Consider yourself warned, madame | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

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Just back away, slowly

October 19th, 2010 · 42 comments

You’d think, as Jen from St. Louis did, that this carefully typed message (from the public toilet at the Golden Gate Bridge), is indisputably good advice.

But as Kim observed while studying abroad on the Caribbean island of St. Maarten, there’s an exception (explosion?) to every rule.

related: Poseidon’s a pervert

FILED UNDER: bizarro spacing · CAPS LOCK · Clearly a non-native English speaker · toilet · toilet paper · unnecessary "quotation marks" · WTF?

42 responses so far ↓

#1 shwonline

That second note makes fecal mist seem kind of insignificant…

Oct 19, 2010 at 4:42 pm rating: 5

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- #1.1 amy d
  
  Fecal mist is never insignificant.
  
  Oct 19, 2010 at 6:05 pm rating: 6
- #1.2 Wade
  
  And always explosive.
  
  Oct 19, 2010 at 6:23 pm rating: 7
- #1.3 Ruth
  
  I think you mean expolsive.
  
  Oct 19, 2010 at 7:36 pm rating: 8
- #1.4 Canthz_B
  
  Ah, fecal mist. The gift that keeps on giving.
  
  Oct 19, 2010 at 8:18 pm rating: 8
- #1.5 Wade
  
  Ha! Piont taken.
  
  Oct 20, 2010 at 5:45 am rating: 1
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#2 shwonline

No sleep till Brooklyn, and only one piece of toilet paper before Flushing.

Oct 19, 2010 at 4:45 pm rating: 9

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- #2.1 Canthz_B
  
  If you only get one piece of toilet paper between the Golden Gate Bridge and Flushing, you’d better be driving awfully fast.
  
  Oct 19, 2010 at 8:21 pm rating: 2
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#3 TippingCows

Just one piece?! ONE SQUARE?!

What if I can’t spare it?

Oct 19, 2010 at 4:50 pm rating: 16

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#4 berge

If the toilet can’t handle toilet paper, it deserves to be exploded so they can get one that can.

Oct 19, 2010 at 4:52 pm rating: 7

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- #4.1 Mark
  
  But the question is, does it deserve to be expolded?
  
  Oct 19, 2010 at 4:54 pm rating: 7
- #4.2 matt
  
  toilet woes must be a uniquely American/canadian thing. I’ve lived in six different houses here in oz, not one has had a problem flushing anything – even ‘big jobs’.
  
  Same with public toilets too. You americans should stop pretending that you do small, delicate little craps that can fit through a golf ball sized hole, and just get a large-bore ozzy toilet that can flush turds the size of your biceps. Large, Loud, and Proud I say.
  
  Oct 20, 2010 at 7:28 pm rating: 7
- #4.3 grevillea
  
  WTF are you on about, Matt? The sign for the problem toilet is from an island in the Caribbean, not America. Glad you are getting good flushing service, but.
  
  Oct 21, 2010 at 12:49 am rating: 2
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#5 farcical aquatic ceremony

But I’m wondering: what, exactly inspired note #1? Was Tinkle McPoopypants’ failure to wipe showing? Was someone going in and counting the sheets on the roll after each visitor to the stall? Is the label-typer an International Paper stockholder?

Oct 19, 2010 at 6:17 pm rating: 7

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- #5.1 Limeliberator
  
  Golden Gate Bridge gets tourists from all over the world. Some don’t use toilet paper. Hell, some don’t even use the toilet… At my school (also in the SF Bay Area) we have a stall in the bathroom that just has an outline of feet on either side of a hole in the floor. The school had complaints of waste on the toilet seats because the Indian girls don’t sit on them, they step up on them and squat over the pot. As for toilet paper, it’s not used. They usually have a bucket of water or a faucet next to them. Care to guess what they wash with?
  
  The squat toilet:
  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squat_toilet
  A common sign:
  http://www.flyingcoach.org/wp-content/gallery/japan-misc/squat-toilet-warning.jpg
  
  Oct 20, 2010 at 9:50 am rating: 1
- #5.2 grevillea
  
  Perhaps they have a lot of pedestrian accidents in that area and the paramedics are sick of handling skid-marked underwear?
  
  Oct 21, 2010 at 1:00 am rating: 1
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#6 WMDKitty

One square, in my experience, isn’t enough.

On the other hand, one can certainly cause a toilet to back up (which isn’t quite “exploding”) if one uses too much toilet paper.

I have to agree with berge, though, if the toilet can’t handle any amount of TP, it needs to be replaced with one that can.

Oct 19, 2010 at 7:47 pm rating: 2

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#7 Canthz_B

During my first marriage our car broke down. Our son steered while I pushed and my expolded.

Oct 19, 2010 at 8:25 pm rating: 13

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#8 Canthz_B

I don’t know what their problem is. I always use a piece of toilet paper when flushing a public toilet…ever since a kid at band camp got VD from the latrine.

Oct 19, 2010 at 8:35 pm rating: 0

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- #8.1 Canthz_B
  
  VD is so much cooler than “an STD”, don’tcha think?
  
  Oct 19, 2010 at 8:36 pm rating: 7
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#9 se

I think that the aim of the first note was to get people to use toilet paper before they flush rather than after.

