Please, contain your excitement.

November 2nd, 2010 · 78 comments

“My office just got a new style of paper which has caused quite the stir,” says our submitter in Seattle. “It’s made from forested trees, or something like that, so obviously we can’t wait to use it.”

THE OLD OFFICE DEPOT PAPER IS TO BE USED FIRST.

PS - Please use it mostly for printing signs about which paper to use first.

related: Nothing fosters community like shared network printers!

FILED UNDER: blitzkrieg approach · meta · Seattle · smartass


78 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Someone

    Shouldn’t it be “used” ?

    Nov 2, 2010 at 1:27 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Ed Depaine

      Like your mom?

      Nov 2, 2010 at 1:36 pm   rating: 53  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      No, that’s RB’s mom.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 7:54 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   alice

    Someone really has way too much time on their hands…

    Nov 2, 2010 at 1:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Woman on the Verge bang

    But… what paper should we use first?

    Nov 2, 2010 at 1:30 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Madrias

      All of it. Let’s make a bunch of paper planes and throw them at people.

      Nov 2, 2010 at 11:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   scaarykitty

    Think the idea is that it’s the “please use up the paper printing bajillions of inane signs” sign that’s more PA-like.

    Nov 2, 2010 at 1:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Mo®

    Paper airplane fight?

    Nov 2, 2010 at 1:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Canthz_B bang

      Paper airplane fight between offices in Seattle?
      Let the games begin, my bet is on Boeing!

      Too bad there will probably be a rain-out.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 1:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Divvitar

      It doesn’t rain as much as you think in Seattle. They advertise the rain to keep tourists and Californians out. The latter seem to stick around.

      Nov 5, 2010 at 12:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   The Elf

    Somewhere, Al Gore is crying.

    Nov 2, 2010 at 1:40 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Mo®

      I look at you all see the tree there that’s sleeping
      While my Al Gore gently weeps
      I look at you all
      Still my Al Gore gently weeps

      Nov 2, 2010 at 2:00 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Wordtinker doesnt smith bang

      I don’t know why nobody told you
      which paper to use love
      I don’t know how someone controlled reams
      they bought and sold reams

      Nov 2, 2010 at 11:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Noelegy

      While his car idles for an hour while he’s giving a speech.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 3:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Heloise

    You don’t want that old paper to sit on the shelf and spoil, after all.

    Nov 2, 2010 at 1:41 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   jadefirefly

      There are paper-starved kids in Africa! Now finish your paper before it spoils!

      Nov 2, 2010 at 1:45 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   berge bang

      If the paper goes too long after its expiration date, the copier gets the runs – paper everywhere; it gets ugly.

      Nov 2, 2010 at 2:42 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   farcical aquatic ceremony

    I’m so sad for the submitter & his/her office, that THEY CAN’T WAIT to use the new variety of printer paper, oy.

    Nov 2, 2010 at 2:50 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Pterosaur

      You should’ve been there the day that they first got colored ink. It was a hootenanny!

      Nov 2, 2010 at 4:10 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   shwonline bang

      We don’t say “colored” any more, dear. It’s “black” ink. Wait, that can’t be right…

      Nov 2, 2010 at 5:57 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Canthz_B bang

      There’s colored ink now? Damn, I just got used to using the nice water cooler, now this?

      I hate this office job! I’m going back to being my own boss…shining shoes!!

      Nov 3, 2010 at 12:41 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   Canthz_B bang

      move along. gigglebrax fail. nothing to see here, folks.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 12:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   matt

      I believe the most pc term for black ink would be something like: spectrally challenged dyeing fluid

      Nov 3, 2010 at 2:03 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   Canthz_B bang

      True. Technically, “white” light includes all colors of the rainbow, so “white” is the real “colored”.

      Roy G. Biv is my new hero! ;-)

      Nov 3, 2010 at 3:08 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.7   Noelegy

      Thank you, that always bugged me! White isn’t the lack of color; white is all colors at once!

      Nov 3, 2010 at 3:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.8   Mark bang

      White is all the colors for subtractive color systems (i.e. electromagnetic waves).

      For additive color systems (i.e. paint, ink), black is all the colors. Well, actually kind of a muddy brown.

