Michael is a music teacher in New York, and one of his students, Aleks, a clarinet player with 15 years experience, recently moved to the city to start his master’s degree. “Coming from Ohio, he had no idea what he was getting into when practicing clarinet in his apartment in Queens,” says Michael. “Now he knows.”
![Dear Friend, Take take the flute and shove it up your ass. You have NO talent. Give your neighbors a break. if not we are going to break your hand's [sic]](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4111/5075058250_d54da0f81f_b.jpg "Dear Friend, Take take the flute and shove it up your ass. You have NO talent. Give your neighbors a break. if not we are going to break your hand's [sic]")
related: Buskers & broomsticks
126 responses so far ↓
#1
strudel
Now I would expect this if he was an oboe major. I think a clarinet up the bum would be quite enticing for some. Not intimidated.
Oct 20, 2010 at 8:18 pm rating: 30
#2
Carly
That note is pretty mean, but… honestly, you’ve got to know that you can’t practice instruments for hours a day (which this guy probably does) in an apartment building. You ARE going to piss people off, and for good reason. Get a place where you can make some noise, or find a practice studio elsewhere.
Oct 20, 2010 at 8:19 pm rating: 54
#3
Natalie
I’m looking for the “passive” in this note and not finding it. That’s a whole lot of aggressive, though.
Oct 20, 2010 at 8:21 pm rating: 51
#4
noddy
There’s a sax player in my neighbourhood, who practices in the park. Might be an idea for this poor guy…
Oct 20, 2010 at 8:26 pm rating: 3
#5
Go Phillies!
Break his hand’s what?
Oct 20, 2010 at 8:29 pm rating: 73
#6
Flaboy2425
The note writer is obviously a musical illiterate. There is no similarity between the sound of a flute and a clarinet. Perhaps he/she should leave the apartment occasionally and be exposed to some culture.
Oct 20, 2010 at 8:30 pm rating: 66
#7
bonz
I don’t know …the guy pays rent he can do wtf he want in his space right? …..Personally I would play louder. His ‘friendly” neighbor should just say “Look dude ….I’m home during these hrs …. can ya make practice @ a minimum during this time?”
Or something like that….
Oct 20, 2010 at 8:43 pm rating: 12
#8
Joe Blow
He should of moved to Williamsburg where they appreciate the works of Mr. Youngman.
Oct 20, 2010 at 8:50 pm rating: 2
#9
Canthz_B
I didn’t know they had such bad taste in music in Ohio.
Team “should have known better”.
Oct 20, 2010 at 9:01 pm rating: 1
#10
shwonline
Note: That is NOT why they call a clarinet a “licorice stick.”
Oct 20, 2010 at 9:03 pm rating: 8
#11
Squidward
Some people just can’t appreciate pure raw talent!
Oct 20, 2010 at 9:08 pm rating: 6
#12
goose
I think there’s a hidden message in the underlined words…. “flute it up your ass”. Sounds like a proposition to me!
Oct 20, 2010 at 9:45 pm rating: 6
#13
JetJackson
Aleks needs to find the brown note and really give his neighbor the shits.
Oct 20, 2010 at 9:56 pm rating: 13
#14
kmart
a clarinet is not that loud, until you’ve been listening to it for 12 hours straight.
Oct 20, 2010 at 10:08 pm rating: 1
#15
Nightfire
What violent ‘friends’ the note recipient has.
Can’t say I’d want to hear my neighbors playing musical instruments unless it was limited in duration and during the day.
Living in an apartment myself, if I think I could hear what I’m doing in the living room from the bedroom, or outside hall, I don’t do it. The only time I’m ever really noisy is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday afternoons. Never before 10 am, and never after 8 pm. It’s just a matter of community courtesy.
Oct 20, 2010 at 10:45 pm rating: 5
#16
Gunderson
I think its high time for our friend to hook up his clarinet to an amp and crank it to 11 !
Oct 20, 2010 at 11:46 pm rating: 19
#17
Divvitar
This note just reinforces my hatred of all things NYC. The SOB should be glad I’m not his neighbor. I have a Carvin Ultra-V and a 300 Watt Amp. I’ve been known to play Thrash Metal riffs at concert volume when people piss me off about practicing too loud. Give me that Vinnie Barbarino accent, crap-laden attitude and I’ll introduce you to my fists and feet!
Oct 21, 2010 at 12:16 am rating: 8
#18
Nahhh
Could be worse. Could be a badly tuned violin.
My daughter played the violin. *twitch*
Oct 21, 2010 at 6:32 am rating: 16
#19
whipoorwill
forget breaking his hands….i think they should stick with shoving the flute… makes for an interesting x-ray.: /
Oct 21, 2010 at 7:46 am rating: 1
#20
matt
It seems the fate of anyone living in an apartment is pretty much sealed (esp if they play a flute/clarinet):
1: Eventual frontal lobotomy to live in peace with psychotic and violent neighbors and avoid going insane from their constant bitching and demands
2: eventual suicide – with your instrument of choice stuck up your ass
Oct 21, 2010 at 7:48 am rating: 2
#21
Skroob
Why is is that every white trash scum that comes into New York from Ohio???
