People suck. (A valuable lesson for any 4-year-old)

October 21st, 2010 · 160 comments

Cait spotted this artful example of parental passive-aggression “in front of a very, very wealthy residence” in New York’s East Village. “I get that ripping up the flowers was a douchey move,” Cait says, “but this seems a little over the top.”

To which I’d add: Um, yes. (They had me at the first semicolon.)

Dear Thief, A child helped to plant the flowers you stole - so that everyone could enjoy them. She is 4 years old and loves puzzles, nature, and learning new things. You have introduced the topic of 'stealing' into our conversations; and in response we are talking about anger, reasoning and loss. I'm telling you this because I would like you to replace the plants. I could say more offensive things that she cannot yet spell - but aren't, in a sometimes disappointing world; forgiveness and redemption greater things to believe in, and 'please' a nicer word to say - this is a request and an opportunity for yourself. Santa may come for you after all!

Meanwhile, across the globe, another 4-year-old was given a similar learning experience. In Australia, however, they don’t bother beating around the bush.*

To the person/s who ripped out the flowers - could you please explain your motives to the 4 year old who planted and watered them daily. He doesn't yet understand what an arsehole is!

*Apologies. Bad pun intended.

related: To the person who stole my flower (sniff)

FILED UNDER: Australia · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · guilt trip · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2010 · New York · rhetorical question · runaway run-on sentences · semicolon abuse · stealing · TL;DR · Won't somebody think of the children? · You call that punctuation?


160 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Ellen

    Umm… first! (I guess that’s what people say in this sort of situation? I’ve never actually been first on a comment board- totally made my day!)

    The semicolons wouldn’t bother me if they were even used correctly. Unless you count being used to show off the authors degree of pretentiousness- then they’re being used correctly.

    Oct 21, 2010 at 11:16 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   JetJackson

      Well most ‘people’ are not douche canoes and so they don’t say ‘first’ in that sort of ‘situation’!

      Oct 22, 2010 at 12:06 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Canthz_B bang

      At least they don’t when they are asked not to do so, as PAN asks when there are no posts on a submission yet.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 12:14 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Seanette

      I have never understood the whole “first” thing. Seems like a pretty pathetic thing to get that excited about.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 12:20 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Kay

      Ah, c’mon. It was her first “first”, and she did actually comment on the P-A note.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:04 am   rating: 50  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Canthz_B bang

      Kay, you’ll note we didn’t go Grammar Nazi (Apostrophe Police?) on her.
      See how nice we were to this author’s comment? ;-)

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:26 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   fan bang

      Your FIRST should always be special…. in years to come, you will forever wonder if it could have been more meaningful, more romantic, or maybe just a little more gentle than a quick one nighter liner. Why would you take that special moment and waste it here? That makes me so sad, Ellen. To make up for it, I think you should get a (((hug))) after your virgin FIRST. So, Ellen, here is a little love ♥

      Oct 22, 2010 at 2:54 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   anglophile

      I can’t even remember my first. What does that say about me?

      Oct 22, 2010 at 6:06 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Rattus

      I remember my first – what I actually said was “nope, not gonna say it”, and then proceeded to comment on whatever the thread was attached to.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 8:31 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   Ellen

      I never thought people would get so upset about a four letter word that begins with f. At least not that particular four letter word that begins with f. And FYI the whole “being excited” thing was intended as sarcasm, though I understand if that didn’t get through. Also, I was unaware of the no first policy, so I hope that makes my transgression a little more understandable.

      @Canthz_B Where did I misuse an apostrophe? I’m not saying I didn’t, but now it’s driving me (figuratively) crazy!

      Oct 22, 2010 at 10:10 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   Rattus

      Sorry Ellen. I really hate to be nitpicky, and perhaps you’re being facetious, but that particular word actually has five letters.

      And “authors” should have been “author’s”

      Oct 22, 2010 at 10:26 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   Ellen

      Blast! Foiled by counting again! I guess in my pretty caffeine haze I counted i and r as half letters because they’re so short ;-) I can’t believe I did that. Wow. And yeah, Authors/Author’s- I should have caught that too. Thanks.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 10:34 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.12   jadefirefly

      @anglophile – I’ve never had a first. What does that say about -me-? :/

      Oct 22, 2010 at 11:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.13   anglophile bang

      jade — you’ve been waiting for when it really means something?

      I like Ellen. Mostly because she used figuratively instead of literally.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 12:59 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.14   FeRD bang

      Thing is… I’ve yet to be convinced that “literally” wouldn’t have been appropriate in this instance.

      Oct 24, 2010 at 10:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   VerityBrown bang

    Go team Australia!

    Oct 21, 2010 at 11:19 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Amber Sexton

    I have to say, times have changed. One of my first acquaintances with stealing was my mom and my five year old self interrupting a gunpoint robbery at my grandmothers jewelry store. And my mom taking off after the thief.

    Suck it up 4 year olds who lost your flowers.

    Oct 21, 2010 at 11:26 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      My first experience with an arsehole thief was when someone broke into our house and was interrupted by our return home. He grabbed the first thing he saw and ran. It was jewelry box with a strip of masking tape across the top that read “money box”. It was full of play money from all of our board games that I had collected to play store with.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:00 am   rating: 58  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Mo®

      One of my first encounters with stealing was when some evil jerk and his cronies stole my friend Hadji’s ruby jewel from his turban to make a death laser. My dog Bandit chased him and then jumped in the boat with him. Luckily my Dad’s right hand man Race was there to save Bandit and the day.
      Oh wait that was the Johnny Quest episode I was watching last night.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 10:14 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   FeRD bang

      *thumb!*

      Mo’ Mo®, yo! U go.

      Oct 24, 2010 at 10:39 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    I’d like to be a fly on the wall when she explains “Santa coming for you” to her 4 year-old.

    Oct 21, 2010 at 11:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   strangelove bang

      I’d be freaked out by the “Santa coming for you yet” threat, if I were the flower thief. Very PA, pretending to present a lesson, but really brandishing the Santa smack-down. And the misuse of the semi-colon, along with the annoying dash use and bad syntax obscures the hell out out of her message. Pretentiousness only works when you’re, ah … correct! But maybe the thief was another 4 year old, and will be impressed.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 12:15 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      “Santa coming for you” could have so many meanings. Wait. Is it a euphemism? ;)

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:01 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Lily

    Those flowers were fucking delicious.

