Our submitter, April, fills us in on a little background: The CMB building on the UT-Austin campus is home to Austin’s local PBS station, KLRU, and NPR affiliate, KUT, as well as classrooms for the University’s Radio-TV-Film department.
Apparently, one of the jokers frequenting this building is fond of pressing his or her nose on the surface of the stainless steel elevator doors — or at least that’s the conclusion drawn by the exasperated author of the following screed.
related: Some suggestions for elevator small talk
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67 responses so far ↓
#1
allthatglittaz
Don’t those budweiser dudes sing a tribute to this guy in a commercial? “Guy who draws on the elevator doors everyday with his nose grease”
Nov 19, 2010 at 4:26 pm rating: 45
#2
iam.jlj
Now this is what I call passive aggressive. I am a bit put off by the note though, as I am a very greasy faced gentleman whom enjoys a little face-to glass/steel/paper time when so inclined. I didn’t know it made people so sad. I’m sorry.
Nov 19, 2010 at 4:27 pm rating: 27
#3
Woman on the Verge
Way to give guy who draws on elevator doors every day with his nose grease ideas. Now he’ll start drawing on elevator doors with his ass hole.
Nov 19, 2010 at 4:27 pm rating: 59
#4
Woman on the Verge
Do you think McDonalds will sign him as a spokesperson like that obnoxious Subway dude?
Nov 19, 2010 at 4:29 pm rating: 19
#5
trentblase
“touched daily by God knows how many hands”
Who touches elevator doors? It’s not like they have doorknobs.
Nov 19, 2010 at 4:42 pm rating: 41
#6
atxnative
That’s a letter from John Aielli. Nobody else in that building could possibly be so fucking long-winded.
Nov 19, 2010 at 4:46 pm rating: 20
#7
cuffed
This is genius. Best PAN ever…
Nov 19, 2010 at 5:17 pm rating: 17
#8
Harmy G
In my office building, the cleaning person leaves cleaning supplies in the elevator when they start doing their nightly rounds. A greasy mop handle could be the culprit.
Nov 19, 2010 at 5:35 pm rating: 2
#9
Conners
I would love to be friends with both the PAN author AND the guy who draws on the elevator doors every day with his nose grease.
Nov 19, 2010 at 5:39 pm rating: 11
#10
Oink
Superbly well-delivered. 10/10.
Nov 19, 2010 at 5:42 pm rating: 13
#11
Meredith
I’m disappointed that there is no nose grease drawing picture to accompany the note to be able to analyze it better.
Nov 19, 2010 at 6:04 pm rating: 32
#12
the Librarian
Dear Guy I Clotheslined as You Went by on Your Bike,
You don’t know me, but I’m the guy who broke your collarbone. Now, I’ve asked myself over and over, “Why did I clothesline that guy?” Perhaps I watched too much slapstick as a kid and expected you to get up after being violently assaulted. Imagine my confusion when you did not, although I was not so confused that I’d actually hang around.
In all fairness, it was pretty funny. I mean, the last thing you’d expect as you were riding merrily by on your bicycle is that someone you didn’t know at all would stick out his arm and crush your throat.
I mean, you really should have seen it. It was just like WHAM! BAM! Anyway…
In closing, as you lay there convalescing in your hospital bed, I’m forced to wonder, “What were you doing riding your bike on the sidewalk anyway? Huh, ya asshole? SideWALK!”
Maybe sometimes we bring heartache upon ourselves.
Signed,
The Guy That Collapsed Your Trachea
Nov 19, 2010 at 6:21 pm rating: 43
#13
Janellionaire
Sigh. I couldn’t read the whole thing. Was it funny?
Nov 19, 2010 at 8:31 pm rating: 10
#14
blinker
I think this is pretty brilliant. And I’d say the face print points to the original work of art being nose grease as opposed to a mop handle or finger. Plus nose grease is way funnier than finger grease.
