What, no padlock?

January 9th, 2011 · 116 comments

“Our receptionist is uber-paranoid about her stuff getting stolen, despite the fact that we are one of the rare offices where fridge theft isn’t a problem,” writes our anonymous submitter in South Carolina. “Though I’d be too scared to do it myself — the woman has a very nasty, underhanded side — I love that someone else decided to have a little fun with her.”

[Note 1:] Every thing in this drawer belongs to Elaine. Do NOT use or steal anything in here - It is for me - Elaine [Note 2:] Everything else in this refrigerator belongs to everybody else. It belongs to everybody else. Thank you, Everybody Else

related: Who’s the smartass?

FILED UNDER: most popular notes of 2011 · office cop · office fridge · smartass


116 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Sock

    All your foods are belong to us?

    Jan 9, 2011 at 6:31 pm   rating: 80  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Annonymous

    LOL, I love BS’ing with people at work

    Jan 9, 2011 at 6:31 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   ANkh

    Now swap the the signs.

    Jan 9, 2011 at 6:32 pm   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Sheri

      No, steal her sign.

      Jan 9, 2011 at 6:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Danny Stamp

    Put a dildo in her drawer, tbh.

    Jan 9, 2011 at 6:34 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   lulz

      Or replace it with a legitimate turd with ass hairs in it and all!

      Jan 9, 2011 at 6:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   The Elf

      I noticed you used an article that does not imply ownership in the case of a dildo. Never “your dildo”. Always “the dildo” or “a dildo”. Kudos.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:46 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   :)

      :D

      Jan 11, 2011 at 1:23 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   lulz

    I would have just tossed her note in the garbage and left the other one up to be a nice reminder. Then again, I probably would have tossed her food into my mouth.

    Her food was fucking delicious.

    Jan 9, 2011 at 6:35 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Seanette bang

    So of TWO drawers, ONE person gets one all to herself and everyone else has to share the other?

    Jan 9, 2011 at 6:38 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   farcical aquatic ceremony

      Well, it makes sense that she needs to claim a good amount of “humidity controlled crisper”-space. She needs enough room for all the sticks, after all. You know, for her butt.

      Jan 9, 2011 at 6:57 pm   rating: 86  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   natasha bang

    I love how everybody so afraid of the receptionist. The note is typed just in case she can identify the handwriting. I’m a receptionist and, while I don’t have a “nasty, underhanded side”, I know the receptionist can make your life a living hell!!!!

    Jan 9, 2011 at 6:39 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   FeRD bang

      Cool conspiracy theory, but honestly… some of us just type shit because we have really awful handwriting.

      I avoid hand-writing anything that’s intended for other people to see. To the point that I address envelopes by printing the address out on an adhesive label. *shrug*

      Jan 9, 2011 at 9:37 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   The Elf

      I’m willing to buy either theory in that one. A great administrative assistant or receptionist can make the office run so much better and can be your best friend in a pinch. Get on his wrong side and you will suddenly find that nothing works the way it should. When you’re in that pinch guess who will be on a long lunch?

      But I also have rotten handwriting and will take every opportunity to type something up rather than handwrite it. If I had handwritten that note, people would be puzzling over it wondering about that bitchy new coworker that no one has ever met, Evelyn Ekse.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 1:17 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   autumn

      Whatever gets you through the day, Natasha. I’m sure everyone is sooo afraid of you, loser.

      Feb 11, 2011 at 8:56 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Havingfitz

    What this office desperately needs is another Elaine. Maybe the 2nd Dave from the other office would be willing to gender-bend for a day?

    Jan 9, 2011 at 6:41 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Daniel

      Elaine’s 4 life!

      Jan 9, 2011 at 6:57 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   TippingCows

      How can you tell that Elaine is for life? She seems to be the kind of person that would kick a kitten if someone looked at her the wrong way.

      Jan 9, 2011 at 7:04 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Janellionaire

      I think what Daniel meant is that he is Elaine’s for life, like as in she owns him, like basic grammar and punctuation do.

      Jan 9, 2011 at 11:46 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   G

      TippingCows’ pedantic comment was lost on Jane.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 7:36 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   anglophile

      Much like Janellionaire’s comment was lost on G. Funny how life forms cycles, isn’t it?

      Jan 10, 2011 at 9:55 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.6   Daniel

      So sorry … I meant: Elaines 4 life!

      You may return to your regular condescension and pettiness now … I think someone is making a joke on another page using “its” instead of “it’s,” go suck the fun from that.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 2:48 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Nunavut Guy

    Mine!……Mine,mine ,mine ,mine, mine……….Mine.

    elaine.

