If you don’t read this, the terrorists win! Do you hate America?

December 22nd, 2010 · 47 comments

Did you hear? Jack Bauer is back again! He’s now working unofficially as the head of the Cubicle Counter Terrorism Unit. And apparently, he gets his best propaganda ideas right here at PAN!

IF YOU SPIT YOUR GUM INTO THE URINAL, THE TERRORISTS. WIN. DO YOU HATE AMERICA?

If you don't replace the toilet roll, the terrorists have won. Do you hate America?

If you don't make more coffee the terrorists win!!! Why do you hate america???

Coffee Pot Threat Level

HEY! Yeah, you. Do you hate America? Every wasted drop of water represents a victory for the terrorists. Please, show your patriotism: Turn off the sink. -Thanks!

If you don't replace the toilet paper, the terrorists win. Do you hate America?

(Thanks to Lisa in Utah, Tyler in Texas, Michael in Ohio and Sleepy Engineer in Virginia for their submissions!)

related: Five approaches to TP maintenance (the original “terrorists win” note)

FILED UNDER: bathroom · clip art catastrophe · coffee · Copycat · misplaced patriotism · office cop · toilet paper


47 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Russian

    I like that the eagle is drinking a nice steamin’ mug of joe. Very American. Or Russian perhaps.

    Dec 22, 2010 at 2:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Elf

      Ethiopian. If you don’t make more coffee, Ethiopia loses. Why do you hate Ethiopia?

      Dec 23, 2010 at 2:25 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   newbienot

      If it were russian, it would be a shot of steamin vodka… ;-)

      Dec 28, 2010 at 12:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Mullet

      And I like your turn of phrase, Russian. That first sentence of your comment is going to have me laughing at random (and likely inappropriate) times for the next week.

      Nov 11, 2013 at 12:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   lulz

    The toilet paper, gumballs and coffee were fucking delicious.

    Dec 22, 2010 at 2:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   shwo! bang

      The terrorists just won.

      Dec 22, 2010 at 3:10 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   newbienot

      Only in middle America do you find the reason why everyone else thinks Americans are stupid… smh

      XD

      Dec 28, 2010 at 12:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Humid Hockey

    Handling china with talons is some chore, let me tell you.

    Dec 22, 2010 at 2:57 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Mike

    I do find the “threat level” sign amusing.

    Dec 22, 2010 at 2:59 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   WMDKitty

      Same here. I wish I could read the print on it.

      Dec 23, 2010 at 12:21 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   TAG

      Just click on the picture?

      They used to redirect to Flickr I think, but now it’s hosted locally.

      Dec 23, 2010 at 10:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Quite Contrary

    *Coffee pot* threat level? Try chances-of-being-taken-down-by-disgrunted-and-most-likely-in-a-bad-marriage-and-career-slump-and-getting-no-sex-middle-manager threat level.

    Dec 22, 2010 at 3:02 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   divaandwriter bang

      Middle-manager as terrorist. Hmm. I guess we will all have to set up those airport scanners in every office now. At least the constant parade of X-rayed, seemingly naked office workers would keep the security guys awake for a change.

      Dec 23, 2010 at 9:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   Caleb

    LMAO!

    This is awesome!

    I want a threat level indicator for my coffee pot, but I have a keurig.

    Caleb

    Dec 22, 2010 at 3:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Divvitar

    Signs like these are indicative that the terrorists have already won. This is the -ism of the early 21st Century. Following on the heels of Colonialism, Imperialism, Fascism and Communism.

    Dec 22, 2010 at 3:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Nahhh bang

    I need a CAUTION: CONTAINS HOT LIQUID sign to wear on my back. I, like that coffeemaker, have a threat level that rises in direct proportion to the lowering of my coffee content.

    Fuck you, Terrorists!

    Dec 22, 2010 at 4:13 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   berge bang

    Terrorists that spit gum in urinals and don’t change the toilet paper roll – now THAT’S passive aggressive terrorism!

    Dec 22, 2010 at 4:22 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Andi

    Someone needs to put up a sign “Every time you wave the goddamn flag the terrorists win.”

    Dec 22, 2010 at 4:44 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Russian

      Hahaha. Massive win to you. And not just ’cause i’s a communist either.

      Dec 23, 2010 at 10:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   I hope that

    I hope that TSA is checking all men for gum. Seriously, they could be terrorists planning on spitting it into the urinals. Bastards.

    Dec 22, 2010 at 5:17 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   aaa bang

    I can’t take that coffee pot threat level seriously unless it includes blackwatch plaid. If you don’t have a proper threat level system in place, the terrorists have won. Do you hate America?

    Dec 22, 2010 at 7:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   molly moon

    Since when did it become popular to be patriotic? I thought it was cool to be a terrorist. Crap, well I guess I know now

    Dec 22, 2010 at 7:55 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   cali

    Let’s face it, we’re all fucking terrorists if we don’t tow the right wing line. Or if we don’t make coffee, if we throw gum, if we don’t change the tp, if we’re not squeaky clean and tidy white and Christian. It’s the catch phrase of the decade. Thanks Georgie Boy, look what you started you douche.

