Memo to all employees (including specifically you)

November 18th, 2010 · 105 comments

Taylor in Tulsa, Oklahoma works — well, worked — at the front desk of a hotel. “When I started this job,” he says, “we were told we could eat in the back office so that if it got too busy we could stop our lunch and help out, but apparently my offensive burrito was over the top.” Taylor swears the dirty dishes weren’t his, but he was laid off anyway — after which, he adds, “the note was promptly removed.”

(“Outback,” by the way, refers to the employee dining area, not the steakhouse known for its “delicious” bread.)

The AYS staff is leaving dirty dishes behind the front desk. Eating is not allowed in the offices unless it is something minor like a bagel or a company sponsored meal like pizza. AYS associates are to take their breaks and eat in the Outback. Surfing the web while having a STINKY BURRITO and then leaving the dishes for someone else to clean up is not how we do it here. If you cannot abide by this we will address it using progressive discipline as outlined in the Associate Handbook.

Meanwhile, at a small office in Canada, our submitter says one of the company’s directors has a similar habit of sending out a pedantic “just FYI”-type memo to the entire staff each time she has run-in with another co-worker. (And yes, our submitter says, they’re always in Comic Sans.)

Hi all, It is with regret that I have to circulate the following email. Please understand that I would not send this message if it was not a big problem for me. As a person that is severely sensitive to smells I have to ask for your help. I am very sensitive to body odour and hope that folks in the office can be aware of this and try to minimize odour for the comfort of all office staff, including specifically me. Our space is small and when in a small room together the odours can be quite strong. Stale body odour on clothes can be avoided by regularly washing and changing clothes. Keep one's breath fresh, regular brushing, using mouthwash or breath mints/gum. Also, to avoid spreading germs to other office staff, given the onset of flu season, please wash hands frequently. Sneeze into a Kleenex and discard right away or sneeze into your sleeve not your hands. If you are under the weather the HR policy allows for sick time, so please stay home until you are better.

related: Complimentary body spray for all employees!

FILED UNDER: "helpful" advice · a little patronizing · all-staff e-mail · Comic Sans Alert · dishes · fired · food · hygiene · memo · message to all intended for one · odor · office cop · Ontario · Tulsa

105 responses so far ↓

  • #1   jfruh

    Ha ha, I love “including specifically me” so much!

    Nov 18, 2010 at 3:37 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   nobody

    is the bossman a 14 yr old girl in note #2?
    “ew, you smell!”
    “but mommy said i’m special!!”

    Nov 18, 2010 at 3:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Allie

    As a person that is severly sensitive to self-centered, whiny hypochondriacs I have to ask for your help. Please refrain from sending me ridiculous memos regarding your petty complaints. The world, and I, have a lot bigger problems than b.o.

    Nov 18, 2010 at 3:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Mo®

    That wasn’t a burrito he left on her desk. :razz:

    Nov 18, 2010 at 4:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger) bang

    “…sneeze into a kleenex and discard right away…”

    Thank God you came along. Because I can’t find a single box of kleenex with directions on it and those damned tissues are so confusing to operate.

    Nov 18, 2010 at 4:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Kay

      LOL yes! people don’t know about the discarding step! I worked in a boardroom on an advisory team for 6 months during cold, bronchitis, and pneumonia season one year, and some of the pigs on the team thought used tissues belonged all over the tables and computer keyboards! Seriously. Adults. We found them everywhere but in the bin. That may be when I switched from being merely P/A to being aggressive.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 6:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   cotton

    good lord, comic sans is begging to be the victim of workplace violence. pain in the ass

    Nov 18, 2010 at 4:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   The Elf

      No kidding. Ms. Comic Sans must be an absolute JOY to work with. I bet she weilds a wicked can of lysol.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 10:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Mike

      But please consider the environment before exploding in violence.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 3:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Talia

    Taylor, that sucks. But I hope you at least got canned for a Taco Bueno burrito and not a nasty Taco Bell one.

    Southern Marriot sucks anyhow. Go to 71st and work at the Renaissance!