    Jan 9, 2011 at 7:03 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Laura

      In my mind, she sounds like those bleating seagulls from Finding Nemo.

      Jan 9, 2011 at 7:38 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   The Elf

      Let’s just be happy that she chooses to mark her territory with signs. There are worse ways in the animal kingdom.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:48 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Canthz_B bang

      Or she sounds like Daffy Duck

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:14 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   EmailsThatSuck

    I’m guessing that Elaine has the same policy for the drawers in the fridge and the drawers in her pants.

    Jan 9, 2011 at 7:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Divvitar

    Maybe hiding a mouse trap in her crisper drawer would encourage Elaine to stop being a nasty bee-atch.

    Jan 9, 2011 at 7:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   park rose

      That’d make for some nasty bree-aches – protocol and cloth.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 2:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Canthz_B bang

      Well, bust my britches and call me holy!…That was funny!

      Jan 10, 2011 at 3:49 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   G

      super glue has a less incendiary effect.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 7:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   FeRD bang

      I only get bree-aches when I eat soft cheese too quickly.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Mel

    I would take something out of her drawer everyday and put it on the shelf above it. So that someone else would eat it. If she is that serious about her food, she should keep it with her or get her own mini-fridge. Psycho.

    Jan 9, 2011 at 7:58 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Janellionaire

      Nah, I’d just start sharing her drawer, but anonymously. Like just throw a lunch bag in there one day and leave it until she got rid of it, then repeat. I love making anal people (more) crazy.

      Jan 9, 2011 at 11:50 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Walker, "Tex" (a stranger) bang

      You beat me to it, but that was my first thought too. Just gently start adding one or two random items a week to her drawer. This week an apple, next week a couple of ketchup packets, the following week a hard boiled egg and a hot pocket…

      But never take anything out.

      Jan 23, 2011 at 11:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   shwo! bang

    I say throw a bag of coke in there and alert the authorities:
    “But that’s not mine!”
    “The sign says it is.”

    Jan 9, 2011 at 8:23 pm   rating: 72  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   sleeps

      FTW! Except for the part where you’d have to first procure and then give up a bag of coke.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 2:08 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Divvitar

      Heck, just throw a bag of Baking Soda in there. By the time the cops sort it out, there will be all kinds of fun! :P

      Jan 11, 2011 at 2:00 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   April

    What a bitch. So she is going to take up an entire crisper drawer just for herself?! Depending on how many people use this fridge this is kinda ridiculous. I would take the sign down and put a sign up saying “You cannot claim an entire crisper drawer:.”

    Jan 9, 2011 at 9:05 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Canthz_B bang

      Kind of depends on how big she is.
      She may need an entire drawer of food to feed herself for a day…in which case, you’d probably be better off letting her have that mother! :lol:

      Jan 10, 2011 at 1:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   WMDKitty

      On a slightly more serious note, she may well be on a special diet, per her doctor’s instructions, and NEEDS to keep her food separate from everybody else’s to avoid confusion. (I’m thinking gluten allergy, or something along those lines.)

      If it isn’t a medically necessary diet, though, Elaine is just being a bitch.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 1:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   April

      CB-good point! Now I am imagining her being 300 pounds and eating a whole crisper drawers worth of food every work day. :P

      Jan 10, 2011 at 6:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Canthz_B bang

      WMDKitty, let’s not get too serious about it or just assume she’s being a bitch about it, okay?
      We make fun of perfectly valid points all the time…it’s what we do here.
      We fuck with the ways people deal with life.

      No turd to stir here, unless you just need to stir one or two. ;-)

      That having been said, I’ll say that people who need special diets to survive should just curl up and die. Ever seen a lion on a special diet survive on the Serengeti?
      Genetically defective products of conception are SUPPOSED to die early….not be given handicapped parking! :lol:

      See? We make jokes, lots of them in bad taste like that one…but they are jokes.

      Sorry, I didn’t mean to key any of that, my fingers are full of fried chicken grease and watermelon juice, and are hard to control at the moment.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 8:57 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   anglophile

      Eugenics is always going to be funnier than empathy, let’s face it.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 9:59 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   Limeliberator bang

      He’s lying. He means every bit of it.. and if he doesn’t, I do..

      Jan 10, 2011 at 10:36 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   Mace Elaine

      Obviously we need to start leaving post-it notes on Elaine’s desk.

      http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2010/05/11/please-dont-take-this-the-wrong-way-but-mind-your-own-damn-business/

      Jan 10, 2011 at 2:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.8   WMDKitty

      Like I said, chances are, she’s just being a bitch. Those of us who have food issues tend to be polite about it, rather than writing PA notes.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 2:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.9   oi

      I am totally with you wmd. Those of you who have food issues tend to be polite . Even when they wish random innocent strangers dead they are really polite about it. Aye!

