Jess found this amazing treasure trove of notes — beginning, middle, and (sort of) end — while walking down Cornelia Street in New York’s West Village.
related: Rene’s letters, nothing but lies!
The Impatient Pirate of Cornelia Street
November 7th, 2010 · 72 comments
FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · most popular notes of 2010 · New York · saga · WTF?
72 responses so far ↓
#1
marathonmom
those are awesome!
Nov 7, 2010 at 6:23 pm rating: 8
#2
lagne
I love how even the masking tape on each note became progressively more enraged.
Nov 7, 2010 at 6:34 pm rating: 171
#3
ClearlyDemented
These are the rantings of a crazy person. I know because this is what goes through my mind whenever I can’t find something in the fridge.
Nov 7, 2010 at 6:37 pm rating: 68
#4
Wow
If I knew this person, this would make me want to steal random items of theirs.
Nov 7, 2010 at 6:40 pm rating: 31
#5
zenvelo
When I googled Michael Calvez, it turns out he’s in Philadelphia! No wonder he hasn’t seen the notes.
Nov 7, 2010 at 6:47 pm rating: 18
#6
farcical aquatic ceremony
Putting up lost dog/cat posters up and down the neighborhood streets I get, but I think passers-by are unlikely to have seen a wooden chest scampering about…unless it’s an animated piece of furniture, a la ‘Beauty and the Beast’..? If that’s the case, & that little sucker’s got an irresistable-little-British-kid-accent, there’s no way the note writer’s ever getting that cutie back!
Nov 7, 2010 at 6:52 pm rating: 51
#7
Go Phillies!
I live in Philly. I’m going out to buy a roll of masking tape and I’m going to hunt down Michael Calvez!
Nov 7, 2010 at 7:03 pm rating: 29
#8
Elsajeni
By the third note I would be pretty sure there was a body in that chest.
Nov 7, 2010 at 7:05 pm rating: 62
#9
Twez
I was hearing those last few notes in the voice of Shirley McLaine in Terms of Endearment. GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT!!!!
Nov 7, 2010 at 7:30 pm rating: 8
#10
Canthz_B
Maybe it’s a full rack of antique breast prostheses that matches their peg leg.
Nov 7, 2010 at 7:51 pm rating: 0
#11
frankenmouse
This is, frankly, amazing. I can’t even tell if it’s the rantings of a lunatic or someone pulling an elaborate prank. Either way…great post.
Nov 7, 2010 at 8:10 pm rating: 10
#12
Canthz_B
Looks like someone took “Facebook Wall” a bit too literally.
Nov 7, 2010 at 8:12 pm rating: 14
#13
QuikLives
On my first read through in my RSS, I assumed this must be a joke. Isn’t it?
Now I feel unsure.
Also, comment #2 is hilarious, I had to scroll back up to examine the masking tape.
Nov 7, 2010 at 8:19 pm rating: 1
#14
Canthz_B
A man was found dead in the West Village today.
Authorities say the body of Michael Calvez was found in an alley, stuffed into a wooden chest with nondescript carvings upon it.
No motive was given for the slaying, but a note reading “My chest…Your coffin” was found pinned to the victim’s clothing.
Please call 1-800-CRIME-STOPPERS before we lose our patience.
Nov 7, 2010 at 8:29 pm rating: 97
#15
Kate V.
I’m reminded of a ‘Kids in the Hall’ sketch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSzeQ5P9bf8
Nov 7, 2010 at 8:39 pm rating: 10
#16
Canthz_B
These cries for help need to be answered. Perhaps someone could leave the phone number for the Psych Ward at Bellevue Hospital on the sign.
They may not be able to provide a wooden chest, but they have plenty of padded rooms there.
Nov 7, 2010 at 8:40 pm rating: 11
#17
pony girl
So, is that slander or libel? I always get those mixed up.
Nov 7, 2010 at 8:45 pm rating: 1
#18
aaa
Did they ever stop to think that maybe the wooden chest wants be missing?
Nov 7, 2010 at 9:18 pm rating: 24
#19
wheezeew
Of course, “Michael Calvez” is an anagram for “Mac leave zilch,” therefore an obvious reference to Foucault’s Pendulum.
Nov 7, 2010 at 10:23 pm rating: 10
#20
LainTexas
Canthz wins!