Oct 21, 2010 at 8:17 am rating: 0
#22
Woman on the Verge
In my first apartment, the smoke detector was literally 3 feet from the oven. Every time I cooked, it went off. One day my door was ajar and the neighbor from across the hall came running in, yanked it off the wall and threw the batteries at my pot of pasta.
Oct 21, 2010 at 9:00 am rating: 24
#23
Ar Adler
If we listened to mean spirited people like this note writer, those of us who have made a life in music would have deprived ourselves of a lifetime of joy and fulfillment. Who cares if we have no talent or if we are annoying others with our pursuit? Will they make up for the joy we’ve deprived ourselves of if we listen to them? Keep the focus on yourself and keep on keeping on!
Oct 21, 2010 at 9:36 am rating: 0
#24
Arster
If we listened to mean spirited people like this note writer, those of us who have made a life in music would have deprived ourselves of a lifetime of joy and fulfillment. Who cares if we have no talent or if we are annoying others with our pursuit? Will they make up for the joy we’ve deprived ourselves of if we listen to them? Keep the focus on yourself and keep on keeping on!
Oct 21, 2010 at 9:38 am rating: 6
#25
Savannah
Judging by the underlining I think the secret message is “Flute it up your ass, no? Not break hand’s.” At that point the notewriter must’ve been cut off. Now, what does it MEAN?
Oct 21, 2010 at 11:47 am rating: 1
#26
Shea
As a musician living in NYC, it seems pretty common sense, regardless of where you’re from originally. You find a good, pre-war building with extremely thick walls (as I have- thank goodness) or you find a practice room. Either that, or you go digital and get a good set of headphones (yes, there are digital reed instruments that at least allow for some quiet practice times, though they’re not cheap).
If the clarinetist is here getting his masters, I’d assume that he’s affiliated with a music program at a school. They ALL have practice rooms. It’s not like he’d have to pay money to rent one somewhere. As much as I hate to hear others invading my own sound space, I hate to be the one invading that of someone else.
In any case, I think the note is funny as hell. I totally sympathize with the neighbor (and doubt he’d really break the guy’s “hand’s”, but you never know. Another reason to be a good neighbor).
Oct 21, 2010 at 12:37 pm rating: 22
#27
Will
In NYC, as long as you are not amplified, you are legally allowed to practice from 10 am to 10 pm. This goes for all condos in all boroughs.
In a co-op your hours can be limited. Since it’s a music grad student in queens, i am betting he’s in a condo. So unless he’s practicing before 10 am or after 10 pm, he’s doing nothing illegal.
Also, it’s nyc. you don’t move here for it to be quiet.
Oct 21, 2010 at 3:45 pm rating: 9
#28
aaa
Pfft, everyone knows that clarinets are suck instruments. TRUMPETS PWN ALL. SUCK IT, ALEKS!
Oct 21, 2010 at 6:10 pm rating: 3
#29
Doug Stephens
Will: Legal, schmegal.
It’s legal for me to bite off my toenails in public, too, but who wants to watch that?
Oct 21, 2010 at 7:02 pm rating: 9
#30
Arster
All I can say is after reading all these comments I’m kind of glad that the people who complain about others practicing their music are so annoyed. You guys are very nasty and mean spirited. And apparently you have nothing better to do than rag on your neighbors for playing an instrument. Living in New York, there are many more annoying things we have to listen to everyday. If you wanted quiet you should move to the country. Some of us earn our livings playing music and must play for considerably more than an hour a day. It’s not a hobby and it’s not negotiable.
Oct 21, 2010 at 9:55 pm rating: 6
#31
Madrias
Would Mr. Aleks’ first name be Smart, perhaps?
Oct 22, 2010 at 10:18 pm rating: 1
#32
eslinger
I played the violin, flute, piccolo, and bassoon, and practiced all at home. But then, I lived in a house, where neighbors are on top of each other.
And only a dumbass would mistake a clarinet for a flute. I mean, really? C’mon.
I suggest the clarinetist find alternate practice space and cut down on practicing in his apartment so much. He could go on the roof of his apartment building, start writing really great music while working at a bar, and eventually LeAnn Rimes will be singing his song and dancing on the bar with him. And his dad, John Goodman, will be there too. It’ll be great. And then we can make a movie about it. Just remember, I came up with the idea first here on PAN.com.
Oct 23, 2010 at 4:44 pm rating: 3
#33
People are Funny
“I’ll be honest.. fellas, it was sounding great. But, I could’ve used a little more cowbell. So.. let’s take it again.. “
Oct 25, 2010 at 1:44 pm rating: 1
#34
Dan
How is this passive… ?
I remember visiting here a couple years ago, and cracking up at nearly everything posted.
I wish the author would go back to being picky about submissions, or at least tag the passive ones as passive so they’re easy to browse.
I can see aggressive notes anywhere… The subtle, asinine ones are the true gems.
Dan J
Oct 28, 2010 at 6:09 pm rating: 0
#35
Diana
Break his hand’s WHAT? He didn’t finish the sentence…..
Nov 8, 2010 at 9:58 am rating: 0
#36
James
A musician friend of mine in New York tells me that there’s actually a law there protecting the right of musicians to practice in their homes. If so, the neighbors are out of luck.
Dec 1, 2010 at 7:51 pm rating: 0
Comments are Closed