    Dec 22, 2010 at 8:46 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   WMDKitty

      Apparently I’m a “terrorist” because I oppose the (highly illegal) wars Georgie-Boy got us into. AND I’m a “filthy, pot-smoking hippie”.

      (Filthy? No. Pot-smoking? Yup. Hippie? Well… I am rather fond of patchouli.)

      Dec 23, 2010 at 12:24 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   farcical aquatic ceremony

      I was with you all the way ’til “patchouli” *shudder*…when I was 18, I bought one of those tres-hippie crinkly, Indian-print, ankle-length skirts at a hippie store that was chock-full of hippie goods, the air thick with patchouli, and a frickin’ decade-and-a-half — and many washes — later, that skirt is STILL exhaling patchouli in the closet of my old room in my folks’ house…

      Dec 23, 2010 at 1:55 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   anglophile bang

      Take it to a consignement resale store, fac! You’ll probably get more for the “enhanced” smell.

      Dec 23, 2010 at 5:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   park rose bang

      I’m with you fac. I could never understand why all the hippie girls’ smelled like mothballs. I mean, even though I knew op-shop shopping was a common pastime, I was sure that not all bought their clothes at them, and surely the mothball smell should leave after a few washes, right? Then someone introduced me to patchouli. Some of my best friends are patchouli users. Now I just tell myself, “That’s not mothballs, it’s hippie perfume” and it kinda helps me bear the smell.

      Dec 23, 2010 at 6:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   Mo®

      That smell ranks right up there with curry B.O. on a hot summer train.
      excuse me… oops I dry heaved there so I will quit talking now.

      Dec 23, 2010 at 10:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   TippingCows

      What?! Now I have to tow a right wing line? I don’t even think I have the proper equipment for that.

      Dec 23, 2010 at 5:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Divvitar

    I think the color scheme for threat level should be a bit more metro-sexual. Beige for idle chatter, Taupe for slightly more pointed chatter, then Chartreuse, Mauve. No more yellow, orange and red either! They are to be replaced with Lemon, Tangerine, Rose, Scarlet and Crimson!

    Dec 22, 2010 at 9:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   The Elf

      What about a threat level color scheme on notes for PAN? We could use red for “fucking delicious”.

      Dec 23, 2010 at 2:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Canthz_B bang

    Every time you say “The Terrorists have won.”, the Terrorists win.

    Dec 23, 2010 at 12:35 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   TippingCows

      Every time you say “The”, the terrorists win!

      Dec 23, 2010 at 5:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Canthz_B bang

      I suck at grammar, but I thought I should capitalize the beginning of a sentence and a proper name.
      Forgive me if I was wrong.

      Dec 27, 2010 at 8:56 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Who? Me?

    #1 thru #3 might seem clever the first time I saw them, but would soon annoy the heck out of me if I had to see them often. To the point of me passive-aggressively ripping them down when no one was looking.

    #4 would make me chuckle every single time. Bloody brilliant that one is! I’d even make a fresh pot of coffee while I was at it. I don’t think it’s PA myself – it just uses humor to get the point across.

    But as someone who lacks a Y chromosome, I MUST TELL YOU that I am greatly disturbed to learn … guys spit gum into urinals?

    Have I led a sheltered life? Is this a common phenomenon, or merely a problem that happened to occur at a particular establishment?

    And might I add: Ewww!

    Dec 23, 2010 at 1:19 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   nunavut guy bang

      It’s just a convenient place to leave it until I’m done.Sometimes I get preoccupied and forget to pick it back up.

      Dec 23, 2010 at 7:47 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    SNORT! These gave me a good laugh . . . and contemplation of the consequences should they appear in my workplace . . . .

    Dec 23, 2010 at 8:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Edwina the Defrocked Nun bang

      Okay, the one with the eagle has appeared in my workplace.

      I’m innasint, I sware!

      It cracks me up every time I look at it. Hardly anybody’s around, due to holidays. I’m looking forward to seeing what reaction, if any, the poster gets . . . without admitting I had anything to do with it . . . .

      Has anybody else here ever printed and posted a PAN?

      Dec 27, 2010 at 9:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   g

    No-one ever wins ‘the game’, haven’t you heard?

    Dec 23, 2010 at 8:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   ashmeadow

      This comment is the real terrorist, popping up, making people lose.

      Dec 23, 2010 at 5:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Rob O.

    I definitely need to post #3 in our breakroom to combat the dirtbags who leave just a sip of coffee in the bottom of the pot.

    Dec 23, 2010 at 9:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Cooky

    To Lisa in Utah — You aren’t allowed to have coffee. I have contacted your Bish and he’s pulling your Temple Recommend.

    Dec 23, 2010 at 11:20 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   FeRD bang

    Do not let the terrorists win. It will damage the elevator.

    Dec 17, 2011 at 2:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Gaia

    Love how it would be the opposite in UK and quite a few other countries. “If you hate USA, please do your dishes”.

    May 10, 2013 at 9:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Grumpy

    With signs like this….yeah…I’m moving in that direction.

    Jul 3, 2013 at 6:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   SA's Spider

    Love to hate you coffee drinkers…

    Jul 3, 2013 at 7:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
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