    Nov 18, 2010 at 5:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   punkypower

    The notewriter should just take a more direct approach and put some soap, deodorant and mouthwash on the offender’s desk. That’s what we did when my high school government teacher’s breath was stinky enough to peel the paint off a Buick.

    Nov 18, 2010 at 5:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Kym

    The first thing this “person” should do is get a dictionary and learn how to spell odor! Next, quit and go start a business where only nice smelling things happen!

    Nov 18, 2010 at 5:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   WMDKitty

      I think that’ s the British spelling, but I could be wrong.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 5:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Thorbjørn

      You must be american…

      Nov 18, 2010 at 5:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   Diane

      That’s how it spelled in Canada, eh.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 5:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   SB

      Oh, duh. Never seen odour before? Colour, maybe?

      Nov 18, 2010 at 5:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.5   SB

      Oh, and your name is spelled wrong.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 5:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.6   Patti

      We spell it that way in UK and Australia. Before you correct us and tell us to get a dictionary, here are a few more words we spell differently…
      centre, tyre, gaol, neighbour, flavour, colour, theatre, behaviour. There are many more, but I think you get my point.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 5:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.7   Hear Me Roar

      Someone REALLY needs to stop watching Dancing With The Stars and American Idol and get out more. Maybe to the library.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 6:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.8   AbeFroman

      The connotaion of an “odour” seems different to me than an “odor”. An “odor” reminds me the putrid stench from under my scrotum, while an “odour” (if pronounced with a French accent)reminds me of little tiny quiches and bite sized hot dogs.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 7:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.9   Liz

      Actually, as I was reading the note, I found that “odour” had stronger odoriferous connotations for me than “odor”.

      Maybe it’s because it’s so close to O’Doull’s in spelling.

      Or maybe because I’ve known some amazingly odourific Europeans.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 8:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.10   clumber

      Oooh! Ooooh! Pick me! I know another!
      My daddy will be so proud. Plus, it applies extra for these laboureous labour issues.

      *PROUDLY raised regularly viewing Brit humour even here in USA and even hampered by public education!

      Nov 18, 2010 at 10:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.11   Canthz_B bang

      Abe, I love horse-doovers!! :-D

      Nov 19, 2010 at 5:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.12   The Elf

      I know! What is it with the Commonwealth and their extraneous “u”s? It is so uncivilised. I hate to critise their judgement, but it throws off the whole metre of the sentence. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think they were taking the Mickey at all us across the pond. Just when I think I have it all sussed out, I read another one. It’s quite the sticky wicket. You practically need a new encyclopaedia to memorise it all. But in their defence, it is the *English* language, so keep a stiff upper lip, mate.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 11:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.13   Noelegy

      Thank Teddy Roosevelt. It was because of him that the US adopted the spellings of several words that now differentiate us from the rest of the world, such as odour, flavour, realise, criticise, etc., being changed to odor, flavor, realize, and criticize.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 4:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.14   modernmoron

      No, thank Noah Webster.

      Nov 20, 2010 at 8:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.15   paranoidandroid

      the english, aussies and canadians all spell it ‘odour’, its only the americans who find the u superfluous lol. same as with colour and harbour.

      Dec 1, 2010 at 11:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   ClearlyDemented

    Dear Director, Finance and Administration,

    Did you know that oversensitivity to smells could be a sign of brain cancer and/or snottybitch syndrome? I’ll advise you to restrain from discussing your symptoms in such an open forum; I’m sure you remember what happened when we learned of Wally’s IBS. I would hate to have to turn you in for violating your own HIPAA rights.

    Manager, Mentally/Emotionally Challenged

    Nov 18, 2010 at 5:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Madrias


      Nov 18, 2010 at 7:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   meri

      I’m going to have to remember that ‘violating your own HIPAA rights’ line! Excellent.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 11:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   WMDKitty

      Eh, all HIPAA does is keep the doctor from discussing the patients’ condtion(s) with others. The patient is perfectly free to discuss all s/he wants.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 3:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   Canthz_B bang

      That’s not all HIPAA does, but in the real world, HIPAA doesn’t even really do much of that, since patients routinely sign consent forms authorizing release of information to third parties such as insurance companies.
      HIPAA is “feel-good” legislation for the most part.
      Sure, now no one should get your personal health information without your consent now, but no one was asking for it before HIPAA passed anyway.

