Best wishes, godless heathens!

October 27th, 2010 · 94 comments

Although at first glance this card might seem pretty harmless, our submitter in Sacramento says she’s had enough experience with her new husband’s ultra-religious cousins to be able to read between the lines. (Just add “…before you’re both condemned to eternal damnation” to the end of the last sentence and you’ll get the idea.)

Though we were saddened that you didn't marry in the church we are still happy for you. May God guide you in your new life together. May you have many years of wedding [sic] bliss.

Adds our bristling bride: “I felt like telling her she could keep her $50 and her guilt trip, too, but decided I would have my revenge by having a long, happy, secular marriage instead.”

related: Waiting for the Rapture (and/or a thank you note)

extra credit: the front of the card

FILED UNDER: family · Jesus · love & marriage · Sacramento · signed with love


94 responses so far ↓

  • #1   park rose bang

    but decided I would have my revenge by having a long, happy, secular marriage instead and a $50 slap-up smack-down? meal for two. Well, a meal, anyway. $50 doesn’t go too far nowadays.

    Oct 27, 2010 at 8:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Canthz_B bang

    Maybe God will send an angel to tell the faithful relatives that it’s “wedded bliss”, not “wedding bliss”.

    Oct 27, 2010 at 8:14 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   anglophile bang

      I pray to the Grammar Angel every night before I go to bed that those who are afflicted with poor grammar skills might be healed and comforted. I don’t think I’m being heard. :(

      Oct 27, 2010 at 8:38 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   park rose bang

      That’s the genulflective case, right, glo? When you drop down on one knee, cross yourself, and pray that the syntax in Now I lay me down to sleep miraculously rights itself? I think the Grammar Angel is a prescriptivist, circa King James edition. Your prayers are being heard alright, sister! I think that angel puts the fun in fundamentalist ;)

      Oct 27, 2010 at 9:03 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   fan bang

      Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

      Thank you ‘glo for the prayers. As you know, I need those prayers. They may or may not be helping. When I am gone, you will make sure they do a good job on the gravestone,won’t you? I wouldn’t want any embarrasssing mistakes that would be seen by one and all for the rest of all time.

      I am greatly comforted. I love you.

      Thanks again you guys for making room for me in the handbasket. ♥

      Oct 27, 2010 at 10:50 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   AuntyBron

      As ye liveth, Fan, so shall it be for all eternity.

      Oct 27, 2010 at 11:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Arrrrrrrrg!

      Stop stop stop, no bantering!

      Oct 28, 2010 at 12:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.6   Mo® bang

      Verily I say unto thee endeth not on a preposition or I shall smite thee.

      Ah-men.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 1:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.7   bob

      anglophile – that would be grammatical skills :P

      Oct 28, 2010 at 1:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Wonkette

    That wedding dress might get a little uncomfortable if she has to wear it for “years of wedding bliss.”

    Oct 27, 2010 at 8:19 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Canthz_B bang

      She shoots…SHE SCORES!!!!!

      Oct 27, 2010 at 9:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   iam.jlj

    So when did this site become “OverreactedtoNotes”?

    I think Ya’all jumped the shark on this one.

    Oct 27, 2010 at 8:19 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Canthz_B bang

      Talk about jumping the shark! How can you say that after only three comments are posted?
      Or are you just whoring your stupid website?

      God hates you. You owe us $50.00

      Oct 27, 2010 at 8:28 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   park rose bang

      Dear iam.jlj,
      Though we were saddened that you didn’t have so much to say, we were still happy that you commented, used a strange contraction, and an oblique, yet trendy expression*. May your observation be blessed with snappiness and a love that lasts forever. May God guide us in this new thread together and may you have many years of taking the piss.

      *When did jumping the shark, jump the shark?

      Oct 27, 2010 at 8:29 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   FeRD bang

      I don’t know, but I’m disappointed there’s no sharksjumpingsharks.com where we could learn more about it!

