Just in case you were still under the impression that leaving an anonymous note will somehow allow you to maintain the moral high ground, take a look at this classic neighborly exchange from Drew‘s apartment building in Atlanta.
related: I hope your cat chokes
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76 responses so far ↓
#1
tinkerjenn
all I can say is…BAZINGA
Jan 6, 2011 at 4:25 pm rating: 42
#2
Ivy
I love the response. I smiled to myself.
Jan 6, 2011 at 4:26 pm rating: 45
#3
Rahm
Sheer passive-aggressive excellence! That first sentence does give a bit of a clue that the writer is not trying to make friends, but the circuitous route they thread through (interior design, helpful literacy tips!) to reach their actual problem is fucking delicious.
Then the name-calling and issuing of threats. Which threat, by the way, is weaksauce. I’m left wondering what they think the apartment office would do besides what the response note points out is the obvious reaction: ask them to be more mindful of their noise.
Jan 6, 2011 at 4:27 pm rating: 51
#4
CakeasaurusRex
Take a moment and look up “Nonconfrontational Idiot”….
Jan 6, 2011 at 4:27 pm rating: 23
#5
fuzzbutt
I think I would be turning it up louder AND include some nice cabinet slamming too.
Jan 6, 2011 at 4:34 pm rating: 21
#6
Melissa
Sorry, no, I don’t have a bookshelf OR dictionary, but I shall consult Urban Dictionary.
Ah, here we are:
Rude
Def 1: dragging a mat over somone [sic],
Def 2: stepping on somone while they’re doing the splits.
I sincerely apologize, and will attempt to improve my mat-dragging and split-stepping behavior. I truly had no idea it was so undesirable.
Jan 6, 2011 at 4:46 pm rating: 57
#7
Divvitar
Hmm…”How to get Anything on Anyone,” “The Anarchists’ Cookbook,” “Secret Freedom Fighter”…nope, no dictionary!
Jan 6, 2011 at 4:52 pm rating: 27
#8
Guy
The response is a lot more than they deserved. I wonder how that attitude works for them when they’re not dealing with an exceptionally patient and rational person? For the record, I think I’d have flipped.
Jan 6, 2011 at 4:57 pm rating: 19
#9
*tara
LMAO. Win!!
Jan 6, 2011 at 5:06 pm rating: 1
#10
bored@work
If I got that note, I would invest in surround sound immediately! (i.e. – “I play TV louder and you die immediately!”)
Jan 6, 2011 at 5:12 pm rating: 4
#11
Megan
My 5 year old makes worse threats than that!
Jan 6, 2011 at 5:19 pm rating: 8
#12
MJA
It would be nice if I could (repeatedly) knock on my neighbor’s door and ask her to stop making noise, but I’ll leave the confrontation with the management. I just don’t feel safe approaching people so poorly socialized.
Jan 6, 2011 at 5:31 pm rating: 16
#13
Mina
I don’t know, I think the TV-watching neighbor might be a little off his/her rocker. Anyone else notice the schizophrenic a’s? They’re consistently mismatched, too– one style of a is exclusively limited to the word ‘and’.
Jan 6, 2011 at 5:33 pm rating: 15
#14
Elemarth
1. discourteous or impolite, esp. in a deliberate way: a rude reply.
2. without culture, learning, or refinement: rude, illiterate peasants.
3. rough in manners or behavior; unmannerly; uncouth.
4. rough, harsh, or ungentle: rude hands.
5. roughly wrought, built, or formed; of a crude construction or kind: a rude cottage.
6. not properly or fully developed; raw; unevolved: a rude first stage of development.
7. harsh to the ear: rude sounds.
8. without artistic elegance; of a primitive simplicity: a rude design.
9. violent or tempestuous, as the waves.
10. robust, sturdy, or vigorous: rude strength.
11. approximate or tentative: a rude first calculation of costs.
I guess 1 or 3 could apply to the person playing the radio, but they’re both exaggerations. More definitions fit the person complaining, and fit him better.
Maybe he should look up “rude”.
Jan 6, 2011 at 5:38 pm rating: 10
#15
farcical aquatic ceremony
“I have never been in your apartment and I doubt that I ever will be…”
–oooooh…this could be good!
“However, I think I would be correct in saying that you have at least one bookcase…
–…a bit puzzling…wait–is ‘sexual misconduct with a bookcase’ one of those –philias they have websites for???
“Within that selection of books, there is probably a dictionary….”
