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Stealing condoms from the dollar store? That’s wrong in so many ways.

November 15th, 2010 · 58 comments

While perusing the merchandise at the local dollar store, Josh in Columbus, Ohio spotted this signage near the shelf of the world’s skeeviest-looking condoms…which are apparently attracting the skeeviest of the Columbus area’s “stupid and sexually active” population.

As one Dooce commenter wrote, “Perhaps if you buy the dollar store condoms, you should just go ahead and grab a couple of pregnancy tests to save yourself a later trip.”

f you have to steal this we do not think you are man or woman enough to do it anyway so do not do it

related: Don’t keep yourself warm with pre-marital sex or you’ll have plenty of heat IN HELL!

FILED UNDER: actually totally reasonable · Columbus · sex sex sex · stealing

58 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Wan

    We don’t think you can beat us out for this job anyway, so do not do it.

    We don’t think you can beat us in armwrestling, so do not do it.

    Hey,I like this. Go team notewriter!

    Nov 15, 2010 at 9:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #2   Nack

    Hrm, it begs the question, why does the notewriter think that there’s a woman stealing condoms?

    That gives you all sorts of thoughts as to why, doesn’t it?

    Nov 15, 2010 at 9:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   pony girl

      Your comment begs the question, do you think only gay men use condoms?

      Nov 15, 2010 at 9:46 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Odious

      Did you mean RAISES the question?

      “Begging the question” refers specifically to a logical fallacy wherein the initial point is assumed.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 4:09 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   ashmeadow

      No it really doesn’t beg that question, Nack.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 6:24 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   anglophile bang

      I buy dollar-store condoms all the time and I’m a woman.

      I use them as banana protectors in my bagged lunches.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 8:07 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   sarjo

      Semi-annual “begging the question” rant: “Begging the question” is a form of logical fallacy in which a statement or claim is assumed to be true without evidence other than the statement or claim itself. When one begs the question, the initial assumption of a statement is treated as already proven without any logic to show why the statement is true in the first place.

      To beg the question does not mean “to raise the question.” (e.g. “It begs the question, why is he so dumb?”) This is a common error of usage made by those who mistake the word “question” in the phrase to refer to a literal question.

      Please use this phrase correctly, as I am strange and with knife.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 12:59 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   gramnaz

      It raises the question, not begs it.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 1:43 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.7   clumber

      ♥♥♥ sarjo & gramnaz ♥♥♥

      If I check PAN late enough in the day, I don’t have to climb on my Ranting Pony! Good to know.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 1:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.8   anglophile bang

      I think complaining about the misuse of “begging the question” is a little like shutting the barn door after the horse escaped. It’s entrenched now, nothing is going to stop it. Sorry, clumber, gramnaz, sarjo and all the rest of the prescriptivists out there.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 4:50 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.9   clumber

      Well of course you’re right if you are hoping for some measurable improvement. I am just glad I didn’t have to don my cranky-cape. I much prefer loaning it out. It was already a crap day. ;^)

      Besides, in some small way perhaps sarjo and gramnaz etc. have served to edumacate* someone who will avoid using the phrase incorrectly. And thus avoid my having to iron the cape one time. Good ’nuff for me. I specialize in tiny, tiny victories.


      Nov 16, 2010 at 5:52 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.10   pony girl

      Just to set the record straight. (So I won’t get a frownie-face next to my name.)

      I purposefully copied Nack’s sentence structure & usage of “begs the question.”

      Not that I’m anywhere near as knowledgeable about that sort of thing as y’all are.
      I do have my moments, however.

      This is probably not of of them.

      Nov 17, 2010 at 4:09 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #3   Heather

    Who uses dollar store pregnancy tests?

    People who use dollar store condoms.

    Nov 15, 2010 at 9:37 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Kerry

      I’ve used TONS of dollar store tests after 4 1/2 years of infertility and finally 3 kids later they were ALL correct. The negative ones and the positive ones. My doctor tells me they are pretty much the same ones they use in their office. The only drawback to using them is that you have to pee in a cup and use a dropper to take the test instead of just peeing on the test stick. But it saves TONS of money.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 8:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   mystic_eye_cda

      The most sensitive and reliable brand for years was Walmart’s (equate?) the big names couldn’t be bothered to become as good so someone started a huge smear campaign.