      Privacy is but a minor portion of the Act. The “P’ stands for “Portability”, as it is the “Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act”.

      Feel better now? :roll:

      Nov 19, 2010 at 4:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   GhostWriter bang

      I always thought HIPAA was a group of hippopotamuses. 

      Nov 19, 2010 at 12:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   jayskinner70

      Errr…I think that may be hippopotami.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 1:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.7   Noelegy

      Gawd. Can I just add here, speaking as someone who’s worked in medical billing for several years, that it drives me absolutely coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs when someone spells it “HIPPA?” We have memos everywhere on our shared fax/copiers reminding us not to leave documents there because it could violate “HIPPA.” I just want to ask whoever posted those exactly what they think that acronym means, and explain the superfluous P.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 4:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.8   Janellionaire

      Actually it’s “hippopotomaces” or alternately, “hippopotomae”.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 8:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.9   anglophile

      DU-UH! It’s hippopotamoose!

      (or at least that’s how they spell it in England)

      Nov 19, 2010 at 9:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.10   Canthz_B bang

      Noelegy, I’ve been in health insurance for, well…let’s just say a long time now, and I’ve heard some people think it’s the Health Information Privacy Protection Act.

      And don’t try to tell them it’s something different altogether either! ;-)

      This is what happens when the news media understand Privacy, but not Portability, so they report on the Privacy aspects (which are actually part of the Accountability provisions) not on Portability (the ability of an employee to retain benefits, such as a pension plan or insurance coverage, when switching employers), and the public remains uninformed.

      Nov 20, 2010 at 1:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   la

    Sorry, but for the most part I agree with the second note-writer. The “including specifically me” part is kind of ridiculous, but as a fragrance allergy sufferer, I can assure you that one wrong odor can be MISERABLE. Body odor is bad enough but my problem is really with perfumes, some detergents, etc. The first thing I notice is a dry burning in my sinuses. If I can’t get away, this turns into a throbbing headache. If the scent still persists, I’ll eventually get nauseated and dizzy and have actually had to be driven home a couple of times.

    In my case, and I suspect many others’ as well, it has nothing to do with whether a fragrance smells “good” or “bad.” There are perfumes I love but can’t get within 50 ft of because they trigger my symptoms. To all of you who are mocking this woman…do so because of her holier-than-thou attitude, not your perception of the validity of her condition.

    Nov 18, 2010 at 5:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   kmd

      Well, la, she is mockable because there is no such thing in the wide world as an allergy to body odor. We all know that perfumes and strongly scented soaps can be debilitating to folks who are allergic to them.

      But the stuff that’s present to cause that kind of reaction from perfumes is just not there in body odor. The note writer is trying to take your malady and use it to justify her Queen Shit of Turd Mountain abuse of her position.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 6:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   jadefirefly

      Yeah, there’s sort of a difference, though, between “Hey guys, someone’s wearing a cologne that’s really triggering my allergies, can we dial it down a notch?” and “Oh my god, you guys STINK. For the love of ME, go take a bath! If you’ve forgotten how, here’s some helpful directions, you slovenly pigs!”.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 7:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   meri

      Damn! I’m in luck tonight! ‘Queen Bitch of Turd Mountain’ is hilarious!

      Nov 18, 2010 at 11:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   timothy d

      Isn’t it Queen Shit?

      Nov 19, 2010 at 3:17 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   Callista

      Oddly enough, there is such a thing as an “allergy” to body odor. Go do a Google on sensory integration disorder. Basically, this is a condition where you can’t ignore things that are coming into your senses, including everything from the “wrong” texture on your clothing to fluorescent lights to perfumes, food smells, and yes, body odor. I know one person with sensory integration disorder who cannot cook food in her apartment because it will literally give her a migraine. She has to eat at a restaurant or make cold food at home, and the more she’s exposed to things that overload her, the more easy it is for her to get overloaded. So she spends most of her time in environments that don’t cause this kind of “brain freeze” (seriously, that’s how she describes it), so that she can tolerate them for short periods of time when necessary.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 9:09 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.6   GhostWriter bang

      I had to stop making puppy stew in my apartment, because the piercing howls literally gave me a migraine. Now I only eat puppy stew at fine restaurants.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 12:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.7   WMDKitty

      @Canthz — I suffer from said disorder, and it’s pretty much exactly as you described. It’s also one of those conditions that will leave you feeling like you’re going crazy, because you’re the only one that can see the flickering of the industrial fluorescent lighting.

