Clip art: unsafe at any speed

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October 26th, 2010 · 62 comments

Mosef in Houston says this is just one of the workplace safety team’s many delightfully fear-based messages that decorate his office.

Meanwhile, our submitter in Athens, Georgia says that copies of this one particular sign appeared one day out of nowhere, taped to practically every available surface. (I’m guessing the thinking behind it was something like, “Well, if a picture’s worth a thousand words, a thousand pictures are…oooh, a piggy bank!”)

related: He died for your clip art.

extra credit: Instructional Instructions

FILED UNDER: clip art catastrophe · office

62 responses so far ↓

#1 shwonline

The lesson of sign #2: Never create a rebus when you’re stoned.

Oct 26, 2010 at 5:45 pm rating: 25

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#2 oi

Mosef? Son of Mau and Josef?

Oct 26, 2010 at 5:49 pm rating: 1

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- #2.1 park rose
  
  I was also thinking a mixture of old with new: Moses, who parted the Red Sea, and Joseph, whose wife’s legs ultimately parted and expelled forth a savior in a sea of red, no doubt.
  
  Oct 26, 2010 at 6:19 pm rating: 4
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#3 H bomb

The second “note” is like that six degrees of Kevin Bacon game…

So… LIGHTBULBs create light, as does FLAME, which is used to smoke meth, which can also be injected using NEEDLEs which you need a BANDAID for to cover the pinprick so no one figures out your addiction, which are gross when they get wet, like if you step in front of an open FIRE HYDRANT, which could also get water in your EARS. Kevin Bacon has ears.

Oct 26, 2010 at 5:58 pm rating: 62

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- #3.1 shwonline
  
  I assume the piggy bank represents Mr. Bacon.
  
  Oct 26, 2010 at 6:46 pm rating: 35
- #3.2 Woman on the Verge
  
  What’s the ladder for? Why am I even asking?
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 6:58 am rating: 6
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#4 Mark

But they exist only because I didn’t cum safely! …oh wait

Also, FUCK YOU COMIC SANS

Oct 26, 2010 at 5:59 pm rating: 11

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- #4.1 Woman on the Verge
  
  See, Mark, you correctly ascertained that note one is about safe sex. Good job.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 6:59 am rating: 1
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#5 JetJackson

Isn’t that “Nobody gets hurt” inside the circle backslash symbol essentially a double negative? They are saying no “nobody gets hurt”… so does that mean everybody gets hurt?

Oct 26, 2010 at 6:51 pm rating: 27

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- #5.1 Trisha
  
  YES! I came here to point out the same thing!
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 2:21 pm rating: 1
- #5.2 ashmeadow
  
  It means somebody’s going to get hurt. Probably the person who put up the note.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 4:21 pm rating: 4
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#6 farcical aquatic ceremony

Team janitor! Put a jumble of clip-art together into a crapTAStic poster, stick it to the door of your ‘closet’, go inside, wait for folks to lean in (’cause they’ll hope that by getting closer, the mess o’ clipart will become comprehensible), then
SLAM!!!
brain the bastards!

Oct 26, 2010 at 7:16 pm rating: 14

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- #6.1 Nightfire
  
  Yes.. Yes! I like where this is going!
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 8:44 am rating: 1
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#7 Liza

pic #1 is definitely ExxonMobil. i used to work in their Houston office, and they are totally nuts about safety. Last summer, a worker cut herself with a box cutter, and we all seriously stopped what we were doing and had staff meetings about box cutter safety.

Oct 26, 2010 at 7:26 pm rating: 2

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- #7.1 harmonicpies
  
  I hope they are as nuts about safety out on the oil rigs as they are in the office.
  
  Oct 26, 2010 at 9:01 pm rating: 20
- #7.2 Canthz_B
  
  harmonicpies, I’d hope so too, but when was the last time ExxonMobile was sued by Mother Nature?
  Hell, when’s the last time Mother Nature complained about a good drilling?!
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 1:12 am rating: 6
- #7.3 Nightfire
  
  Who’d complain about a good drilling?
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 8:46 am rating: 7
- #7.4 aaa
  
  Depends on who’s doing the drilling.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 8:49 am rating: 4
- #7.5 bored@work
  
  There are probably lots of guys in prison who are not all that fond of a good drilling.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 9:33 am rating: 5
- #7.6 clumber
  
  But wouldn’t an unwanted drilling be a bad drilling? Or at least not a good drilling…. I ‘spose it is all in the perspective.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 9:40 am rating: 3
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#8 aaa

I don’t have any children. Does this mean that it doesn’t matter if I get killed on the job?

