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And you wonder why your mail carrier is grumpy

October 18th, 2010 · 60 comments

If you’re one of the poor sods charged with delivering catalogs and promotional flyers across Australia, it seems like the job is really a lose-lose.

You’re either lazy, as witnessed by Stacey in Brisbane…

You are being paid to deliver the junk mail. Don't be lazy. PUT IT IN THE LETTER BOX.

or, as noted by Briyah in Sydney, you’re an illiterate prick.


related: This!! Is how!! You know!! We mean it!!!

FILED UNDER: Australia · going postal

60 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Betch

    Hey lady, learn to use proper grammar and punctuation and display a sign that ISN’T halfway concealed underneath a wrought iron fence and covered in lichen, and perhaps the mailman will actually be able to read it.

    Also, isn’t it a federal crime to toss someone’s mail without them having access to it first, or does that law not exist in Australia?

    Oct 18, 2010 at 8:28 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   park rose

      Well, at least she decorated the note with penises. It’s a prerequisite for passive aggressive notes.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 9:01 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   wright bang

      Wrought-iron penises, no less. That’s quality passive-aggression. Or something.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 10:31 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Canthz_B bang

      If they don’t go down after four hours, call a blacksmith.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 10:35 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Becky

      Well, since our Federal government doesn’t rule over Australia, I’m guessing they make up their own rules and laws over there…

      Oct 18, 2010 at 10:47 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   Canthz_B bang

      They might as well…seems like we make up ours here in the US out of thin air sometimes…

      Oct 18, 2010 at 10:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   matt

      in oz, it’s a federal offence to tamper with or open someone else’s mail without their consent – especially when your ‘tossing’

      Oct 18, 2010 at 11:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   park rose

      Well wright, I guess they were duly elected erected. And I was counting the pricks and the dicks, I never even thought about the fence, so I guess the wrought iron penises make it a triumvirate of things that stand to attention when the gonads are stimulated ;)

      Oct 18, 2010 at 11:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   Canthz_B bang

      Which reminds me, I was never good at doing things with my hands as a child.
      My mom was afraid I had some type of delay in manual dexterity development, but my pediatrician said I just had erector set dysfunction.
      Two damned years of Lincoln Log therapy.
      You just sit there, playing with your log, alone…but strangely satisfying.

      Oct 19, 2010 at 1:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   Woman on the Verge bang

      rose, don’t the penises have to be pink and blue?

      Oct 19, 2010 at 7:49 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   Justin

      in fairness, they are preTTY lazy there.

      and no, in australia everyone has a “no junk mail” sign, and the postman won’t deliver adverts etc.

      Oct 19, 2010 at 10:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   park rose

      WotV, I think that a forger sentenced to the penile colony for the term of his natural life made those wrought iron penes, which have a kind of greenish-blue hue ( just humour me, ok?).

      Oct 19, 2010 at 11:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   WMDKitty

      greenish-blue? That’s not healthy!

      Oct 20, 2010 at 12:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #2   amy

    Junk mail isn’t delivered by the postman here in Australia. It’s done by companies who hire people to deliver catalogues etc to people’s houses, and they’re not supposed to put them in the mailboxes which say no junk. It’s not “real” mail, and most of it is annoying and useless.

    Oct 18, 2010 at 8:33 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   JetJackson

      We also get direct junk mail delivered by Australia post from companies who can afford it. Usually it is addressed to some frustratingly made up identity such as “To the pizza lover” or “To the entertainment lover”…

      My favourite thing to do with these is cross out the address and write “Return to sender – no ‘Pizza Lover’ at this address” and then put it in the Australia Post mailbox which is conveniently two doors down.

      Oct 18, 2010 at 9:21 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Canthz_B bang

      Jet, that’s so much more personal than what I get…”Occupant” and “Resident”. Though I am partial to “Resident”, as “Occupant” makes me wonder if I’ve forgotten to pay my rent!!

      Oct 18, 2010 at 10:43 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   FeRD bang

      To: The Squatter in Apt 3B

      Here’s a special offer on camping equipment and field rations we think will really appeal to you!

      Oct 19, 2010 at 1:31 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #3   noddy

    In Australia, junk mail isn’t actually sent through the postal system. Catalogues, flyers and the like are delivered by independent contractors, and it’s generally considered courteous to not leave them in the letter box if there is a “No Junk Mail” sign displayed.

    However, there’s some junk mail deliverers who will leave catalogues despite the signs, and the charmers who just chuck it all over your driveway and garden.