      Nov 20, 2010 at 3:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.8   Canthz_B bang

      WMDKitty, sorry, but where did I say anything derogatory about “said disorder”?
      Or is this just another of your disorders manifesting itself?

      Nov 22, 2010 at 2:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.9   WMDKitty

      Where did I say or imply that you did? Or did the English language suddenly invert itself, to where agreement is now disagreement?

      I was just saying it’s a bitch of a disorder, and it tends to go along with brain damage and autism-spectrum disorders. I have Cerebral Palsy (which is its own post, thx), and yeah, I have a lot of shit wrong with me. But where the hell do you get off making a crack about my “disorders”?

      Seriously, that comment just came across as insulting and condescending.

      Nov 22, 2010 at 3:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.10   Canthz_B bang

      WMDKitty, you did so at 11.7. Didn’t say I bad-mouthed, but dragged me into it nonetheless.

      I had no comments on this thread of comments saying any such thing, or even on this page!
      Why did you address me specifically? I was uninvolved.
      I know you have a crush on me, but please keep a clear head (and call me “CB”. Addressing me as “can this” is kinda silly). You were probably just still pissed about me explaining HIPAA farther up, but just because you are a patient does not make you an expert on what the laws are. Leave that to those of use who do it for a living. ;-)

      Nov 22, 2010 at 4:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.11   WMDKitty

      *scrolls up*

      Aaah, I see where I screwed up! I was replying to Callista, but directed it at you!

      I’m sorry, CB, that was my mistake.

      And no, no crush here, I’m happily taken. Though I do rather like most of your comments.

      As for HIPAA, it really is there to protect your information from misuse by others. It does not, however, prevent the patient from discussing their medical information with others. (Because said information does, legally, belong to the patient.)

      Nov 22, 2010 at 5:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.12   Canthz_B bang

      WMDKitty, the main thrust of the legislation is Portability…keeping people insured as they move between jobs so that they are not subject to pre-existing condition clauses with their new carrier (thank the Democrats for looking out for you).
      While Privacy is included in the Accountability portion (a bone the Clinton Administration tossed to the GOP), it is NOT the MAJOR benefit insureds gain from the Act, as personal health information has always been protected information. Trust me, I’ve been in the health insurance business for over 25 years and I know of what I speak. No one was giving out your personal health information before HIPAA passed. HIPAA just imposes penalties for doing so on the rare occasions that may happen without your specific consent. In that regard, HIPPA is feel-good, bullshit that just creates more paperwork for you to fill out. Another hoop for you to jump through to get your information to those who need it to care for you. Government involvement in your personal life insisted upon by…surprise!!…the REPUBLICAN PARTY, under the guise of giving you “control” of your health care information!!! What are you really going to control? Which doctor are you NOT going to allow to see your complete history? Because, let’s face it, no one was going to tell your employer or nextdoor neighbor anything if they called and asked for it before HIPAA anyway. That’s just not how things worked in insurance companies or providers’ offices. I’m sure there are folks here who work in providers’ offices who will confirm that. Your info has always been confidential, and has never been spread willy-nilly. HIPAA privacy provisions are just a pain in everyone’s ass. But they make some people (read paranoid assholes) feel better.

      For the most part, the only new thing HIPAA did for you had to do with Portability.

      This is not intended to be a complete explanation, just enough to give a basic understanding…there’s a lot more, but we don’t need that here.

      People discussing their own maladies was part of a freaking JOKE, get with the program. I’m pretty sure most people understand implied consent even if they don’t know the term.

      ♫ Ya gotta know when to hold’em, know when to fold’em…♫ ;-)

      Nov 23, 2010 at 12:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   pony girl

    I don’t get this whole ‘sneeze into your arm’ thing.