      (…OK, that’s a lie. I’m just bummed because that URL doesn’t lead to a porn site, even though it sounds like some sort of obscure fetish. Yer lettin’ me down, smuttynet!) :(

      Oct 27, 2010 at 10:30 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   GhostWriter bang

      Have we gotten so used to vulgarities, racial slurs, and pink penii on this site, that when a solid gold passive-aggressive note (such as this fine example) does appear, it’s labeled as too milquetoast?

      I wish all the notes demonstrated classic passive-aggressiveness as smartly as does this note!

      Oct 28, 2010 at 8:26 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   ammali

      Yeah, I agree. This doesn’t seem so bad at all.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 9:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   shwonline bang

      Rose, that’s no strange contraction. Ya’all is the indescribable demon beast from HP Lovecraft’s “The Great Barrier Reef of Madness,” in which said beast leaps over a great white shark to devour the soul of the narrator’s whiny sidekick, known only by the initials J.L.J.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 10:46 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   park rose

      Nice one, shwonline. And congratulations on word! I see you’ve got a theme going ;)

      Oct 28, 2010 at 12:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   iam.jlj

      @C.B.- hazing, attacking, bullying. Thanks. *smiles*

      @P.R. – sorry, good, thank you, amen.
      *apparently yesterday

      @S – true. http://dubofadubofadub.blogspot.com/2010/10/great-barrier-reef-of-madness_28.html

      @my supporters – I like ya’all and I’m a whore so that means I will sex you cheap.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 7:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    If you can only scrape together $12.50 a head, just be happy you had something to eat and drink at the reception no matter where the wedding was held.
    I mean, $12.50 doesn’t exactly buy you criticism rights, you cheap bastard.

    Oct 27, 2010 at 8:23 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   mo

    I’m with Iam.jlj on this one – total overreaction on the part of the submitter.

    Oct 27, 2010 at 8:28 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Canthz_B bang

      Huh? She didn’t react to the relatives at all, much less overreact. She submitted the card to PAN.

      Yes, injecting your sadness that your own religious beliefs were not observed by another into their happy occasion is very PA and the card belongs here.

      Do they expect the happy couple to have a “do-over” ceremony in a house of worship for their benefit?

      Oct 27, 2010 at 8:41 pm   rating: 61  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Flaboy2425

      Not just a house of worship but the note senders house of worship. Some organized religions think they are the only denomination that is going to heaven. I’m sure they will be unpleasantly surprised when, and if, they get there.

      Oct 27, 2010 at 9:17 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   farcical aquatic ceremony

      @6.3–And let’s not overlook the CRAZY ass underlining. To my mind–although he/she almost certainly did it unconsciously–in underlining: “May your marriage be blessed with happiness–and love that lasts forever”, the card-writer was saying that it’s their OWN view of “marriage”, their OWN concept of what a ‘blessing’ is, and their OWN definition of “happiness” that are to be celebrated, i.e., not those of the heathen newlyweds.

      Oct 27, 2010 at 11:12 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Rattus

      Not overreacting at all, as far as I’m concerned. I got a little angry just reading the stinking thing.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 8:10 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   Lidda

      Yep, I suffered a similar sentiment from several family members. My husband and I were told we wouldn’t have a real marriage until, quote, “our union was blessed by the church”.

      I won’t mention the fact that most of them are divorced now. Or the fact that my heathen husband and I have been happily married for 16 years.

      Guess we were blessed after all.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 9:21 am   rating: 38  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.6   Rattus

      Yep. My atheist husband and my atheist self have been married for 23 years and are determined to see it through to its natural end (we are quite content, though). My estranged, conservative, bible-thumping dad is currently on wife number five. Or maybe six – I stopped counting quite some time ago.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 9:30 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.7   DanielMac

      Yeah, there was no overreaction here, and this note is classic passive-aggressiveness. There’s a lot of hurt dealt out by family members who care more about religious concerns than the happiness and well-being of other relatives. I’ve got relatives who decided not to come to my wedding when they learned it wasn’t going to be in a Catholic church. To anyone who thinks this note isn’t that bad, I can guarantee that there’s a ton more shit-talking and judgment where it came from.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 5:46 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.8   The Elf

      Yes, that crazy underlining! My father-in-law likes to underline words in pre-printed cards too. Sometimes he double underlines words that are especially important, such as “Son” (to make it really clear that the card is not intended for both of us, I guess.) I get it. You really wish them happiness. Really, really, really most sincerely wish them happiness. Even though the thought of their godless marriage sickens and frightens you and you want them to fail to prove you right. You’re really happy. For them. Totally.

