Under the Christmas tree next year: a copy of “The Gas We Pass”

December 28th, 2010 · 55 comments

In a brief moment of silence at a Christmas celebration, 7-year-old Madyson happened to let one rip. “We all laughed and told her to say ‘excuse me,’” says her cousin, Carrie in Detroit, but instead, the mortified girl ran out of the room. A few minutes later, she returned to fling this note in her family’s general direction.

Well, Madyson, you learned a valuable lesson this Christmas: parents are mean. But getting the hell out of Detroit? That’s actually not a bad idea. (Make a break for it now, and that passing of gas could be the best thing you never did!)

I am running away because you think I farted and I didn't.  P.S. You are mean.

related: From the Mixed-Up Files of Joan JettWhen you can’t blame the dog

FILED UNDER: a little insensitive · Christmas · Detroit · family · flatulence · kids · p.s.


55 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Cyclotron

    Well, that… *sunglasses* …stinks.

    YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    Dec 28, 2010 at 9:48 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Cyclotron

      D’oh! Just realized that there’s a “stinks” joke in the title of the post…I FAIL.

      Dec 28, 2010 at 9:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Marcy

    She’s only 7? Imagine the drama when she’s around 13.

    Dec 28, 2010 at 9:50 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   lulz

      The parents should start immediately beating and water boarding the child now to curb the drama.

      Dec 28, 2010 at 10:00 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Nunavut Guy

      Nothing could match the DD drama from yesterday.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 6:04 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Talia

      Seriously, right? I thought that would *never* end.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 10:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   The Elf

      It ended?

      Dec 29, 2010 at 12:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Turd Ferguson

    first fail

    Dec 28, 2010 at 9:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   Tim

    That’s hilarious!

    Dec 28, 2010 at 10:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   RigaToni

    She should have gotten the eff out when she realized her parents named her “Madyson.”

    Dec 28, 2010 at 10:42 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   The Elf

      Let’s apply the same rules her parents used when naming her to the note, shall we?

      “Y am runnyng oway bycause you thynk Y forted when Y dydn’t.

      P.S. You are meon.”

      Run, Madyson. Run fast, run hard, run far. And then start calling yourself “Jane”.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 6:38 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   KS

      Wax on wax off Madyson.

      Wait til that poor kid tries to buy herself a personalized toothbrush.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 10:11 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   SB

    Yep, agree completely with RigaToni. I’ll be happy when all variants of “Madison” finally die away completely (and pretty much every other current name that ends in -son or -den).

    Dec 28, 2010 at 11:13 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   The Elf

      Hey, when I named my baby Mydysynne Mac’C8tlyn DylLen Smith, she was the only one! You all copied!

      Dec 29, 2010 at 6:41 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   FeRD bang

      I’ll be happy when the gigglebrax finally dies away completely.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 7:11 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   SB

      Way to go, FeRD. Constant vigilance!

      Dec 29, 2010 at 11:40 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Ann

      Oops! I have three kids. Madyson, Jayden, and Peyton. I love those names!

      Jan 4, 2011 at 6:52 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Nahhh bang

    If the kid didn’t fart, then who did?

    Are there barking spiders in Detroit?

    Dec 28, 2010 at 11:21 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Canthz_B bang

      First one who said it, did it.

      He who smelt it, dealt it.

      First who knew it, blew it.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 3:00 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   mycaricature

      he who denied it, supplied it

      Dec 29, 2010 at 6:03 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Nunavut Guy

      Always blame the dog Maddy.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 6:15 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Dana

      The smeller’s the feller!

      Dec 29, 2010 at 7:47 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Epicurean

      Poor gaseous Maddy… pull her finger, light a match, and watch Chicago burn.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 3:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Divvitar

    This just in, here on FOX News Network: A young child, Madyson, 7 years old, shockingly set up by Obama and his leftist minions. Falsely accused of passing gas on Christmas! Now what red, white and blue-blooded American who loves pie, pizza and Jesus would cut one on Christmas? Obviously, the Obama team is at it again; piping in rude noises and foul smells into private, God-fearing, American homes. This is a brazen attempt to deflect the American People away from their enjoyment of this Christian holiday. Now back to more fascist oligarchy posing as neo-conservatism.

    Dec 28, 2010 at 11:41 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Rancid

      …hunh…?

      Dec 29, 2010 at 1:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Ann

      Haha

      Jan 4, 2011 at 6:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   farcical aquatic ceremony

    Poor girl. This is tootally one of those episodes her family will never let her forget. Much like a bad smell, this story’ll hang in the air through years and years of roasts and mashed taters. “Are those brussels sprouts cooking–OR JUST MADELYN???? BWA-HAHAHAHAHHHH.”
    *sniff*

    Dec 29, 2010 at 12:01 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Nahhh bang

      Who is Madelyn?

      Dec 29, 2010 at 12:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   farcical aquatic ceremony

      Dammit.
      My brain must’ve been trying to make a halfway-decent name out of the horror that is “Madyson”.
      (Your basic ‘brain fart’…tee-hee-hee! : )

      Dec 29, 2010 at 12:28 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   WMDKitty

      I see what you did there!

      Dec 29, 2010 at 1:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   FeRD bang

      “Poor girl”, perhaps, fac. But she kinda brought it on herself. This wouldn’t be half the embarrassing story it’s now destined to become (not to mention it wouldn’t be immortalized here on P-AN) without her drama-queen overreaction to the initial incident.

      Why, without her note, I’m sure the fart controversy would have just blown over!