Nov 7, 2010 at 11:05 pm rating: 0
#21
Canthz_B
This whole thing is giving me chest pains.
Dude is having a heart attack over an old box?
Bullshit!
Every box has value inside…you just have to know how and where to find it!!
Nov 8, 2010 at 12:36 am rating: 0
#22
Daniel
“It has a black iron hinge with a padlock and some weird, meaningless symbols engraved on it. PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSLATE THEM AS CUNEIFORM AND SUMMON THE DEMON ABEZETHIBOU … ”
BTW, how do you “misplace” a chest?
Nov 8, 2010 at 2:11 am rating: 28
#23
Pylgrim
How do you misplace a wooden chest to begin with? I can only summon the image of this crotchety old pirate in the middle of one of many relocations of his treasure chest, whose hilariously incompetent lackey left on a departing truck while stopping to tie his shoelaces.
Nov 8, 2010 at 3:28 am rating: 16
#24
Laurie
…..and in that wooden chest was the key to her chastity belt.
Michael Calvez had been entrusted with the task of making sure she never got her hands on it. For if she did, the devil’s minions would be unleashed.
Nov 8, 2010 at 4:18 am rating: 8
#25
chesty mcgee
As I was reading this, I kept picturing the note writer as Jack Nicholson from “The Shining ” getting progressively crazier till he breaks down poor Michael’s door with an ax…
Nov 8, 2010 at 6:12 am rating: 2
#26
anglophile
That box was made from the wood of a certain tree that grew in a certain garden in London. That tree was planted back in the time of our great-great-grandfathers by a boy named Diggory. He planted it from the seed of a delicious apple he brought back from his travels to a strange world. The chest was used to store old fur-lined boots and kept in a room in Diggory’s old country house, a room which held only one other thing: an old wardrobe where Diggory inexplicably kept dozens of old fur coats. If you happen to be staying in the old country house because bombs are falling on London, you might be tempted to hide in the chest when you play hide and seek with your siblings.
I wouldn’t. Those boots stink.
Nov 8, 2010 at 6:18 am rating: 31
#27
Habitual
This is outstanding.
Also (and I could be wrong about this) I’m fairly certain it was a Seinfeld episode. Apparently wayward wood chests are not uncommon on the ol’ isle.
Nov 8, 2010 at 6:56 am rating: 1
#28
Woman on the Verge
I really can’t help but wonder if Michael Calvez returned the chest within the deadline and what became of him, the notewriter, the chest, and the masking tape.
Nov 8, 2010 at 7:38 am rating: 3
#29
ClearlyDemented
Did Notewriter ever stop to think that, perhaps, Michael didn’t want to leave his number, for fear that a common chest thief would call and con him out of the chest that is rightfully Notewriters, and no one else’s?!
Nov 8, 2010 at 9:45 am rating: 3
#30
Savannah
Well, they definitely convinced me that this chest is not important. They clearly only want it back for sentimental reasons.
This is the most intriguing series of notes I’ve ever seen.
Nov 8, 2010 at 11:29 am rating: 4
#31
TippingCows
I’m so glad I’m not Michael Calvez.
Nov 9, 2010 at 12:28 am rating: 2
#32
Captain Calypso
Inside this chest is a portal. A portal to another world. A world of meaningless symbols and strange occurrences. A world that exists only within the mind of Michael Calvez. A world we call…
The Twilight Zone.
Nov 9, 2010 at 9:32 am rating: 0
#33
divaandwriter
Who is Michael Calvez and why is he hiding in an old chest?
Nov 9, 2010 at 9:34 am rating: 0
#34
DC
The unconvincing reassurance that THERE IS NOTHING IN THE BOX DO NOT OPEN IT and vague reference to weird lettering makes me wonder if there is perhaps a copy of the Necronomicon inside? Sounds a little Lovecraftian to me.
On another topic, Brad Pitt sez (frantically): “What’s in the box???”
Nov 11, 2010 at 5:10 pm rating: 7
#35
xhielle
Lolz.. XD He/She seems really mad at the last image.. poor tape
Nov 23, 2010 at 3:08 am rating: 0
#36
paranoidandroid
alright, alright, who gave the deranged person on access to a computer, printer and masking tape??? lol
Dec 1, 2010 at 12:03 pm rating: 0
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