    Oct 21, 2010 at 11:53 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Canthz_B bang

      Somebody out there hates you.

      Nothing personal, but that’s not the most brilliant way to get attention. You must really need some.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 12:16 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   liddy

      stop already this is getting old….and when it is old it is no longer funny.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 7:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   G

      canthz always bites for a troll

      Oct 22, 2010 at 7:50 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Canthz_B bang

      1) WotV will be by with the hate.
      2) Many of us are irked by FD douche canoes (just look at the past few notes. I’m not really all that involved in the fray on those, but the fray is there all the same.)
      3) If you call me canthz instead of CB, you probably haven’t been around long enough to say “always” about anything.
      4) For crying out loud! I’ve answered a troll again!
      5) Thanks for singling me out as the only one who responds to “first” and “FD” posters. You must really like me. ;-)

      Oct 22, 2010 at 7:57 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Woman on the Verge bang

      I iz here wid teh H8. Bite me.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:02 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   G bang

      You know, I went ahead and registered because I knew “G” wasn’t something that’s very original, but it’s what I’ve been using since I started posting here and I wanted to make sure I could keep it.

      So why does PAN allow that nitwit to use my “G” when s/he’s not logged in and certainly not me?

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   Mo®

      Whoa! That’s what she said!

      Play me out of here Johnny!

      Oct 22, 2010 at 10:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.8   G

      Look I can be you too!
      Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

      Oct 22, 2010 at 10:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.9   G bang

      At least you have a passing familiarity with capitalization and punctuation.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 11:30 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.10   G ™ ©

      Believe me it is only passing. Mostly I attribute it to dumb luck and keeping it simple.
      :grin:

      Oct 22, 2010 at 12:42 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.11   sephe

      All trolls.

      Oct 24, 2010 at 10:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.12   FeRD bang

      Don’t worry. We have a very big bridge here. There’s room under there for you, too.

      Oct 24, 2010 at 10:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.13   Canthz_B bang

      I once dated a girl who attended All Trolls.

      No, wait…that was All Souls, but then she wasn’t the prettiest girl I ever dated.

      Oct 25, 2010 at 1:11 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.14   yaleboy

      I don’t care what anyone says, sometimes FD works and is actually funny; this isn’t one of those times.

      Why are none of the obvious English grammar and punctuation experts not calling attention to the omitted Oxford comma?

      Oct 27, 2010 at 11:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.15   Canthz_B bang

      yaleboy, I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m against using the Oxford comma.

      I’m all for the penny-loafer comma though.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 12:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Canthz_B bang

    Somewhere there’s a toddler manipulating ball bearings, muttering “the flowers…” under his breath.

    Oct 21, 2010 at 11:54 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Lurker

    What catches my eye on the first one is that lone first word, crossed out and annihilated. The rest of the lettering is essentially perfect, which makes that first crossed out word stand out even more.

    Looks like it started out as a “Dear” … but eventually the author decided that flower-ripper dude didn’t deserve such a warm salutation. Did they catch their mistake immediately, I wonder, or after the entire message was composed?

    If it was immediate, I wonder if they debated whether or not to use a new sheet of poster board. They’re wealthy, right?, so they could afford a new piece. Perhaps leaving that annihilated word was intentional, so that flower-ripper dude could also feel the anguish of seeing that once they had been given a “Dear” but now it is has been taken away … talk about rubbing salt in the wound, eh?

    It also looks like a couple of letters were added after the “Dear”, and they too were marked out. But I haven’t the foggiest what they once were, and it bugs me.

    Oct 22, 2010 at 12:31 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Canthz_B bang

    She should thank the thief. Her child loves puzzles, let the kid figure out who the thief is.

    Lemons, Lady…make lemonade!

    Hint: It’s not Carmen Sandiego.

    Oct 22, 2010 at 12:41 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Lurker

      Also, isn’t the first one a bit TMI about the kid?

      She loves margaritas and taking walks in the rain …

      I wouldn’t be surprised if puzzle parent is a kindergarten teacher, they seem to be trying to take advantage of “a teachable moment”.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:35 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Those are descriptions offered to up the guilt quotient. The only thing that would have really enhanced that was to indicate that the tot was disabled and planted the flowers with her teeth.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:04 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   eslinger

      And maybe some clip art. Or a picture of the disabled tot holding a gardening tool in her mouth.

      (I’m going to hell for giggling this much.)

      Oct 23, 2010 at 4:57 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Woman on the Verge bang

      eslinger, I ‘ll save you a seat.

      Oct 24, 2010 at 9:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Canthz_B bang

      These hand-baskets are surprisingly roomy, aren’t they?

      Oct 25, 2010 at 1:15 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Gladystopia

    In an unprecedented twist, I’m going to have to go with Team 4-Year-Olds. I mean, Mommy and/or Daddy may be taking this whole thing a BIT too seriously…but I mean, damn. Why would someone rip up flowers in the first place? The fact that the flowers belonged to a little kid just makes it worse.

    And yes, I realize that children have to face the real world someday, where people rip up your flowers (both real and metaphorical!) and so on–and yes, I understand that shielding your children from any mishap just creates neurotic kids and annoying helicopter parents… but again I say: Damn–why would anyone just randomly rip up flowers? It’s just meanspirited and unnecessary and pointless.

    But to the notewriters–hey, how about keeping the kids’ botany experiments in the BACK yard, where the village idiots can’t get at them?? The flowers are safe; the 4-year-old is happy; the parents don’t have to expose their ignorance of proper semicolon use. Everybody wins. ..well, except for the shit-for-brains who tears up flowers. He or she will just have to find a new hobby–maybe bear-baiting, or cliff-driving, or teasing a Rottweiler, or something.

    I mean, seriously now…stupid flower-ripping bastards…

    Oct 22, 2010 at 2:41 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Canthz_B bang

      Team “keep it in the backyard”, but maybe some poor person put those flowers on the grave of a loved one up on Boot Hill.
      A nice thought to walk away with (or convince oneself of at least).
      Lots of us have had pets go to “a farm in the country”, lost flowers shouldn’t be that hard to explain away to a butt-hurt 4 year-old without making the world a hard, cold place.

