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Stop! Don’t chute!

October 17th, 2010 · 56 comments

Two simple rules for using the garbage chute:

DO put your dog poo down the chute.


DON’T put your dog, Pooh, down the chute.

ATTENTION RESIDENTS: DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, PUT ANY ANIMAL, DEAR OR ALIVE, IN THE TRASH CHUTE. If your pet dies, and you do not know the proper way to dispose of the remains, call the office. We will see the remains are disposed of in a humane and sanitary manner.

(Thanks to Jason in Ottawa and Catherine in D.C. for submitting!)

related: Garbage chute entitlement

FILED UNDER: animal welfare · CAPS LOCK · D.C. · dogs · landlords and property managers · Ottawa · shit · that's unsanitary

56 responses so far ↓

  • #1   jessi

    There’s gotta be a joke about animals in your poop chute, it’s just not coming to me at the moment.

    Oct 17, 2010 at 9:49 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Canthz_B bang

      To me either, but I’m getting a gerbil germ of an idea.

      Oct 17, 2010 at 10:24 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   The Elf

      Please make sure that you take your animals out of your poop chute. It smells if left in. If your gerbil dies, and you do not know the proper way to remove it, please call the office. We will make sure it is removed in a humane and sanitary manner.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 7:53 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Mo® bang


      Oct 18, 2010 at 8:05 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #2   timmy d

    Dead or alive? ?

    Oct 17, 2010 at 10:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Canthz_B bang

      UNWANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE is the older brother of the NO PETS sign.

      Oct 17, 2010 at 10:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   AuntyBron

      Sadly, this sign makes perfect sense to me. If they put just “dead animals” some future serial killer would throw a live one in on the grounds of “the sign only banned DEAD animals”

      Oct 17, 2010 at 11:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   shwonline bang

      The sign doesn’t say anything about UNdead pets. If my dog becomes a zombie, it’s going down that chute.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 12:52 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Mo® bang

      Must nom brainz!

      Oct 18, 2010 at 1:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   Canthz_B bang

      Never bury your pet in an old Native American cemetery in Maine and that shouldn’t be a problem. Right, Church? Right, Gage?

      Oct 18, 2010 at 11:07 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #3   Canthz_B bang

    I’d just leave my pet’s pooh in the hallway.
    Evidently, it doesn’t smell if left out.

    Oct 17, 2010 at 10:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #4   bob loblaw

    he’s not dead, just pining for the fjords

    Oct 17, 2010 at 10:32 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   AuntyBron

      Pining? for the fjords?!? What kind of nonsense is that?

      Oct 17, 2010 at 11:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Mo® bang

      ‘E’s tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 8:06 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   matt

      the only reason it was sitting there in the first place…was because it was nailed there!

      Oct 18, 2010 at 8:31 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   Mark bang

      Wonderful bird, the Norwegian Blue. Beautiful plumage.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 9:32 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   Mo® bang

      You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   Auntybron

      Why, if I ‘adnta stunned ‘im, ‘e’da muscled up to the bars, bent them apart with ‘is beack and FOOM!

      Oct 18, 2010 at 9:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #4.7   jadefirefly

      Foom? FOOM?! Mate, the only way this parrot would FOOM is if you put ten thousand volts through ‘im!

      Oct 19, 2010 at 2:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.8   paranoidandroid

      aaaaah gotta love monty python humour!

      Dec 1, 2010 at 12:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #5   Sonya

    Sounds like someone confused the chute for the toilet. Yes, in both circumstances.

    Oct 17, 2010 at 11:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #6   zenvelo

    what’s a “humane” way to handle remains?

    Oct 17, 2010 at 11:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Maas

      What, moral standing can only be ascribed to LIVING creatures?

      Oct 18, 2010 at 12:06 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Mel K

      We had rats in our parking garage and if we found a rat, we had to call the caretaker and they would get their special shovel and put the rat in the dumpster. There were signs everywhere not to take matters into our own hands. I don’t know why we had to call them- not that I actually wanted to dispose of it myself- but there was nothing humane about it- it was just a red shovel.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 4:03 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Limeliberator bang

      Everyone knows that when seeking an eternal resting place, anything bigger (and less slimy) than a goldfish shouldn’t go down the toilet. Unfortunately, there are really no rules of etiquette when dealing with the death of a non-aquatic pet.

      Personally, I think a great rule of thumb* is that if it’s too large to be buried in a shoebox, it will need special disposal. That means cats, too. If it takes any amount of origami skills to get it in the shoebox or if the shoebox lid needs to be taped or tied down to stay on, it’s not a legitimately spacious resting place for your dearly departed.

      You know how you feel when you’re on an airplane and waiting to disembark? You’re trying to stand up, but you really can’t because of the overhead bins. So you settle for more of a slouch/slump. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR PETS. I’m 5’8″. When I die, I want a coffin that’s 5’9″ (and also to be diplayed in an upright position like early 20th century stage coach robbers but that’s neither here nor there.)

      Also, don’t mourn for your pets. You should mourn people who died young or who had lives that sucked. When one spends his life sleeping in someone’s lap, getting his favorite foods from the people table, scratches behind the ear, daily evening walks.. that, my friends, is the opposite of SUCK. (Unless your pet is a snake. If it’s a snake you have my permission to mourn. Being a pet snake must really, really blow.)

