Our submitter spotted this amazing stream-of-consciousness manifesto inside a small tea shop in Hertfordshire, U.K. “I especially like the lack of punctuation, constantly shifting tone, and preachy generalizations,” she says. “Apparently it’s not enough to simply request that customers wipe their feet or use a trash can — it’s necessary to subject them to a generational guilt trip as well.”
related: That must be some damn good coffee…
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44 responses so far ↓
#1
carrie
And don’t forget to tip your waitress, she works hard and has 3 kids to support cause she doesn’t believe in marriage and sleeps around
Dec 5, 2010 at 5:56 pm rating: 32
#2
mycaricature
Actually I rather agree with this one.
Dec 5, 2010 at 5:59 pm rating: 24
#3
shwo!
I dearly hope that sign is inside the Ladies Loo. Because if it’s in the dining room, it’s going to put a few people off their tea and crumpets.
Dec 5, 2010 at 6:11 pm rating: 43
#4
Boxstacker
Rules Rules *beat* Rules
Dec 5, 2010 at 6:16 pm rating: 0
#5
goose
What ever next, indeed…
Dec 5, 2010 at 6:39 pm rating: 8
#6
pony girl
Actually, I sort of want to shake this person’s hand.
I am amazed daily at the lack of manners of those around me.
I went to public school for pete’s sake, but most people I meet while out and about make me feel as if I had gone to a Swiss boarding school and the finest finishing school in England or something.
People who ought to know better, don’t.
If I had a tea shop I’d probably have a sign just like that.
Dec 5, 2010 at 7:22 pm rating: 26
#7
KST
What the hell, excuse me, what the bloody hell does “What ever next!!!” mean? They lost me there.
Dec 5, 2010 at 7:33 pm rating: 8
#8
Kay
One sign above ample boot mats (located in immediate entryway): “Please remove your soiled shoes and boots. Thank you.” (Or what? Provide equipment for them to wash them on the spot?)
One sign in each Ladies Room stall: “Everything other than human waste and toilet tissue must go in bins provided. Thank you.”
No commentary on the state of the general population’s manners.
Counsel your staff on how to politely ask a parent to keep their children seated, “for the safety of your children… there are a lot of boiling pots of tea being carried around the room at all times”.
And although I am still getting used to them and often jarred by the choice of ringtones, cell phones are now a fact of life. People speak to their tea party companions anyway — or wait! Is no speaking at all allowed in this tea shop? Just pity the companions to those who will not turn off their phones.
And please, honey, pass the sugar. xo
Dec 5, 2010 at 8:00 pm rating: 13
#9
Resident Grammarian esq
I prefer having lots of little signs scattered over the walls, so that people would find a new one each time they visit. Maybe trading cards with a different rule on each one, one comes with each tea pot. Number them so that I can collect em all.
Dec 5, 2010 at 8:45 pm rating: 30
#10
JetJackson
Well maybe I will just take my muddy boot wearing, loud phone speaking, sanitary supply flushing, kids jumping business elsewhere!
Dec 5, 2010 at 9:43 pm rating: 10
#11
SarahWoopWoop
Well, if I had seen the “ladies only” part of the sign, I think I may have had to walk out of there pronto. What if the plumbing had backed up into the sink where they wash dishes? Blech!
Dec 5, 2010 at 10:35 pm rating: 3
#12
Walker, "Tex" (a stranger)
When removing your head from your arse, please use a disposable sanitary bag and place it in the green bin provided for this sole purpose.
Dec 5, 2010 at 11:03 pm rating: 8
#13
Lisa
I’m most impressed that he/she spelled and used “sole” correctly. Do you know how often that happens? Hint: nevah!
Dec 5, 2010 at 11:06 pm rating: 3
#14
Divvitar
No tea for you! Come back one year!
Dec 6, 2010 at 1:25 am rating: 20
#15
the Librarian
The loo paper *is* quite nice; it is the exception to the generalized lack of respect we have for one another these days.
Dec 6, 2010 at 7:35 am rating: 7
#16
North
That note makes me think they resent having to properly clean their floors which if they are serving food needs to be done several times a day anyway. I mean even if you don’t see dirt on some one’s shoes they are dirty, because *gasp* people wear their shoes Outside, can you believe it.
Dec 6, 2010 at 8:43 am rating: 1
#17
Woman on the Verge
I get the whole “muddy boots, cell phones, wandering children” thing… but when it devolves into ladies’ sanitary napkin disposal I begin to picture a crazy person scribbling this on toilet paper late at night.
Dec 6, 2010 at 9:31 am rating: 6
#18
divaandwriter
This notice has been put in a proper picture frame. How very elegant! The elegant decor almost offsets the content about bodily wastes in the ladies’ loo.
Dec 6, 2010 at 10:19 am rating: 7
#19
berge
Ah, pontificating on the manners of people today. Maybe they have framed signs at each table with different “rules” so the tea ladies can discuss “what ever next” in society.
Dec 6, 2010 at 12:17 pm rating: 2
#20
chilly
My favorite part is the last bit: “Perhaps we should simply have a customer code of conduct…” Perhaps you should. It positively screams “To be continued.”
Dec 6, 2010 at 12:36 pm rating: 4
#21
Mindy
I live in Hertfordshire, England!
Wish I knew which coffee shop this is…
Dec 6, 2010 at 5:58 pm rating: 0
#22
molly moon
I wonder if the people from the shop will take the sign down now that it’s on the
WORLD WIDE WEB
?
Dec 6, 2010 at 8:19 pm rating: 1
#23
Canthz_B
Ah, the transgressions of youth.
You know, the proximate cause of the fall of the Roman Empire was the young people, with their dirty sandals, and constant public scrolling one another.
They spent far too much time on Bookfaciem as well.
Dec 7, 2010 at 12:28 am rating: 2
#24
FG
I always use the sanitary disposal bags for relevant items. I use them to dispose of the nuclear waste I pick up at the local laboratory, the uranium deposits I acquire from my friends at the nearby military base, and those dangerous glow in the dark stick thingies they give you when you attend ill-advised Justin Bieber concerts.
Come to think of it, I should probably use those sanitary bags to safely dispose of my Justin Bieber albums. Hmm.
Dec 8, 2010 at 9:07 am rating: 1
#25
Ally
I’m from Herts and I think I’ve been there! I remember the ‘old and very sensitive system’.
Dec 8, 2010 at 2:23 pm rating: 0
#26
elysianhunter
There should be a set of regulations in the grocery store, WalMart, Target, etc. regarding the muzzling and or leashing of rugrats. Every time I try to go to the store one or more apathetic parents are letting their kids run around the store like crazed wild animals. I raised my kid already. I taught him better, and I shouldn’t have to put up with your kids’ incessant screaming and dashing about.
Jan 18, 2011 at 4:00 pm rating: 1
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