      God, I hate realist parenting designed to make our kids think just like us. Allow your children to use their imaginations. Let them be who they are, or are wont to be. One of mine is now a graphic artist because we allowed her have her imaginative mind and be there when she wanted.
      Sure, for a while there I thought she may be retarded, but she saw what I did not see. ;-)

      Oct 22, 2010 at 2:54 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   The Elf

      Yes, but the sympathy I had for the four-year-olds was obliterated by the passive-aggressive notes by the parents. Do they really think someone is going to return or replace the flowers?

      Oct 22, 2010 at 7:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   liddy

      I agree, but I think mommy #1 went a little overboard with her 3 hour seliloquey on the evils of flower stealing. Seriously, taking into the consieration of the mentality of said person would they even read such a note the whole way through? If they did, would they care? This morphed into a diatribe of self indulgent indignation. Also, “Santa will get you”? kinda makes me wonder how mommy (or daddy)#! admonishes her child for doing wrong….”the next time you eat candy without asking Freddy Kruger will come and yank out your stomach through your mouth” Now, the second note is succinct, to the point and spoken in a language that the idiot who took them will understand.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 7:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Rattus

      I am opposed to flower theft and would happily take down anyone digging up my perennial sage, coral bells or peonies with a freshly sharpened hoe (and a quick kick to the nuts for whomever keeps ripping of my solar lights – grrrrr), but I could not be less impressed by people who bring special circumstances into their lecturing/begging. “I have a kid”, “I have cancer” (and I DO have cancer and that one still doesn’t sway me), “I’m supporting an elderly parent who can’t get up the stairs”. Ask for what you want on your own terms and stop trying to guilt people into providing whatever it is you want.

      /rant

      Oct 22, 2010 at 8:37 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Susan

      I’m also team four-year-old.

      Yeah, the first note could be less pretentious/ better punctuated. But the second note is perfect. I hope the thieves do walk by and at least get a twinge when they think about the sad little kid.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 2:38 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   RunBarbara bang

      I get boners when I think about sad little kids.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 2:53 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.7   the Librarian

      I hate people who expect extra sympathy because something shitty happened, not just to them, but to their precious offspring. You know what? It sucks that your flowers got stolen. Does it make it worse that it was your dear darling child? No. In fact, that you would write notes like this makes me think you’re probably raising self-involved little twat rockets who will grow up to expect the world to continue to revolve around them like it did when they were twee bitty four-year-old horticulturalists. It won’t, and you’re not doing them any favors by training them to believe that it will.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 6:46 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.8   Mel K

      I wish I could give you more than one thumb. This is PA training straight from the book.

      Just think what note they will write when Tabitha’s bicycle gets stolen by a Yorkie.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 7:01 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.9   Saysh bang

      *clapping*

      Hey Librarian, you used one of my favorite phrases.

      “Twat rocket!”

      Gods, that makes me so happy.

      Oct 23, 2010 at 12:18 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   fan bang

    Oh my gosh, CB, start tellin’ four year olds about some place called Boot Hill, where poor people keep their dead loved ones….

    sheesh, it reminds me of the time my mom told me a very disgusting and derogatory name for brazil nuts, then proceeded to crack that sucker open and eat the damn thing! Scared the shit out of me!

    Oct 22, 2010 at 3:24 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Canthz_B bang

      I was going to go with Potters’ Field, but figured the kids would forever fear working with clay! :lol:

      Oct 22, 2010 at 8:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Nahhh bang

      “…my mom told me a very disgusting and derogatory name for brazil nuts…”

      I’ll bet our moms are from the same general area of the US South.

      Oct 23, 2010 at 6:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   fan bang

      Mom was from Kansas, yep, she was not your typical warm and fuzzy mother.

      She had so much hate, it would have been a blessing if she had been squashed by a house during a tornado. :|

      Oct 23, 2010 at 3:30 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   eslinger

      My mom’s from southern Indiana and told me the same name for the Brazil nut. I was young and gullible and asked if they were really from the feet of black people, and she of course said they weren’t, but man for a second, I was freaking out that I’d just eaten someone’s toe!

      Oct 23, 2010 at 5:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   FeRD bang

      Thank you, eslinger, for providing sufficient allusion to the contentious term in question, that it could be worked out by those of us who were born in a non-wheeled structure to two parents who lack any known near-term biological relation to each other.

      …That’s just horrible. I’m more convinced than ever that we made a mistake taking all of your sorry asses back, in 1865! ;)

      Oct 24, 2010 at 10:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   Canthz_B bang

      Now, now…let’s not be bitter. If you knew some of the things we say about you, it would turn you white as a ghost…um, you know what I mean. ;-)

      Oct 25, 2010 at 1:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   Allie

      Amen, Librarian!

      Oct 25, 2010 at 3:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   matt

    Dear 4 year old,
    thanks, that’s some pure shit you got growing right there. Sorry about the flowers next to it. You’ve got tonnes of potential and a bright future kid!

    Dear mother, I stole your dope, reported you to the cops, and dobbed you into the water authority for ignoring local water restrictions : )

    Oct 22, 2010 at 4:11 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Vivi

    What I’m wondering is why a 4-year-old would be expected to be able to spell anything aside maybe her name. Is it normal in the US to teach kids to write before they enter school? Or are these just over-achieving parents, bent on setting their kid up for a year or two of boredom as they while away English class, followed by geek-bullying until they enter college?

    Oct 22, 2010 at 5:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   la

      At 4 years old, I could read well enough to win a local library reading contest (which I had to be entered into as a 6-year-old because they didn’t believe a 4 YO could read). Presumably I could write as well, because I could also count back change. One of my earliest memories of first grade is being sent to the library during reading and math…I believe I was reading at an eighth-grade level and working from a fourth-grade math book by then. I wasn’t bored because I knew how to entertain myself. My only lingering issues are a bit of social awkwardness…but really, who doesn’t have that?