      Edit: Oops, you’re right, shwonline. +=-. ↓

      Nov 3, 2010 at 4:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.9   shwonline bang

      I’m not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your dictionary work, there, Mark. Paint and ink = subtractive (they absorb/take away wavelengths). Light and such = additive.

      The more you know…

      Nov 3, 2010 at 5:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.10   Canthz_B bang

      Moot point. I called my kindergarten teacher “white” once (c. 1966). She placed a sheet of white paper next to her arm, and asked me if they were the same color. I had to answer “no”, but the bitch’s arm was damned close in color to the page.
      Suffice it to say she could have used a little sun! Hahahaha!

      Nov 22, 2010 at 3:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   DecaturPen

    And where is the old Office Depot paper, obviously, not stacked on top of the new paper…

    Nov 2, 2010 at 3:42 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Canthz_B bang

      Of course they can’t stack the new paper on top of the Office Depot paper. That could result in biracial legal pads…they always come out yellow, by the way.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 12:44 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   thrall bang

    No control freakery here. Nothing to see…

    Nov 2, 2010 at 4:00 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   thrall bang

    These are not the droids you are looking for.

    Nov 2, 2010 at 4:01 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Madrias

      Jedi mind tricks don’t work on me.

      Nov 2, 2010 at 11:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Rachel

    We just got this type of paper at work. It’s awesome! I can understand why people want to use it first.

    Nov 2, 2010 at 4:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      Seriously? Wow. I’m so sorry.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 7:56 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   clumber

      ♥ WotV ♥

      Nov 4, 2010 at 3:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   DecaturPen

    if one wants the old paper used first, stack it on top of the new paper.

    Nov 2, 2010 at 4:56 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   The Elf

      See, there you go using common sense, reasonableness, and logic. We reject all that stuff around here.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 9:03 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Divvitar

      Oh, you’re a Republican! I get it now! :P

      Nov 5, 2010 at 12:55 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   pony girl

    This is obviously not an advertising office. Of course people don’t want to use the old paper. But they will certainly fall all over themselves to use the rare or limited edition Office Depot paper.

    Nov 2, 2010 at 4:57 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Zsa

      In my office they would just hide the new paper until the Office Depot crap was gone, forget they already have an order of paper hidden and purchase MORE of the “less trees used to produce” paper. We are green like that, yo.

      Nov 2, 2010 at 7:15 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      pony girl, I love you.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 7:57 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   pony girl

      @ WotV,

      *blush*

      Nov 3, 2010 at 8:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   The Elf

      I’m sure there’s a fetish for that. Claw?

      Nov 3, 2010 at 11:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   clumber

      Can i be the Sarge @ Arms for the PG FanClub? I need to find a good legal use for this cat o’ nine tails…

      Nov 4, 2010 at 3:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   goose

    “PS – Please use it mostly for printing signs about which paper to use first.”

    And printing signs about signs about signs about which paper to use first.

    Nov 2, 2010 at 7:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Talia

    Bring back the mimeograph!

    Nov 2, 2010 at 8:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Kimmypie

      Ooohhh
      Remember how the mimeographed pages smelled? lol

      Nov 2, 2010 at 9:43 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Like banana candy….

      Nov 3, 2010 at 7:58 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   The Elf

      It always smelled more like cucumber to me.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 9:06 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   park rose

      Team Banana Candy – or banana lollies in the Australian parlance. Spellcheck doesn’t like that word. :)

      Nov 3, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   pony girl

      I was sitting here smelling the mimeograph sheets in my head, yum. i used to love how the paper felt, as well.
      It did smell like banana candy, I never really noticed that before.
      If I were a millionaire, I would buy a mimeograph machine.
      I have a weird thing for old office machines, actually.
      Just thought I’d share.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 5:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.6   bored@work

      @pg – shouldn’t that be ‘rare’ or ‘limited edition’ office machines ;)

      Nov 3, 2010 at 6:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.7   Canthz_B bang

      Mmm, fresh mimeograph paper! When it’s still cold and damp and marvelously fragrant!!

      Smells like learnin’ to me. They ought to bring that stuff back. You can learn a lot with a little bit of an ink buzz on.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 10:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.8   goose

      As I recall, they smelled fucking delicious.

