Although at first glance this card might seem pretty harmless, our submitter in Sacramento says she’s had enough experience with her new husband’s ultra-religious cousins to be able to read between the lines. (Just add “…before you’re both condemned to eternal damnation” to the end of the last sentence and you’ll get the idea.)
![Though we were saddened that you didn't marry in the church we are still happy for you. May God guide you in your new life together. May you have many years of wedding [sic] bliss.](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2504/3954240310_a1d42405b3_b.jpg "Though we were saddened that you didn't marry in the church we are still happy for you. May God guide you in your new life together. May you have many years of wedding [sic] bliss.")
Adds our bristling bride: “I felt like telling her she could keep her $50 and her guilt trip, too, but decided I would have my revenge by having a long, happy, secular marriage instead.”
related: Waiting for the Rapture (and/or a thank you note)
extra credit: the front of the card
94 responses so far ↓
#1
park rose
but decided I would have my revenge by having a long, happy, secular marriage instead and a $50 slap-up
smack-down?meal for two. Well, a meal, anyway. $50 doesn’t go too far nowadays.Oct 27, 2010 at 8:11 pm rating: 6
#2
Canthz_B
Maybe God will send an angel to tell the faithful relatives that it’s “wedded bliss”, not “wedding bliss”.
Oct 27, 2010 at 8:14 pm rating: 44
#3
Wonkette
That wedding dress might get a little uncomfortable if she has to wear it for “years of wedding bliss.”
Oct 27, 2010 at 8:19 pm rating: 16
#4
iam.jlj
So when did this site become “OverreactedtoNotes”?
I think Ya’all jumped the shark on this one.
Oct 27, 2010 at 8:19 pm rating: 14
#5
Canthz_B
If you can only scrape together $12.50 a head, just be happy you had something to eat and drink at the reception no matter where the wedding was held.
I mean, $12.50 doesn’t exactly buy you criticism rights, you cheap bastard.
Oct 27, 2010 at 8:23 pm rating: 16
#6
mo
I’m with Iam.jlj on this one – total overreaction on the part of the submitter.
Oct 27, 2010 at 8:28 pm rating: 8
#7
Hawley
In-laws specialize in passive-aggression. There’ll be another note like this when the happy couple doesn’t baptize their firstborn.
…are we related? We seem to have family in common.
Oct 27, 2010 at 8:35 pm rating: 35
#8
Mamie
Gratuitous criticism of their marriage is what I see, no overreaction there. And if you don’t see it as criticism, switch the words around to read: “Though we are saddened that you two are stupid enough to believe in a higher being, we are still happy for you. May reason guide you in your new life together.”
Make sense now? Good.
Oct 27, 2010 at 8:40 pm rating: 59
#9
Steff
May Thor practice his thunderous skills on you! 50 bucks? They won’t last anywhere near as long as my grin!
Oct 27, 2010 at 8:43 pm rating: 6
#10
pegolasgreenleaf
Well, hello there, gift horse – what a lovely mouth you have!
Oct 27, 2010 at 8:43 pm rating: 18
#11
Canthz_B
My wife and I were recently married at our local Hilton Hotel.
While that may not be a church, they sure billed as if they rule the universe!
Oct 27, 2010 at 9:27 pm rating: 11
#12
Divvitar
Dear Cousins, thank you for the $50.00 gift. My husband and I were so moved by your note, that we donated all of the money to our local Democratic Party. We wanted to help elect progressive, pro-choice candidates who want to make the world a better place. God bless you all!
Oct 27, 2010 at 9:59 pm rating: 63
#13
se
May the FSM gently caress you with His noodly appendages. All hail the FSM!!!!
Oct 27, 2010 at 10:49 pm rating: 23
#14
matt
hmm, I agree a little religion can be good for a marriage. Where would the world be if we didn’t have the kama sutra? ; )
Oct 27, 2010 at 11:27 pm rating: 10
#15
Tiffany
Uh wow, this sounds exactly like the type of card I’m expecting at my atheist wedding this upcoming summer from my Mormon family. And I too live in Sacramento. =) Glad to know there are other atheists around us here.
Oct 28, 2010 at 12:07 am rating: 16
#16
Evilbeagle
I don’t believe this is an overreaction at all. Whether the relatives are “saddened” by choices that aren’t theirs to begin with or not has no place in a greeting card. They are just trying to drive home their disappointment in an inappropriate way. Is there an appropriate way to shove one’s beliefs down the throats of others? No, but this is probably one of the most inappropriate, not to mention cowardly ways one could do it.
I’m so glad my atheist wedding was not plagued by this sort of thing. It makes me really appreciate that my family respects me enough not to inject their unwanted opinions about the way I should live my life into personal milestones.
The card would have been fine with a simple, “congratulations”.
Oct 28, 2010 at 5:36 am rating: 39
#17
Odious
I’ve been to many secular and non-religious weddings but have never heard of one where atheism was the theme.
Oct 28, 2010 at 5:38 am rating: 1
#18
Evilbeagle
I don’t know about others, Odious, but atheism was not a “theme” at my wedding, though it was an atheist wedding because two atheists married in a secular setting. At least that’s what I meant by it.
Oct 28, 2010 at 5:57 am rating: 11
#19
TippingCows
I couldn’t resist a note around Christmastime:
“I’m saddened that you choose to celebrate the birth of a person that may or may not have lived a couple of thousand years ago rather than the winter solstice, but I hope you have a merry, materialistic holiday nonetheless.