    Oct 18, 2010 at 8:33 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   grevillea

      Well, I’m in country NSW and in our area Aus. Post is contracted to deliver some of the unaddressed advertising guff. Thank god the previous postman has retired now, he was a sociopathic arsehole. Friends of ours didn’t receive any unaddressed mail (including the free village newsletter) for years, because he held a grudge for having once tripped over a branch of their *neighbour’s* overgrown tree getting to their letterbox, or some shit. And he was an independent contractor, so he was supposed to employ extra help when needed. But he preferred to keep all the money himself, so he would just take his own sweet time catching up. I soon learned to look at the dates of any sale flyers before I got too excited, because the sale could be over before they were delivered!

      Oct 21, 2010 at 12:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   paranoidandroid

      is an aussie as well and i’ve had issues with the lazy arse morbidly obsese creature who DRIVES around the suburb flinging the community newspaper out her car window. It usually ends up in the gutter where it turns to slush before i find it and read it….on the other hand, i have no problem with receiving the catalogues as i use them to make up ‘shopping cards’ for my children – they find the item on the card when were out shopping – it reduces tantrums and boredom

      Dec 1, 2010 at 12:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #4   aussie

    Junk Mail is generally unaddressed mail (catalogues and flyers) . I’m not sure if we have that law – but because it is unaddressed , junk mail would not be affected by it .

    Oct 18, 2010 at 8:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #5   Alissa H.

    I actually sign up for “junk mail”. I love getting free samples and coupons and would be kinda sad if the mailman didn’t deliver them.

    Oct 18, 2010 at 8:39 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      This makes me sad.

      Oct 19, 2010 at 7:50 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Savannah

      That free coffee I got the other day didn’t make me sad at all.

      Oct 19, 2010 at 10:54 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   Mo® bang

      My mail box only has junk mail or bills in it. I miss those days of yore when a letter written by someone I knew would arrive. How quaint! Not getting missives jotted down by a friend makes me sad, $2.00 off on shitty pizza that goes right into the recycle bin just makes me stabby.

      Oct 19, 2010 at 1:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    “NO JUN MA”?
    Maybe the letter-carrier just doesn’t know Chinese or something.
    No reason to go Postal on them.

    Oct 18, 2010 at 8:57 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #7   Maas

    There is something disturbingly pointless about writing “learn to read”.

    But who am I to judge, after all, I scream at deaf people in an attempt to get them to listen to me.

    Oct 18, 2010 at 9:36 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Canthz_B bang

      Had a camera at a Stevie Wonder concert in 1976 or -77. Made the mistake of shouting “LOOK OVER HERE, STEVIE!” in an attempt to get a pic.

      Dirty looks…I got some!

      Oct 18, 2010 at 9:53 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   snuzzled

      Why? He’s blind, not deaf. Most blind people actually are much better at telling the direction of where sound is coming from due to relying on their ears more than sighted folks.

      Oct 31, 2010 at 12:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #8   Cizzerhand

    The ghouls of the Haunted Mansion have repeatedly requested that you not litter their tombs with pizza flyers and take-out menus.


    Oct 18, 2010 at 9:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #9   Honus

    Personally, I like a good junk mail dick every now and again.

    Oct 18, 2010 at 10:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #10   Dr. Ken

    In America, we know better than to swear at postal workers because they like to come to work with guns and go nuts. In fact, “going postal” was added to the dictionary. Shit you not.

    Oct 18, 2010 at 11:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   WMDKitty

      Disturbingly enough, he’s NOT shitting you. BTW “going postal” is an awesome phrase.

      Oct 19, 2010 at 1:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   park rose

      One of the spree killings of the 80s in Australia occurred at the Queen Street Australia Post offices, but they were not carried out by a postal worker. Kind of related.

      Oct 19, 2010 at 11:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   matt

      maybe not a postal worker PR, but the shooter had a eastern european background. That’s usually a prerequisite for starting any world war, mass genocide or killing spree.

      Oct 20, 2010 at 1:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #11   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger) bang

    No Junk Mail Dicks? Is that the opposite gender’s version of a Mail Order Bride?

    Oct 19, 2010 at 12:12 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   WMDKitty

      No, but we can mail-order dildos…

      Oct 19, 2010 at 1:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      It makes sense, if you think about it. Junk ,
      dicks… I think the error was misspelling male.

      Oct 19, 2010 at 7:52 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   park rose

      Word for Tex or WotV!

      Oct 19, 2010 at 11:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #12   WMDKitty

    Yanno, I don’t think the mail carrier really has a say in what’s delivered. They’re just paid to deliver it, regardless.

    Oct 19, 2010 at 1:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Mark bang

      Book him, Yanno?

      Oct 19, 2010 at 9:45 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #13   whipoorwill

    No junk mail dicks… as opposed to general delivery 1′st class mail dicks???

    Oct 19, 2010 at 7:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   Nightfire bang

    “Learn to read you pricks no. Junk mail.”

    Hmm.. Seems s/he might be saying no to pricks but to go ahead and put the junk mail there.