      Oct 22, 2010 at 6:05 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   liddy

      Yes, I totally understand. I remember being ostracized by my peers in kindergarden when I brought my atom splitter to show and tell. Also, none of the other first graders one could relate to my joy when I audited the local college Physics class and passed the final with an A+. I then just gave up and now function way below my capabitities as a rocket scientist and hope that one day I outgrow my inhibitions to do better with my meager talents.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 7:24 am   rating: 59  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   H for Toy bang

      :D liddy

      To answer the original question – here in PA kindergarteners are expected to be able to write their full name and be started with reading. Preschool is the new kindergarten.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 8:59 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Woman on the Verge bang

      I read before Kindergarten. Just sayin’.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   aaa bang

      Vivi, are you suggesting that a four year old spelling anything aside from their own name is so improbable that it is most likely the result of parents pushing them too hard, which will inevitably lead to boredom in school and years of bullying for being smart? Also, are you suggesting that being of above average intelligence is bad and warrants bullying? You seem to be more worried about the fact that the child would be antagonized rather than the not-average aspect of the child that the hypothetical bully chooses to focus on. Is it better to become more like everyone else so there won’t be any discernible differences between us and everyone else rather than stopping people from harassing others for being different?

      Yes, the overachieving parent thing has gotten way out of hand, but there are people out there who are naturally above average and “overachieve” on their own. I could read and spell stuff when I was four. And it wasn’t from my parents pushing me beyond my capabilities. Evidently, I didn’t advertise the fact that I could read and didn’t know that I could until I asked “What does this word on that sign over there mean?” Also, I was never a target of “geek bullying”. (And I’m not even going to get into the differences between intelligence and geekdom. :U ) I guess I missed out on that whole experience. People actually seemed to like me well enough. But then again, it seemed that the so-called “popular” kids (No, not me, I wasn’t a popular kid, although they seemed to like me well enough) were actually smart and took all the advanced classes and shit and didn’t antagonize people who were geeky. Or anyone else, for that matter. It was the people everyone hated that were the ones that were bullying dicks to everyone else. DAMMIT, I WANT A GODDAMN REFUND. WHY WEREN’T THERE STEREOTYPICAL CLIQUES IN MY SCHOOLS? WHY WASN’T MY LIFE LIKE A GODDAMN TV SHOW?!?!?! GOD FUCK!

      Actually, the only people that seemed not to have approved of me being “smart” were stupid preteen/teenage children mocking the sciencey classes I was taking for my major after overhearing me talk about then with my friends in public a bit over a year ago. And why would I give a fuck they think, you know?

      Besides, boredom in school usually happens when the kid is naturally more advanced than average and the school doesn’t give them extra shit to do. I was lucky that we lived in a good school district. And that I always had a book to read or weird crap to doodle in my notes. The average (or even below average) kids with overachieving parents tend to perform at the level of their capabilities (i.e. not necessarily up to their parents’ standards), which doesn’t usually necessitate extra work to alleviate boredom.

      TL;DR TO THE FUCKING MAX. LOOK AT THAT GODDAMN NOVEL I WROTE. FUCK YEAH!

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:33 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.6   aaa bang

      Liddy, I wish I could thumb you forever. And I mean that in every possible sense of the word.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:38 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.7   Jen

      I taught my sister the alphabet and started teaching her to read when she was 3. I really liked reading, I wanted my sister to like it. Whenever she wanted to play, I told her we were gonna play “school” and I’d mimick everything my teachers had done that day. Made me kinda smart, studying without realizing that’s what I was doing. Far as I know, didn’t hurt her at all.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 10:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.8   jadefirefly

      I was reading at 2. In the (*shudder*) Catholic school I went to for 1st grade, each grade’s reading books were divided up into several levels, so each kid could read at his capabilities, and not have the top kids held back by the slower ones.

      They didn’t have a book for me. I had to go to a different grade’s reading lessons.

      In kindergarten, my teacher would send notes home to my mom, complaining that I was disruptive. I was a chatty kid, but I was never known to break rules, not at the ripe old age of 5. So my mother asked what was going on. Teacher explained that I wouldn’t sit still and kept talking during letters.

      They were making the kids color in big block letters, and color in items on the page that started with that letter. My mother looked her square in the eye and said, “She reads chapter books. She’s BORED.”

      tl;dr — fuck yes, four year olds can spell.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 11:08 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.9   Mo®

      aaa god damn it I love you!
      Fuck yeah aaa!
      /adoration

      Oct 22, 2010 at 12:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.10   RunBarbara bang

      This is the problem with the education system. It takes me ages to find a four year old who can’t read. Do you know how hard it is to convince a phonics-savvy toddler that the jibberish I scribbled on a photo of Barney isn’t really an invitation for a Dino-riffic party, conveniently located in the back of my van? A damn shame too, because puppies and ether aren’t cheap.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:05 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.11   Mo® bang

      The cost of chloroform and plastic sheeting has gone through the roof!

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:11 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.12   Woman on the Verge bang

      I just want to keep thumbing RB… over and over and over. I think it might be an addiction.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.13   Mo® bang

      if you ball your fist up just right it can look like a giant thumb and she will really like that.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.14   RunBarbara bang

      i call that particular gesture “the pecking raptor” and you’re right; i adore it.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:42 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.15   Woman on the Verge bang

      How’s that, RB? No matter how I try, that little fist just stays so… small.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.16   Susan

      At four, I was reading fluently, and could write thank-you letters to my relatives. It’s not that unusual.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 2:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.17   TippingCows

      Bloody ‘ell, what is wrong with teaching your kids to read and write before they hit the wonders of public schooling? Isn’t it kind of our job to teach them some basic stuff or do we just leave that to strange people that may or may not be qualified and have to teach to a National Standardized Test?

      Sorry to get off-topic, but … team plant stealer! Because nobody has empathized with the homeless person that needed to eat. (Flowers are tasty – ask my dogs).

      Oct 22, 2010 at 10:12 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.18   park rose

      I couldn’t.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 10:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.19   FeRD bang

      @12.16:
      Maybe you should have slowed down a little, and retained more. You can’t “read fluently”, being fluent describes your skill with using words.

      From Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913) [web1913]:

      Fluent \Flu”ent\, a. [L. fluens, -entis, p. pr. of fluere to flow; cf. Gr. ? to boil over. Cf. {Fluctuate}, {Flux}.]
      2. Ready in the use of words; voluble; copious; having words at command; and uttering them with facility and smoothness; as, a fluent speaker; hence, flowing; voluble; smooth; — said of language; as, fluent speech.