    Can’t I just sneeze into my hands and, oh, I don’t know, wash them (and also keep my hands to myself?)

    Must I really walk around with snot all over my silk blouse all day?

    Nov 18, 2010 at 5:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Dalamara

      Sadly, most people who sneeze on their hands do not rush right over to the faucet and wash.

      If you actually have a cold and need to sneeze, you might want to use a tissue instead of your hands or sleeve anyway. I know I don’t want snot on my hands OR blouse.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 7:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   cleanuponaisle2

      … ridiculous as it seems, they now tell children to “pretend you’re an elephant!” so that when they sneeze into their ‘elbow’, they actually look and SOUND like elephants… (trunk and snout?) It’s kinda brilliant, because as a kid, this works decently… but the flaw? As an adult, well… you get the point…

      Nov 18, 2010 at 10:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   pony girl

      Well, if one is out and about and for some reason does not have a handkerchief, nor tissues on their person (why anyone over the age of 25 would not usually have at least one or the other, is beyond me. Note I said usually not always), they are told to sneeze onto their arm.

      I’d much rather sneeze into my hands and then hold them closed until I can clean them, than walk around with snot on my blouse. It’s much easier to clean my hands while I’m out an about, than my blouse.

      I certainly don’t see the need to rush to clean them, just keep your hands to yourself, and clean them when possible. I mean, if I am unable to clean my hands free of snot, then surely I would be unable to clean my blouse. I just think it’s so stupid. I’ve seen people at the bookstore, at the grocery store, cafes, and walking down the street fretfully trying to sneeze into their arms and fail miserably, getting snot all over their clothing and others nearby. If they had just used their hands, they would have kept it to themselves and been easily rid of it when they could attend to it.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 10:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.4   pony girl

      I can do that elephant thing!
      A friend of mine taught me in high school.
      Haven’t done that in years.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 10:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.5   TippingCows

      Germs are so scary.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 3:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.6   The Elf

      Germaphobes are so scary.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 11:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.7   pony girl

      Getting snot out of a silk blouse is scary.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 12:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.8   *snerk*

      There was a Mythbusters episode about this. Sneezing into the crook of your elbow keeps the snot from scattering. Sneezing into hands, tissue, or handkerchief does not. So if you’re standing and talking to someone and sneeze, you will spray them with germs if you stick with hands/tissue/hanky.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 1:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.9   pony girl

      Gimme a freakin’ break.
      I’m going with personal experience here, thanks.
      Besides, most of the time I’m just happy if people attempt to cover their mouth when they sneeze or cough.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 6:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.10   Janellionaire

      You know they make these sleeve thingies now for you to sneeze into. I think they’re called Sneezies but I can’t seem to find them on the internet now. So you don’t have to get snot on your silk blouse. Your can just wear some gawdawful leg-warmer type of deal with snot on it instead!

      Nov 19, 2010 at 8:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.11   kathy

      Do you mean a tissue?

      Nov 21, 2010 at 8:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.12   Canthz_B bang

      I’m always amazed that some people can’t seem to hold a sneeze in…as if it is somehow not satisfying enough unless one spews forth spittle like an erupting germ volcano.

      Nov 22, 2010 at 1:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   SB

    Regarding the second note–nice try, but a waste of time. The stinky people NEVER realize it’s them. I’ll never forget the time the Office Stinkybritches made fun of my department’s acronym, B. O., while all of us tried to avoid looking at each other.

    Nov 18, 2010 at 5:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   cyffermoon

      True. In my previous office the smelly jerk complained loudly about everybody else’s food and perfume, while her pits were constantly soaked and her cheesy BARE (!) feet had stink lines coming off of them.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 6:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   WMDKitty

      Eh, it’s not that her feet were bare, it’s just that she’s probably not aware of good foot-paw hygiene. Really, going bare-pawed is GOOD for you.

      Nov 20, 2010 at 3:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   ammali

      Oh, gosh, we have one of those too. She’s really sweet, though, so we try not to worry too much, but she smells exactly like a litter box. SERIOUSLY. When I first started here, I didn’t know about it, and when I walked by her desk I was honestly looking around for a dirty litter box and wondering how someone was allowed to keep a cat in the office. She smells just like it–the litter, the urine and poop smells being covered up by the chemical scents in the litter–everything. She has two kids, but I guess she must have a ton of cats too, because you have to be around a lot of it all the time to carry the smell so perfectly everywhere you go. It’s nasty.

