Papa’s John

October 31st, 2010 · 82 comments

If you needed another reason to be happy you don’t live in Utah, Justin brings us this explosion of bad ideas from a Provo office park.

I put this in the bathroom (to act as an air freshener) b/c when you crap and leave the door open the smell comes down the hall into my office. I can't work when I smell your BM. If I can't work, I can't make money to buy food for my kids. That can't be very healthy for my kids not to eat. Please shut the door after you crap so I don't have to smell it!!! Thanks!

(I’m going with “Team None-of-the-Above” for this one.)

Why did you put this in the bathroom trash? It makes me really uncomfortable to go to the bathroom when I smell food...Sometimes I can't go, & this is really unhealthy for my body!

I put this in the bathroom (to act as an air freshener) b/c when you crap and leave the door open the smell comes down the hall into my office. I can't work when I smell your BM. If I can't work, I can't make money to buy food for my kids. That can't be very healthy for my kids not to eat. Please shut the door after you crap so I don't have to smell it!!! Thanks!

related: The bathroom walls are NOT soundproof.

extra credit: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pizza Air Freshener

FILED UNDER: bathroom · guilt trip · odor · pizza · Provo · questionable logic · rebuttals · shit · that's disgusting · that's unhealthy · toilet · Utah · WTF?


82 responses so far ↓

  • #1   TippingCows

    My question is – which note came first? It could seem like the small one came first. In fact I am 90% sure of it. But wouldn’t it be funny if the crapper was making fun of the smeller?
    Also, can’t the smeller just close his door and/or put a candle in there or something?
    I think Moronism Mormonism drives people to insanity, and this is the result.

    Oct 31, 2010 at 10:22 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   VerityBrown bang

      What on earth does Mormonism have to do with these notes??? Making unrelated, sneering comments about a cultural group is disgustingly PA…something that, alas, is happening more and more often here.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 12:23 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   JetJackson

      Notes were found in Utah where reportedly 60.7% of the population are Mormon. Not saying that makes it ok but it is not as if the reference was pulled out of thin air.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 1:06 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Canthz_B bang

      Oh, Crap! Moron Mormon jokes are NOT happening more and more here. There are only Mormon jokes on notes from Utah…and there hasn’t been one of those for some time now.
      Persecution complex = Not cool.

      Close your door so we don’t have to read that shit, I can’t concentrate on formulating a humorous comment to address the notes if I get a whiff of persecution complex!

      Nov 1, 2010 at 2:00 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   jadefirefly

      Holy shit! PA comments on PAnotes?! Say it ain’t so!

      Nov 1, 2010 at 3:28 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   Odious

      verity, did you even read the first sentence of the post?

      Nov 1, 2010 at 6:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   Rattus

      Did anyone else snort with glee seeing a complaint in a thread devoted to bathroom notes from someone named Truly Brown?

      Nov 1, 2010 at 8:40 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   Mo® bang

      What can Brown do (doo) for you?

      Nov 1, 2010 at 10:49 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   TippingCows

      Verity, you are welcome to make comments regarding my agnosticism. It won’t insult me one bit – probably because I am secure in my personal beliefs. I also don’t give a crap what other people think of me. It’s a very stress-free way to be – try it sometime, P.C.!

      Nov 1, 2010 at 4:58 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.9   goose

      But if nobody gave a crap, we’d have no need for pizza box air fresheners!

      Nov 1, 2010 at 5:56 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.10   Cdaae663

      But when Mormonism has nothing to do with the note, then it is immature and uncalled for. I’m perfectly secure in my beliefs, I just don’t like seeing and integral part of me bashed. Not as if you’re the first person to make a Mormon joke on the internet, though. Let’s be original, please!

      Nov 2, 2010 at 12:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.11   L Ron Hubbard was Joseph Smith Reincarnated

      Mormonism and Utah are closely linked so by the transitive property ergo ipso facto than this note is also about moronism errr Mormonism.
      Don’t get your Jesus jammies in a bunch.

      Neener neener neener.

      Nov 2, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.12   surrahsurrah bang

      I didn’t realize mormons were allowed to use the internet.

      Nov 2, 2010 at 1:50 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.13   Canthz_B bang

      See how much you know, surrahsurrah?

      Third wives get all sorts of perks! :-P

      Nov 5, 2010 at 6:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   lagne

    I.. I don’t.. just.. wh – huh??

    Oct 31, 2010 at 10:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   www.stuffistolefromtheinternet.com

    Maybe the office pizza party led to the terrible smell of doo-doo

    Oct 31, 2010 at 10:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   JetJackson

      Maybe it stank as much as your content hijacking comments…

      Oct 31, 2010 at 11:08 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Call me Gaga bang

      Dear I’manidiotpimpingmysite.com,

      Nobody here will click your link. Go away.

      love,

      Call Me Gaga
      (bet I just blew my cover)

      Nov 1, 2010 at 6:46 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Arrrrrg

      Your secrets safe with me.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 8:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Hear Me Roar

      My, what a long name you’ve chosen.

      the better to annoy the fuck out of everyone, my dear.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 8:48 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Ellen

    Does the small note say “unhealthy for my body” or “unhealthy for my baby”? If the latter we may have another unborn baby guilt trip on our hands.

    http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/06/29/it-must-have-been-a-pretty-big-bite/

    Oct 31, 2010 at 10:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   cy

    Someone call PapaJohn’s product marketing dept… new product line…Air Fresheners!!! watch out Glade.