      Dec 29, 2010 at 7:16 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Canthz_B bang

    I like Madyson. She stands up for herself. One could even say she has a certain air about her.

    Dec 29, 2010 at 3:05 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Canthz_B bang

    Later that night, Madyson packed some clothing, her favorite Barbie, her hand-held video game and a bottle of Beeno, and quietly slipped out into the darkness.

    The authorities were called and an Amber Alert was issued.

    She’s safely back at home now, the dogs had no problem picking up her scent trail.

    Dec 29, 2010 at 3:17 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   AC

    I respect her for the use of “you are” instead of the typical “your” used by idiots everywhere.

    Dec 29, 2010 at 6:16 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Elf

      Yes, I respect that. But then I lost it with “becas” instead of “because”. Was she trying to blame the fart on her cousin, Becca? (Oh, I’m sorry, that would be Bycca.) But then I remembered that she is only 7 and thus is allowed to make such mistakes.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 6:47 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   FeRD bang

      You should be careful about making fun of Bycca or Madyson, Elf. You don’t want to be on their bad side. In her note, Madyson writes that she’ll be “runing away” — I suspect the girls practice wycca!

      Dec 29, 2010 at 7:20 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Nunavut Guy

    You blamed me when I didn’t fart. All the great killer air biscuits I floated were credited to grandpa.An artist can only take so much.

    Dec 29, 2010 at 8:41 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Canthz_B bang

    On a positive note, their Yule Log would have gone out were it not for Madyson’s selfless contribution of a little natural gas to the cause.

    Dec 29, 2010 at 9:08 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Nunavut Guy

      Ah the smell of burnt butt hair………brings back my “blue angel” days.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 10:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   hehe

    The good thing about having a dog is that you can fart and blame it on the dog.

    Dec 29, 2010 at 10:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Epicurean

      The good thing about living in Albany is that there’s no quantifiable difference between regular air and fart air. Break wind as you please here, dog or no dog, Maddy or no Maddy. (I prefer “no Maddy” though; it’s smelly enough here already.)

      Unless of course (Nathan!!), you’re right in the middle of that super sexy scene in “The English Patient.” Seriously, we could have PAUSED IT!! Have fun sleeping on the couch, you unsexy stinky.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 3:44 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Rahm

    Here in Detroit, running away is for quitters. I personally like this town, in all its gritty awesomeness, and the scary reputation is part of it!

    It only smells bad Downriver. And south of the Ohio border…

    Dec 29, 2010 at 11:06 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Canthz_B bang

      I’m with you. I’m from a town adjacent to Newark, NJ and it seems that one little riot about 45 years ago just won’t go away from the outside public’s mind.
      Bad things happen to good cities, but bad reputations are hard to shake…no matter how much things change.

      Visit Newark. Stay at The Gateway Hilton. You’ll be minutes away from Manhattan, and save a bundle. While there, enjoy the shopping. Take in a show at The New Jersey Performing Arts Center and go “down neck” and experience some of the best Spanish and Portuguese food outside of Spain and Portugal.

      See Branch Brook Park during the cherry blossom season. A park designed by Frederick Law Olmsted, yes…the same Frederick Law Olmsted who designed New York’s Central Park. Really a spectacular thing to see.
      See the sculpture of Abraham Lincoln by Gutzon Borglum, yes…the same Gutzon Borglum who sculpted Mount Rushmore. Touch it and feel the history in and of it. See what it has seen as you gaze over downtown from its lofty perch.

      Jan 1, 2011 at 12:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   Canthz_B bang

      Bad reputations destroy good cities more certainly than do realities, because realities are all too often untrue.

      Jan 3, 2011 at 9:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Buckeye

    Pop-up ads that you can’t get rid of?

    Fuck off!

    Is that P-A enough for you?

    Dec 29, 2010 at 11:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Nunavut Guy

      Unless it’s an ad for the new gas mask barbie.

      Dec 29, 2010 at 1:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   Nahhh bang

      Foxfire + Adblock Plus = FAP

      FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP…

      Dec 29, 2010 at 6:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   oi

      I can’t have firefox for can’t be disclosed reasons. I wanted to complain about stupid video ads (oh the horror, far worse than pop ups) which covers the whole screen and can’t be stopped but I did not. I dreaded and fidgeted about firefox adblock comment and my subsequent explanation to it. It gave me migraine and more. You must torture me with your fancy firefox induced smugness Nahh?

      Dec 29, 2010 at 6:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Randy

    Madyson, your parents suck agreed. Since when cant a little girl shit her pants?

    Dec 29, 2010 at 5:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Nunavut Guy

      When she’s #@$%ing sitting on my lap.That’s when!

      signed mall santa

      Dec 30, 2010 at 10:39 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Mel K

    It would be a nice Christmas if my husband would run away when he farts, or just run away and then fart. He blames it on all of the appetisers that go with Christmas, but has no excuse for the rest of the year.

    Dec 30, 2010 at 3:29 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Nunavut Guy

      Hey a present is a present.

      Go team guys

      Dec 30, 2010 at 10:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Grey

    Wow. Insulting the town of your submitter, and implying her family should want to get the hell out? What if they like it there? Some do.

    The note had nothing to do with Detroit. Why should your summary?

    Classy.

    Dec 31, 2010 at 11:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    ***

    Jan 1, 2011 at 12:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Rotwatcher

    Pretty illiterate for a 7 year-old.

    Jan 1, 2011 at 3:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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