      Nov 4, 2010 at 12:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.9   TippingCows

      How sad that I remember this. Cold and sweet smelling like the back of my 1st grade teacher’s neck. Um …

      Banana candy? I never smelled banana, but it was definitely sweet and inviting like my fifth grade teacher’s perfume.

      Nov 4, 2010 at 1:38 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.10   grevillea

      Was that that horrible rough paper with blurry purple text? That smell was methylated spirits.

      Nov 4, 2010 at 2:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.11   The Elf

      Mmmmm….. methylated spirits……

      Nov 4, 2010 at 7:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.12   clumber

      15.4 – PR, which word? Australian?

      heh heh heh

      Nov 4, 2010 at 3:47 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   thursdaynext

    What tickled me is that the signs are printed on different paper, so someone here is being naughty…

    Nov 2, 2010 at 10:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   AlyssaMBB bang

      I was starting to think I was the only one who noticed that.

      Nov 5, 2010 at 10:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    This sign won’t work.
    The last one didn’t either.
    There’s still a huge amount of papyrus in the storeroom that hasn’t been touched in ages.

    Nov 3, 2010 at 12:47 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    I think management is missing an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone.
    They should use the old stock to paper over the whole issue.
    Goodness knows management is great at papering over issues.

    Nov 3, 2010 at 1:00 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Odious

    Team new paper. Old paper smells funny, has an aftertaste and you to have to watch its cholesterol. You can always tell when you’re behind that O.D. Paper (in my office we call it “Old Dirty” Paper to much hilarity) in the copier line: moving too slow, suddenly printing in another lane without warning, seatbelt hanging out of the package.

    Nov 3, 2010 at 6:06 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Woman on the Verge bang

    I bet that “Old Office Depot Paper” is going to need therapy after this is all over.

    Nov 3, 2010 at 8:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   divaandwriter bang

    It is a sad state of office affairs when people get excited over paper.

    Nov 3, 2010 at 9:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   pony girl

      Yes, and it makes the paper all sticky, too.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 5:28 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   divaandwriter bang

      Pwah! Good one!

      Nov 4, 2010 at 9:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   ashmeadow

    When I was a kid I used to eat paper. And you know, it was never quite as delicious as fucking.

    I tried to deconstruct it, WotV, before someone was totally unoriginal.

    Nov 3, 2010 at 10:27 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Woman on the Verge bang

      ashmeadow, I applaud your effort and find the result amazingly pleasing. :)

      Nov 3, 2010 at 10:36 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Savannah

    Wow. They tease me at work because I put all our supplies in a locked cabinet. I am quite controlling, but I couldn’t care less what paper people use as long as they leave me alone.

    Nov 3, 2010 at 2:59 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   pony girl

      Thumb up for using couldn’t care less instead of *shudder* could care less.

      Nov 3, 2010 at 5:31 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   clumber

      ♥♥♥♥♥♥ !!!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥

      A bazillion thumbs for using that phrase correctly. If I could give a right uppercut to everyone who uses it incorrectly…. well my hand would probably be broken. “could care less” puts me dangerously close to the nearest clock tower. Right up there with “autopsy” when referring to non-humans and “disorientated”. Wow… I just ticked myself off.

      Nov 4, 2010 at 3:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Savannah

      Yeah, it’s a pet peeve of mine, too.

      Nov 4, 2010 at 4:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   goose

      I use ‘could care less’ quite often, but I do actually mean that I could care less. Eg when my dog died.

      It does tend to get misinterpreted a bit though which can be a little awkward. Eg when my grandma died.

      Nov 4, 2010 at 8:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   pony girl

      Silly goose.

      ps – Who or what is Eg?

      Nov 4, 2010 at 9:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.6   goose

      Your mom is an Eg.

      WTF is a ps?

      Nov 7, 2010 at 6:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   bob loblaw

    The note before this one was from the worldwide CEO thanking Wendy Waters of the accounting department for finding a new paper supplier and saving the company countless zillions of $$.

    Much eye rolling from the rest of the company who were simply trying to do their jobs and not get shit canned.

    PS. email from CEO sent on a saturday so we could all see how hard he was working.

    Nov 3, 2010 at 8:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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