    Oct 31, 2010 at 10:39 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   JetJackson

      I really thought of the other use – Papa John’s Pepto Pizza.

      The slogan could be “Papa John’s pepto pizza – puts a plug in the pooper!

      Oct 31, 2010 at 11:14 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   shwonline bang

    Papa’s in the (out)house

    Oct 31, 2010 at 10:54 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mo® bang

      Hez maskin’ ur odorz!

      Nov 1, 2010 at 10:50 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Catburglar

    I have the solution – note writer #1 (or should that be Number Two) should switch to an exclusively pizza diet.

    Oct 31, 2010 at 11:14 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   David G

    that pepto pizza was F-ing delicious! thnx Papa john

    Nov 1, 2010 at 12:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   matt

      [yawn]

      Nov 1, 2010 at 3:18 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      David, I hate you.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 7:51 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   ggggbbybby

    what… how… who uses a pizza box as an air freshener?

    Nov 1, 2010 at 12:40 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      If pizza is the only thing these people could come up with as a air freshener, I am really worried about what kind of office this is.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 7:53 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   alie

    I love that person’s handwriting. Holy crap, it’s awesome.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 12:51 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   The Elf

      I know! It should totally be made into a font, like Comic Sans.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 12:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   alie

      how rude

      Nov 2, 2010 at 1:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    To be fair, Papa John’s pizza is slightly better smelling than shit.
    I would like to say it tastes better than shit…but I’ve never eaten shit, so I’ll say Papa John’s tastes better than as close to shit as my imagination will allow.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 2:09 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    The better question is Who put the pizza box in the bathroom trash?

    I mean, multi-tasking is all good, but scarfing down an entire pizza pie and shitting it out at the same time deserves recognition at all costs!

    Nov 1, 2010 at 2:13 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Na

    I don’t know if the smell of old pizza mingled with the smell of poo is that much more appetising than the smell of poo.

    PEOPLE: LEARN TO LIGHT A MATCH!

    Nov 1, 2010 at 5:26 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Odious

    She can’t defecate if she smells food? That’s incredibly weird. Does her psychiatrist know her bowel muscles are connected to her nose? I bet she also can’t go to certain sounds, colors or wallpaper textures. I picture her telling her psychiatrist “I haven’t gone for a week because my neighbor’s been grilling burgers”. I picture her with the ER doc:
    Doc: Do you know what caused your weeks of constipation?
    P/A Noter: Hamburgers.
    Doc: How many have you eaten?!
    PANer: Zero.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 6:24 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   anglophile bang

      I am anti-food smells in the bathroom. I wouldn’t say it goes so far as to prevent me from taking care of business, and I certainly wouldn’t write a note about it, but I do get irritated when someone puts a citrus-scented Oust in the bathroom at work as opposed to a fresh air or flowery one.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 7:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      While the thought of food in the bathroom is gag-producing, I am more opposed to the odor of shit than pretty much anything else.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 7:58 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   park rose bang

      Ooh. The flowery ones drive me insane. I’m team light a match, as well.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 1:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   FeRD bang

      @WotV: “pretty much”? So there ARE exceptions? Please, go on…

      Nov 1, 2010 at 4:06 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   Savannah

      Our break room is right next to our bathroom. The microwave is up against the bathroom wall. The smell of Chinese food while pooping is a bit disconcerting. The funniest part is people walking down the hall and saying “What stinks?” and not knowing if it’s food or…..food….that’s been processed.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 3:13 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   bored@work

    If you have enough time in the bathroom to write/read a PA note, you are in there too long! Get in, get done, get out and make sure your stance isn’t too wide.

    Team: No notes in the pooper.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 8:41 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Arrrrrg

      The paper cuts would be horrible!

      Nov 1, 2010 at 8:58 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    To Mr. Uncomfortable all I can say is what I was told as a child…”Go before you leave home!”

    If you need to take a crap more often than every 12 hours…see a doctor, something is messed up inside of you!!

    Nov 1, 2010 at 8:56 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   The Elf

      But I don’t have my coffee until I get to work!

      Nov 1, 2010 at 12:40 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Arrrrrg

    Burn that outhouse down!
    The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!

    Nov 1, 2010 at 8:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   practicalman

    they don’t have vent fans in Utah?

    Nov 1, 2010 at 9:46 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Mo® bang

      No, they are moronis! They don’t mind steeping in their own funk.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 10:52 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   park rose bang

      That’s why Papa’s got a brand new bag.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Mo® bang

      Well I feel good.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 1:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Damazon

      ….colostomy bag?

      Nov 4, 2010 at 8:52 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   divaandwriter bang

    Why don’t we all take up a collection and give those nice poopers … er people a gift certificate to Bath and Body Works so they can get some sweet smelling lavender for their office bathroom.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 9:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Zorin

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds food odor in a bathroom to be revolting.