Here’s your 50 bucks back,
The Heathens”
Oct 28, 2010 at 6:16 am rating: 46
#20
Woman on the Verge
This note is a perfect example of the phrase, “Holier than thou”.
Oct 28, 2010 at 6:48 am rating: 19
#21
bored@work
Though we were saddened that you felt the need to pass judgment on our union, we are still happy to accept your “cheap-ass” $50.00. May God guide you deeper into your pockets in the future. May you have many years before we hear from you again.
Love,
Oct 28, 2010 at 7:37 am rating: 28
#22
GhostWriter
Thanks for the advice, but instead of letting God guide us to Honeymoon Cove, I think we’ll bring along the GPS.
Oct 28, 2010 at 8:34 am rating: 9
#23
divaandwriter
Hmmm. For $50 and the price of a card you get to act like sanctimonious idiots. Not a bad deal!
I’m a pretty religious person myself, and even I find this card annoying. It is a prime example of passive-aggressive art at its best.
Oct 28, 2010 at 10:02 am rating: 24
#24
Nightfire
I hate when people try to shove their religious beliefs down other people’s throats.
Instead of choosing to be happy this couple got married, they decided to mar the greeting card over something as petty as where the ceremony took place.
Oct 28, 2010 at 11:41 am rating: 16
#25
Will
Both parties are being passive aggressive. The relatives with the awkward religious message, and the submitter with the obnoxious “I’ll keep your gift and make fun of you on the internet” response.
A pox on both their houses.
Oct 28, 2010 at 12:05 pm rating: 9
#26
aaa
Hm, well cousins, Thor is already blessing our marriage and he totally pwns your god. Thanks for the money, though.
Oct 28, 2010 at 12:10 pm rating: 12
#27
mutzali
Religious passive aggression is the best! He was raised Baptist and I was raised Catholic (though we’re both atheist now). We married 33 yrs ago in a Baptist church. Recently, my MIL said “If you’d gotten married in a Catholic church, I would not have attended!” my response: “Why didn’t you tell me that back in 1977???”
Oct 28, 2010 at 1:20 pm rating: 35
#28
merlin
Thou hast offended the true God. prepare for the end
Oct 28, 2010 at 8:11 pm rating: 1
#29
Antigirl
The title of the post PERFECTLY captures the sentiment of the card.
Oct 28, 2010 at 8:14 pm rating: 3
#30 Friday Link Roundup #21 | No Forbidden Questions
[...] you’re writing a card to congratulate someone on their wedding, it’s probably it’s a good idea to leave out any clauses that start with “Though [...]
Oct 29, 2010 at 12:27 pm rating: 3
#31
Susan
I’m puzzled by the people who don’t see the passive-aggressiveness here. This is one of the few truly passive-aggressive — as opposed to just plain aggressive and angry — notes on the site. Don’t get me wrong. The aggressive notes are very funny. But this one is classic.
Think about it — why on earth mention your disappointment they didn’t marry in the church in your congratulatory note? And the “still”? “We are still happy for you”? Come on, people — this note screams “you are going to hell,” while still, on the surface, allowing the sender to innocently shrug his shoulders and say “what, I said I wanted you to be happy, right?” What could be more passive-aggressive than that?
Oct 30, 2010 at 11:22 am rating: 14
#32
Texshan
Wow, I see a lot of atheist/agnostic people here who are looking for ways to be offended. Do I think the card was a little PA? Yes. But at least the relatives took the time to send a card and $50. For some people, $50 is a lot of money. Apparently it’s not to many of you. In that case, I’m glad I don’t know you, as my gift probably wouldn’t “measure up” in your eyes if you were to get married. You are too busy finding fault with the relatives’ gift and making fun of them to appreciate anything. What a bunch of petty whiners.
Oct 30, 2010 at 6:28 pm rating: 3
#33
Texshan
Families are weird and annoying and you just have to be willing to ignore it or laugh it off, unless you want to become known as the humorless “holier”-than-thou person everyone dreads having to spend time with at holidays and other family get-togethers. Do I have relatives who have pissed me off? You bet. But they are family and, unless they are truly toxic, I need to turn the other cheek (to borrow a line from the book so many of you object to). The main point I was making was that these family members were being a little PA, but at least they celebrated the bride and groom’s wedding. I’ve had plenty of family members question my life choices (remaining single, not having kids, leaving the church I was raised in, etc.), but you take the bad with the good. You people sound like a real joy to be around.
Nov 7, 2010 at 7:57 pm rating: 2
#34
JJG
Wow, can’t wait ’til I get these type of cards from my family. That’s what I get for leaving the Mormon “church” though…
Nov 9, 2010 at 10:04 am rating: 3
#35
Lauren
Wow, ya’ll. Way to knock the 50 bucks. Yeah, it’s a enough for a dinner at a restaurant… or to pay half my power bill, or for that oil change the car can’t keep going without.
I totally agree that the note is definitely PA and inappropriate, but some of us are poor! Also, from cousins-in-law (not immediate family), who presumably have two children draining their bank accounts, it’s definitely an appropriate amount to give.
I think that the key to recognizing how PA the note sounds is the focus on the ‘P’- Of COURSE they’re happy, just, they would have been happier… which means, basically, “You have displeased us.” Nice.
Nov 12, 2010 at 12:36 pm rating: 5
#36
pony girl
that wedding card makes the baby jesus cry
Nov 12, 2010 at 1:06 pm rating: 2
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