Nov 19, 2010 at 10:45 pm rating: 5
#15
We shall speak anon
Nose grease is the word, is the word that you heard
I spread it on walls, doors and ceilings
Nose grease is the slime on my face — it’s my lotion
Nose grease keeps my dry skin from peeling
Nov 19, 2010 at 11:13 pm rating: 15
#16
bowloftoast
Why assume it’s his nose? Maybe he’s just very tall.
Nov 19, 2010 at 11:36 pm rating: 25
#17
Pylgrim
*sigh* another genius misunderstood in his time. He will obviously will die in misery and ignominy but one century from now, his brilliance -both facial and artistic- will be acknowledged, earning his rightful place as the flagbearer of that important avant-garde movement, the nosegreaseism.
Nov 20, 2010 at 2:06 am rating: 3
#18
Alex T. Valencic
I owned a custodial company for a long time. I will never cease to be amazed at the marks left on elevator doors. Also, the oil from skin is extremely difficult to remove, even using chemicals supposedly formulated for that purpose. So it is possible that the custodians clean the doors, and then the prints just show up again. (It happened to my cleaning crews all the time.)
Also, there is no way that a mop handle or other cleaning implement can be mistaken for a face print.
Nov 20, 2010 at 9:01 am rating: 5
#19
Mo®
The cheese that had been his oeuvre had lost the oomph he was looking for.
Nov 20, 2010 at 10:25 am rating: 3
#20
Not Jen
Without a picture of the grease paintings, it’s hard to judge whether this is a true PAN, or just a weird rant.
Nov 20, 2010 at 2:07 pm rating: 2
#21
Canthz_B
I wonder if “nose grease” is a euphemism for something which would be stickier to describe.
I’m hoping it will come to me, but ‘snot gonna happen. It’s still a running thought though!
Nov 20, 2010 at 2:12 pm rating: 0
#22
ashmeadow
No, it doesn’t beg the question.
Pretentious fail.
Nov 20, 2010 at 8:55 pm rating: 4
#23
Non-Mommy
I thought this was brilliant. I know it’ll make the guy probably do worse things, but I think it is awesome haha.
Nov 21, 2010 at 9:45 am rating: 1
#24
Laguna Beach Fogey
Probably one of those African or Mexican workers American universities use these days. It’s definitely a political or racial act.
Memo to White students: pay attention. And retaliate.
Nov 21, 2010 at 9:34 pm rating: 0
#25
ammali
How does the note writer *know* it’s nose grease?
Nov 22, 2010 at 7:55 am rating: 1
#26
People are Funny
AWESOME!
Nov 23, 2010 at 7:54 am rating: 0
#27
Lhyzz
How does he know it’s his nose? Wouldn’t it be far more likely that this guy is drawing on the elevator doors with his finger?
Nov 23, 2010 at 11:53 am rating: 0
#28
Le lac
Nose grease is a very odd conclusion. More than likely, this isn’t the work of any one person, but just the hundreds of students who put their hands on the doors every day as they cram themselves into the elevator.
They ought to come over and see the awesome “nose grease” pictures on my stainless steel refrigerator.
Nov 23, 2010 at 4:13 pm rating: 2
#29
clumber
Couldn’t the elevator door be rigged with some sort of liquid nitrogen contraption, thus catching the artist by his very “brush” ?
And a live webcam. Please. I’ll take the day off.
Nov 23, 2010 at 5:57 pm rating: 2
#30
Nyan
I’m guessing the note author reads “Open Letters to People or Entities who are Unlikely to Respond” on McSweeney’s Internet Tendancy. http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/openletters/
Nov 24, 2010 at 2:50 am rating: 1
#31
arj
The offices of KUT would have a hyper-literate cleaning staff
Dec 7, 2010 at 11:30 pm rating: 0
#32 Funniest (not necessarily passive-aggressive) notes of 2010 | PassiveAggressiveNotes.com
[...] Elevator Nose Grease [...]
Jan 4, 2011 at 8:11 am rating: 0
#33
Amanda
You know, here in Austin, TX, we have a phrase to live by: “Keep Austin Weird.” Whoever wrote this silly letter needs to keep our city and its credo in mind.
Mar 14, 2011 at 5:26 am rating: 0
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