      I just can’t get over that damn underlining.

      Oh, and we’ve got more than a decade of being happily (and secularly) married while mad-ass underlining (born again) FIL recently divorced wife #3.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 12:20 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Hawley

    In-laws specialize in passive-aggression. There’ll be another note like this when the happy couple doesn’t baptize their firstborn.

    …are we related? We seem to have family in common.

    Oct 27, 2010 at 8:35 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Mamie

    Gratuitous criticism of their marriage is what I see, no overreaction there. And if you don’t see it as criticism, switch the words around to read: “Though we are saddened that you two are stupid enough to believe in a higher being, we are still happy for you. May reason guide you in your new life together.”

    Make sense now? Good.

    Oct 27, 2010 at 8:40 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   anglophile bang

      I predict that there will be many commenters to come who say it’s no big deal, and I suspect 95% of them will be religious themselves. They of course got married in church and believe absolutely without doubt that everyone would be better with a little religion.

      Oct 27, 2010 at 8:49 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   mo

      Who called anyone stupid? Where in that note was the word stupid used?

      And for the record, I got married in a secular wedding chapel and I haven’t gone to church for at least 10 years. I’m not religious.

      Oct 27, 2010 at 8:50 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Canthz_B bang

      Glo, everyone would be better with a little religion. Trouble is, religions tend to get big.
      They’re so cute when they’re still little cults, then they grow up, get too big for their britches and forget where they came from.

      Oct 27, 2010 at 9:00 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   MannCo bang

      ho mo

      Oct 27, 2010 at 9:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   park rose bang

      mo, part of me agrees with you that it is an overreaction. It is the “still” and the declaration of what the in-laws would have preferred that kind of tips me the other way. However, I know that I am often not that clear in what I really feel when I write something out, and could write something insulting without meaning too. My grandmother was very religious and had the proverbial heart of gold (Neil Young wants it back – I know, I know). She was of a generation and background which couldn’t imagine not being religious, and all of that was part of her personality which was not overbearing (what a sentence!) But hell, it’s PAN, so if you disagree with the submitter, make a witty comment about her such as pegolasgreenleaf just did down there at 10, and I attempted to up there at 1 (*sigh* a wasted first).

      Oct 27, 2010 at 9:12 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   Woman on the Verge bang

      Dear Mamie,

      I think I love you.

      love,

      WotV

      Oct 28, 2010 at 6:40 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   clumber

      ♥♥Team Mamie!♥♥

      Oct 28, 2010 at 9:25 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   ammali

      @ anglophile: I got married on the beach, am only moderately religious (haven’t been to church in years), and I think the note is no big deal. People are just too sensitive these days, I think, and those who look for passive-aggression are naturally going to see it everywhere.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 9:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.9   Canthz_B bang

      ammali, the point is not whether or not it’s a big deal. It’s PA because it is totally inappropriate to tell someone that their choice of wedding venue has caused you sadness, at the same time you congratulate them on their marriage.

      That’s like slapping you with their left hand and offering you an ice pack with their right.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 12:23 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.10   Canthz_B bang

      Also PA because it’s designed to cause a certain degree of guilt in the recipient.
      Some people think that they can never be wrong if they are doing something to promote Faith, but rude is rude even in the name of God.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 12:57 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.11   newbie

      Longtime reader, first time poster. I wanted to add to this because of the people saying the card is not a big deal. I had pretty much the same thing happen with my husband’s grandmother, except there was a build up to the PA card we got from her.

      When she found out that we weren’t getting married in a church, she flipped out and told us that we were getting married in a church, and that was just the way it was (note she didn’t help us pay for the wedding; we paid for it ourselves). Then she went home, consulted her bible, and came to the conclusion that Jesus didn’t always preach in a church, so it was okay that we weren’t getting married in one. THEN she found out we were getting married by a justice of the peace instead of a priest. I would be here all day if I were to tell you how that went.