    I don’t know why, but if I smell food in a restroom I immediately go “ugh”. It’s nearly as bad as smelling shit in an area you normally eat food.

    So I agree with the smaller note’s writer. Keep pizza boxes out of the restroom. Ugh.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 10:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Silence

    Am I the only one who find their respective handwriting to be oddly similar?

    Nov 1, 2010 at 11:16 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   FeRD bang

      There are similarities, but I don’t find them really all that similar. A fair number of letter-forms are quite different between the two, most especially the “m”s and “w”s.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 4:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   David G

    And of course i hate you too, woman on the verge! Really hit the G-spot there, didn’t i?

    Nov 1, 2010 at 11:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   park rose bang

      The giggle-brax spot? I think you missed it by a nautical mile, David G.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 1:20 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Dear David,

      If you were going for my G-spot, you are indeed misinformed. This would explain your lack of gigglebraxing skills in addition to your continuing to live at home with your mother.

      love,

      WotV

      Nov 1, 2010 at 2:24 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.3   anglophile bang

      They’re always so sure they know where it is, aren’t they? *sigh*

      Nov 1, 2010 at 2:40 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.4   Woman on the Verge bang

      I could make millions if I could invent a G-spot GPS.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 3:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.5   WMDKitty

      Good GOD, it’s not that hard to find! It’s just a matter of being… thorough… if you know what I mean.

      Nov 2, 2010 at 5:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.6   The Elf

      G-spot GPS? Great, now all I can think of is that pleasant female voice “Destination in one half inch. Manipulate G-Spot NOW.” followed by “Recalculating…..” when he misses it.

      Nov 2, 2010 at 7:51 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   sybann

    Dear lord, we’re surrounded by spoiled entitled asshats who must be protected from smells.

    GROW THE FUCK UP.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 11:47 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Ashley

    The handwriting for both notes looks the same. Making it invalid and …..mmm not funny.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 12:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   The Elf

    I must admit, I would be disturbed by the pizza box in the bathroom too, especially if it was a one-holer. That one eye, those tomatoes…. they’re watching me. Papa’s in the outhouse, people, and he likes it there.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 12:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Mo® bang

    Did somebody order a sausage pizza?

    cue inappropriate 70′s porn music

    Nov 1, 2010 at 1:46 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Canthz_B bang

      ♫ bowmm-chicka-bow-bowmm! ♫

      Nov 1, 2010 at 9:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Dude, I'm Just Effing Saying!

    What barbarian takes a dump with the door open!

    Believe me! A prude I am not!

    But what effing dirt pile does one live under to think that It is perfectly okay[d*mned 'politically correct'] to relieve oneself in an opened door PUBLIC bathroom!?

    Nov 1, 2010 at 4:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Eatthepeach

      The notewriter means, don’t leave the door open after you’re done, not during. Good job getting yourself all indignant about something that never existed except in your own mind.

      Nov 5, 2010 at 8:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   anna

    What’s BM? I thought it said ‘bum’ at first.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 4:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   matt

      bowel movement

      Nov 1, 2010 at 5:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   lauren (a different one!)

    I actually hate when my roommate closes the door after he craps because then I get attacked by the nasty odor.

    and there’s only one dinky-ass window in there, way too high for me to reach. D8

    Nov 1, 2010 at 7:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   denni in oz bang

    That is the same handwriting in both notes. The 2nd one is slightly different but it is hard to disguise your own handwriting as your so used to scribing in one particular way. Admittedly the joke was OK ab0ut the bowel movements.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 8:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Canthz_B bang

      No it’s not. Just look at the “y”s. You’re mistaken in more ways than one. ;-)

      Nov 1, 2010 at 9:26 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   The Darby

    No one else said it? Well, I guess I will:

    I hope that pizza was f*cking delicious.

    Oh yeah…I went there…

    Nov 1, 2010 at 8:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   anglophile bang

      Hate to burst your bubble and all, but David went there before you.

      And he was just as boring.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 9:57 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   Canthz_B bang

      Proud of going there? It really isn’t a very long trip intellectually, but I suppose it’s a stretch for some.

      Nov 1, 2010 at 10:55 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   grevillea

    When you eat cheap nasty pizza in the break room with the door open, the smell comes into my office. I can’t work with that awful smell. And if I can’t work, my kids don’t eat. That’s why I pooped in this paper bag and left it in the break room – as air freshener. Thanks.

    Nov 1, 2010 at 11:15 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Noelegy

    This makes me think of my dad’s favorite joke, the one he never gets tired of.

    An Avon lady gets into an elevator in a high-rise building. She has to pass a little gas. So she takes out some pine-scented air freshener from her sample bag and sprays it around.

    A drunk guy gets on at the next floor and starts sniffing. “What’s that smell?” he wants to know. “Oh, do you like it?” the Avon lady asks. “Smells like someone shit a Christmas tree!” he replies.

    Nov 2, 2010 at 9:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   sarah

    my husband and i were mormons for halloween. we went up to people and asked them if we could talk to them about jesus. it scared everyone.
    how does pizza work as an air freshener?

    Nov 3, 2010 at 9:01 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     

Comments are Closed