      Oct 24, 2010 at 10:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.20   tinkerbell2

      What a lot of show-offs there are on this thread.

      I was reading from the instant of conception, and emerged from the womb clutching a thesis I had written on foetal rights. It was in iambic pentameter, of course. Otherwise where’s the challenge?

      Oct 25, 2010 at 7:02 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.21   Canthz_B bang

      Question is: Were we overachieving children who raised overachieving children…or are underachievers raised by underachievers likely to become bullies?

      Face it, they aren’t bullies because some kids are smart. They are bullies because they are not smart.
      There’s always trade school though.

      Oct 25, 2010 at 8:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   anglophile

    If he’s 4 years old and doesn’t understand what an arsehole is, when are they going to start potty-training this kid?

    Oct 22, 2010 at 6:09 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Oh, Glo. Comments like these remind me of how much I love you.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:06 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   buttinski

    You know, squirrels can’t read. (It was some bastard squirrel that ripped all my flowers out of my garden.)

    I say they need to put a surveillance camera in to monitor their gardens and really nail the flower thief.

    Oct 22, 2010 at 7:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   The Elf

      I don’t know…. Some squirrels are pretty damn clever. The ones in my yard like to taunt my cats, knowing there is a big glass plate between them. It’s hilarious! I’ve seen them look both ways before crossing streets. If any animal is going to learn how to read, I’d put squirrels right behind chimpanzees as most likely to learn.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 7:32 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Rattus

      Elf, I thumbed you because I love squirrels and I have great respect for anyone who shares my appreciation of them.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:56 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   eslinger

      I’m sorry, but I hate squirrels so much. Always with the running out in front of you and with the throwing acorns out of trees. So yeah, Team Fuck You, Squirrels.

      Stupid tree rats need to die in a fire. Same with possums (don’t lecture me on the proper spelling).

      Oct 23, 2010 at 5:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   cali

    It was probably another four year old who ripped them up. They pick flowers all the time. The little brats next door to me ripped up my flowers and then their mother let them parade around with them in their hair. When I asked if they were my flowers in their hair (since the flowers that were conspicuously missing from my garden were an exact match to the ones in their hair) she said, “Yes, sorry. I already spoke to them about that.” I dunno about anybody else, but I always made my kids return anything they stole and the shame helped them quickly outgrow the cleptomaniac phase. Damned if I’d let them wear their stolen loot in their hair right in front of the person they stole it from!

    Oct 22, 2010 at 7:36 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   liddy

    I think mommy #1 went a little overboard with her 3 hour seliloquey on the evils of flower stealing. Seriously, taking into the consieration of the mentality of said person would they even read such a note the whole way through? If they did, would they care? This morphed into a diatribe of self indulgent indignation. Also, “Santa will get you”? kinda makes me wonder how mommy (or daddy)#! admonishes her child for doing wrong….”the next time you eat candy without asking Freddy Kruger will come and yank out your stomach through your mouth” Now, the second note is succinct, to the point and spoken in a language that the idiot who took them will understand

    Oct 22, 2010 at 7:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Jen

    Usually when my flowers have been ripped out, it was because someone else couldn’t control their 4year old. How about you tell your kids when they walk by my garden that it’s not okay to destroy it?

    Oct 22, 2010 at 8:55 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Madrias

      Too true. Here, it’s keeping the 7 year olds from being interested in the gravel driveway, cause they throw the rocks. I’m tired of replacing windows, and have since confronted 3 such rock-throwers and their astonished parents that I’d be so rude as to complain cause their ‘precious little darling’ keeps breaking my stuff.

      And to the ass who steals my paper, I hope you enjoyed what I did to the last one. Same follows to the people stealing my yard lights.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 3:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   eslinger

      Madrias, I want to know what you did to the paper, and what you’re going to do to the people stealing your yard lights. I had my yard lights stolen and vandalized, so I removed the remaining three and haven’t put anything else out. Bunch of savages in this town.

      Oct 23, 2010 at 5:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   Madrias

      I soaked the paper in pee, dried it out, and then put it back in the wrapper. As for the yard lights, well, let’s just say they don’t quite work as intended anymore. Don’t mess with the neighborhood Mad Scientist who likes high-voltage.

      There’s warning signs about high voltage near the yard lights. It’s fun to watch someone try to pull up my yard light, only to find out that they’re holding the high power end of the neon transformer lighting the little neon bulb I put into it.

      Oct 24, 2010 at 2:27 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Woman on the Verge bang

    STOP SEMICOLON ABUSE!

    Oct 22, 2010 at 9:08 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   The Elf

      I think you need a semicolon in there, WOTV.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Madrias

      I didn’t know it annoyed so many people when people misused the semicolon; after all, all punctuation has the potential to be misused, and more commonly abused is either the exclaimation point, or the comma. The most neglected is probably the period, considering the number of comments I’ve seen that don’t have one.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 3:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Nahhh bang

      How can you tell which sentences are written by boys?

      They’re the ones without periods.

      (stolen from an eight-year-old.)

      Oct 23, 2010 at 6:13 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Karen

    What i have learned from this is that if my 4 yr old plants some flowers NOT to plant them in a public area as there seems to be a rash of vandalism of 4 year old’s horticulture.

    Oct 22, 2010 at 9:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   ClearlyDemented

    The fictitious pervert I use to intimidate my child into submission, through fear of less unecessary material goods, is going to beat your ass if you make me teach her that squirrels eat flowers!

    Oct 22, 2010 at 9:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   aaa bang

    ||||||| Notewriter,

    Did it ever occur to you that I may hate children? Or that I may not enjoy flowers? Or that I may actually enjoy helping children through teaching them about negative emotions like anger and disappointment? Did you ever think that negative experiences may be what highlight good experiences and allow us to fully enjoy and appreciate them? And maybe I don’t believe in forgiveness and redemption. Or maybe I don’t like Santa because he totally fucked me over last year. WHY WON’T YOU THINK ABOUT MY NEEDS, YOU INSENSITIVE ASS?!?!?!

    Love,
    The person who liberated the flowers planted by your grubby child

    Oct 22, 2010 at 9:49 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   LP

      Wow, you sound like such a pleasant fellow. I can’t imagine why you have no friends. It’s altogether shocking.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 9:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   FeRD bang

      Wow, *you* just sounded really, really stupid, “LP”! Good gravy.