      Jan 10, 2011 at 4:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.10   April

      Since I have a son with food allergies I sympathize with those with food problems. It is a bitch to deal with my son’s food allergies. But I would never do something like this. I am very chill about it.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 6:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.11   Canthz_B bang

      I bought a clock/radio once that didn’t work right.
      I took it back and got a new one.

      Try that. The damned hospital has lots of babies in the nursery that work just fine, no need to accept a broken one unless you didn’t get a warranty on that little sucker! :lol:

      Jan 10, 2011 at 6:55 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.12   April

      I know you are joking and being an insufferable asshole is your style, but I don’t appreciate jokes about my kids and their special needs. Try to remember that and we should get along just fine.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 9:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.13   Canthz_B bang

      Try to remember that I don’t give a care what you happen to appreciate, nor whether or not we get along just fine.

      My respect won’t make your little allergic spawn any healthier, nor will my jokes make him any more allergic to what NORMAL people can eat.

      Jeez, stop pissing in the gene pool, why don’tcha, instead of continuing to shit out “special needs” litters.

      You and/or your hubby have bad genes. Keep them to yourselves. Pass it on…no…don’t.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 10:49 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.14   April

      You are a disgusting human being. For your information I only have two kids that were twins and I am not having any more. So yeah I didn’t “shit” out more after I found out mine has special needs. I spend my time concentrating on taking care of them.

      So do you have a reason for being such a horrible human being or were you just not loved enough by your family and friends?

      Jan 11, 2011 at 6:45 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.15   Canthz_B bang

      Damn, couldn’t even get cell division right, huh? :lol:

      Tell us, when did they STOP being twins?

      Jan 11, 2011 at 7:47 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.16   red velvet

      Your reading comprehension is atrocious today.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 8:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.17   Canthz_B bang

      “…I only have two kids that were twins…”

      No, but your reading comprehension is atrocious today, red velvet. ;-)

      The kids are and will forever be twins. “Were” is incorrect, and so are you.
      And if April knows that an obvious joke is a joke as she says in #14.12, she’s a bit childish to be upset by it.
      As far as “shitting out babies”, you may be interested to know that a significant number of women defecate during a vaginal delivery. Don’t get pissed over a little shit. Shit happens.

      Why don’t you run along and pick on someone your own size? :lol:

      Jan 11, 2011 at 8:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.18   oi

      April, the purpose of my comment was to point out irony of the situation where wmd wishes innocent people dead left, right and center but is totally polite about her food issues. It was in no way directed towards you. I included a link in the comment itself to make it clear. However if you are really keen to identify with wmd’s group I have no grief about it. I am pretty sure she’d love the company.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:47 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.19   Canthz_B bang

      Misery loves company!

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.20   anglophile bang

      Maybe they’ve passed on CB. Wouldn’t you feel just horrible then?

      Oh, and thanks for once again making me glad to be a barren old spinster. Childbirth doesn’t sound like it would be worth it.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.21   Canthz_B bang

      Now I feel bad that she’s taking care of her dead babies.

      I should have known better than to speak ill of the dead.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 12:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.22   April

      Oi: Oh I wasn’t referring to you and I got what you were saying to WMD. I was just saying that as someone who has to deal with food issues daily, I still totally think the NW is being crazy. :P I doubt the NW even has food issues, she probably is just fat and cranky about her food going anywhere but in her belly. :P

      Jan 11, 2011 at 1:06 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.23   April

      CB: the “Shit” out babies comment doesn’t particularly bother me. I use the “Poop out babies” phrase myself now and again.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 1:07 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.24   April

      CB: I do know you were joking. I just found that a bad thing to joke about. Would you go up to a mom and her down syndrome child in public and tell her to stop breeding? Probably not, or at least I would HOPE not. So why do it on the internet in jest? Just not a very nice joke. Then again I make tasteless jokes myself sometimes, so I probably should not get on your case. That particular joke just struck a nerve with me.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 1:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.25   Canthz_B bang

      Get over it.

      No one here would know your kid has food allergies if you hadn’t shared it on the internet with us…if you open doors, folks will walk through them.