–All right, I’m lost again, but still hopeful…
“Take a moment and look up the word RUDE. If you do or you already know the meaning of the word, you should know then that describes YOU!”
—(I stop to rub my hands together in anticipation)c’mon, c’mon baby–what fucked up thing was done to you?!?
(explanation of early morning and late night TV-watching)
–wtf…?
–WHAT THE FUCK???
Reminds me of my experiences with a coupla’ big talkin’ guys: Big build-up, leeeeetle, um, ‘bit of excitement’ *ahem*
: )
Jan 6, 2011 at 5:57 pm rating: 26
#16
Divvitar
What makes the original note so laughable is the “I’m gonna tell on you!” quality of the threats: “You better stop being rude or I’m gonna tell my Mommy…or the manager…and then you’ll be sorry!” Sounds like my 6-yr old!
Jan 6, 2011 at 6:08 pm rating: 17
#17
hungrygrrl
Team RUDE!
I had a neighbor pull a similar thing to this with me- but she showed up at my front door to yell at me because my friend had parked in her space “NUMEROUS” times. Well, I didn’t know that was happening at all until she started yelling about it!
Jan 6, 2011 at 6:59 pm rating: 12
#18
qua
TEAM RUDER !
as Hungrygrrl had a neighbor show up at my front dr to yell at me about noise and dogs barking and parking..Punched his lights out..never been bothered since…too passive-aggressive on my part i guess
Jan 6, 2011 at 7:13 pm rating: 2
#19
taosaur
I had to write a similar note to my day-sleeping upstairs neighbor, whose response to what he considered excessive noise (subdued-to-ordinary volume in the afternoon and evening) was, first, to call the police several times, and when they repeatedly left dumbfounded by the complaint, to bang on his floor like a maniac. After the last police visit, I pinned a similar “man up and say hello” letter to his door.
Jan 6, 2011 at 8:12 pm rating: 3
#20
Risha
Last time I checked, I owned about 3000 books, and I’m pretty sure that not one of them is a dictionary.
Jan 6, 2011 at 8:38 pm rating: 16
#21
Amanda
I think I would be correct in saying you have a computer. Within that computer, there is probably something called The Internet. Take a moment and look up “passiveaggressivenotes.com”. If you do or already know about this website, you should know then that you’re on it, you ranty leaver of impotent threats!
Jan 6, 2011 at 10:12 pm rating: 50
#22
Madrias
My bookshelf isn’t full of books, though. It’s full of DVD’s. How dare you assume that it’s full of books!
Jan 7, 2011 at 1:23 am rating: 11
#23
Laura Brown
Civilised version of note #1:
“Hi neighbour. I realise you have to get up for work at 5.30, but unfortunately the soundproofing in this building is so crappy that your clock radio wakes me up too. I work a later shift, so I need to sleep a bit longer. Would it be possible to turn the volume down a bit so that it wakes you but not me?”
Neighbours like the original note-writer really piss me off. If someone is having loud all-night parties, that’s one thing — but if you don’t want to hear the noise of everyday living, don’t live in a bloody apartment. And if you’re going to complain to your neighbours about their everyday noise, you’d better invest in a hovercraft, because no one is going to tolerate a sound from you.
Jan 7, 2011 at 3:41 am rating: 44
#24
Splint Chesthair
Yeah, I had a neighbor call the cops on me because apparently my TV was too loud. It was a Sunday night about 8 o’clock. The cop came to the door all pissed off and asked to come in, I said, “No.” naturally, but when he said he had a noise complaint, I opened the door wide and showed him I was the only one there (small apartment). He looked confused and asked maybe if I could turn down the TV, I said, “No.” again and he said, “Well, OK then.” and left.
Jan 7, 2011 at 7:40 am rating: 15
#25
Amanda
I had a similar neighbor, except instead of leaving a note – even a passive-aggressive snot-fest like this one would have been preferable – his first response to the noise I did not know I created, let alone bothered him with, was to call the police.
Grow up, hitch up your panties, and talk to your neighbor like a civilized person if something is bothering you. If he is also a grown up, civilized person, the problem ends there, quickly and easily. If he is a jerk, then you know better than to count on him to be a decent person and can deal with him accordingly.
Jan 7, 2011 at 8:27 am rating: 5
#26
Nunavut Guy
I loved that movie.At the end when they carry him off on their shoulders…….
Rude..Rude…Rude………..I cry every time.
Jan 7, 2011 at 9:11 am rating: 14
#27
Bunnee
5 out of 9 “ands” in the response writer’s note look like they say “2nd”. That alone would piss me off enough to set her apartment on fire.