      Today there’s not as much variation, however the ones with the least sensitivity are consistently some new really expensive brand.

      Pregnancy tests literally cost less than a penny per unit to make, they are almost pure profit there’s no reason to charge more than $1

      @Kerry the dollar store ones here are mid stream ones. I prefer the pee in a cup method but I can only ever find the pee-on-a-stick ones.

      Nov 17, 2010 at 8:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #4   CT

    The alleged blame must be apportioned to both man and woman so as to reduce the chance of being litigated against for discrimination.

    Nov 15, 2010 at 9:44 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #5   Krissy

    Actually, dollar store pregnancy tests work just as well as the expensive ones. Some of us just like to save money!

    Nov 15, 2010 at 9:49 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Heather

      I’ll have to take your word on that. I’ve never had the… uh… pleasure(?).

      Nov 15, 2010 at 10:00 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   pony girl

      Well, if you’re buying your condoms at the dollar store and find that you need to use pregnancy tests, I think maybe you might want to consider brand name condoms. ;)

      Nov 15, 2010 at 10:07 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   JetJackson

      But what’s wrong with the brand Passion Play? They are ‘New and Improved!’

      Nov 16, 2010 at 12:07 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   We shall speak anon

      Passion Play? Jesus…

      Nov 17, 2010 at 12:47 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #6   pony girl

    I see condoms, hair dye and some other unrelated items in that photo.
    I’ve never been to a dollar store; do they just throw their stuff all over and let shoppers just sift through it?

    I’m just wondering how those items are shelved together like that.

    Nov 15, 2010 at 10:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   kos

      I think you broke the code, there, Pony Girl. That’s probably their “personal care” section.

      Nov 15, 2010 at 10:18 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Alex T. Valencic

      It is true. Dollar stores don’t have any real rhyme or reason to their shelving. Next to the children’s colouring books are going to be the bras and panties, which are generally next to the chips and crackers.

      Either the system is random, or there’s some fetish out there that I am not aware of (nor have any desire to know about).

      Nov 15, 2010 at 10:50 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   aaa bang

      Depends on the dollar store, some are nicer than others. Dollar Tree is the nicest of the dollar stores in our area (not that it’s actually “nice” in a general sense) and everything is well organized. Family Dollar isn’t too bad, although it’s a tad gross, and Dollar General is pretty skeevy. The crappier the stores get, the less organized they are. The Dollar General around here pretends that they have some sort of method of organization, but think they stopped paying attention to where they were putting things on the shelves.

      Nov 15, 2010 at 11:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   FeRD bang

      The upper level looks like it’s probably shaving cream, so they all fall under “personal care”. (Ack, kos beat me to it.)

      If that stuff is grouped together, I’d say that’s weirdly organized compared to the average dollar store. I know, because the neighborhood I live in has one dollar store so large, it has a freezer section. (I swear. Just the thought of it is so gross.)

      Nov 16, 2010 at 3:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   FeRD bang

      Ack! Should have said “had”, I just remembered the place burned a few weeks back.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 3:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   Odious

      I discovered a fun way to anger the employees at Family Dollar: ask them why nothing costs just a dollar. Canned answer so far “It’s Family Dollar, not a dollar store!”.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 4:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #7   aaa bang

    Our local Dollar Tree has pregnancy tests right up at the cash register. Convenient, no?

    Nov 15, 2010 at 10:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Meesh

      I love the idea that it’s considered an impulse buy item, like gum.

      “Hmm, ready to check out. Oh look, gum, candy, magaz–what’s that? A pregnancy test? OH YEAH! I forgot that I missed my last period and might be carrying a child and therefore changing my life as I know it! I should grab one of those!”

      Nov 17, 2010 at 10:31 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #8   Russ

    1. I’m OK with them stealing condoms, I don’t want that person to reproduce (assuming they know how to use it right).

    2. Why would you steal condoms? You can get them at planned parenthood for free.

    Nov 15, 2010 at 11:37 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   aaa bang

      Theft is far more exciting. Maybe they’re sexually aroused by stealing things?