      *Women’s Libbers: don’t you dare give me a lecture on the origins of the “rule o thumb” idiom. (it’s an old wives tale)

      Oct 18, 2010 at 12:05 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   Rachel of Cyberia

      Women’s Libbers??? Did I slip into 1973 suddenly?

      Oct 18, 2010 at 8:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   Canthz_B bang

      A dead pet cat is a great excuse to buy a new pair of boots.
      You can put dead puss-in-boots-box.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 9:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   Wendy

      If I’m not allowed to mourn it, then what difference does it make how I dispose of it? I mean, does your pet matter or not? Why have rules for disposal if you don’t care about its demise?

      Oct 20, 2010 at 6:01 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #7   Madrias

    The first note would end up with bold sharpie correcting a few mistakes… Followed by a passive-aggressive mention of the fact that Chute is spelled with a C, not an S, and that Pooh is not a preferred spelling, and should be either Poo, Poop, or Shit, depending on the situation and severity of the incident.

    Oct 17, 2010 at 11:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   AuntyBron

      Besides, everybody knows that Pooh lives in the Hundred Acre Woods.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 12:01 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   We shall speak anon

      If a bear shits in the Hundred Acre Woods…

      Oct 18, 2010 at 2:25 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Mo® bang

      …some Germans will show up and make a sheisse porn.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 8:08 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   anglophile bang

      Thanks for ruining a cherished childhood memory, all.


      Oct 18, 2010 at 9:27 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   orinoco womble

      Whatever happened to the word “feces” ? Why do so many people talk like second-graders these days?

      Feces, urine…they’re perfectly acceptable words. As are the verbs “urinate” and “defecate.” Or “evacuate” which is for both functions.
      And it’s not “the little girls’ room,” it’s the toilet. Not the restroom…who do you know who hangs around resting in the toilet?

      Oct 18, 2010 at 10:28 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   Mark bang

      Did you know that when you flush the toilet, it sprays fecal mist all over the bathroom? Even on your TOOTHBRUSH.

      Mythbusters proved it!

      …Mo, did you mean sheiße? :P

      Oct 18, 2010 at 10:47 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #7.7   Mo® bang

      egesta, ejecta, ejectamenta, excreta, feculence, ordure , crap, dung, feces, fertilizer, guano, manure, meadow muffin, night soil, ordure, poop, sheiße.

      Mark I was too lazy to make the ß. :lol:

      Oct 18, 2010 at 10:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.8   The Elf

      You mean you don’t rest on the toilet? I don’t know about you, but I need a breather after I evacuate particularly difficult meadow muffin in the little girl’s room.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 12:03 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #7.9   anglophile bang

      Orinoco, I frequently rest in the restroom at work. It’s the only place I can get away from both the boss and the clients.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 1:10 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #8   goose

    Dog poo smells if left in… left in what? The dog?

    Oct 18, 2010 at 12:49 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   G

      It does beg a ‘if a tree falls in the forest response’, admittedly…

      Oct 18, 2010 at 6:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   The Elf

      Have you smelled a dog fart? Yes, dog poo smells if left in the dog! Smells rather horrifically, I might add, though they seem to enjoy the aroma.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 7:55 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #9   Mel K

    I hate blanket regulations.
    There is a huge difference between a filigree Siberian hamster and a ‘big job’ like Cujo.

    Oct 18, 2010 at 4:07 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   The Elf

      The chute can’t handle big jobs. You’ll need to dispose of Cujo and/or Cujo’s pooh in the trashcan.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 7:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #10   Limeliberator bang

    ew. *barf*

    Oct 18, 2010 at 12:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #11   fauxelitist

    It was a rubout.
    You see, the dead animal was the yorkie who re-stole the bike.

    Bike stealing, it’s all fun and games until the yorkie ends up dead in a trash chute.

    RIP bike (re)stealing yorkie.

    Oct 18, 2010 at 12:26 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #12   Wade bang

    Chutes Poohs and Leaves

    Oct 18, 2010 at 12:30 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   anglophile bang

      I am officially publicly declaring my love for you.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 12:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Mo® bang

      Chutes pooh with a cute stick

      Oct 18, 2010 at 1:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   Zsa

    When my cat died, I had this pirate shanty in my head all day – Boy do I wish I had an office to call so that I didn’t have to make that initial query:

    What do you do with a dead cat body? What do you do with a dead cat body? What do you do with a dead cat body… Ear- lie in the mor-ning?

    Oct 18, 2010 at 2:26 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Mo® bang

      Weigh heigh and up she rises
      Weigh heigh and up she rises
      Weigh heigh and up she rises
      Earl-aye in the morning

      Oct 18, 2010 at 2:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   WMDKitty

      You two just made my night.

      Oct 19, 2010 at 1:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #14   Kenrih

    Does the poo stop smelling once it goes down the chute? Is it acceptable to leave other waste around the chute? I don’t understand. You should always make sure your smelly garbage goes down the chute dog waste or what have you.

    Oct 18, 2010 at 2:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #15   Divvitar

    Lemmiwinks the Gerbil King…

    Oct 18, 2010 at 2:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #16   miami

    Does the pope shit in his hat?

    Oct 18, 2010 at 3:57 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #17   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger) bang

    As far as my dog is concerned, the pooh comes out the chute. If some landlord wants to try stuffing it back in, he’s on his own.

    Oct 19, 2010 at 12:30 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #18   pony girl

    Hey, I’m not the only one that spells it pooh!

    I do, however, know how to spell chute.

    That is all.

    Dec 1, 2010 at 1:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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