      Oct 24, 2010 at 11:04 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Nightfire bang

    They’re going to have to learn at some point that the world is not filled with puppy dogs, rainbows and unicorns.

    Writing a novel to a thief is a bit overkill. The second note was just about perfect, though.

    Oct 22, 2010 at 11:49 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Madrias

      Again, too true. I learned at a very early age that life sucks. Let’s face it, having a parent die when you’re 6 does that to you.

      As for the novel, I prefer the one that they don’t have to read. It’s written on the bottom of a frying pan.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 3:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   flora

    when I was in my teens, I brought some of my grandmother’s daffodils home and planted them. I eagerly awaited the early spring days when they would bloom for just a short time. Came home from school one day to find a whole row of de-flowered plants. Turns out the 4-y.o. next door had picked them all and left them in a pile on her slide.

    Suck it, toddlers. Karma is a bitch.

    Oct 22, 2010 at 12:07 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Donna Martin Graduates!

      There appears to be an overwhelming mountain of evidence that 4 y olds are pure evil.

      Why can’t everyone see they must be stopped?!

      Oct 23, 2010 at 1:14 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   pony girl

      No kidding!

      Oct 24, 2010 at 11:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Anna

    I cant help but comment on the fact that there is so much bantering between all of you! ( and i see some of you comment on every single PAN) Please enough with the bantering and grammar police. You want to criticize people’s grammar but yet you obviously have nothing better to do than comment on this website EVERYDAY! lay off the twinkies and McDonald’s and do something productive!

    Oct 22, 2010 at 12:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   oi

      That is such a profound advise anna. Thanks for showing us error of our ways! I will do something productive right this second. How come you did not come in my life to lift me from this filth any sooner? Why? I wasted so much time bantering while I could have change the whole world. oh woe is me! :roll:

      Oct 22, 2010 at 12:34 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Mo®

      Anna, may I call you Anna? I do something productive on Wednesdays when I go over to your parents house and pick the scabs off your mom’s open sewer hole lady bits. Then I clean up after the retarded kid brother they keep hidden in the basement that was the result of some random truckers mongie sperm. It is more than what you do.
      So there.
      Ahem, neener neener neener.
      Neener.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 12:39 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   RunBarbara bang

      I’m glad you’re cleaning up after him, Timo. I was afraid the only showers he got were the ones of the golden variety I give him every other Sunday.

      I love the mentally sub-normal. So eager to please, so easy to shame.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:00 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   Woman on the Verge bang

      Dear Anna,

      I don’t really care whether you like my posts or not. Why I am here is none of your business. Grammar, however is part of my business.

      love,

      WotV

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:01 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   ClearlyDemented

      Forgiveness and redemption; better things to believe in, Anna.

      I feel your pain, but taking the time to write about other people’s waste of space on the internet is not very productive either. It’s the equivalent of a twelve-point thread admonishing someone for saying X is fucking delicious. Only someone too invested/territorial/narcissistic to just move on would take the time to do it, therefore making themselves look worse than the actual offender.

      Please take this advice to heart while ordering your Equipment Sales and Surplus.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:03 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.6   anglophile bang

      Goddammit, people, today is Friday! How many times have I told you absolutely no bantering on Fridays!

      I’m just glad Anna’s here to keep us on the straight and narrow.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:10 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.7   claw71 bang

      Anna, I think you could have used a comma or two in there.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:49 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.8   fan bang

      I clicked on your link Anna, must be a slow day for tools in Auburn, Wa., does the boss know where you’ve been lurking? You alone must be saving the Northwest from bantering the precious minutes away, you can provide them with modern tools to make birdhouses and shit. :roll:

      Very productive!

      Wow, I thought maybe you would be smarter than this. I see an email address to your place of productive activity. Would your boss like a link so he may join us in friendly banter? Of course that would be after you return from McDonalds with his lunch.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 2:42 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.9   Madrias

      Oh, Anna, I just couldn’t help but notice you forgot to capitalize ‘lay’ (first word in a sentence), and then if that wasn’t bad enough, you didn’t capitalize Twinkies (it’s a brand name). I have other things to do, yes, but it’s more fun to annoy people.

      Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go back to building my doomsday machine.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 3:48 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.10   park rose

      We’ve left the spelling errors and word misuse alone, and some of the punctuation. I think we deserve some extra Twinkie credit for that.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 10:53 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.11   pony girl

      This here, this ^ is why I miss PAN!

      Oct 24, 2010 at 8:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.12   anglophile bang

      We kept your stall just the way you left it, pg. You can move right back in.

      Oct 24, 2010 at 10:01 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.13   pony girl

      Thanks, ‘glo!

      *Proceeds to dust stall and fluff up straw…*

      Oct 24, 2010 at 10:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.14   FeRD bang

      …How exactly does one go about stimulating straw to an erection, pg?

      I only ask, because I can imagine that information coming in really handy someday. In fact, it’s quite possible I’d be totally boned without it. Please, fill me in, don’t make this so hard on me!

      Oct 24, 2010 at 11:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.15   pony girl

      Did someone mention Twinkies?

      Oct 24, 2010 at 11:29 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.16   pony girl

      @FeRD,

      Not sure if I can help you with your little problem. I never really thought about how my straw gets so nice and fluffy. I don’t do anything special. I just put on my sexiest lingerie and prance around my stall, that usually does the trick. Sometimes I whisper naughty nothings too.

      Oct 24, 2010 at 11:37 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.17   Canthz_B bang

      Anna must have been talking about “you people”, because I know for sure I skipped at least one note while I was on my honeymoon, don’t eat junk food, and (unlike EVERY OTHER POSTER ON THIS SITE EXCEPT FOR ANNA…if you can call being half-eaten eye-candy at an equipment supply outlet a life), I have a life outside of PAN.

      Either that or Anna is still suffering from the angst of being left outside of the “cool kidz clique” in high school.

      I vote the latter.
      Casual bantering is a social skill, Anna…Google it.

      Don’t really want to get into grammar, but “EVERYDAY” really should be “EVERY DAY”. Two words…not one. It’s an everyday mistake people make every day. :-P

      Oct 26, 2010 at 2:09 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.18   anglophile bang

      I have to give Anna props here. At least she didn’t come back over and over to tell us how we’re wasting our time posting shit on the Internet. It’s kind of a refreshing change.

