Before her husband left on his first military deployment, Sarah in San Diego sent out an e-mail to the whole family with info about how everyone can stay in touch while he’s away. To avoid any potential in-law drama, she even had her husband read and sign off on the e-mail before sending. What neither Sarah nor her husband took into account? The Uncle Paul factor.
Her husband’s Uncle Paul, Sarah explains, is a mailman/postman/letter carrier — whatever the correct term is. (Based on Uncle Paul’s reply, she says, “I’m clearly not up enough on the intricate etiquette of the U.S. Postal Service to know.”)
related: This is why your postal worker is disgruntled
107 responses so far ↓
#1
Lisa
Uh, talk about going postal.
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:08 pm rating: 66
#2
Kay
Did Uncle Paul e-mail this reply? Would it not have gotten to Sarah in as timely a fashion using USPS? Shame on him.
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:09 pm rating: 181
#3
Shannon
Is anyone else’s ad above the comments for the USPS?! Hilarious!!!
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:13 pm rating: 12
#4
Gretchen
Last I checked “snail mail” referred to any and all mail sent through post, not just through the USPS. FedEx, for example, is still “snail mail.”
Also, using multiple exclamation marks makes you look unhinged.
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:15 pm rating: 50
#5
Linda
Sounds awfully threatening in a very badly written sort of way
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:17 pm rating: 9
#6
sleeps
Good of Uncle Paul to cut Sarah some slack during what must have been a fairly stressful time for the family.
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:18 pm rating: 77
#7
Ash
My husband is Navy. In a pre deployment briefing the Captain of the ship made reference to any letter’s and or boxes as snail mail.
Grumble grumble, Uncle Paul.
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:26 pm rating: 13
#8
Alexa
My parents have both worked at the Post Office for 30+ years, and I’ve never seen them get upset about anyone calling it “snail mail”. I suspect Uncle Paul himself may be just a wee bit sensitive.
(FYI: I’m pretty sure the official term, in the U.S., is “postal carrier”. Or just “carrier”.)
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:26 pm rating: 17
#9
sduck
I love the line, “Any thought on this?” As if he expects her to interpret his ranting diatribe as a prelude to a civilized conversation.
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:27 pm rating: 73
#10
Dotty Com
Way to make it all about you, Uncle Paul.
Just what the solider and his wife needed.
Good thing you were there with all those grammatically incorrect exclamation points to keep everyone focused on what’s really important.
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:30 pm rating: 51
#11
AksiHow can you handle
How can one handle so many forms of written media and write so poorly?
Bonus points for him neglecting to mention the deployment and rant about postal terms.
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:48 pm rating: 12
#12
Tina
Heh, I got this lecture when corresponding via email with my boss after he offered me a job. (We are contractors for the USPS, so I should have known better than to use that term, especially given that I was not actually hired yet.)
I still call it snail mail, though not in the presence of my boss. He also doesn’t like the term “junk mail” — it’s “bulk mail”. I’m sorry, but if I immediately toss it without even opening it, it’s junk.
Dec 1, 2010 at 8:53 pm rating: 37
#13
Lisa
What a jerk! Take Uncle Paul off the Christmas card list stat!
Dec 1, 2010 at 9:17 pm rating: 6
#14
Jen
oh, Uncle Paul…you make Newman seem like a sane postal worker. Get a grip and a real problem to worry about. Like your nephew being deployed! (exclamation point used correctly…take note, Uncle Paul.)
Dec 1, 2010 at 10:05 pm rating: 22
#15
notolaf
My brother-in-law once took a whole bunch of crab shells, wrapped them up in a layer of foil and let them sit for several days until the smell leaked out, wrapped them up again, let them sit, wrapped them again, let them sit…eventually he boxed the whole thing up and sent it snail mail as a Christmas present to a relative who had crossed him in practical jokery. I’m not suggesting anything here, I’m just tellin’ a story…
Dec 1, 2010 at 10:28 pm rating: 28
#16
People Person
Dear Uncle Paul, the Letter Carrier, here’s two for you… F and U.
Dec 1, 2010 at 10:32 pm rating: 25
#17
JJ
wtf? he’s upset because they called it snail mail?
jesus H.
Dec 1, 2010 at 10:35 pm rating: 3
#18
Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)
I want to know more about “‘THE’ List.” What is this list and why exactly is it “NOT a list you want to be on?” Is this guy a mason, a mobster, an illuminati? Will Sarah be targeted by random poor waitress service, attract the attention of religious tract distributors, have a really bad portrait of herself distributed on the next 44 cent stamp?