      After many months of her telling us where we were getting married, and by whom, my husband and I had our wedding the way we wanted it. In our lovely religious-themed card from her, she ended with, “Remember that if you feel like welcoming Jesus into your marriage, you can always have it blessed.”

      The poster doesn’t say if there was any build up to the card, but if her “ultra-religious” cousins-in-law are anything like my husband’s grandmother, that was likely not the first time they’ve made a passive aggressive remark about the situation. I agree with everything that’s already been said about why the card is PA. If the cousins have said anything before, I think it makes this an even bigger big deal.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 1:31 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.12   Susan

      Right on, Mamie. I can just picture the graduation card:

      “Though we are saddened you didn’t go to medical school, we still wish you happiness in your art career.”

      Or the congratulations on the birth of the first child:

      “Though we are saddened you didn’t name your child after Uncle Methuselah, we are still happy for you.”

      Take religion out of this equation and you can easily see how wildly inappropriate it is to insert the words “though we are saddened” into any congratulatory card.

      Oct 30, 2010 at 11:32 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.13   J. Allyson

      I agree it’s PA, but I don’t think it implies that the couple isn’t religious. The note refers to “the church” as if it’s a family church they all attend, or used to attend, together. It’s possible the couple chose to marry on the beach or in their backyard instead of in the church, and, since some churches won’t send a priest/minister to officiate a wedding not in a church, the couple would have had to find another minister. Maybe the cousins are upset that the couple was married by a nondenominational minister, or something like that, instead of in the family church. I know my parents would have been. We were married in a church, just not our family church, and that was enough for our families, but they would have been upset if we’d married outside (I don’t think any Catholic priest will officiate an outdoor wedding.)

      I didn’t read the note (the first time) to mean that the blessings had a double meaning. Just that they wished the couple had married in the church with the family’s pastor. But, I could be wrong.

      Nov 8, 2010 at 3:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.14   anglophile bang

      The submitter herself, the recipient, has described her marriage as secular. It might come as news to you, Allyson, but not everyone in the world needs religious sanction to live their lives how they see fit. Some people are perfectly happy not getting involved with any kind of religion at all. Just something to think about.

      Nov 8, 2010 at 4:45 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Steff

    May Thor practice his thunderous skills on you! 50 bucks? They won’t last anywhere near as long as my grin!

    Oct 27, 2010 at 8:43 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   pegolasgreenleaf

    Well, hello there, gift horse – what a lovely mouth you have!

    Oct 27, 2010 at 8:43 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    My wife and I were recently married at our local Hilton Hotel.

    While that may not be a church, they sure billed as if they rule the universe!

    Oct 27, 2010 at 9:27 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Divvitar

    Dear Cousins, thank you for the $50.00 gift. My husband and I were so moved by your note, that we donated all of the money to our local Democratic Party. We wanted to help elect progressive, pro-choice candidates who want to make the world a better place. God bless you all!

    Oct 27, 2010 at 9:59 pm   rating: 63  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Emily

      Great idea! Even better yet, donate it in the name of the obnoxious cousins. Beat them at their own passive aggressive game.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 1:09 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   clumber

      See, that is exactly the sort of oneupmanship originality that I have come to rely upon from the PAN comments! HURRAH!

      Oct 28, 2010 at 9:27 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   se bang

    May the FSM gently caress you with His noodly appendages. All hail the FSM!!!!

    Oct 27, 2010 at 10:49 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Mark bang

      RAmen!

      Oct 28, 2010 at 9:30 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   matt

    hmm, I agree a little religion can be good for a marriage. Where would the world be if we didn’t have the kama sutra? ; )

    Oct 27, 2010 at 11:27 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      A lot less crowded, that’s for sure! :lol:

      Oct 28, 2010 at 12:35 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   oi

      CB that’s brilliant!

      Oct 28, 2010 at 11:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Tiffany

    Uh wow, this sounds exactly like the type of card I’m expecting at my atheist wedding this upcoming summer from my Mormon family. And I too live in Sacramento. =) Glad to know there are other atheists around us here.

