Part 2 in our “How to be the worst neighbor ever” series comes to us courtesy of Chris in Fort Worth, Texas.
When he first saw the note go up in his apartment complex, says Chris, “I thought it was pretty funny, but it wasn’t until the thief wrote a response that I had to take a picture.”
related: All the news that’s fit to steal
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57 responses so far ↓
#1
Katie
Well-read? Perhaps he should pay attention to what he reads…there ARE children, not there IS. Looks like the joke is on him!
Dec 16, 2010 at 9:53 pm rating: 40
#2
farcical aquatic ceremony
Hmmm…“there’s children”, says the “well-read individual.” Guess we’re talking about USA Today and not the New York Times, eh?
Dec 16, 2010 at 9:53 pm rating: 40
#3
april
I was just going to say the exact same thing Katie. The mis-placed capitals kill me too.
Dec 16, 2010 at 9:55 pm rating: 1
#4
karen
so teaching children to swear is wrong, but teaching them to steal is okay.
Dec 16, 2010 at 10:02 pm rating: 71
#5
The Great Joe Bivins
“I’LL NEVER STOP!”
So menacing! One day instead of just stealing the paper he should steal it and then wrap a dead fish in it and put it back.
Then another day he should buy a huge stack of papers from a newsvendor and stack them in front of the guy’s door so he can’t get out.
Then he’s not just a paper thief. He’s a supervillain.
Dec 16, 2010 at 10:08 pm rating: 61
#6
Henry
If I was the victim of the theft, I would leave it to the newspaper delivery person and the thief to have it out. Newspaper delivery people can be vicious when you call in with a complaint, make it a complaint that is neither your fault or the delivery person’s, and they’ll go apeshit for sure.
If the customer would report his paper as not received, they’ll be bringing him a new one, probably using the same carrier and possibly deducting from the carrier’s account. So yeah, the delivery person could have a real interest in this.
Dec 16, 2010 at 10:35 pm rating: 9
#7
Harmy G
That newspaper was rather tasty.
Dec 16, 2010 at 10:57 pm rating: 4
#8
TippingCows
He didn’t capitalize goddamn, so it’s ok. It’s not referring to anyone’s god specifically. Just random, newspaper stealing gods I’m sure.
Dec 17, 2010 at 2:28 am rating: 13
#9
Daniel
Somewhere in that building there are children swearing and reading the New York Times, maybe even swearing AT the New York Times …
Dec 17, 2010 at 5:35 am rating: 7
#10
Woman on the Verge
This is really mystifying. Chiding someone on their vulgarity and admitting you are stealing their paper. I think I’d be afraid of this person. They obviously have multiple personalities, some of which are children.
Dec 17, 2010 at 8:28 am rating: 17
#11
Bunnee
After the “I’ll never stop!”, I swear I heard a “muahahaha” evil laugh and envisioned a pair of hands being rubbed together, all evil-like.
Dec 17, 2010 at 9:01 am rating: 12
#12
Captain Calypso
I didn’t know that the word “goddamn” was harmful to children.
Dec 17, 2010 at 10:15 am rating: 0
#13
pony girl
If you don’t want your children exposed to vulgar language, don’t teach them to read.
Dec 17, 2010 at 10:48 am rating: 36
#14
Divvitar
Yeah, these kids are probably playing “Grand Theft Auto” at age 8 anyway. I’m sure a “goddamn” now and then isn’t going to knock them off their felonious career path.
Dec 17, 2010 at 12:53 pm rating: 3
#15
April
What kills me is that the thief felt the need to criticize the man for using a curse word. Like stealing is better or less bad than cursing.
Dec 17, 2010 at 1:49 pm rating: 7
#16
Pterosaur
Wait, let me get this straight. This guy reads his news on… paper?
Perhaps if some rapscallion has absconded with his periodical, he should bustle his horse and buggy to the General Store for another.
Or, you know, get an online subscription.
Dec 17, 2010 at 6:37 pm rating: 9
#17
cleanuponaisle2
In high school, for whatever reason, my little brother got really into Current Events… and he’d absent-mindedly pick up the paper from a neighbor’s doorstep outside the elevator of our apartment complex… it wasn’t until a few weeks later, after learning the pissed-off neighbor was peeping through the peep-hole, that Newspaper Subscriber Man, had had enough and didn’t appreciate it. . . He came out in his robe one morning and screamed, “I don’t care if you’re in high school!! Get your own damned paper!” And snatched it out of my brother’s hand, RIGHT before the elevator doors closed… I was still shell-shocked. My brother replied with a happy-go-lucky, “I didn’t even realize I was stealing his paper…” … *head scratch*… The best part? We got our OWN paper delivered EVERY morning.
Dec 17, 2010 at 10:49 pm rating: 3
#18
Zhopka
I’m thinking the response might actually be from two different persons. The first one is the capitalized I’LL NEVER STOP guy. No signature, no nothing, just sharp corners on all letters. As in “take that!”. The second is the uuuh!-I’ve-got-to-add-my-two-cents! guy, who just couldn’t walk by without some righteous commenting.
And I’m not sure which of them is worse.
Dec 19, 2010 at 12:17 pm rating: 1
#19
Carpensm @ A Life Without Ice Cream
LOL… that “well read individual” needs a grammar lesson! Maybe they really should spend more time reading the paper!
Dec 23, 2010 at 8:56 am rating: 0
#20
Mama Wrench
Yes, because it’s WAY worse to swear around kids than to exhibit acceptance of theft!
Dec 23, 2010 at 8:01 pm rating: 0
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