Oct 26, 2010 at 9:21 pm rating: 39

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- #8.1 anglophile
  
  We’ve been over this before, aaa. Childless people are of no value in society, and are clearly sub-human. They can only be redeemed by spawning, thus gaining the mystical wisdom that only parents can have.
  
  Oct 26, 2010 at 9:35 pm rating: 30
- #8.2 pony girl
  
  @ aaa, Yes. Yes it does.
  
  Oct 26, 2010 at 11:16 pm rating: 12
- #8.3 aaa
  
  Ah, yes, you are both very correct. Sometimes I forget this and fall under the delusion that I may actually be a person. But I’m glad I have the wisdom of the internet to correct my mistaken beliefs.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 2:16 am rating: 13
- #8.4 Canthz_B
  
  You also have the IRS letting you know that you’d get scads of money back if you had a few crumb-snatchers like your neighbors the crappy parents, but here’s your $16 tax return anyway.
  
  Frankly, I’ve had enough! I’m claiming my dog (and a number of ants who’ve lived in my home this year) as dependents. Just this year though, there was a Raid® and all of the ants died a few months ago.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 2:29 am rating: 11
- #8.5 Woman on the Verge
  
  I seem to have extra kids around. Anybody want to borrow one?
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 7:03 am rating: 3
- #8.6 bored@work
  
  Children on the Verge?
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 7:27 am rating: 20
- #8.7 divaandwriter
  
  Aha! I, too, am a single person with no children. I have been wondering why they trust me with box cutters around here.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 11:03 am rating: 8
- #8.8 bored@work
  
  They don’t trust you with them. They are hoping you will slit your wrists and end your worthless, childless existence….
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 2:50 pm rating: 8
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#9 Sonya

I gotta say that my favorite part of the janitor note is the “LET THE BIG DAWG EAT” sign in the corner.

Oct 26, 2010 at 9:51 pm rating: 28

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- #9.1 Kristina
  
  Let the Big Dawg Eat…
  
  Thats on the UGA campus for sure. Awesome!
  
  Oct 26, 2010 at 10:10 pm rating: 2
- #9.2 THE BIG DAWG
  
  OMM NOM NOM NOM * PA NOTES * FUCKING DELICIOUS * NOM
  
  Oct 26, 2010 at 11:21 pm rating: 10
- #9.3 Canthz_B
  
  Mangy cur is more like it.
  
  Oct 26, 2010 at 11:34 pm rating: 4
- #9.4 Woman on the Verge
  
  I hate you.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 7:04 am rating: 10
- #9.5 Canthz_B
  
  ♥ WotV. As reliable as clockwork, and as comforting as Quaker Oatmeal.
  
  *(why do I feel like moving my bowels now?)
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 7:13 am rating: 7
- #9.6 bored@work
  
  Let the Big Dawg Eat, safely.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 7:28 am rating: 10
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#10 Divvitar

Please, for the love of all that’s holy, don’t put a ratchet in your ear!

Oct 26, 2010 at 11:02 pm rating: 10

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- #10.1 pony girl
  
  Ya know what I hate?
  
  When I whack myself with a ball peen hammer.
  
  Oct 26, 2010 at 11:19 pm rating: 5
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#11 GaTech

To be fair, it is UGA. They aren’t bright. Remember the first time *you* saw MS Paint? Same thing.

Sincerely,

Your friends down the road at Georgia Tech

Oct 26, 2010 at 11:26 pm rating: 13

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#12 Canthz_B

This confirms what porn producers have known for decades.

A large Black man, behind a White woman shits money into the bank!

Oct 26, 2010 at 11:42 pm rating: 8

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#13 Odious

I don’t get it.

Fire hats are unsafe or are they safer without a fireman?

Don’t stick things in your ears?

If you see a radioactive sign, stretch your legs for safety?

If a black man wears a face shield, white women should don a mouth mask while shitting into a piggy bank?

Ladders are the safest alternative? Like, as opposed to taking the stairs?

Are there “smell lines” emanating from the socks on the upper left? Why?