    Oct 28, 2010 at 12:07 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Evilbeagle

    I don’t believe this is an overreaction at all. Whether the relatives are “saddened” by choices that aren’t theirs to begin with or not has no place in a greeting card. They are just trying to drive home their disappointment in an inappropriate way. Is there an appropriate way to shove one’s beliefs down the throats of others? No, but this is probably one of the most inappropriate, not to mention cowardly ways one could do it.

    I’m so glad my atheist wedding was not plagued by this sort of thing. It makes me really appreciate that my family respects me enough not to inject their unwanted opinions about the way I should live my life into personal milestones.

    The card would have been fine with a simple, “congratulations”.

    Oct 28, 2010 at 5:36 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Spoo

      Yep, totally inappropriate, and perfectly passive-aggressive.

      Gotta love those relatives! x p

      Oct 28, 2010 at 3:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Odious

    I’ve been to many secular and non-religious weddings but have never heard of one where atheism was the theme.

    Oct 28, 2010 at 5:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Canthz_B bang

      The theme of weddings is marriage. Doesn’t matter if it’s a religious or secular setting.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 12:14 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Evilbeagle

    I don’t know about others, Odious, but atheism was not a “theme” at my wedding, though it was an atheist wedding because two atheists married in a secular setting. At least that’s what I meant by it.

    Oct 28, 2010 at 5:57 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   TippingCows

    I couldn’t resist a note around Christmastime:

    “I’m saddened that you choose to celebrate the birth of a person that may or may not have lived a couple of thousand years ago rather than the winter solstice, but I hope you have a merry, materialistic holiday nonetheless.

    Here’s your 50 bucks back,

    The Heathens”

    Oct 28, 2010 at 6:16 am   rating: 46  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Woman on the Verge bang

    This note is a perfect example of the phrase, “Holier than thou”.

    Oct 28, 2010 at 6:48 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   park rose

      So is a doughnut. ;)

      Oct 28, 2010 at 12:11 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   bored@work

    Though we were saddened that you felt the need to pass judgment on our union, we are still happy to accept your “cheap-ass” $50.00. May God guide you deeper into your pockets in the future. May you have many years before we hear from you again.

    Love,

    Oct 28, 2010 at 7:37 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   GhostWriter bang

    Thanks for the advice, but instead of letting God guide us to Honeymoon Cove, I think we’ll bring along the GPS.

    Oct 28, 2010 at 8:34 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   divaandwriter bang

    Hmmm. For $50 and the price of a card you get to act like sanctimonious idiots. Not a bad deal!

    I’m a pretty religious person myself, and even I find this card annoying. It is a prime example of passive-aggressive art at its best.

    Oct 28, 2010 at 10:02 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Nightfire bang

    I hate when people try to shove their religious beliefs down other people’s throats.

    Instead of choosing to be happy this couple got married, they decided to mar the greeting card over something as petty as where the ceremony took place.

    Oct 28, 2010 at 11:41 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Will

    Both parties are being passive aggressive. The relatives with the awkward religious message, and the submitter with the obnoxious “I’ll keep your gift and make fun of you on the internet” response.
    A pox on both their houses.

    Oct 28, 2010 at 12:05 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   bored@work

      Considering the theme, perhaps a plague of locusts might be more appropriate.

      Oct 28, 2010 at 12:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   aaa bang

    Hm, well cousins, Thor is already blessing our marriage and he totally pwns your god. Thanks for the money, though.

    Oct 28, 2010 at 12:10 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   mutzali

    Religious passive aggression is the best! He was raised Baptist and I was raised Catholic (though we’re both atheist now). We married 33 yrs ago in a Baptist church. Recently, my MIL said “If you’d gotten married in a Catholic church, I would not have attended!” my response: “Why didn’t you tell me that back in 1977???”

    Oct 28, 2010 at 1:20 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   merlin

    Thou hast offended the true God. prepare for the end

    Oct 28, 2010 at 8:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Antigirl

    The title of the post PERFECTLY captures the sentiment of the card. :)

    Oct 28, 2010 at 8:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Friday Link Roundup #21 | No Forbidden Questions

    [...] you’re writing a card to congratulate someone on their wedding, it’s probably it’s a good idea to leave out any clauses that start with “Though [...]