Oct 19, 2010 at 8:36 pm rating: 0

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#10 Madrias

The second note just begs me to see what would happen if I used an entire roll of toilet paper. If a little TP causes an explosion, does throwing an entire roll, cardboard tube and all, nuke the building? Good reason to flush and run…

Oct 19, 2010 at 9:43 pm rating: 4

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- #10.1 park rose
  
  A flush always beats a run . . . or is it the other way around?
  
  Oct 19, 2010 at 11:11 pm rating: 2
- #10.2 Clumber
  
  Well according to the side of the plumber’s van, a flush always beats a full house….
  
  Oct 20, 2010 at 7:24 am rating: 5
- #10.3 Woman on the Verge
  
  But if you’re bluffin’ with your muffin… Oh. Wait. Never mind.
  
  Oct 20, 2010 at 2:46 pm rating: 1
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#11 Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)

I think that first note is more like a friendly offer of something gratis, like “Please, take one” on a bowl of mints.

Oct 19, 2010 at 11:59 pm rating: 1

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#12 Flaboy2425

With one piece of paper, you may get by, but you don’t get dry.

I hadn’t realized the paper shortage was that critical.

Oct 20, 2010 at 2:34 am rating: 3

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#13 orinoco womble

In my city there are notices in the toilets of bars etc asking people not to throw TP into the bowl, but to use the (usually overflowing, disgusting) wastepaper bins provided. I always wonder why public toilets can’t handle TP, while those in the owner’s apartments certainly can! They would never dream of such a disgusting practice in their own homes, but in public, no matter how new the installation, you will be told not to flush TP. Honey, if it can handle a turd it can handle paper. If it can’t handle a turd, put up an “Out of Order” sign or get it fixed so it can.

Oct 20, 2010 at 6:09 am rating: 4

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- #13.1 anglophile
  
  What city are you in, ow? Believe it or not, there are places in the world where the plumbing can’t handle toilet paper. This is an old argument on PAN.
  
  Oct 20, 2010 at 8:06 am rating: 2
- #13.2 orinoco womble
  
  What I’m saying is, the plumbing in the apartments in the very same city can handle it, and the plumbing in the bars, restaurants, cafes etc supposedly *can’t*?? Even the brand-new buildings?? Even in the same building, with apartments upstairs that can handle TP and a cafe downstairs with the “please don’t flush TP” signs in it. Uh-huh. Right.
  
  Oct 20, 2010 at 9:23 am rating: 1
- #13.3 Zorin
  
  I think the problem is people put way too much TP in the bowl, then try to flush and it clogs.
  
  Any toilet can handle a few sheets, but when you try to flush half a roll… things get clogged.
  
  I’ve seen those signs, and ignored them. Putting TP in the wastebasket is just gross. As long as you’re not flushing half a roll it’ll be fine.
  
  Oct 20, 2010 at 10:01 am rating: 0
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#14 orinoco womble

…and believe me, as a plumber’s progeny, I know my shit. And my TP.

Oct 20, 2010 at 9:25 am rating: 0

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- #14.1 anglophile
  
  Really? Plumbing knowledge is hereditary now? Awesome!
  
  Oct 20, 2010 at 9:54 am rating: 5
- #14.2 orinoco womble
  
  No, but children learn what they live. You hear enough discussions of plumbing, shit, TP and its effects, and it stays with you, even if you weren’t really listening at the time.
  You learn to recognise people who *talk* crap, too…
  
  Oct 21, 2010 at 5:51 am rating: 1
- #14.3 anglophile
  
  When you spend enough time on PAN, you learn to recognize people who talk crap, too.
  
  Oct 21, 2010 at 5:58 am rating: 4
- #14.4 Canthz_B
  
  When you spend enough time on PAN, you learn that there are a lot of places the world over that do not flush toilet paper at all.
  
  Oct 21, 2010 at 8:15 pm rating: 3
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#15 Wordtinker doesnt smith

Take the signs down. Don’t fix the toilets. Ignore the mess. Once the cholera outbreak wipes out the less than intelligent the rest of us can go back to living normally.

Oct 20, 2010 at 10:32 am rating: 4

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#16 Nightfire

They only want you to use 1 piece so it doesn’t expolde on you.

Oct 20, 2010 at 11:04 am rating: 0

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#17 Savannah

This toilet paper will self destruct.

Oct 20, 2010 at 11:22 am rating: 2

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#18 Woman on the Verge

The second note is like a movie poster:

Madame, please don’t throw toilet paper in

THE TOILET BOWL

“It WILL EXPOLD you.” -Entertainment Weekly
“Thank you for this movie. Thank you so much.” – Roger Ebert

Oct 20, 2010 at 2:52 pm rating: 10

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- #18.1 Clumber
  
  WotV, I just learned something rather interesting. Barqs (it has bite) burns when involuntarily forced into the sinus cavity.
  
  Bravo. And thank you. Thank you so much.
  ♥♥♥♥
  
  Oct 21, 2010 at 7:48 am rating: 0
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#19 Divvitar

Caution: Toilet contains chemical treatment that when mixed with cellulose, especially paper or wood pulp, an explosive reaction may occur. We don’t recommend defecation in this toilet if you have eaten a large salad or other high-cellulose food products within the past 12 hours. Your safety is our primary concern!

Oct 21, 2010 at 12:32 am rating: 0

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