Jan 7, 2011 at 9:20 am rating: 7
#28
Rachet
Wow. I wish I’d have the type of personality that would allow me to write back such a response (and send both to the rental office). But unfortunately, I’m a hot-head and would have been so angry at the note that I would probably play my TV and such louder.
I am an adult in appearance only, you see. Working on that, though. It’s one of my resolutions. Seriously. It’s right there under “Drink less coffee.”.
Jan 7, 2011 at 9:25 am rating: 7
#29
Chefgirl
Ah memories,
I live in a fairly quiet condo but my last next door neighbor as deaf in one ear and partially deaf in the other and the building’s soundproofing was no match for him. Upon moving into his unit he put up a giant flatscreen with surround sound and proceeded to watch an entire boxset of Lassie over several days, with late night sing-a-longs to Evita. I could have sung right along in my BEDROOM which is several walls removed from his living room.
I made a log one day…he had the television on from around 6a.m. until 1 in the morning.
It took a whole week of nightly door-knockings to get him to answer; he couldn’t hear me pounding over the roar of his speakers. I finally had to bash his door for about three minutes with a rolling pin to make him hear me.
I simply told him the sound was too loud; he went out and bought himself earphones the next day, never a peep after that. So easy!
Jan 7, 2011 at 11:18 am rating: 20
#30
neurotic notes
Great example of a true passive aggressive. They even go so far as to type their note to evade detection. Genius!
Jan 7, 2011 at 12:53 pm rating: 1
#31
Who? Me?
Team Second Note! Warning: rest of response is unfunny and undoubtedly too long.
I once lived in a small condo complex, only12-14 units. They were all individually OWNED. Like a good capitalist, Hubby wanted to ensure our investment in our unit, so he agreed to the desperate plea to join the Home Owners Board (total members = 3) so that the monthly HO dues didn’t get wasted. The board members were all volunteers (i.e. which means not paid, let me emphasize that), to keep everyone’s monthly dues down.
What’s even better (not!) than being the manager of a rental office having to deal with renter A coming to you to complain about renter B? Being on the HO board (not paid!) and having OWNER A coming to you to complain about OWNER B. For the record, resolving disputes such as these were not part of the job responsibilities, but many people did the equivalent of “coming to the manager” anyway.
What did I learn?
1) Nice people are sometimes completely unaware that what they are doing is bothering somebody else. Yep, it really happens sometimes. Even your own sainted mother probably did it maybe just once in her entire life, but I’m willing to bet she did it at least once. And even you, too.
2) When I go up to some nice person and try to politely explain on behalf of some other person (let’s call them Person A) that they are doing something that is bothering Person A, the nice person gets very uncomfortable very quickly and even a bit angry that Person A did not come to them directly. Because it’s really kind of an insult, if you think about it. Apparently Person A believes that Person B is so scary or such a psycho that Person A might die or something if they talked to them. So instead Person A chooses to talk about Person B unflatteringly behind their back and bring a total stranger into the whole thing. It rather pisses off Person B, and I see their point too. Talking about somebody else behind their back is not very nice either, and Person A is doing it *100% intentionally*, albeit passive-aggressively, whereas the original offender quite possibly transgressed accidentally.
3) On the other hand, when I go up to a nice person on my own behalf and politely explain that they are doing something that is bothering me, and could I work with them if necessary to come up with a solution that worked for both of us?, they will usually apologize profusely on the spot and do their best to address the problem. Because more often than not they honestly didn’t know, and now they feel very bad that they were being rude without knowing it, and they are embarrassed. And then I can say “thank you so much” to them, “please don’t be embarrassed”, “I really appreciate them listening and taking action”, and I actually tend to leave with some warm fuzzies. Bizzare, eh?
4) Sometimes the nice person won’t give me what I want, (“I’m sorry, but I have been doing that because”) but they will give me what I think is a good explanation (perhaps it’s only temporary for some compelling reason, they meant to tell me before, blah, blah). So they don’t give me 100%, but they sincerely try and that has been good enough for me.
4) I cannot remember having something truly awful happen to me as a result, like being punched or anything like that. I have gotten responses along the lines of I-am-so-not-thrilled-to-be-hearing-this and a bit of pushback, but never anything threatening or making me wish I had never talked to them in the first place.