    Oct 19, 2010 at 10:17 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #15   pony girl

    This is in Australia, why don’t they just leave a salty out by the mailbox?
    That’ll learn ‘em.

    Oct 19, 2010 at 1:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Mo® bang

      ♥ ♥ ♥

      Oct 19, 2010 at 1:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   S

      Been in the UK 3 1/2 years. Haven’t heard “That’ll learn ‘em” in AGES. Bless you pony girl.

      Oct 19, 2010 at 2:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   park rose

      OK. I googled and came up with a variety of possible responses. What’s a salty? Salt water crocodile?

      Oct 19, 2010 at 11:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   pony girl

      @park rose,
      Yes, I was speaking of salt water crocs.
      I don’t even want to know what sort of bizarre-ass stuff google would show for salty.

      Oct 20, 2010 at 4:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.5   pony girl

      Bless your heart. Three and a half years? Better be careful, you may forget how to speak right after being over there for so long.


      Oct 21, 2010 at 11:15 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #16   Mo® bang

    To hell with you Ed McMahon get offa my lawn!

    Oct 19, 2010 at 1:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #17   pegolasgreenleaf

    If I were a mail carrier:

    #1. would see their junk mail strewn about all willy-nilly on a daily basis; and,

    #2. would be the proud recipient of the entire neighborhood’s junk mail.

    Oct 19, 2010 at 2:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #18   claw71 bang

    In the US we have extended a nervous respect to our postal carriers. This is because many of us grew up in the era where the expression “going postal” was coined. Today the younger crowd doesn’t really understand it, but they use it anyway, much in the way they understand that banjo music is a prelude to forced male-on-male sodomy.

    In the 80s a staggering number of people employed in the US Postal service were Vietnam veterans and they were unstable at best. The stress of dealing with endless lines of people trying to send Holiday packages pushed many to snap and shoot up the office to which they were assigned. The carriers who delivered mail to your door were bipolar and subject to sudden busrts of violent rage.

    I had an edgy carrier back in my college years. He refused to deliver our mail and when I asked him why he told me that he didn’t ahve to tell me. I called the local postal depot. After countless hours on hold, I got his supervisor and was told that our carrier couldn’t get to our mailbox because we were storing bicycles on our porch. I checked the porch and saw one bicyle chained to a swing on the opposite side of the porch from the letter box. I told the supervisor this and he said that we must have moved it.

    That’s when I played hard ball. I told him that I would take pictures of the porch every day for the next five years and send them directly to the Postmaster General if I didn’t start getting my mail. I made it clear that I was a young punk whose rich parents were willing to pay his tuition for the better part of a decade and that I supplemented their stipend with drug sales. I had the time and the resources to make good on my promise.

    It worked, and startign the next dayI got my mail every day. I was also confronted by my letter carrier who told me the minute I looked at him cross-eyed he would gut me like a fish and feed me to stray dogs. Before he could follow through on this threat, he had a massive heart attack and was replaced with a young black guy who didn’t care what was in the way. Of course the black dude was terrified of anything on four legs.

    Fortunately Vietnam took a toll on most of these guys and few of them are still alive. Those who remain are in nursing homes drooling on their Jello. Hopefully the younger generation can shake themselves free of the aura of fear we have for postal workers and get down to the business of properly belittling them.

    Oct 19, 2010 at 2:43 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #19   Divvitar

    Honey, the postman left his junk in my box again!

    …and it was fucking delicious!

    Oct 19, 2010 at 2:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Mo® bang

      That’s what she said!

      Oct 19, 2010 at 3:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Woman on the Verge bang


      Oct 19, 2010 at 3:48 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   Nightfire bang

      Still…? We STILL have this? I ought send you all of my apartment buildings junk mail for a year for that.

      Oct 19, 2010 at 4:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #20   Tina

    The first person is complaining about NOT being inundated with junk mail and flyers??

    Sounds like it’s time for them to get a life! (And learn not to complain about petty crap like that)

    Oct 20, 2010 at 12:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #21   Odious

    No junk mail dicks

    Learn to read you pricks no
    Junk mail

    team postman:
    “OK, fine, you don’t get any junk mail dicks.”
    “And, for you, I learned to read my pricks no. Here’s the junk mail you requested.”

    Oct 21, 2010 at 3:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    In the Middle Ages, junk mail could cost you your life.

    Oct 21, 2010 at 8:37 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #23   James

    Australia sounds like a wonderful place. In the U.S., the postal service delivers the junk mail because it makes a lot of money off of this.

    Private companies do deliver some advertising but they’re not allowed by law to put them into the mailboxes. Instead, they throw them somewhere in front of your house, which makes it easier for the thieves to know when you’re away for a few days.

    Dec 1, 2010 at 8:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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