Entries from October 2010

Risky Business

October 11th, 2010 · 73 Comments

Tremaine spotted this note posted in the lobby his Calgary apartment building. I like to imagine it the “lust” stop on Slothful Scotty‘s Seven Deadly Sins Tour.

Apartment 406: Stop calling escorts then not answering your door.

related: Yes, Scotty, this is why you’re fat.

Tags: actually totally reasonable · Calgary · neighbors · sex sex sex

Merry Christmas! God told me to dump you.

October 10th, 2010 · 69 Comments

Sara says her sister in Waxhaw, North Carolina stumbled upon this personal inscription at a rummage sale of donated books.

Here’s a synopsis: Basically, our writer Robert starts out by giving himself a gold star for selecting such an “interesting” Christmas gift, then lets Leah down easy with the old “God told me I could do better” excuse, and finally peaces out with “So…see ya on christianmingle.com!”

Why Leah would want to part with such a precious gem, I have no idea.

Dear Leah, This is a very interesting Christmas present! I hope you like it! I have prayed about us since our first date.  I think we should be friends and I hope that is the same the Lord told you. Our search for our life's companion [sic] continues...Robert

Dear Leah, This is a very interesting Christmas present! I hope you like it! I have prayed about us since our first date.  I think we should be friends and I hope that is the same the Lord told you. Our search for our life's companion [sic] continues...Robert

related: The “Next to Marry” List

Tags: breakup · Christmas · God · holiday spirit · most popular notes of 2010

>>Crushing<< is mostly the better term

October 7th, 2010 · 90 Comments

Paul has lived in his apartment in Berlin for 15 months, but this note is the first time he’s heard a single complaint about his door. Especially annoying, Paul says, is the fact that it’s anonymous, “even though it could possibly have been written by only one of two people,” and that it’s written in English, “which most expats would consider an insult.”

Just another example of how — no matter smiley faces you sprinkle throughout — your oh-so-courteous anonymous note is probably just going to leave everyone more “pi**ed off.”

Dear Neighbours, some people livin here , are really pi**ed about the way, you close your door, when coming/leaving. >>Closing<< is usually the wrong term to describe this. >>Crushing<< is mostly the better term. If your door is broken , let it repair from our beloved [redacted] or Repair it yourself or Use your key to close it in a way, not bothering your neighbors. ....and kindly give this info your visitors too ;-) Greetz & Peace

related: Wie bitte(r)?

extra credit: “Greetz” [urbandictionary.com]

Tags: Berlin · Clearly a non-native English speaker · comma diarrhea · door-slamming · neighbors · noise · opening/closing · pointlessly self-censored profanity · sad face · smiley

A different sort of Dear John letter

October 6th, 2010 · 50 Comments

Leslie in Wilmington, North Carolina says her baby sister has “always been pretty intense.” To wit: while going through some old papers recently, she dug up this card, which her then-10-year-old sister sent to Leslie’s boyfriend at the time.

(I’d like to think that beneath that thin layer of Liquid Paper lies an even more specific accusation, but baby sis’ decided that a more veiled threat would be the best way to scare Jon straight.)

Dear Jon, I hope you have a great birthday. I know my sister likes you, so you better not mess around or else. I mean it.

related: Let the rest of us eat cake.

Tags: birthday · not-so-veiled threats · siblings · Wilmington

That must be some damn good coffee…

October 5th, 2010 · 143 Comments

“I was walking by a local café and this two-page, handwritten rant stopped me in my tracks,” says our submitter in Montreal. “I was so disturbed I went home and returned immediately with my camera, just in case the owner suddenly got sane (or had some sense talked into him) and decided to take it down. This is someone who should clearly not be dealing with the public.”

Rule 3 (c): Once the transaction is complete and the owner has given you an opening you may engage in social chit-chat.

Rule 3(b) Remember, first things first you are here to buy coffee.

Rule 3 (c): Once the transaction is complete and the owner has given you an opening you may engage in social chit-chat.

related: The Sushi Nazi

Tags: "customer service" · Montreal · most popular notes of 2010 · now that's management · restaurant

Well, that seems (uri)logical enough.

October 4th, 2010 · 50 Comments

Today’s dose of bathroom humor is brought to you by our submitter, Johnny in New Zealand, with the contributions of two anonymous would-be Conchords.

Please do not put chewing gum into this urinal as it causes [blockages] the flavour to go horrible. This urinal tastes horrible even without the gum!

related: The yogurt’s expired. Run for your lives!

Tags: all clogged up · New Zealand · smartass · toilet

Not to worry, I’m alive. Not that you’d care. I’m only your mother!

October 3rd, 2010 · 87 Comments

Our submitter and her brother — both adults — recently received this e-mail from their mother, who’s currently traveling (thus making telephone calls difficult). What ever did empty nesters do before e-mail?

So, that's it??? You are never going to email me again???  OK. Never mind about all the times I let you do really fun things. Love, Mom

(Actually, it’s pretty easy to imagine this in telegram form — just take out the word “email” and sub in <STOP> for all those question marks.)

related: Thanks, Mom, for reminding me why I moved out in the first place.

Tags: confusion??? · e-mail · guilt trip · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · signed with love

Way to rub it in, mates.

October 1st, 2010 · 53 Comments

Kelcy from London snapped this photo while this year’s Glastonbury Festival. “And yes, it was amazing,” she says. “Poor Tom!”

Our mate Tom (whose 12) couldn't make it this year, please text him and tell him what a great time you're having!!! THANKS

UPDATE: Prue from Manchester reports spotting a similar — slightly more aggressive — message at Glastonbury, too. “The crossed out bits were the ‘just ex’ girlfriend’s phone number and name (so one could send her an abusive message on Facebook),” Prue says. “Lovely.”

Our mate Jack was't allowed to come cos his

related: “Cheers, mate!” is not an acceptable tip in Texas

Tags: apostrophe catastrophe · ex drama · text message · U.K.