      Nov 22, 2010 at 8:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   JDub bang

      Some people out there need to learn how to use deodorant. One of my former female colleagues never uses deo, and to spice things up, she never bothered “trimming” her underarm hair. Not saying everybody should shave, but if you’re going to be wearing a tank top all the time and perspire excessively, please consider others?

      Dec 8, 2010 at 11:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Stinky

    I work outdoors and have a tendency to get pretty funky, anyway. Once I went after work to chiropractor. Someone complained to a different practitioner and I was requested to come clean thenceforth (started making appts on Saturdays). Fair enough, except I’m 99% sure the complainer was the woman who came in after me reeking of perfume so strong I almost got sick. At least my smells are natural (and, though I get funky, I clean up daily when needed–this was not accumulated reek).

    Go Team BO! Too many perfumes in the world.

    Nov 18, 2010 at 5:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   SB

      Sorry, no points for your BO being “natural.” BO and nasty perfume are equally bad.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 5:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   Sean Jungian

      Halle-fuckin’-lujah Stinky. I have never had any complaints about my smell, but I have had PLENTY of these self-righteous arbiters-of-odor gripe to me ALL damn day about someone else’s. I’ve smelled them myself, and honestly, BO doesn’t bother me in the least. I don’t care for the strong colognes that seem almost visible, but I don’t pitch a bitch about it. There are a lot of (seems to be particularly women) with sensitive sniffers, it seems, but they also like to flaunt it like its a super-power or something. If I worked with Notewriter #2, I’d skip a few showers. Fuck her.

      And to the cologne-allergy-sufferers: Fuck you, too. Get a disability dispensation if its so horrible.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 6:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   TippingCows

      I am pretty sensitive to smells but I know that I AM SENSITIVE therefore, if I don’t like something I’ve got to figure out a way to work around it, not make the whole world work around me. And if it’s so bad it’s giving me a headache (like some perfumes do) I’ll just say something nicely. No biggie.
      And if it doesn’t get fixed, I leave a burrito in their mailbox – problem solved.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 3:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   WMDKitty

      If it’s a smell strong enough to make me physically ill, and it’s interfering with my work, I have EVERY RIGHT to request that the odor (and/or source of the odor) is removed. In fact, if it’s making me sick, I can make a case for disability accommodations requiring the workplace to be fragrance-free.

      Nov 20, 2010 at 3:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   zenvelo

    Canada, eh? Not gonna get better. I have never smelled as many rancid pits as I did on the dance floor at a wedding reception in British Columbia. Even the bride coulda scared a skunk.

    Nov 18, 2010 at 5:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Listay1

    Odour is the British spelling and is accepted as a “correct” form of spelling world-wide (except in the USA where people can’t spell).

    a Literature and Linguistics Nerd in New Zealand.

    Nov 18, 2010 at 6:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Hear Me Roar

      Everyone but Kym seems to already know that, Listay1.

      What we didn’t know is that all of the poor spellers in the world live in the USA.

      Thanks for that bit of educated trivia.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 6:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Sick of Anglophile snobs

      Apparently all the English speakers and writers of Taiwan, The Philippines, Central and South America (save Belize), mainland China, Vietnam, Liberia, etc are all WRONG and only the vaunted imperialist British spellings are to be “learnt” because apparently some tool in New Zealand has decided that American English and its offshoots are not “correct”. Guess what? British English is inconsistent and annoying: “kerb” when “curb” already exists as a perfectly good word, have y’all decided if “jail” can finally replace the absurd “gaol”? Stephen Fry doesn’t think so. How about the bizarre “f” sound that British English inserts into the word “lieutenant”, and the short ‘a’ into the word “clerk”? Except for northerners, British English speakers forget the ‘r’ in words like “arm”, “farm”, “barn”, “tart”. There’s also the pretentious faux-French pronunciation of “vAHse” for “vase” but then “fill-it” for “fillet” and “gill-a-teen” for guillotine? Some of what you Commonwealth English users call “American” spellings: -ize over -ise and “program” over “programme” are actually preferred by the OED and used by Canadians too! The -ise and -mme are actually AFFECTATIONS taken on by British snobs in the 19th century–the “American” spellings are more authentic! Is British English really somehow better?