      You put that up looking for a pat on the back for, as you say, devoting your time to caring for your kids. You get no pat on the back for that. All of us with children have taken care of them…that’s what parents are supposed to do.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 1:32 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.26   InYourSleep bang

      I’m with CB. It was clearly a joke, you got it was a joke. It wasn’t directed at you, and yet you started all these issues. See: http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/duty_calls.png

      Jan 11, 2011 at 2:59 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.27   FeRD bang

      Nicely played! :) Couple of notes…
      • It’s in slightly better form to link to http://xkcd.com/386/, unless you’re embedding.
      • That comic seems more about simple statements of incorrect facts/information/ideas, which doesn’t fully encompass the… lively discussion we’ve “enjoyed” here. I’d say April was sort of straddling #386: Duty Calls and #406: Venting, at a minimum.

      (I’m comfortable with the fact that, in invoking #406 to describe Summer’sApril’s participation, by implication I’ve cast CB’s posts as “a particularly stupid blog comment”. Mostly because I suspect he’ll accept, if not encourage, that description!) ;)

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.28   Canthz_B bang

      I’ll encourage it…it was one of my more tasteless jokes, but I had fun with it. ;-)

      Jan 12, 2011 at 12:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   mamasita

    So who died & made her goddess of the fridge with an entire drawer to herself. Selfish beeyatch. Fire her paranoid sorry arse.

    Jan 9, 2011 at 9:10 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Canthz_B bang

      Thx Sandra, of course. ;-)

      Jan 10, 2011 at 1:08 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   bellabeastie

      Ahh, yes.. but we forgot to invite her to the Mongolian Bar-be-que.. Party hats provided.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 9:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   The Elf

      The hats are in the other crisper drawer. They are for everyone else.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 1:22 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   Liz

      Don’t put the party hats in the other crisper drawer – that drawer is for “big jobs”!

      Jan 10, 2011 at 10:22 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   InYourSleep

      People are puking in the crisper drawer? Um, yuck.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 12:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   meri

    Elaine should invest in a little lunchbag and put a lock on it. She should NOT take up a whole crisper drawer. What a terrible receptionist.

    Jan 10, 2011 at 12:14 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Ali

    Maybe it’s because it’s almost 2am, but I read both signs three times and laughed more and more each time.

    Oh, Elaine, you’re awful.

    Jan 10, 2011 at 12:51 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Canthz_B bang

    If Elaine keeps everything in her drawers in the refrigerator, does that mean she’s probably frigid?
    Or just saving her “stuff” for Mr. Right?

    Jan 10, 2011 at 12:54 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    Everything in this comment box belongs to Canthz_B.
    Do not use or steal anything in here—it is for me.

    — Canthz_B

    Canthz_B never spoke in the third(?)-person before, but Canthz_B could get to like this.

    Come to think of it, Canthz_B will probably NEVER do this crap again, because Canthz_B thinks this sounds even more arrogant than even Canthz_B can stand sounding without puking Canthz_B’s guts out, going limp, and needing to slump into Bob Dole’s chair for a rest.

    Jan 10, 2011 at 1:04 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Mace Elaine

      Damn, got to my idea first.

      Also, just for the curious, the Mace in my name is not a verb. I have no problem with Elaine, I swear.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 1:54 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   InYourSleep

      Ya might end up like Ms. Cindy, there.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 1:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Canthz_B bang

    This must have been one of the funniest Seinfeld episodes ever!

    Jan 10, 2011 at 1:35 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   April

      I kept thinking about Seinfeld too when I saw this.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 6:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Lunar bang

    She should get a lockable Tupperware container or something instead of claiming an entire drawer of a communal fridge for herself.

    I’d take the drawer out, dump her food in the space and leave a sign saying something like, “The drawer however is up for grabs.”

    Jan 10, 2011 at 4:07 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Clumber

      Whew… I googled “lockable Tupperware container” totally stunned that such a thing might exist…. but, yay, the only hits I got were for the airtight “locking” lids, not with padlocks. I tried a couple (2) different forms and still saw no proof of padlocking lunch containers and since I don’t WANT to know such things exist, I choose not to look anymore. NAH NAH NAH I CAN’T HEAR YOU!

      Jan 10, 2011 at 12:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   matt

      A real lunchbox paranoid uses a lockable tradies tool box, everyone knows that.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 1:21 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   FeRD bang

      Since the only google hits I can scare up for “tradies tool box” seem to be used item postings on Australian auction sites, I’m led to theorize…
      (1) It’s a colloquial reference to a generic “tradesman’s tool box”
      (2) matt is an Aussie

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   matt

    Her autograph is creepy. The ‘e’s at the start and the end look like a twisted french moustache; or maybe she is just french and showing off her obnoxious ‘la culture française’

    Jan 10, 2011 at 4:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   anglophile bang

    How does someone with this amount of self-importance sign her name with a small E?

    Jan 10, 2011 at 6:25 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Canthz_B bang

      She’s been sniffing self-deprecating humours perhaps?