    Oct 29, 2010 at 12:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Susan

    I’m puzzled by the people who don’t see the passive-aggressiveness here. This is one of the few truly passive-aggressive — as opposed to just plain aggressive and angry — notes on the site. Don’t get me wrong. The aggressive notes are very funny. But this one is classic.

    Think about it — why on earth mention your disappointment they didn’t marry in the church in your congratulatory note? And the “still”? “We are still happy for you”? Come on, people — this note screams “you are going to hell,” while still, on the surface, allowing the sender to innocently shrug his shoulders and say “what, I said I wanted you to be happy, right?” What could be more passive-aggressive than that?

    Oct 30, 2010 at 11:22 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Texshan

    Wow, I see a lot of atheist/agnostic people here who are looking for ways to be offended. Do I think the card was a little PA? Yes. But at least the relatives took the time to send a card and $50. For some people, $50 is a lot of money. Apparently it’s not to many of you. In that case, I’m glad I don’t know you, as my gift probably wouldn’t “measure up” in your eyes if you were to get married. You are too busy finding fault with the relatives’ gift and making fun of them to appreciate anything. What a bunch of petty whiners.

    Oct 30, 2010 at 6:28 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Susan

      Texshan, though we’re saddened that you find us to be petty whiners, we’re still happy you found time to read through all the comments and tell us so.

      Oct 30, 2010 at 9:08 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   anglophile bang

      It’s real easy not to upset agnostics or atheists in this case, Texshan. Just don’t go around hinting that their marriage is doomed along with their everlasting souls in their wedding card.

      They took the time to criticize their life choices in their wedding card.

      Do you really not see how insulting that is?

      Oct 30, 2010 at 9:34 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.3   Canthz_B bang

      Yup, I for one appreciate it when someone tells me that I have saddened them by the way I choose to live my life.
      In fact, I go out of my way to find insulting instances. It’s what I live for.
      I also go out of my way to NOT insult people of faith by pointing out to them that I’m saddened that they still believe in fairy-tales and have totally abandoned intellectual pursuits wherever and whenever they conflict with the narrative of the fairy-tale, for no other reason than that it would require that they question their faith.
      See no Evil, Hear no Evil, Speak no Evil is a philosophy so much better than open-minded exploration of empirical evidence, that I would be wrong to point to actual facts.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 2:41 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.4   Antigirl

      You think it was nice of them to “take the time” to send a card and money, and that gives them the right to criticize the way the couple chose to get married? Really?? “Here’s $50 and a f- you, enjoy!” I’d rather they keep their money, their card, and their condescending opinion to themselves.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 6:53 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.5   Evilbeagle

      I’m assuming you are religious in some form or another, Texshan. How about this? If an atheist relative or friend were to send you a card for your wedding that stated how saddened they were by your church wedding/religious belief, and basically expressed the sentiment this card did, I’ve little doubt you would be insulted.

      Most people would not send a card like this if they had even an ounce of respect for the person receiving the card. As an atheist, I wouldn’t dream of saying something along this line to a religious person, and if I am invited to a church wedding and care about the people getting married enough to go, I suck it up and go to the church. It is not my place to criticize their choices any more than it is the religious person to criticize mine.

      This card was in horribly bad taste. I would return the card and the gift had I received it as Antigirl would have. Self righteous people like this have no place in a normal person’s life.

      Nov 7, 2010 at 6:22 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Texshan

    Families are weird and annoying and you just have to be willing to ignore it or laugh it off, unless you want to become known as the humorless “holier”-than-thou person everyone dreads having to spend time with at holidays and other family get-togethers. Do I have relatives who have pissed me off? You bet. But they are family and, unless they are truly toxic, I need to turn the other cheek (to borrow a line from the book so many of you object to). The main point I was making was that these family members were being a little PA, but at least they celebrated the bride and groom’s wedding. I’ve had plenty of family members question my life choices (remaining single, not having kids, leaving the church I was raised in, etc.), but you take the bad with the good. You people sound like a real joy to be around.