Oct 26, 2010 at 11:47 pm rating: 22

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- #13.1 Woman on the Verge
  
  Is that an ear? I thought it was a kidney. Huh. Well, now it ALL makes sense.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 7:06 am rating: 4
- #13.2 Liz
  
  Actually, I think the things in the upper left corner are exploding safety shoes. What does that tell us? Better to wear loafers without steel toes than have blown-off feet!
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 8:25 pm rating: 3
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#14 Canthz_B

Don’t be fooled guys.

Our wives and children would be thrilled if we didn’t come home again due to an on-the-job incident.

Accidental death pays double indemnity, then there’s always that wrongful death suit settlement and Social Security survivor benefits.
So go ahead…work with reckless abandon.

You owe it to your loved ones!

Oct 27, 2010 at 12:32 am rating: 22

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- #14.1 Canthz_B
  
  Come to think of it, the sooner you kick the bucket, the longer your kids get SSI checks.
  
  WTF are you waiting for?! Jump onto that conveyor belt and take a ride into Martyrdom!
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 2:58 am rating: 6
- #14.2 eslinger
  
  But make sure you wear a mask when you do it. For safety’s sake.
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 6:11 pm rating: 4
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#15 FeRD

The best part of note #2: All of the pointless clip art it’s littered with has forced the actual CONTENT into such a small font, that it takes a heroic effort of will to actually find the message hidden on that piece of paper!

Because, that’s what you want in your signage: A message nobody will notice unless they concentrate real hard.

Oct 27, 2010 at 1:24 am rating: 10

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#16 FeRD

Also re note #2: I think when padlocks are growing legs and walking around, you have much bigger problems than just workplace safety!

Oct 27, 2010 at 1:29 am rating: 15

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- #16.1 Canthz_B
  
  Sure…that becomes a security issue!
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 2:23 am rating: 7
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#17 Canthz_B

Here’s an idea to remember:
Workplace items and medications can cause fires.
Be ready to think on a higher level.
Inspect your ears for radiation danger, before masking your nose (entire face if possible) and allowing Julio to lead you to safety…you’ll have to pay him first, so save a little cubicle cash in case of emergency.

Oct 27, 2010 at 3:10 am rating: 7

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#18 goose

Who the fuck is ANTOR?

Oct 27, 2010 at 4:42 am rating: 4

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#19 Rattus

WHO WILL THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN???!!!

Oct 27, 2010 at 8:00 am rating: 2

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#20 Nightfire

So.. Remember… Don’t kick the walking light bulb or your shoe will start on fire and the walking padlock will get a band-aid to cover the work gloves with after dropping a ladder on a mans head.

Oct 27, 2010 at 8:58 am rating: 3

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#21 matt

I believe the second note contains a subliminal message: The word “first” is next to the piggy bank, therefore money and profits come first.
Safety, thinking and remembering come last as indicated by smaller font. This is typical of subliminal marketing psychology. The average person taking a quick glance will only notice the largest word.

Oct 27, 2010 at 9:26 am rating: 2

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- #21.1 clumber
  
  “The average person taking a quick glance will only notice the largest word.” .. which is BIG DAWG EAT!
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 9:52 am rating: 9
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#22 Madrias

I think I unsafely exploded my brain trying to figure out the second note.

Oct 27, 2010 at 12:09 pm rating: 1

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- #22.1 Liz
  
  I think you’re supposed to stick a socket in your ear to relieve the pressure…
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 8:29 pm rating: 1
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#23 oi

That kid in the first note is creepy!

Oct 27, 2010 at 5:09 pm rating: 0

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- #23.1 eslinger
  
  It was all fun and games at Acme until someone got stabbed with the forklift. Now little Jimmy will never see his Daddy again.
  
  TMYK*
  
  Oct 27, 2010 at 6:16 pm rating: 0
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#24 TippingCows

I say gross out the children – bring home your hand independent of your body and use it to smack them while it’s still blood-stained.

Or better yet, hobble around on your peg leg while you beat them with your real leg. Maybe after you lose one of your eyes, laminate it and display it on the mantle as a reminder that you’re always watching them.

Oct 28, 2010 at 6:19 am rating: 1

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#25 Spoo

Thank God I’m childless, so that when I accidentally cut my leg off I won’t need to worry about disappointing anyone…except my mother…she did always warn me about running with scissors…d@mn!

Oct 28, 2010 at 3:28 pm rating: 0

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- #25.1 FeRD
  
  Yeah, but look at it this way — you’ll never run with scissors again! Problem Solved™!
  
  Oct 29, 2010 at 3:32 pm rating: 0
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