      Nov 15, 2010 at 11:41 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   Madrias

      wouldn’t surprise me.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   butt

      In my experience, PP is a hassle. The employees are as grumpy as the DMV, and there’s always a wait.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 11:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #9   shwo! bang

    Mmm, ribs…

    Nov 15, 2010 at 11:49 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Mo®

      The new and improved McRib condom now with more “sauce”!

      Nov 16, 2010 at 7:45 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #10   Jeremy

    I don’t get the big deal. FDA regulates all condoms/pregnancy tests, and they have to meet certain quality control standards. Trojan just has fabulous marketing.

    Pregnancy tests are the worst, actually – they have done studies showing what women expect to pay for them, and just price them at different price points in order to capture all segments of the market.

    Nov 16, 2010 at 8:03 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Mo®

      I thought that your comment was total BS until I checked the FDA website and found out about the guidelines they have for the industry. Amazing stuff in regards to what they make the industry test and conform to. There is even an ISO standard and the FDA guidelines are more stringent than the international ones.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 9:37 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   sarjo

      Well, it’s an important issue because: what if you ruin a perfectly good coat hanger for no good reason?

      Nov 16, 2010 at 1:04 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   clumber

      Oh c’mon ! You know you want to thumb it! Yes, YOU.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 1:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   Canthz_B bang

      It’s as important as what kind of car you drive, Jeremy.
      Women can tell a broke-ass-mother-fucker in so many different ways.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 10:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #11   divaandwriter bang

    “If you have to steal this we don’t think you are man or woman enough to do it anyway …”

    Do what? Steal cheap condoms or have sex? Or both?

    If you steal cheap condoms AND have sex, does that make you even less of a man or woman than you would be if all you did was steal cheap condoms?

    Nov 16, 2010 at 8:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   park rose bang

      The comment was intended to deflate them.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 9:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Z

      going to take more than that to deflate a hard on.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 11:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   rhysande

      Or prick their conscience.

      Nov 16, 2010 at 6:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   Meesh

      Whatever, they’re just being dicks.

      Nov 17, 2010 at 10:34 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #12   Angela

    Our local dollar store also carries pregnancy tests. Go figure.

    Nov 16, 2010 at 12:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   ian in hamburg

    I stole condoms from a pharmacy once.

    I lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone else. If people in line had seen me buying them, they’d have known exactly what stage the relationship with my girlfriend was at. I didn’t want that.

    We were both only 16, and this was 33 years ago. Maybe things have changed since then -.. but maybe not.

    Nov 16, 2010 at 1:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   sarjo

      Geez, Ian, you should have just asked your mom to buy them for you!

      Nov 16, 2010 at 1:14 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   ian in hamburg


      Nov 18, 2010 at 1:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   raychel

    Agree with some folks who posted before, Dollar Tree is a “nicer” dollar store (and everything is really just a dollar.) Other dollar stores give me the creeps. I never buy anything @ the dollar store that I would eat. Nuf Said

    Nov 16, 2010 at 1:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Sarjo bang

      Oooooh, fancy lady!

      Nov 16, 2010 at 1:51 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   Raincheck

      Guess I’d better rethink where to take you for our dumpster diving date then.

      Nov 17, 2010 at 11:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #15   anna

    The pack looks like it says “Bone Essential”

    Nov 16, 2010 at 3:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #16   GhostWriter bang

    I’d steal ‘em right off the sign, but it looks like Claire Danes is watching. She would be so disappointed in me…

    Nov 16, 2010 at 4:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #17   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger) bang

    Dollar store condoms? I suspect they were stolen by someone with very small feet — to protect their carpet from muddy footprints.

    Nov 16, 2010 at 5:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #18   Nora

    Our Dollar General (which is not actually a dollar store, weirdly enough) actually sells 3-packs of Durex now.

    Nov 17, 2010 at 4:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #19   Lenny!

    Does anybody else notice how this package looks like it lived and died in the 80s? Especially how the girl on the front has the 80s hairstyle. If this is the case, the thief might as well just have saved his efforts and should of went straight for the pregnancy test.

    Nov 18, 2010 at 11:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up


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