    Nov 7, 2010 at 7:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   Evilbeagle

      I would have to disagree. The senders of this card are very toxic. There is a difference between the family member that has a discussion about your life choices with you and does so on a respectful level, and one who sends blatantly rude and disrespectful cards under the guise of congratulating you. This was in no way respectful, and more than just a little PA. I would take the P out of the equation if I am honest.

      I do agree that there are always family members that are weird or annoying, but again, big difference between creepy Uncle Bob who saves nail clippings in a jar, and holier than thou so and so that sends rude cards. There is no excuse for this kind of lapse in basic etiquette, and when it takes a stab at those life choices in the way that it has, then it’s really not even worth accepting the present. They are not celebrating the wedding. They are criticizing it and tearing it down, and if someone had done something like this to them, they would react in similar or worse manner. Let’s put it this way, if they are sending cards like this, the things they must be saying behind this couple’s back must be incredibly… interesting.

      Not having people like this in one’s life makes for increased life joy. So yes, we are probably a joy to be around because we don’t surround ourselves with negativity.

      Nov 8, 2010 at 6:17 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.2   anglophile bang

      The reason you think a comment like this is “a little PA” is probably because you would make a comment like that yourself, Tex.

      Seriously, it is grossly inappropriate to tell a supposed loved family member that their marriage made them sad. In the card whose sole purpose is to congratulate them on their marriage.

      Nov 8, 2010 at 7:15 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #33.3   Canthz_B bang

      Tex, Atheists and Agnostics don’t object to the Bible. They don’t believe in, or question the existence of a great and glorious God.

      Why do “you people” always characterize people in such a negative light if they don’t happen to share your belief in invisible super-beings?
      You don’t sound much like a joy to be around. Nowhere near like Christ-like in your attitudes towards people. Try reading that Good Book again, like so many of “us” have.

      Nov 10, 2010 at 6:00 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #34   JJG

    Wow, can’t wait ’til I get these type of cards from my family. That’s what I get for leaving the Mormon “church” though…

    Nov 9, 2010 at 10:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #35   Lauren

    Wow, ya’ll. Way to knock the 50 bucks. Yeah, it’s a enough for a dinner at a restaurant… or to pay half my power bill, or for that oil change the car can’t keep going without.

    I totally agree that the note is definitely PA and inappropriate, but some of us are poor! Also, from cousins-in-law (not immediate family), who presumably have two children draining their bank accounts, it’s definitely an appropriate amount to give.

    I think that the key to recognizing how PA the note sounds is the focus on the ‘P’- Of COURSE they’re happy, just, they would have been happier… which means, basically, “You have displeased us.” Nice.

    Nov 12, 2010 at 12:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Canthz_B bang

      Lauren, you have a bit of a point, but here’s a rule of thumb to consider.

      If the reception dinner is costing the bride and groom $30 to $50 per plate, unless you give at least that much, you aren’t giving a gift at all…you’re costing them money.

      These people rolled in four-deep with shallow pockets and had the nerve to be saddened by something?

      Nov 12, 2010 at 4:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.2   tossing in the holy hand grenade of dissent

      I agree with Lauren: the size of the gift was definitely not ‘wrong’ — a bride and groom should NEVER expect that their guests’ gifts will recoup for them the costs of their event. The happy couple should spend only what they can afford to part with, and their thinking when inviting guests should be that they want to be with loved ones on that special day–NOT that the value of the person’s attending lies in how much their gift cost.
      The converse of this is that those who claim the status of ‘loved one of bride and/or groom’ have to LIVE their claim, i.e., truly BE loving and supportive, which includes NOT denigrating the bride & groom’s core beliefs.

      Nov 12, 2010 at 9:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #35.3   Zarah

      “If the reception dinner is costing the bride and groom $30 to $50 per plate, unless you give at least that much, you aren’t giving a gift at all…you’re costing them money.”

      This is why I’ve never attended any wedding I was invited to.

      Nov 17, 2010 at 9:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   pony girl

    that wedding card makes the baby jesus cry

    Nov 12, 2010 at 1:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     

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