Dec 1, 2010 at 10:56 pm rating: 70
#19
SaintJerome
What an asshole. I’ve never wanted more to climb through my monitor and punch someone in the face.
Dec 1, 2010 at 11:45 pm rating: 25
#20
aquapt
Oh, Uncle Paul. I am deeply sorry for being so disrespective. In the future, I will try to be more appreciaful of the good work you and your colleagues do every day.
Just so I don’t slip up again… does the USPS have any official stance on the use of the term “douche canoe”…?
Dec 1, 2010 at 11:46 pm rating: 55
#21
SP
I love you, PAN, for bringing me such laughter right before bed. This one was one of the best, lately.
This guy is an idiot, and someone had better have him on “THE” list to make sure he doesn’t do anything with HIS list.
Dec 2, 2010 at 12:01 am rating: 6
#22
fishy
“The List” is, perhaps, a secret hit list run by the USPS, whose carriers also work as assassins-for-hire?
So many questions- and so many possible answers that are scarier than the questions…
Dec 2, 2010 at 12:15 am rating: 5
#23
johntonio
I would much better get a free reply note than get free reply Bullets
Dec 2, 2010 at 12:53 am rating: 1
#24
Canthz_B
Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds…but use the term “snail mail”, and be prepared to go a few rounds, or take a few of ammo!
Dec 2, 2010 at 1:00 am rating: 5
#25
Canthz_B
The USPS could really trim their budget if they stopped delivering snail mail altogether.
Most snails can barely read anyway.
Dec 2, 2010 at 1:03 am rating: 31
#26
My name's Mark, Exclamation Mark
I do love exclamation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!
They should be used more often !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please, don’t let them down and use them as much as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dec 2, 2010 at 2:48 am rating: 6
#27
Oink
Does his shitty snail mail company pay him enough to alienate his family like this? I’d take him off the mailing list, but it’s probably best to keep nutters like this on side.
Dec 2, 2010 at 3:14 am rating: 4
#28
john
When I was in Afghanistan it took everything 3+ weeks to arrive. I think it may actually have been traveling by snail. Oh, and things got lost all the time. Thanks, USPS!
Dec 2, 2010 at 5:06 am rating: 13
#29
Miss Ash
Uncle Paul’s a d***.
Dec 2, 2010 at 6:43 am rating: 8
#30
pony girl
I’ve worked with the USPS (they were a client.)
This email isn’t even that scary.
Dec 2, 2010 at 7:50 am rating: 2
#31
Nahhh
The chip on Uncle Paul’s shoulder left no room for his head, apparently, so he stuck it up his ass.
Dec 2, 2010 at 8:43 am rating: 41
#32
Danny
I actually don’t get packages via USPS; in fact, I actively avoid companies who ship “stuff” via USPS. This is because of the utter unreliability of USPS. So suck it, Uncle Paul. Go back to steaming open envelopes to see if there’s any cash inside, and putting pieces of letters in those “sorry, our machine mangled your letter and all that’s left is this stamp” bags.
Dec 2, 2010 at 8:48 am rating: 7
#33
raychel
I was at my local USPS yesterday trying to mail a package. I waited forever so I’d use the term snail to describe everything realted to the USPS.
Dec 2, 2010 at 9:09 am rating: 8
#34
HandyMarigolds
Hm, let’s see:
Reinforce stereotype of postal workers as ticking time-bombs of malignant narcissism: check!
Reinforce stereotype of people over 50 as incapable of (A) interpreting slang dated later than 1975; (B) using e-mail without embarrassing themselves: check!
Reinforce stereotype of civilians as unappreciative ingrates, totally full of ourselves: check!
Well done, Unccy Paul.
Dec 2, 2010 at 11:15 am rating: 37
#35
Dawn
Dear Uncle Paul,
Obviously my comment wasn’t made maliciously and I seriously suggest you seek some mental guidance in dealing with your very blatant issues regarding a commonly used, harmless term, such as “snail mail”. Furthermore, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass (another commonly used phrase. You can look it up on the internet) about your “list”. If you’d like to stay in contact with — during his deployment, please refer to the information sent to you in my previous email. Contacting me like this again will land you on my list. And unless you want to start receiving “stuff” via UPS or FedEx, it’s definitely NOT a list you want to be on!
Please calm yourself. And fuck off.
Sincerely,
Snail Mail Sarah.
Dec 2, 2010 at 11:30 am rating: 30
#36
Miz
“I always thought that “snail mail” referred only to the USPS. Anything sent overnight really isn’t “snail mail.””