      The fact is English is amazing because of its diversity–Commonwealth English users need to get off their communal high horse and realiZe that American English is to be as respected and appreciated as much as Commonwealth English. So there.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 8:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   matt

      it’s not so much different spelling that I hate about the US. It’s the fact they have to be different in everything – using imperial measure, spelling, definition of torture, who the geneva convention does and does not apply to etc. Is there any other nation on earth so determined to be different in everything just for the sake of being different? That attitude really pisses me off.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 9:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   Canthz_B bang

      We’re not trying to be different, we just like making the rest of the world crave our so-called culture.
      Well, we were different in one thing. We had the balls to tell the British monarchy to go fuck itself, and if it didn’t like it, it should try to make us stay under its rule.
      It tried…it lost. We had the good taste to repay the French for their help by kicking the Nazis back where they came from for them…seeing as how the French and British together couldn’t keep them out, it was the least we could do.

      I’d suggest that anyone who doesn’t like it boycott denim or something to make a point that most folks don’t care all that much about.

      Guess it just goes with the territory of being the most powerful nation on the planet…remember what that felt like? :-P

      Funny thing is, no one was very upset with America until they had their fat pulled out of the fire in two world wars by us and the sun finally DID set on their empires.
      And before you bring up Viet Nam, remember that the US was only engaged there because the French couldn’t handle their business and got their asses handed to them at Bien Dien Phu, with their brilliant military strategy of holding a valley instead of the high ground.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 11:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.5   anglophile

      Geeze, Sick. What did I ever do to you? :(

      Nov 19, 2010 at 4:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.6   matt

      haha “most powerful nation on planet” – maybe, before the GFC brought the US to it’s knees. Now the US is in the perfect position to give others blow jobs to get back up to the top. :b

      Nov 19, 2010 at 8:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.7   Sick of Anglophile snobs

      I don’t defend the pro-America red-white-blue-worship-the-flag jingoism that is common in U.S. society, but I absolutely condemn the anti-American English attitude common in the Commonwealth English world–we use different spellings not “just to be different” but because language changes all by itself and it just happens that in most cases American English evolved (Evolution: I admit its bizarre there are Americans who deny the reality of evolution BTW) into a more logical form. You cite the “imperial” measurement system–fascinating that you condemn America for using an old British-devised system instead of the (admittedly better) SI measurements immediately after condemning American English for not following old illogical (and in some cases new and affected) constructions and spellings! You can’t have it both ways. Also, living in the UK as I do I know that miles, inches, pints (for milk and beer), and stones/pounds (for human body weight) are still more commonly used in everyday life here so the U.S.A. isn’t the only “sinner” when it comes to the customary measurement system.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 12:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.8   park rose bang

      SoAS, Spellcheck favours American spelling even when the speller is not American. It would be nice if a system was designed that honoured both. I would feel fake and pretentious if I said “Vayse” instead of “Vahse” – I was not taught to pronounce it the way you do. Both are fine.

      Likewise, if I said “erb” instead of “herb” I would feel pretentious, yet, I know the American pronunciation is closer to the French. Those of us who have travelled and taught in countries other than our place of origin, as you have, often need to adopt other systems and ways of spelling. The American form of spelling and pronunciation is the default system for most EFL. It can be frustrating and alienating when the actual teacher does not come from the same system, but that’s the way it is.
      I don’t think that we who do not pronounce the middle or final “r” forget it. It’s just not part of our dialect. Of course, it means that here in the States, the recorded voice machine never understands me. Today I had an enquiry. It asked me if I wanted a), b) of other. Of course it could only understand me, when, pretentious for me, or fake, or whatever word you want to use, I had to articulate the “r” at the end of the word very clearly. Quite funny – and my accent means that in the States, at least, those voice response machines get very frustrated with me and I end up talking to a real person.
      If saying “vahse” is affected, well, I don’t know any differently -but yes, language changes. The Labor party in Australia is spelt that way because that was a popular spelling in the 1800′s, but not now.
      Additionally, within the U.S. the language changes are not actually blanket, so I wonder about the logic in its application. Apparently a lot of the spellings that are popular with people who use a form of British English came into force just as English shifted from a more Germanic pronunciation and use, which is why the spellings fit once, but often no longer do (I think).
      I guess when people do not feel part of the hegemony they do get over-sensitive. The small dog always barks loudly at the large one ;)

