Entries from November 2010

This Christmas, give the gift of honesty

November 30th, 2010 · 93 Comments

While helping her dad clean out her grandmother’s old apartment, Amanda says she found this incredible “love note” tucked in a bottom drawer. “All my dad could say was, ‘Well, romance wasn’t always your grandfather’s strong suit.’”

12-22-88  Here is a present for you.. I'm not certain just which brand you smoke but I think that after 35 years of sneaking, lying, cheating, stealing you can try to be honest about this.  Don't sneak it any more -- I really don't give a damn if you smoke a carton a day and as a matter of fact if you will return the empty I will buy you another -- and if you have a preference let me know as these were $1.50 each. If it will hurry along the process I am all for it but don't expect me to do for your whaty you did for your mother -- get Connie to do it...

related:  I don’t want to hear another damn word about flowers.

Tags: Christmas · holiday spirit · love & marriage · old folks · smoking

As the holidays approach…you’d better guard your kneecaps

November 29th, 2010 · 140 Comments

If you needed another reason why mixing friends and money usually ends up badly, here’s five of them.

(And to the letter-writer: I think I’ve got a great “hassle-free” New Year’s resolution idea for you!)

Dear Friends, With the holidays approaching (Chanukah on Dec. 1, and Xmas a few weeks later), there is no time like the present for

(Thanks to Kristen in Leesburg, Virginia for forwarding!)

related: Two birds with one snowman

Tags: "polite notice" · Christmas · e-mail · holiday spirit · money

Civil diso-brattiness

November 28th, 2010 · 124 Comments

“My boyfriend, Alex, lives in a high-rise apartment building occupied by college/university students — people you’d think would have some intelligence,” says Meghan in Hamilton, Ontario.

Of course, a little learning is a dangerous thing. In Alex’s building, this seemingly civil request from one of the building’s residents garnered the following indignant response.

Please smoke on the balcony.  Everyone's apartment smells of cigarettes because someone is chain-smoking all day long. Please be considerate of your neighbours.

No I won't!  What next? Don't cook Currie or fish Don't use smelly cleaners Don't perk coffee Don't bring food into building. I can smell it Don't drink, you stink up elevators Don't take shoes off, smelly feet Don't fart or burp, I can hear it and smell it.  Move to a smoke free hotel room.

But Meghan says her favorite thing about this exchange is the placement — right next that big ol’ city-mandated “no smoking” sign.

NO SMOKING: City of Hamilton By-law 80-258 Maximum Fine $5000

related: Cigarettes & energy drinks

Tags: Canada · neighbors · odor · Ontario · questionable logic · rebuttals · smoking

Poultry Slam

November 24th, 2010 · 52 Comments

When Lola was 7, she says, “Our class assignment was to write a story about our favorite Thanksgiving memories. I wrote this…and then proudly presented it to my Grandmother as a gift.”

A tourkeys ideae of thanksgiving is murder, vialance, and death. Turkeys think of thanksgiving as a war. So keep this in mind, and remember what turkeys think of thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

related: Dear Santa, do you abuse your animals?

Tags: kids · most popular notes of 2010 · Thanksgiving

And a Happy Thanksgiving to you, too!

November 23rd, 2010 · 83 Comments

Emma says this note appeared in her dorm at the University of Chicago shortly before the Thanksgiving holiday. “Our kitchen has a sign on the fridge that says: ‘If you leave your food unlabeled, it’s fair game. Label your food.’ I assume this girl did not label her food.” (Because who would be cruel enough to steal such a traditional Thanksgiving delicacy from an old lady?)

Whoever ate my guacamole FUCK YOU. how rude can you be? that was obviously not for you. I was going to bring it to my grandmother's for thanksgiving. She was looking forward to it. I hope you enjoyed it.

Another dorm resident sent in a shot of the anonymous response added later.

Being passive-aggressive never SOLVED anything

related: Thanksgiving pride & passive-aggression

Tags: college life · food · guilt trip · irregular capitalization · rebuttals · stealing · Thanksgiving

What, you were expecting a “How can I help you?”

November 22nd, 2010 · 65 Comments

Brian in Boston spotted this aggressively service-y sign at a sandwich shop counter. Says Brian: “The girl working seemed to think that putting this up would be more effective than actually being polite and attentive.” (Further musings re: her state of mind were stymied by a “Whadda YOU lookin’ at??” glare.)

Staring is rude. If you want something, please ASK!! I'll be happy to help you.

related: Service with a snarl

Tags: "customer service" · Boston

Feeling of failing

November 21st, 2010 · 116 Comments

Our submitter, a college student in Wisconsin, passes along this “debackle” of an e-mail a girl in her art history class recently sent to all the other students in the class — and, in a particularly gutsy/idiotic move — to the professor, too.