      Oct 29, 2010 at 6:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   claw71 bang

    Do you know what I hate? Besides the Jews and the blacks I mean. No, not the homosexuals, God already punsihed them with the AIDS. Try again.

    Ok, I do hate the Canadians as well, but forget about the racism and the fact that I started an ethnic cleansing fanpage on Facebook.

    What I really hate, aside from women who say “no”, is when people try to censor themselves with swear-word substitues.

    She told me she didn’t like ARSE-play but I didn’t care. So I slipped her a little X pulled her panties down and FRICKED her ARSEhole until her sphincter snapped and she DOODIED all over her new berber carpet.

    Did that help? Are you more or less offended?

    I know it’s Australia but they say “asshole” down under. Trust me, I dated an Aussie and I heard her use that term a number of ways. Everything from “Oh yeah, baby, lick my…” to “I hope you die you freeloading…”

    Beyond that, fuck your booger-eating yard monkey and those craptastic flowers you bought at Walmart. I’d rather look at empty holes than those bullshit signs anyway.

    Oct 22, 2010 at 1:48 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   RunBarbara bang

      could you amend this to note that ‘frak’ is acceptable? technically, this is severe bit of profanity in the twelve colonies.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:58 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   Saysh bang

      Claw, you never let any hole be empty for very long

      Oct 22, 2010 at 1:59 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   claw71 bang

      I wouldn’t mind “frak”-ing one of those Cylons.

      Oct 22, 2010 at 3:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.4   Madrias

      If someone fraks a Cylon, do we get a cyborg?

      Oct 22, 2010 at 3:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.5   rofl

      Dear Mr Claw: “arse” is not a “swear-word substitute”. It is the original spelling. “Ass” is the substitute that you should be complaining about; it was invented by prudish Americans who thought “arse” was too rude.

      I suggest you consult a 4-year-old before criticising people’s spelling in future.

      Oct 23, 2010 at 12:38 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.6   park rose

      It’s a matter of accent or pronunciation to me as an Australian, even though I guess they are also the same word with different spellings. Ass has a flat ‘a’ as the s is doubled, but arse is all well rounded and all booty. ‘Ahse’. Most Australians would use the latter, same way they say ‘bahth’ and ‘glahss’ (which also has a double s, but oh well). The ‘r’ usually goes unpronounced but contributes to the ‘ah’ sound (as do other things stuck in the middle of an arse).

      I’ve got myself thinking, now – pass and glass both usually have that ‘ah’ sound in Australian English, yet we always think of ‘ass’ as having a flat sound . . . think I have to go hunt down some etymologists.

      Oct 23, 2010 at 3:58 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.7   Canthz_B bang

      Oddly enough, rofl, in America, we now use “arse” (extremely infrequently I might add) as a more polite, softer term than “ass”, and we tend to pronounce the “ar”.

      Today it’s the Brits (no offense intended) who use “ass” as less offensive than “arse”.

      We Americans just beat you to prudish by a century or two. ;-)

      Oct 26, 2010 at 1:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Mark

    How horrible to introduce a four-year-old to “reasoning.” The horror.

    Oct 22, 2010 at 5:17 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Rebecca

    Great parenting idea, invite a criminal to return and speak to your child.

    Oct 22, 2010 at 5:52 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Nahhh bang

    I think the four-year-olds pulled up their own flowers. So there. Nyah!

    Oct 23, 2010 at 6:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   El Jefe

    I noticed a cool point to the first noter’s (first) sentence structure; she implies the flowers were stolen for everyone’s enjoyment! Yes, her semicolons are largely unnecessary, yet they are useful to many other people! (Garrison Keillor famously says usage of semicolons indicates one went to college)

    The first noter skews listed items, loves runon sentences and abuses hyphens. Has no one else noticed her misuse of a reflexive pronoun? Her many errors and sanctimonious tone could be best answered by defacing this note with choice corrections; is anyone up to the task of delivery?

    Are four-year-olds too young to learn about free will? Maybe the thieves used them to beautify hospital rooms. Memories of flowers live on!

    You, see, Anna? The regulars who comment here aren’t so critical about errors here after all!

    Oct 23, 2010 at 11:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   ashmeadow

    I bet Santa took the flowers because he thought the kid was an arsehole.

    Oct 24, 2010 at 3:26 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   liddy

    wow, this used to be a fun place to exchange friendly jabs and read creative responses/observations. Reading some entries on this thread (i.e.12.5 and 25) these entries are just plan nasty and obscene. Where is the moderator/filter with these horrible comments?

    Oct 26, 2010 at 12:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   T

      on your keyboard. scroll past what you don’t like. who asked you to request censorship here?
      obscenity being in the eye of the beholder and horrible being your subjective view old Tricky here says he likes it!

      Oct 26, 2010 at 1:32 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   anglophile bang

      You haven’t been reading this fucking website very long, have you, liddy?

      Oct 26, 2010 at 6:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   liddy

      T….
      sorry I haven’t mastered the art of knowing what I am going to read before I read it, apparently you have…I wish I had your superpowers. If you are advocating free speech, then scroll past my remarks if you don’t like them. With every right comes responsibility. I am sick of people saying offensive (and come one, read those posts, don’t tell me they aren’t offensive that’s ridiculous) things and saying it is their right to do so. As for censorship, this is a monitored site, if you looked at the community rules you would have known that. In fact, you should have known that because I forgot you know what you are reading before you read it!!

      Oct 26, 2010 at 10:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.4   Canthz_B bang

      Seems to me that if you know this is a monitored site you should learn to accept that the site monitor does not deem the content which happens to offend YOU offensive.
      Rather than asking where the monitor is, perhaps you should find a site which is monitored to a standard to your liking.
      You don’t have to read all of something to know it’s not going to a place you’d like to be. You sound like the church lady who complains about a pornographic film and knows for sure what’s in the film because she watched every damned second (just to be sure of her facts)!

