Entries from October 2010
Based on this example — spotted by Erin in the employee restroom of an AT&T Store in Los Angeles — I think the Kiwis have a clear edge over us Yanks…at least when it comes to smartass bathroom snark.
![If you need to extract dried mucus from your nose, please use a tissue. The bathroom walls are not the place for them. [Response 1:] It's called "performance art." Expand your horizons. [Response 2] *Expand a couple sheets of tissue If you need to extract dried mucus from your nose, please use a tissue. The bathroom walls are not the place for them. [Response 1:] It's called](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4111/5053025085_ce7183c3e3.jpg)
related: The bathroom-stall booger epidemic
extra credit: National stereotypes according to Google Autofill [buzzfeed.com]
Tags: art · bathroom · nose-picking · retail hell · smartass
Tremaine spotted this note posted in the lobby his Calgary apartment building. I like to imagine it the “lust” stop on Slothful Scotty‘s Seven Deadly Sins Tour.

related: Yes, Scotty, this is why you’re fat.
Tags: actually totally reasonable · Calgary · neighbors · sex sex sex
Sara says her sister in Waxhaw, North Carolina stumbled upon this personal inscription at a rummage sale of donated books.
Here’s a synopsis: Basically, our writer Robert starts out by giving himself a gold star for selecting such an “interesting” Christmas gift, then lets Leah down easy with the old “God told me I could do better” excuse, and finally peaces out with “So…see ya on christiansingles.com!”
Why Leah would want to part with such a precious gem, I have no idea.
![Dear Leah, This is a very interesting Christmas present! I hope you like it! I have prayed about us since our first date. I think we should be friends and I hope that is the same the Lord told you. Our search for our life's companion [sic] continues...Robert Dear Leah, This is a very interesting Christmas present! I hope you like it! I have prayed about us since our first date. I think we should be friends and I hope that is the same the Lord told you. Our search for our life's companion [sic] continues...Robert](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4107/5065789731_99b5a54dc5.jpg)
![Dear Leah, This is a very interesting Christmas present! I hope you like it! I have prayed about us since our first date. I think we should be friends and I hope that is the same the Lord told you. Our search for our life's companion [sic] continues...Robert Dear Leah, This is a very interesting Christmas present! I hope you like it! I have prayed about us since our first date. I think we should be friends and I hope that is the same the Lord told you. Our search for our life's companion [sic] continues...Robert](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4125/5065789437_ea73ab7912_b.jpg)
related: The “Next to Marry” List
Tags: breakup · Christmas · God · holiday spirit · most popular notes of 2010
Paul has lived in his apartment in Berlin for 15 months, but this note is the first time he’s heard a single complaint about his door. Especially annoying, Paul says, is the fact that it’s anonymous, “even though it could possibly have been written by only one of two people,” and that it’s written in English, “which most expats would consider an insult.”
Just another example of how — no matter smiley faces you sprinkle throughout — your oh-so-courteous anonymous note is probably just going to leave everyone more “pi**ed off.”
![Dear Neighbours, some people livin here , are really pi**ed about the way, you close your door, when coming/leaving. >>Closing<< is usually the wrong term to describe this. >>Crushing<< is mostly the better term. :-( If your door is broken , let it repair from our beloved [redacted] or Repair it yourself or Use your key to close it in a way, not bothering your neighbors. ....and kindly give this info your visitors too ;-) Greetz & Peace Dear Neighbours, some people livin here , are really pi**ed about the way, you close your door, when coming/leaving. >>Closing<< is usually the wrong term to describe this. >>Crushing<< is mostly the better term. If your door is broken , let it repair from our beloved [redacted] or Repair it yourself or Use your key to close it in a way, not bothering your neighbors. ....and kindly give this info your visitors too ;-) Greetz & Peace](http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4139/4767057071_7135a658f2.jpg)
related: Wie bitte(r)?
extra credit: “Greetz” [urbandictionary.com]
Tags: Berlin · Clearly a non-native English speaker · comma diarrhea · door-slamming · neighbors · noise · opening/closing · pointlessly self-censored profanity · sad face · smiley
Leslie in Wilmington, North Carolina says her baby sister has “always been pretty intense.” To wit: while going through some old papers recently, she dug up this card, which her then-10-year-old sister sent to Leslie’s boyfriend at the time.
(I’d like to think that beneath that thin layer of Liquid Paper lies an even more specific accusation, but baby sis’ decided that a more veiled threat would be the best way to scare Jon straight.)

related: Let the rest of us eat cake.
Tags: birthday · not-so-veiled threats · siblings · Wilmington
“I was walking by a local café and this two-page, handwritten rant stopped me in my tracks,” says our submitter in Montreal. “I was so disturbed I went home and returned immediately with my camera, just in case the owner suddenly got sane (or had some sense talked into him) and decided to take it down. This is someone who should clearly not be dealing with the public.”



related: The Sushi Nazi
Tags: "customer service" · Montreal · most popular notes of 2010 · now that's management · restaurant
Today’s dose of bathroom humor is brought to you by our submitter, Johnny in New Zealand, with the contributions of two anonymous would-be Conchords.
![Please do not put chewing gum into this urinal as it causes [blockages] the flavour to go horrible. This urinal tastes horrible even without the gum! Please do not put chewing gum into this urinal as it causes [blockages] the flavour to go horrible. This urinal tastes horrible even without the gum!](http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2745/4412125816_20d49ac8b7.jpg)
related: The yogurt’s expired. Run for your lives!
Tags: all clogged up · New Zealand · smartass · toilet
Our submitter and her brother — both adults — recently received this e-mail from their mother, who’s currently traveling (thus making telephone calls difficult). What ever did empty nesters do before e-mail?

(Actually, it’s pretty easy to imagine this in telegram form — just take out the word “email” and sub in <STOP> for all those question marks.)
related: Thanks, Mom, for reminding me why I moved out in the first place.
Tags: confusion??? · e-mail · guilt trip · martyr complex · Moms & Dads · signed with love