Entries from December 2010

Most Popular Notes of 2010

December 31st, 2010 · 89 Comments

As it turns out, a lot of the notes that ya’ll liked best were more “aggressive” than “passive-aggressive.” (So, suck it haterz — the people have spoken!)

Which note would you choose as the most epic of 2010? Which notes should have been on the list, but aren’t? Cast your votes in the comments!

(Don't Fear) The Creeper

(Don't Fear) The Creeper

The Creeper

Monster-of-the-Bride

Mom’s passive-aggressive wedding gift

Look, Tooth Fairy, here's the deal.

Dear Tooth Fairy

[Read more →]

Tags: most popular notes of 2010 · troublemaker's choice

Area woman shocked by discovery: “service employees have families too?”

December 29th, 2010 · 89 Comments

“We are normally a 24-hour store,” writes our submitter in Portland, Oregon, “but we close early for Christmas.” At least one customer found this policy to be most unsatisfactory — as evidenced by the holiday greeting she left behind.

December 24, 2009. Portland, Oregon, USA. [store name] about 9 pm. I came by to purchase a birthday card, your store was closed. Sign says open Xmas eve 24 hrs. How kind of your company to give you all the day off =)

related: In case you’re wondering why we’re closed

Tags: Christmas · Portland · retail hell · smiley

Under the Christmas tree next year: a copy of “The Gas We Pass”

December 28th, 2010 · 55 Comments

In a brief moment of silence at a Christmas celebration, 7-year-old Madyson happened to let one rip. “We all laughed and told her to say ‘excuse me,’” says her cousin, Carrie in Detroit, but instead, the mortified girl ran out of the room. A few minutes later, she returned to fling this note in her family’s general direction.

Well, Madyson, you learned a valuable lesson this Christmas: parents are mean. But getting the hell out of Detroit? That’s actually not a bad idea. (Make a break for it now, and that passing of gas could be the best thing you never did!)

I am running away because you think I farted and I didn't.  P.S. You are mean.

related: From the Mixed-Up Files of Joan JettWhen you can’t blame the dog

Tags: a little insensitive · Christmas · Detroit · family · flatulence · kids · p.s.

Thanks for making me risk MY life to feed YOUR addiction!

December 27th, 2010 · 196 Comments

Writes Justin in Salem, Massachusetts: “It was the middle of the recent blizzard and we had gone for a drive in the worst of the weather (because that’s what you do for fun when you drive a Jeep) and decided to stop for a cup of coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts” (because that’s what you do for fun if you’re a New Englander).

Upon arrival, Justin and his companion were greeted with this heartfelt note of congratulations from the Dunkin’ Donuts snowstorm staff (Rick).

YOU HAVE RISKED YOU'RE [sic] LIFE FOR A CUP OF COFFEE! Congrats xoxo  Love, The Dunk's Staff (Rick)

related: Dunkin’ Donuts Employee of the Month

Tags: "customer service" · coffee · driving · most popular notes of 2010 · signed with love · snow · xoxo · your/you're

Roadside intervention

December 26th, 2010 · 53 Comments

So, has holiday time with your family got you reachin’ for the nearest bottle of Mad Dog yet? No? Well, then allow us here at PAN to help bring you back to the depressing world of real life.

Janet spotted this display by the side of the road in her “very small-town community” in Virginia. “I’m sure this person is known by some who will see the sign — maybe even the local sheriff,” she says. “At first I laughed, but then I thought it was just sad.”

Nancy [license plate number] - Put your wine bottles in a trash can - not here! Don't drink + drive!

related: Won’t somebody think o’ the ’possums?

Tags: actually totally reasonable · driving · drizzunk · garbage · public shaming · small town living · Virginia

The circle of Hell Dante forgot to mention

December 23rd, 2010 · 51 Comments

So, I’ve been thinking about it (!) but I’m still not entirely clear about what type of eternal damnation Christmas-ornament thieves should supposedly be condemned. Perhaps some sort of Sisyphean untangling of Christmas lights?

There's a special place in Hell for people who steal Christmas ornaments! (think about it!)

One thing seems certain, however: no matter what your belief system, some type of divine retribution is in order.

For the people or kids who stole all the xmas rubber duckies and then the very last solitary duckie, I hope you realize this fence is private property and I will still call the police. Also:

Thanks to Wade in D.C., Jack in Santa Monica, and Emma in L.A. for their submissions!

related: Imagine…Christmas morning…You!!

Tags: Christmas · karma's a bitch · stealing · the po-po · you're like so going to hell

If you don’t read this, the terrorists win! Do you hate America?

December 22nd, 2010 · 47 Comments

Did you hear? Jack Bauer is back again! He’s now working unofficially as the head of the Cubicle Counter Terrorism Unit. And apparently, he gets his best propaganda ideas right here at PAN!

IF YOU SPIT YOUR GUM INTO THE URINAL, THE TERRORISTS. WIN. DO YOU HATE AMERICA?

If you don't replace the toilet roll, the terrorists have won. Do you hate America?

If you don't make more coffee the terrorists win!!! Why do you hate america???

Coffee Pot Threat Level

HEY! Yeah, you. Do you hate America? Every wasted drop of water represents a victory for the terrorists. Please, show your patriotism: Turn off the sink. -Thanks!

If you don't replace the toilet paper, the terrorists win. Do you hate America?

(Thanks to Lisa in Utah, Tyler in Texas, Michael in Ohio and Sleepy Engineer in Virginia for their submissions!)

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance (the original “terrorists win” note)

Tags: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · coffee · Copycat · misplaced patriotism · office cop · toilet paper

Mom, my flash drive is missing!

December 22nd, 2010 · 27 Comments

Apparently, your mother does work at the Clemson University computer lab. Now take some responsibility for yourself, child!

Whoever took my flash drive please turn it in to the sociology office. If any information is duplicated there will be [No] Consequences! [RESPONSE:] Attention students: Please stop leaving your flash drives lying around

related: These yogurts are expired. What should we do?

Tags: CAPS LOCK · college life · not-so-veiled threats · oh snap · rebuttals · South Carolina · stealing

A solid argument for liquid soap

December 21st, 2010 · 54 Comments

When men and women are forced to share a bathroom, our submitter in Philadelphia explains, “sometimes gentle reminders are needed to keep the household hygiene at an acceptable level.”

GENTLEMEN PLEASE clean your PUBES off of the SOAP. ~thank you~

And as Meghan the intern discovered during a summer gig in New York City, sometimes those gentle reminders bear repeating at the office, too.

All employees must wash genitals

related: Rocketpubes.com

Tags: art · hygiene · New York · Philadelphia · soap

Thx (for nothing) Sandra!

December 20th, 2010 · 76 Comments

Says our submitter in Las Vegas: “My mom found this — my brother’s Christmas shopping list — while cleaning up the house before company came over. (Sandra is my sister-in-law.)”

Poor Sandra. She doesn’t even warrant a regifted Mongolia[n] BBQ hat from the office potluck?

Sandra- shit in bag

related: Stuff this in your stocking, sister.

Tags: Christmas · family · WTF?