Cait spotted this artful example of parental passive-aggression “in front of a very, very wealthy residence” in New York’s East Village. “I get that ripping up the flowers was a douchey move,” Cait says, “but this seems a little over the top.”
To which I’d add: Um, yes. (They had me at the first semicolon.)
Meanwhile, across the globe, another 4-year-old was given a similar learning experience. In Australia, however, they don’t bother beating around the bush.*
*Apologies. Bad pun intended.
related: To the person who stole my flower (sniff)
160 responses so far ↓
#1
Ellen
Umm… first! (I guess that’s what people say in this sort of situation? I’ve never actually been first on a comment board- totally made my day!)
The semicolons wouldn’t bother me if they were even used correctly. Unless you count being used to show off the authors degree of pretentiousness- then they’re being used correctly.
Oct 21, 2010 at 11:16 pm rating: 90
#2
VerityBrown
Go team Australia!
Oct 21, 2010 at 11:19 pm rating: 90
#3
Amber Sexton
I have to say, times have changed. One of my first acquaintances with stealing was my mom and my five year old self interrupting a gunpoint robbery at my grandmothers jewelry store. And my mom taking off after the thief.
Suck it up 4 year olds who lost your flowers.
Oct 21, 2010 at 11:26 pm rating: 90
#4
Canthz_B
I’d like to be a fly on the wall when she explains “Santa coming for you” to her 4 year-old.
Oct 21, 2010 at 11:49 pm rating: 90
#5
Lily
Those flowers were fucking delicious.
Oct 21, 2010 at 11:53 pm rating: 90
#6
Canthz_B
Somewhere there’s a toddler manipulating ball bearings, muttering “the flowers…” under his breath.
Oct 21, 2010 at 11:54 pm rating: 90
#7
Lurker
What catches my eye on the first one is that lone first word, crossed out and annihilated. The rest of the lettering is essentially perfect, which makes that first crossed out word stand out even more.
Looks like it started out as a “Dear” … but eventually the author decided that flower-ripper dude didn’t deserve such a warm salutation. Did they catch their mistake immediately, I wonder, or after the entire message was composed?
If it was immediate, I wonder if they debated whether or not to use a new sheet of poster board. They’re wealthy, right?, so they could afford a new piece. Perhaps leaving that annihilated word was intentional, so that flower-ripper dude could also feel the anguish of seeing that once they had been given a “Dear” but now it is has been taken away … talk about rubbing salt in the wound, eh?
It also looks like a couple of letters were added after the “Dear”, and they too were marked out. But I haven’t the foggiest what they once were, and it bugs me.
Oct 22, 2010 at 12:31 am rating: 90
#8
Canthz_B
She should thank the thief. Her child loves puzzles, let the kid figure out who the thief is.
Lemons, Lady…make lemonade!
Hint: It’s not Carmen Sandiego.
Oct 22, 2010 at 12:41 am rating: 90
#9
Gladystopia
In an unprecedented twist, I’m going to have to go with Team 4-Year-Olds. I mean, Mommy and/or Daddy may be taking this whole thing a BIT too seriously…but I mean, damn. Why would someone rip up flowers in the first place? The fact that the flowers belonged to a little kid just makes it worse.
And yes, I realize that children have to face the real world someday, where people rip up your flowers (both real and metaphorical!) and so on–and yes, I understand that shielding your children from any mishap just creates neurotic kids and annoying helicopter parents… but again I say: Damn–why would anyone just randomly rip up flowers? It’s just meanspirited and unnecessary and pointless.
But to the notewriters–hey, how about keeping the kids’ botany experiments in the BACK yard, where the village idiots can’t get at them?? The flowers are safe; the 4-year-old is happy; the parents don’t have to expose their ignorance of proper semicolon use. Everybody wins. ..well, except for the shit-for-brains who tears up flowers. He or she will just have to find a new hobby–maybe bear-baiting, or cliff-driving, or teasing a Rottweiler, or something.
I mean, seriously now…stupid flower-ripping bastards…
Oct 22, 2010 at 2:41 am rating: 90
#10
fan
Oh my gosh, CB, start tellin’ four year olds about some place called Boot Hill, where poor people keep their dead loved ones….
sheesh, it reminds me of the time my mom told me a very disgusting and derogatory name for brazil nuts, then proceeded to crack that sucker open and eat the damn thing! Scared the shit out of me!
