Unsurprisingly, Emily in D.C. says it took less than 24 hours for one her neighbors to call bullshit on the building management’s “exciting news.”
Meanwhile, this building in Columbus, Ohio — which submitter Andrew says is “really nice and fancy-looking” — appears to take the mullet approach to policing its public spaces. (Business in the front, party in the back!)
Adds Andrew: “I 100% believe that this note is legit. I work exactly one block away from where the sign was posted, and a few days ago, I went outside only to find my self interrupting someone who was pissing on our dumpster. We have caught people in the act of shitting in our parking lot, and have also received many “anonymous fecal gifts.”
related: It’s fall! Here are a few updates and several complaints.
57 responses so far ↓
#1
Kelly Kapowski
Where is this in Cbus? I want to go see for myself!
Oct 13, 2010 at 9:33 pm rating: 2
#2
JetJackson
Is “smoking your crack” referring to actually smoking crack or is it a euphemism for taking a shit very quickly?
Oct 13, 2010 at 9:45 pm rating: 36
#3
DrBombay
Oh god please someone say that shit was delicious!
Whoops
Oct 13, 2010 at 11:07 pm rating: 2
#4
Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)
The courtyard rules don’t preclude shitting in the courtyard or smoking crack there.
If only these two places were closer together I’m sure they could work out a deal.
Oct 13, 2010 at 11:13 pm rating: 33
#5
lisa
just to annoy the courtyard people, I’d play every sport that doesn’t involve throwing a ball, use my deep fryer (extension cord, baby) to make non-barbecue food, walk a person on a leash (hey, apparently people are shitting in public, at least my pet human will have baggies), and play books-on-tape on my boom box. Muahahaha. The passive-aggressive equivalent of ‘I’m not touching you!’
Oct 13, 2010 at 11:36 pm rating: 61
#6
taosaur
The street people are pretty thick in C-bus, as are drunken college students. On a side note, why after reading this post did I go get chocolate pudding?
Oct 13, 2010 at 11:57 pm rating: 4
#7
Canthz_B
Why shit in the doorway if you can hold it until you get to the stairwell?
Though personally, I prefer the privacy of an elevator, but that’s just because I’m so modest.
Oct 14, 2010 at 12:05 am rating: 25
#8
Canthz_B
That courtyard is manned by a chair umpire between 10:00am and dusk, but pretty much anything goes after dark.
(backhanded snark, but don’t fault me for it!)
Oct 14, 2010 at 12:48 am rating: 4
#9
Haales
i live in columbus, but don’t know exactly where it is..but i’m pretty sure by this note, that i work in the vicinity…and it isn’t rare to see a homeless person drop trou and shit on a front store stoop, get up and leave. DO NOT SIT ON THE CEMENT COUCH, EVER!!! i’ve seen what happens on it….ick!
Oct 14, 2010 at 4:42 am rating: 1
#10
bored @work
Based on the 2nd note, I could still smoke crack in the doorway and shit in the rear lot. A ‘rear lot’ seems more appropriate for the old squat and drop anyhow.
Oct 14, 2010 at 7:40 am rating: 2
#11
Captain Calypso
But can they smoke their crack in the courtyard from the first note? It doesn’t say that you can’t!
Oct 14, 2010 at 7:55 am rating: 0
#12
The Elf
Of course a building in DC would make an overly detailed and excessive list of regulations for the new courtyard. I bet it was late and cost more than was budgeted, too. I say throw them all out! Deregulate the building! The management has too much power! Now, who is going to join me for a tea party in the courtyard?
Oct 14, 2010 at 7:55 am rating: 9
#13
Splint Chesthair
That courtyard note is just begging for a P.A . response. Feel free to use the great new courtyard to … stand quietly and maybe read if the rustling of the pages isn’t too loud.
Nothing worse than having to deal with a human feces problem. It warps your mind. You can’t think straight because your brain can’t let go of the fact that you actually have to try to think of a solution to keep people from shitting or pissing in, on, or around your building besides, “Dude, quit shitting there!” It’s really a difficult problem to solve without being really really aggressive.
Oct 14, 2010 at 9:13 am rating: 2
#14
Nightfire
So.. go to the first building with a child on a leash, either audio books or animal noises on tape, and perhaps a campfire to roast some non-bbq food over. I’m thinking the kid would need a noisy train set, too.
Oct 14, 2010 at 12:11 pm rating: 4
#15
aaa
I want to marry Andrew for the phrase “anonymous fecal gifts”. <3
I'm totally not creepy or anything….
Oct 14, 2010 at 2:07 pm rating: 6
#16
JoshD
Am I the only one that read the courtyard note in the Professors voice from Futurama?
Great News Everyone!
Oct 14, 2010 at 2:35 pm rating: 8
#17
Brigs
If we are no longer allowed to shit on the steps, how do they expect us to properly mark our territory?
Oct 14, 2010 at 3:52 pm rating: 2
#18
berge
I love signs like #2 where they think that people who are inconsiderate enough to shit on someone’s doorway are possibly going to stop because they put up a sign. And said thank you.
Oct 14, 2010 at 6:27 pm rating: 2
#19
Canthz_B
If Lot was a doorway shitting-in crackhead, why did God spare him?
Oct 14, 2010 at 9:07 pm rating: 0
#20
Kenrih
“fecal gifts” That’s my new favorite phrase for all the little presents the mice leave in my house.
Oct 18, 2010 at 2:24 pm rating: 0
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