Consumer Reports rated USPS the best of all the ways (including Fed Ex and UPS) to send things overnight, in one week, and for the price, and that includes letters, media, and regular packages.
Yep.
Uncle Paul… is going a little far. But USPS rocks.
Just try to send a card with Fed Ex. You won’t be bitching about stamp prices after that. (Oh, and don’t be surprised if there’s a line… even though it’s twice or three times the price of USPS.)
Dec 2, 2010 at 1:59 pm rating: 3
#37
Allie
What a nutjob! Does he actually think anyone cares about his passive-aggressive, patronizing rant? I hope she didn’t bother to respond.
Dec 2, 2010 at 3:08 pm rating: 0
#38
TippingCows
Why didn’t he just say something like this:
“Sarah, I don’t want to send anything to your husband because I’m cheap and unappreciative of the work soldiers do!!!!!!!!!
After all, I consider my job to be like that of a soldier because of all the crap I put up with – the weather, blocked mailboxes, working on Saturdays, etc.. I was also too much of a sissy to join the armed forces and on top of that, my “penis” is very small. So ……… in order to absolve myself of any shame associated with not sending you or your husband anything ever, I will pretend to take umbrage at your harmless remark because I’m in a pissy mood anyway and can’t really fathom how hard it is to leave your family to risk your life or to be the spouse of a soldier in a war. Even if you apologize ……………… I will keep you on the list so I have an excuse to not send you guys anything ever!!!!!!”
Paul
Dec 2, 2010 at 4:25 pm rating: 6
#39
Canthz_B
I think she’s made his “Bucket List”.
He’s been waiting a long time for her husband to be deployed, because he’d like to do her before he dies.
Dec 2, 2010 at 6:28 pm rating: 3
#40
Canthz_B
I hope the millions of respective Americans are as respectful of the USPS as this guy would like to think they are, or they could all get nasty letters in the mail.
Dec 2, 2010 at 6:38 pm rating: 0
#41
feathers
Newman!!!
Dec 2, 2010 at 10:10 pm rating: 0
#42
Odious
Uncle “PAUL” is acting like Sarah invented the term. Has he never heard the term before? Next thing you know he’ll freak out over “car” (it’s an automobile!!!) or “cop” (they’re police officers!!!).
Maybe Sarah should suggest they communicate only by telegraph; wouldn’t want to anger those Western Union folks by using those dang newfangled “telephones”, sonny.
Dec 3, 2010 at 11:12 am rating: 3
#43
Rob
What’s this list he’s talking about? Is he going to kill her for calling it snail mail? (!!!!!!!!!)
Dec 3, 2010 at 1:44 pm rating: 0
#44
Amy
I feel like someone needs to stick up for Uncle Paul. I read his e-mail as an attempt (albeit not a very good one) at humor. It’s not surprising that he’d be a little annoyed by the snail mail comment–people in lots of professions are touchy about weird things. I’m a librarian and lots of my colleagues wig out when buns and glassed and shushing are mentioned. That is, they talk among themselves about how it makes them wig out. They don’t seriously lose it with other people. I think Uncle Paul’s biggest offense is not keeping his audience in mind, and not realizing that Sarah might think he’s totally serious instead of mostly joking.
Unless he has a long history of being unhinged, in which case the rest of you are probably right.
Dec 3, 2010 at 4:27 pm rating: 3
#45
cole
This honestly makes me sick. Someone has just deployed and people have nothing better to do than to bitch about a term for mail?!
Seriously, a big ol’ thank you to Sarah and her husband.
Dec 6, 2010 at 2:48 am rating: 4
#46
molly moon
1984 anyone?
Dec 7, 2010 at 2:43 pm rating: 0
#47
Amo2140
I would just fed-ex him stuff from now on, including letters.
Dec 11, 2010 at 5:37 pm rating: 1
#48
Brian St. John
“To avoid any potential in-law drama, she even had her husband read and sign off on the e-mail before sending.”
I get the impression the entire family suffers from a martyr complex.
Dec 17, 2010 at 8:03 am rating: 0
#49
valerie
Uncle Paul is a jerk! My dad carried mail for 25 years, he’d never take this attitude!
Dec 25, 2010 at 11:37 am rating: 0
#50
Ali
Fucking seriously? Both my parents worked for USPS and they refer to it as “snail mail”. I even had a temp job with the post office and nowhere in my training did they tell us to act like a dick to someone that used the term snail mail.
Jan 9, 2011 at 11:26 pm rating: 0
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