      This site has limits with which the rest of us are comfortable. If you’re not, carry your G-Rated ass to Disney.com and call it a damned day.
      Not so hard to live and let live. That’s way easier than trying to make everyone else live to your particular prudish standards.
      Be sick and tired of people saying things you find offensive all you want. The fact of the matter is THEY DO HAVE A RIGHT TO SAY THEM whether YOU happen to like it or not.
      Do I see things here I find offensive? Do I write things here that someone may find offensive? Sure, on occasion on both counts, but it’s not my site and I respect the moderator/webmaster of this site enough that I know she will remove that which offends HER…not every Tom, Dick and Liddy that gets their knickers in a twist.
      The site has thrived for over three years without your sage advice. That should be a clue to you of something.
      There are standards in place…just not YOUR standards. Next time you feel the urge to tell someone how you feel about the content here, click on the “Contact” link at the bottom of the page, DUH.
      Sure, there is a battle over the FD jokes and “First” comments, but the PANGoddess lets this friendly rivalry play itself out on these pages, and none of that is particularly offensive…it’s more about annoyance with BS vs. Creativity…not content.

      Oct 26, 2010 at 11:24 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.5   liddy

      CANTHZ B
      You are by far one of the most judgemental people I have ever met, and I bet you pride yourself on how “accepting ” you are of others. All I can say is you are one big hypocrite. You paint a picture of me like you know me, look at all the negative generalizaitons you have made about me from a couple of entries…You have no idea who I am or what I am, so don’t go off on YOUR self-rightous preaching. I can see right through you you hypocrite. You have your nerve running a four page diatribe on how offended you are that I am offended. Look in the mirror. If you are so offended by what I say “DON’T READ IT”!!! I am on this site because I enjoy it and for the most part (with the exception of angry, hateful comments like you just made) I truely enjoy the clever, intelligent observatons and banter on this site and will not move my “G-rated ass” out of here, so sorry I will continue to say what I want to say. you won’t bully me out of here. after reading some of your other posts you are one angry person…get some help before you shoot up a post office.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 11:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.6   anglophile bang

      Oh come on, liddy. Those posts were MEANT to be offensive. At least, I should say #25 was meant to be offensive. That is claw’s stock in trade and he does what he does well. It may not be to your taste in humor, but there’s a lot of people who do find him funny. As for #12.5, the only possible thing you could find offensive in aaa’s touching semi-biographical novel is some adult language. And if y0u’re going to whimper every time someone says fuck, you’re not going to make it on the Internets too long, and definitely not on this site too long.

      CB has had worthier opponents than you and doesn’t need me to fight his battles for him but I have to say that was one of the least personal and judgmental scolds I have ever seen him give. It’s sound advice: if you find the content here objectionable, find some other entertainment, or at least stop reading the comments. Because it is extremely rare for the “monitor” of this site to remove content.

      I would just like to add that I (not to mention several other readers including aaa) really enjoyed your comment #12.2. That withering scorn was fucking delicious.

      Oct 29, 2010 at 12:26 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.7   Canthz_B bang

      Liddy (We’ve met? When?), I’m judgemental? Compared to whom? You?

      Where did I decree that any ones comment was “just plan nasty and obscene” or “horrible comments”? Where did I call for these comments to be moderated?

      I made a judgement about you based upon what you said, not out of thin air.

      Not trying to run you off the site, just letting you know the site is not going to change to accommodate you and that you have options…a whole Internet full, so if you don’t like the comments, don’t bother telling us.

      As for anger, don’t start none, won’t be none…I didn’t start this conversation….you did, with your anger over comments you deem unacceptable.

      As to skipping your comments if I’m “offended” by them (no, they do not offend me by the way), all I can say is something I read that you wrote…“sorry I haven’t mastered the art of knowing what I am going to read before I read it, apparently you have…I wish I had your superpowers.”

      Hypocrite, eh?…Takes one to know one!
      We’re just here having fun. Personally, I can’t think of better fun than taking your own words (part of my stock in trade) and using them to refute your own argument…can you?
      If I get much better at it, I’ll be marketing “I’ve been CB’ed” caps, tee-shirts and buttons. Thanks for your support! ;-)

      Nov 6, 2010 at 10:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.8   Canthz_B bang

      You’re probably one of those people who thinks that everything they read on the Internet is “real”, but no one really cares to hear that their “creativity” offends your sensibilities. Learn the characters various people (claw, aaa, anglophile, Canthz_B, et. al.) play here, and you’ll pull the stick out of your butt and get the jokes.
      Take too much of this seriously at your own peril. Mess with some of these people, who are much smarter, well-read and sharper of wit than I (like anglophile, aaa and claw, to name but a few), and it’ll make tangling with me seem like I bought you ice cream and took you to the zoo. I’m on the lower end of the bell curve around here.

      I don’t care, it’s your life.

      Nov 7, 2010 at 2:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.9   pony girl

      *Wants CB to buy her ice cream and take her to the zoo.*
      ;)

      Nov 7, 2010 at 2:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.10   Canthz_B bang

      Would a sugar cube and a romp in the park do, PG?! :lol:

      Nov 7, 2010 at 3:41 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   Isa

    Seems like an excellent way to teach your spawn that they are actually NOT special snowflakes.

    I bet the child raised by whoever wrote #1 is going to turn out to be one HELL of an entitled little brat.

    Oct 27, 2010 at 9:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   rantomime bang

    Here’s the deal, so that we can all put this to rest, perhaps: I yanked her Freesias out. Being the incorrigible young man that I am, I stole them right out from under the noses of that snotty little bubble-wrapped dirt-dweller and her chronically-bereft-of-bowel-movements mother. I plucked them right as my thick round arse hit the ground. And do you want to know the truth? Well, I didn’t give the flowers, the golden eggs, the coins or the magical harp to my mother or any fraking count. I took the goods and ran off with Jill because, well, she was 16 and pregnant (magic beans my big sore ARSE, Planned Parenthood, though I did notice a “boost” in my beanstalk). I told her that I’d acquired our future nest egg through legal means. This is a SECRET. If any of you tell, I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE.

    -Jack

    Oct 28, 2010 at 1:48 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Another 4-year-old gets wise to the cruel, cruel world we live in. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com

    [...] Halloween upon us, it’s not just uprooted flowers that are breaking the hearts of 4-year-olds around the world. Now entire families (of pumpkins) are being [...]

    Oct 30, 2010 at 2:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

Comments are Closed