Oct 22, 2010 at 3:24 am rating: 90
#11
matt
Dear 4 year old,
thanks, that’s some pure shit you got growing right there. Sorry about the flowers next to it. You’ve got tonnes of potential and a bright future kid!
Dear mother, I stole your dope, reported you to the cops, and dobbed you into the water authority for ignoring local water restrictions : )
Oct 22, 2010 at 4:11 am rating: 90
#12
Vivi
What I’m wondering is why a 4-year-old would be expected to be able to spell anything aside maybe her name. Is it normal in the US to teach kids to write before they enter school? Or are these just over-achieving parents, bent on setting their kid up for a year or two of boredom as they while away English class, followed by geek-bullying until they enter college?
Oct 22, 2010 at 5:38 am rating: 90
#13
anglophile
If he’s 4 years old and doesn’t understand what an arsehole is, when are they going to start potty-training this kid?
Oct 22, 2010 at 6:09 am rating: 90
#14
buttinski
You know, squirrels can’t read. (It was some bastard squirrel that ripped all my flowers out of my garden.)
I say they need to put a surveillance camera in to monitor their gardens and really nail the flower thief.
Oct 22, 2010 at 7:10 am rating: 90
#15
cali
It was probably another four year old who ripped them up. They pick flowers all the time. The little brats next door to me ripped up my flowers and then their mother let them parade around with them in their hair. When I asked if they were my flowers in their hair (since the flowers that were conspicuously missing from my garden were an exact match to the ones in their hair) she said, “Yes, sorry. I already spoke to them about that.” I dunno about anybody else, but I always made my kids return anything they stole and the shame helped them quickly outgrow the cleptomaniac phase. Damned if I’d let them wear their stolen loot in their hair right in front of the person they stole it from!
Oct 22, 2010 at 7:36 am rating: 90
#16
liddy
I think mommy #1 went a little overboard with her 3 hour seliloquey on the evils of flower stealing. Seriously, taking into the consieration of the mentality of said person would they even read such a note the whole way through? If they did, would they care? This morphed into a diatribe of self indulgent indignation. Also, “Santa will get you”? kinda makes me wonder how mommy (or daddy)#! admonishes her child for doing wrong….”the next time you eat candy without asking Freddy Kruger will come and yank out your stomach through your mouth” Now, the second note is succinct, to the point and spoken in a language that the idiot who took them will understand
Oct 22, 2010 at 7:42 am rating: 90
#17
Jen
Usually when my flowers have been ripped out, it was because someone else couldn’t control their 4year old. How about you tell your kids when they walk by my garden that it’s not okay to destroy it?
Oct 22, 2010 at 8:55 am rating: 90
#18
Woman on the Verge
STOP SEMICOLON ABUSE!
Oct 22, 2010 at 9:08 am rating: 90
#19
Karen
What i have learned from this is that if my 4 yr old plants some flowers NOT to plant them in a public area as there seems to be a rash of vandalism of 4 year old’s horticulture.
Oct 22, 2010 at 9:29 am rating: 90
#20
ClearlyDemented
The fictitious pervert I use to intimidate my child into submission, through fear of less unecessary material goods, is going to beat your ass if you make me teach her that squirrels eat flowers!
Oct 22, 2010 at 9:37 am rating: 90
#21
aaa
||||||| Notewriter,
Did it ever occur to you that I may hate children? Or that I may not enjoy flowers? Or that I may actually enjoy helping children through teaching them about negative emotions like anger and disappointment? Did you ever think that negative experiences may be what highlight good experiences and allow us to fully enjoy and appreciate them? And maybe I don’t believe in forgiveness and redemption. Or maybe I don’t like Santa because he totally fucked me over last year. WHY WON’T YOU THINK ABOUT MY NEEDS, YOU INSENSITIVE ASS?!?!?!
Love,
The person who liberated the flowers planted by your grubby child
Oct 22, 2010 at 9:49 am rating: 90
#22
Nightfire
They’re going to have to learn at some point that the world is not filled with puppy dogs, rainbows and unicorns.
Writing a novel to a thief is a bit overkill. The second note was just about perfect, though.
Oct 22, 2010 at 11:49 am rating: 90
#23
flora
when I was in my teens, I brought some of my grandmother’s daffodils home and planted them. I eagerly awaited the early spring days when they would bloom for just a short time. Came home from school one day to find a whole row of de-flowered plants. Turns out the 4-y.o. next door had picked them all and left them in a pile on her slide.
Suck it, toddlers. Karma is a bitch.