Adds our submitter: “The funny thing is that the class is actually very enjoyable, the instructor has never changed a test date/format, and the lectures are always well organized and engaging. Judging from all the spelling errors, she might want to drop art history and pick up an English class instead.”

Hi. I'm a classmate forced to suffer with you on this painful road of the history of art. I am reaching out to anyone who is struggling to keep up with the changing tests, the lack of pertanant [sic] information, and the hair pulling debackle [sic] of lecture.  I'm looking for people who are up for study groups and that are willing to share the load when figuring out where the hell we're going.  Feel free to contact me if your [sic] interested in hooking up and NEVER TAKING THIS CLASS AGAIN!  I'm willing to work and desprate [sic] not to do this again.  All my info is listed below, texting or e-mail is best.

related: One final critique — put the damned phone away!

Tags: college life · e-mail · Oops? · spelling and grammar police · Wisconsin · your/you're

Need another reason to ditch the elevator for the stairs? Two words: nose grease.

November 19th, 2010 · 67 Comments

Our submitter, April, fills us in on a little background: The CMB building on the UT-Austin campus is home to Austin’s local PBS station, KLRU, and NPR affiliate, KUT, as well as classrooms for the University’s Radio-TV-Film department.

Apparently, one of the jokers frequenting this building is fond of pressing his or her nose on the surface of the stainless steel elevator doors — or at least that’s the conclusion drawn by the exasperated author of the following screed.

Hey guy who draws on the elevator doors every day with his nose grease. I just thought I'd drop you a line and tell you about the sunshine that you bring me every day. Y'know sometimes I come in to work with a frown on my face because of the heady political and social times we are living through. I'll be all cloudy and stormy as I walk into CMB but then, what do I see? I see a wonderful and original work of art that's drawn on the stainless steel doors of both elevators. Yes, it doesn't even matter which one I get on because you (as a true artist) have taken full advantage of every canvas that is offered to you.

related: Some suggestions for elevator small talk

Tags: art · Austin · elevator · most popular notes of 2010 · that's disgusting · TL;DR · WTF?

Memo to all employees (including specifically you)

November 18th, 2010 · 105 Comments

Taylor in Tulsa, Oklahoma works — well, worked — at the front desk of a hotel. “When I started this job,” he says, “we were told we could eat in the back office so that if it got too busy we could stop our lunch and help out, but apparently my offensive burrito was over the top.” Taylor swears the dirty dishes weren’t his, but he was laid off anyway — after which, he adds, “the note was promptly removed.”

(“Outback,” by the way, refers to the employee dining area, not the steakhouse known for its “delicious” bread.)

The AYS staff is leaving dirty dishes behind the front desk. Eating is not allowed in the offices unless it is something minor like a bagel or a company sponsored meal like pizza. AYS associates are to take their breaks and eat in the Outback. Surfing the web while having a STINKY BURRITO and then leaving the dishes for someone else to clean up is not how we do it here. If you cannot abide by this we will address it using progressive discipline as outlined in the Associate Handbook.

Meanwhile, at a small office in Canada, our submitter says one of the company’s directors has a similar habit of sending out a pedantic “just FYI”-type memo to the entire staff each time she has run-in with another co-worker. (And yes, our submitter says, they’re always in Comic Sans.)

Hi all, It is with regret that I have to circulate the following email. Please understand that I would not send this message if it was not a big problem for me. As a person that is severely sensitive to smells I have to ask for your help. I am very sensitive to body odour and hope that folks in the office can be aware of this and try to minimize odour for the comfort of all office staff, including specifically me. Our space is small and when in a small room together the odours can be quite strong. Stale body odour on clothes can be avoided by regularly washing and changing clothes. Keep one's breath fresh, regular brushing, using mouthwash or breath mints/gum. Also, to avoid spreading germs to other office staff, given the onset of flu season, please wash hands frequently. Sneeze into a Kleenex and discard right away or sneeze into your sleeve not your hands. If you are under the weather the HR policy allows for sick time, so please stay home until you are better.

related: Complimentary body spray for all employees!

Tags: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · all-staff e-mail · Comic Sans Alert · dishes · fired · food · hygiene · memo · message to all intended for one · odor · office cop · Ontario · Tulsa

Please clean ALL your feathers.

November 17th, 2010 · 33 Comments

Paul in New York City has no idea what inspired this peculiar sign in his building’s laundry room…

Please clean ALL your feathers. They NOT acceptable & I will bring it up at the meeting if not.

If only he had attended the building meeting, where the offending neighbor offered his response…

Dirty Bird

related: That’s actually a totally reasonable response.

Tags: cleaning · laundry · message to all intended for one · neighbors · New York · WTF?