      Nov 19, 2010 at 5:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Kay

    I must say, I am a little interested in knowing more about the “progressive discipline” mentioned in the first note. ;-)

    Nov 18, 2010 at 6:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   timothy d

      I’m assuming that’s nice way of saying “strike policy.”

      Nov 19, 2010 at 3:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   The Elf

      Spankings. Then the oral sex. Too bad Taylor couldn’t stay a little longer.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 11:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.3   Sirius¤ bang

      Don’t forget your safe word, Kay!

      Nov 19, 2010 at 11:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.4   The Elf


      Nov 19, 2010 at 1:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.5   seacurs

      Did you say fluggen-kliggin-kien?

      Nov 19, 2010 at 3:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.6   Sarah

      *In march tough-looking brutes in matching leather dresses holding several large, fully-vibrating dildoes connected by metal and aimed at your anus*

      Nov 29, 2010 at 10:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   LA22

    uhhh I could not be more positive I worked with the second note writer. to the submitter: is this from a law firm?? ps if it is i can’t stand her, and i happily don’t work there anymore…so you can say if it is haha

    Nov 18, 2010 at 7:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   Divvitar

    The second note writer should have to spend an hour on a commuter bus in Greece. Between the Turkish cigarettes and B.O., she will welcome the smells at the office! :P

    Nov 18, 2010 at 8:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   Andie

    I would purposefully stink up myself, or bring in something that resembles body odor, if I got that email. Just to piss her off. I can’t stand people like that (even though body odor IS gross, obvs).

    Nov 18, 2010 at 8:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   pony girl

      try bell peppers. from a pizza. they smell very similar to body odor, and body odour, as well.

      Nov 18, 2010 at 10:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   Madrias

      Or eat the peppers and some beans and fart by her desk. Bean farts with spicy peppers linger and stink something awful.

      Nov 19, 2010 at 11:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   cleanuponaisle2

    … and you’d BETTER use Kleenex brand… because Puffs just ain’t cuttin’ it around here…

    Nov 18, 2010 at 10:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Nahhh bang

    My dentist has a sign up front that says: “Please don’t wear scent on appointment day. The doctor is allergic. Thanks!” He says he’s never had a problem with people complying. Directness FTW!

    Nov 18, 2010 at 11:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    I was going to do something with James Brown’s “Too Funky In Here”, but have you seen what lyrics websites make of James’ lyrics?

    They’re even harder to read than to pick-up by ear…YEEOOUUWW!!

    Nov 19, 2010 at 12:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Ih8stinkers

    Understandable. I have to ride the subway, and it’s amazing how many people smell like BO. Shower, plz.

    Nov 19, 2010 at 10:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   seacurs

      Have you ever heard it said that someone’s odor could “knock a buzzard off a shit wagon?”

      Nov 19, 2010 at 3:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Lidda

    There is only one proper and socially acceptable response to these letters, and that is, “Fuck you. Specifically you.”

    Nov 19, 2010 at 10:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Barb H

    Wow! Does “progressive discipline” include whips and leather? Bring it on! The woman in the second memo needs one of those giant hamster balls, with ventilation ports that can be closed up. I wonder what SHE smells like?

    Nov 19, 2010 at 3:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   Hyacinth

    It might be important to note that in many states requiring staff to work during lunch (Taylor said, “When I started this job we were told we could eat in the back office so that if it got too busy we could stop our lunch and help out…”) is against labor laws. My husband’s employer lost this battle and all the salaried employees in all the stores got extra money from them, courtesty of a ruling by the labor board.

    Nov 23, 2010 at 11:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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