Oct 22, 2010 at 12:07 pm rating: 90
#24
Anna
I cant help but comment on the fact that there is so much bantering between all of you! ( and i see some of you comment on every single PAN) Please enough with the bantering and grammar police. You want to criticize people’s grammar but yet you obviously have nothing better to do than comment on this website EVERYDAY! lay off the twinkies and McDonald’s and do something productive!
Oct 22, 2010 at 12:23 pm rating: 90
#25
claw71
Do you know what I hate? Besides the Jews and the blacks I mean. No, not the homosexuals, God already punsihed them with the AIDS. Try again.
Ok, I do hate the Canadians as well, but forget about the racism and the fact that I started an ethnic cleansing fanpage on Facebook.
What I really hate, aside from women who say “no”, is when people try to censor themselves with swear-word substitues.
She told me she didn’t like ARSE-play but I didn’t care. So I slipped her a little X pulled her panties down and FRICKED her ARSEhole until her sphincter snapped and she DOODIED all over her new berber carpet.
Did that help? Are you more or less offended?
I know it’s Australia but they say “asshole” down under. Trust me, I dated an Aussie and I heard her use that term a number of ways. Everything from “Oh yeah, baby, lick my…” to “I hope you die you freeloading…”
Beyond that, fuck your booger-eating yard monkey and those craptastic flowers you bought at Walmart. I’d rather look at empty holes than those bullshit signs anyway.
Oct 22, 2010 at 1:48 pm rating: 90
#26
Mark
How horrible to introduce a four-year-old to “reasoning.” The horror.
Oct 22, 2010 at 5:17 pm rating: 90
#27
Rebecca
Great parenting idea, invite a criminal to return and speak to your child.
Oct 22, 2010 at 5:52 pm rating: 90
#28
Nahhh
I think the four-year-olds pulled up their own flowers. So there. Nyah!
Oct 23, 2010 at 6:23 am rating: 90
#29
El Jefe
I noticed a cool point to the first noter’s (first) sentence structure; she implies the flowers were stolen for everyone’s enjoyment! Yes, her semicolons are largely unnecessary, yet they are useful to many other people! (Garrison Keillor famously says usage of semicolons indicates one went to college)
The first noter skews listed items, loves runon sentences and abuses hyphens. Has no one else noticed her misuse of a reflexive pronoun? Her many errors and sanctimonious tone could be best answered by defacing this note with choice corrections; is anyone up to the task of delivery?
Are four-year-olds too young to learn about free will? Maybe the thieves used them to beautify hospital rooms. Memories of flowers live on!
You, see, Anna? The regulars who comment here aren’t so critical about errors here after all!
Oct 23, 2010 at 11:22 pm rating: 90
#30
ashmeadow
I bet Santa took the flowers because he thought the kid was an arsehole.
Oct 24, 2010 at 3:26 pm rating: 90
#31
liddy
wow, this used to be a fun place to exchange friendly jabs and read creative responses/observations. Reading some entries on this thread (i.e.12.5 and 25) these entries are just plan nasty and obscene. Where is the moderator/filter with these horrible comments?
Oct 26, 2010 at 12:25 am rating: 90
#32
Isa
Seems like an excellent way to teach your spawn that they are actually NOT special snowflakes.
I bet the child raised by whoever wrote #1 is going to turn out to be one HELL of an entitled little brat.
Oct 27, 2010 at 9:44 pm rating: 90
#33
rantomime
Here’s the deal, so that we can all put this to rest, perhaps: I yanked her Freesias out. Being the incorrigible young man that I am, I stole them right out from under the noses of that snotty little bubble-wrapped dirt-dweller and her chronically-bereft-of-bowel-movements mother. I plucked them right as my thick round arse hit the ground. And do you want to know the truth? Well, I didn’t give the flowers, the golden eggs, the coins or the magical harp to my mother or any fraking count. I took the goods and ran off with Jill because, well, she was 16 and pregnant (magic beans my big sore ARSE, Planned Parenthood, though I did notice a “boost” in my beanstalk). I told her that I’d acquired our future nest egg through legal means. This is a SECRET. If any of you tell, I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE.
-Jack
Oct 28, 2010 at 1:48 am rating: 90
#34 Another 4-year-old gets wise to the cruel, cruel world we live in. | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Halloween upon us, it’s not just uprooted flowers that are breaking the hearts of 4-year-olds around the world. Now entire families (of pumpkins) are being [...]
Oct 30, 2010 at 2:52 pm rating: 90
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