      Jan 10, 2011 at 8:07 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.2   kc

      Because everyone else uses capital letters for their name. All-lowercase is special-snowflake and fake-modest at the same time. (It’s the most passive-aggressive way of writing your name!)

      Jan 10, 2011 at 9:04 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.3   anglophile

      Good point, kc. I see you are a followerer of the e.e. cummings school of self-promotion in this regard.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 10:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.4   KC Sunshine Band

      You are just an impostor. I follow E.E. CUMMINGS instead. hA!

      Jan 10, 2011 at 10:23 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.5   capitalist

      somewhere recently I read that E.E. Cummings wanted to write his name normally but some publisher insisted on the all-lower-case thing.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 10:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.6   KC Sunshine Band

      live and learn! Unlike bell hooks. She yells at people when they ask why she doesn’t capitalize her name. She gets all “WHY NOTTT???” I was at one of her speeches once where she did this. It was rather amusing.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.7   FeRD bang

      And while e.e. cummings was taught in my HS English classes, this is the first time in all my 36 years that I’ve ever heard of bell hooks. Bet she feels small now, eh? …Eh? ;)

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.8   Canthz_B bang

      FeRD, that has a ring of truth to it you can hang your hat on!

      Jan 12, 2011 at 1:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.9   jay

      Her signature looks like Jessi from the Baby-sitters Club. Always the most annoying, unreadable handwriting.

      Jan 23, 2011 at 8:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #23.10   Smiley4099

      Are you just saying that because Jessi is black?
      I think one book had a plot like that…

      Jan 23, 2011 at 9:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   GhostWriter bang

    I looked in her crisper drawer. There was nothing in there but a severed pinky toe.

    Jan 10, 2011 at 8:04 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   The Elf

      It’s a warning. That’s what happened to the last person who stole her food.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   sleeps

      You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, dude. You don’t wanna know about it, believe me.

      Jan 10, 2011 at 2:15 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Rattus

    My first thought was that if I worked with Elaine, I would be using her drawer to dispose of the lunch leftovers that I didn’t really feel like dragging home for the composter bin at the end of the day. If she’s that retentive, she can take care of my composting for me.

    Jan 10, 2011 at 8:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Nahhh bang

    I don’t see a “special diet” there. I see a jar of either grape jelly or fudge sauce.

    I’d steal her fudge sauce.

    Jan 10, 2011 at 9:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Ndawg

      If she’s got fudge sauce all over her drawers, perhaps she should consider a special diet!

      Jan 10, 2011 at 9:49 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   InYourSleep

      …and if it was jelly?

      Jan 10, 2011 at 6:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   The Elf

      I’m thinking it is Smuckers Natural Peanut Butter. It’s about the right color with the right lid. If that’s the case, I salute her taste in peanut butter, in avoiding the nasty overly sweet stuff that belongs as a dessert and not as a sandwich filling. But I don’t salute her taste in notes, and I wonder why she feels the need to put it in the communal fridge. The oil separation that happens when natural peanut butter is left at room temperature is easy to deal with and if you stick it in your desk drawer you can keep your paranoid eyes on it instead of annoying everyone else.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 7:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Sidney

    I want to party with YOU, cowboy Elaine.

    Jan 10, 2011 at 12:10 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Jesse

    Is she a relative of THX Sandra by any chance?

    Jan 10, 2011 at 2:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   sleeps

    I say pull a Halpert and place each item in ‘her’ drawer in its own individual Jell-O mold.

    Jan 10, 2011 at 2:17 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   InYourSleep

    Look closely under the “EVERYONE ELSE” sign….is that a lemon?

    Jan 10, 2011 at 6:20 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   The Elf

      Well, when life gives you lemons….

      Jan 10, 2011 at 7:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Divvitar

      Do Tequila Sunrises! Also, if you look at Elaine’s drawer, there is a jar of either strawberry or raspberry jam on the left side. I’m not thinking this is a special diet here.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 2:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   FeRD bang

      @#30: At the risk of taking this question too seriously, InYourSleep… Could be a lemon. Could be the bottom edge of some product that comes in a yellowish jar (like, um… Tostitos’ Salsa con Queso comes to mind). Or even one of those lemon-shaped squeeze-bulbs of lemon juice, lying on its side.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.4   InYourSleep bang

      If it’s salsa, that office has a lot of jar-ed things. I like the lemon juice, though.

      Jan 13, 2011 at 5:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   Carmen

    Haha. That is hilarious!!

    Jan 15, 2011 at 12:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   kweef

    I bet Elaine’s box is fucking delicious.

    Feb 25, 2011 at 3:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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