I think there is a trick though. If you have already decided in your mind that the person doing the rude thing is a thoughtless, uncaring idiot who totally should have known better, it will be difficult to have a good conversation with them. Because we all have a kind of ESP for this stuff – we can pick up when someone is thinking that we are scummy dirtbags, even if they don’t actually “say so”. Perhaps it’s the accusing, condescending tone of voice that is used, the downcast or avoidant eyes, whatever. It’s as if we say, “Hello, I just met you, I and don’t know you except that I know you’re a scum-of-the-earth dickwad who I completely loathe, but would you now politely listen to me and then change your evil ways, because I am standing here asking you to?” That approach tends not to work so well, and I guess we all know it, so most of us write PA notes instead, if we choose to do anything.
Anyhoo, my trick is that I play this game with myself where I decide that there is some really good reason why the asshole who should totally know better is being an asshole, but I just don’t know it. You know, something like, “I’m sorry, I’ve been in a body cast for three weeks, so I haven’t been getting to the Post Office as I normally do”, or “I’m sorry, my child just died and today is the first day that I’ve even been able to get out of bed”. Something like that. Likely their kid is still alive, but who knows, and if the kid actually *is* dead, then what kind of a dirtwad scumbag am I going to look like for being pissed off that his gardener is parking on my side of the driveway again, or whatever, while his kid is actually dead? The best defense is a good defense.
So I just pretend that they are actually a “nice person with some valid reason” just long enough for me to get my initial sentence out: “Excuse me, I was noticing that you seem to be [[ doing this ]] and I suspect you aren’t even aware that when you do that [[ this other thing happens to me ]], so I just wanted to drop by and talk about it. Is now a good time?”. The second trick is to shut up as soon as you possibly can and give them a chance to explain. Think Dragnet: be polite, to the point, you’re not out to convict anybody, you just want to focus on the facts.
Bottom line is: don’t be a scaredy cat, the best course of action is to be brave enough to talk to the other person yourself. Be polite. Explain, don’t accuse. Realize that some compromise on your end might be required too, the other person has certain rights too.
Ok, getting off my high-horse now, I really like my “trick” and wanted to share it with others who might not know it … my sincere apologies if you already know both it and even more than I will ever learn in this lifetime about handling PA-ripe situations …
And I promise not to post again for a week or so to replenish all the bandwidth taken at this time … Virtual trees, I’m sorry you lost your lives for me …
Jan 7, 2011 at 7:32 pm rating: 30
#32
neilends
I had a neighbor with an odd habit of parking his damn car crooked and partially over the line in our building’s parking lot. One night, my girlfriend and I got back from a late and fun night out, and she convinced me to write him a “funny” note asking him to stop, which read, “Dear Neighbor, Please try and park your car between the lines like a sober person!” I signed it and put it on his car.
The next day, he left a note on MY car. It read, “Dear Neighbor, FUCK OFF, ASSHOLE.” He signed it.
Oh well. At least I won the debate with my girlfriend that the “funny” note strategy would fail. Anyway, the drunk bastard got evicted a few months later.
Jan 7, 2011 at 8:39 pm rating: 4
#33
Ih8spices
Uhm, it’s common sense. They should know that apartment complexes are poorly built and you can hear EVERYTHING.
As a victim of obnoxious bass, I support the passive aggressive note.
Jan 10, 2011 at 10:51 am rating: 1
#34
Loma
That reply was FANTASTIC.
I’d love to shake that guy’s hand.
Jan 11, 2011 at 11:22 am rating: 0
#35
Jessie
I once took the high road and went to ask our downstairs neighbor about his rudeness. The rudeness was that he was keeping his four cats’ litter box right next to the shared heater, which was also right near the vent into our apartment. my roommates and i were sitting in our living room crafting when all of the sudden we were choked by the smell of animal feces….when i asked him nicely why that might be, he told me, with a totally straight face, that his automatic litter box cleaner was broken and i’d just have to wait until it got fixed to not smell his animals’ poop.
so, the upside of face-to-face: it’s a good way to learn that your neighbor is a weird disgusting crazypants. It saved us from feeling bad for not inviting them (“the cat-pissers,” as they came to be known) to have a beer (or anything, ever) with us.
Jan 11, 2011 at 2:41 pm rating: 0
#36
Aquaria
I got a note very much like this once. It made no sense, because I worked night shift, not day shift, and was STILL AT WORK at the hour they said my alarm was disturbing them.
So I left a note of my own on my door that said, “Hi! The next time that alarm goes off, call the cops at XXX-OOOO. I’m sure they will come to investigate the noise, and find out you’re full of shit. Thanks!”
Funny, no more complaints!
Jan 16, 2011 at 10:12 pm rating: 1
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