen some abstract art that looks amazingly like so much colored mucus flung upon a canvas.
Oct 13, 2010 at 12:48 am rating: 3
Ah yes, the works of Jackson Bollock.
Oct 13, 2010 at 8:41 am rating: 6
Ballsy response, Mo®!
Oct 13, 2010 at 8:52 am rating: 2
Seems like the location would be more appropriate to hang a Pic-ass-o.
Oct 13, 2010 at 10:11 am rating: 3
This one time at band camp the arts & crafts counselor ran out of glue and macaroni, so we had to make our greeting card art with boogers.
Turns out, construction paper has just the right texture to grab and hold a booger really well, as long as there’s a bit of snot on it.
Wasn’t allowed to go back to band camp after that year though.
Oct 12, 2010 at 11:16 pm rating: 7
Maybe that’s how the note was attached to the wall as well. Saves tape.
Oct 13, 2010 at 7:57 am rating: 1
Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)
If you need to extract dried mucus from your nose, please use a tissue. The bathroom walls cause the flavour go horrible.
Oct 12, 2010 at 11:30 pm rating: 10
Nose-picking is fast becoming a lost art.
Remember when it seemed that 60 to 70% of drivers had a finger up their nose poking around for the Mother Load?
Now, they’re all on their cell phones when they drive, which begs the question…where are all the boogers they used to wipe under their driver’s seat going these days?
There sure isn’t enough restroom wall in the world to cover it…or should I say be covered by it?!
Oct 13, 2010 at 12:33 am rating: 1
Great. Holiday baking season is almost upon us, and someone, somewhere will substitute mucus extract because they’re out of vanilla!
I’m steering clear of pound cake this year.
Oct 13, 2010 at 12:58 am rating: 3
I’ll expand my horizons to artistic interpretation of the splats your nose makes against said wall.
I’ll simply be exhibiting a great homage to Dexter Morgan in literal format.
Oct 13, 2010 at 2:06 am rating: 2
If the guy isn’t wasting paper on boogers, does that mean he’s going green?
Oct 13, 2010 at 7:51 am rating: 4
Al Gore picks his nose furiously, why don’t you? Do you hate mother earth?
Oct 13, 2010 at 12:55 pm rating: 2
I wish I hadn’t read either the note or the comment string quite so soon after breakfast.
Oct 13, 2010 at 8:17 am rating: 3
How is the notewriter sure it’s mucus? It could easily be… ummm… another bodily secretion. Some people get really excited over their IPhone.
“Jizz – there’s an app for that”
Oct 13, 2010 at 9:40 am rating: 8
Woman on the Verge
I love you.
Oct 13, 2010 at 11:59 am rating: 1
Boogers on walls are gross, however its better than other shit they could be painting with.
Oct 13, 2010 at 10:37 am rating: 3
Nov 7, 2010 at 10:02 pm rating: 0
So is it okay if I extract wet mucus from my nose and put that on the walls?
Oct 13, 2010 at 10:51 am rating: 2
Might still count as “Performance Art” >.>
Oct 13, 2010 at 11:58 am rating: 0
Only if you give it a title.
Oct 13, 2010 at 12:00 pm rating: 0
Baron von Mucus has a nice heir to it…Little Lord Doongie!
Oct 13, 2010 at 8:39 pm rating: 0
Thank you, Canthz. I spent about 20 minutes trying to figure out a good way to reference what you just said. I was thinking King Art-hur and his granting a fiefdom to Sir Something-or-other. It got way to complicated in my head and I gave up. You make it seem so easy.
Oct 14, 2010 at 8:33 am rating: 0
I’ve done this whole ‘performance art’ thing, as far as wiping/smearing/blasting boogers onto stall walls. It’s better art than the shameful people who go in there and write on the stall walls. I still cannot get rid of this horrid rhyme, so I’ll share it with you.
“They washed the walls
and flushed my pen,
but the shit-box poet
has struck again.”
Oct 13, 2010 at 2:52 pm rating: 1
Ah, but shameful wall-writers have to be at least a little creative.
Oct 13, 2010 at 3:12 pm rating: 1
So do the jerks who piss on the toilet paper. And yes, I’ve done my fair share of wall-writing, when I was 10.
Oct 14, 2010 at 12:03 am rating: 1
I wonder if any of the nose miners were from Chile.
Oct 13, 2010 at 2:57 pm rating: 4
Unlike WotV, I am an uptight bitch. So please don’t try and draw comparisons between men who survived being trapped underground for over 2 months and people who write snark on bathroom walls. Oky doky?
Oct 13, 2010 at 5:34 pm rating: 1
…and they survived down there with no contact with, or help from, the outside world.
That’s what makes it such an awesome achievement!!
Oct 13, 2010 at 8:34 pm rating: 1
you’re right CB. Living in a hole 2300 feet below the surface with no sanitation, consistent light source or space is really fun! Who even cares, really? Pfft. No big deal.
Oct 13, 2010 at 9:03 pm rating: 0
‘Too soon,” apparently, bored@work. How dare you make mild reference to those brave men and imply that they might pick their noses. Good Christ, it’s not like they stormed the beach at Normandy, people.
Oct 13, 2010 at 10:10 pm rating: 3
Beans, I’m not saying they had a party doing it, and I am aware of the hardships they were forced to endure. But they really had no choice in the matter, so “bravery” had very little to do with it. They were just victims of circumstance, but no one cut off their own arm like that guy a few years ago had to do when a boulder trapped him in the mountains.
There’s a difference between brave explorers of the unknown, enduring the hardships of nature because they’ll be the first to do some amazing thing, and getting trapped in a mine.
I daresay not a one of them would have done it if they’d been given a choice.
And to make it seem like they survived being shipwrecked with no outside aid in an open boat on the high seas for two months and survived like some others have done is absurd.
Most people trapped in lifeboats don’t get internet access to their families or video feeds of soccer matches to buoy their spirits, much less delivery of fresh food and water and medical supplies…so, NO, I’m not surprised they survived their ordeal, or even very impressed by the fact. How could anyone be?
I’m glad the guys are all OK, but I’m not much of a hero-worshiper unless someone is a hero.
Oct 13, 2010 at 11:00 pm rating: 4
Wow – who knew?!?!?!? I guess I should have waited until their 15 minutes were up and the press moved on. I’ll stick with the tsunami victims or Haitians in the future. It appears no cares about them anymore. Here, I’ll even give an edit to my original post.
I wonder if any of those nose miners were from West Virginia?
There, is that better? Do you feel all warm and gooey now? Considering that the topic of conversation has been about people who write on bathroom walls with bodily waste, I really didn’t expect to go below the taste level of the average participant to this site with such a benign (and somewhat banal) comment. Lesson learned.
That being said, I am awash with pride. This is officially the first thread I have started since I began making snide remarks a few weeks back. I feel like I just got a little achievement merit. Woohoo!
(Side note to Leaf: As the Chilean miner would say – “Feel free to ‘leaf’ this site.”)
Oct 14, 2010 at 7:22 am rating: 5
Am I the only one who thinks the note writer was being a little snotty?
Oct 14, 2010 at 2:17 pm rating: 2
Perhaps they pulled a big, crusty booger out of their nose, got a nosebleed, and now can’t bear to see that others can pick their noses without making a bloody mess.
There’s a tip to it: we all picked our noses when younger. Our noses are tougher!
Oct 15, 2010 at 9:39 pm rating: 0
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