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Sorry, I thought those were the *shared* office toenail clippers!

January 11th, 2011 · 68 comments

Our submitter, Rob in Cleveland, says he found this note on his computer screen upon returning to his desk after lunch one day. “I honestly don’t bring my toenail clippers to work,” Rob says. “They were just hurting inside my pocket so I put them on my desk and forgot about them, and this is what I get.”

Thank you for the use of your clippers. Mine were to[sic] to do my toenails. They were really bugging me & started to destroy linings in my shoes.

At first glance, I thought the note must have been sarcastic — surely, no one would actually borrow another’s toenail clippers, right? — so I asked Rob for some clarification.

As it turns out, Rob is pretty sure the note was no joke. “The guy who wrote it is one of the grossest people at work,” he explains. And as for why he had toenail clippers in his pocket to begin with? Says Rob: “I cut my nails in my car on the way to work.”

Of course. Well, I’m glad we cleared that one up.

related: The Jake Issues

FILED UNDER: Cleveland · hygiene · questionable logic · that's unsanitary · TMI · to/too · WTF?

68 responses so far ↓

  • #1   oi

    I want to say that he was being sarcastic but that does not make sense either. Why’d he be so angry about rob putting his clipper on his own desk?
    So he saw the clipper and thought to himself: oh yeah my nails are destroying my shoes liners, ( I guess socks already have holes from those monstrous nails?) let’s use this clipper!
    I do not want to work in this office.

    Jan 11, 2011 at 6:35 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Junebug

      I don’t want to ride in Rob’s car either. Ew.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 11:03 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #2   Elizabeth

    I’m inclined to believe that the note is sarcastic, and that Rob is, in fact, the grossest person at work.

    What’s he got on the screen there, facebook chat?

    Jan 11, 2011 at 6:45 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Kat

      To be fair, I have worked at a few offices where facebook chat was used to talk to people in other departments and no one minded.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 7:38 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   oi

      I agree. The note being sarcastic makes more sense. I was deceived by outright denial. Why anybody need to let other people know they used their clipper? The grossest person does not equal to stupidest person.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 10:13 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #3   Melissa

    This note is so polite, but he forgot to thank Rob for the use of his cubicle as a toenail clipping venue and coffee mug as toenail receptacle.

    Jan 11, 2011 at 6:45 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Melissa

      Also, I’m picturing this note as being from Kevin from The Office.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 6:50 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Jenny

      Or Milton Waddams from Office Space

      Jan 13, 2011 at 11:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #4   Canthz_B bang

    Isn’t driving while clipping (DWC) against the law?

    Jan 11, 2011 at 6:59 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   tvelociraptor

      It is around here. I suspect it had to do with all of the radio call-in shows about “weird shit people do while driving.”

      Jan 11, 2011 at 7:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #5   Canthz_B bang

    Toenails that destroy shoe-lining are more properly called claws.

    Jan 11, 2011 at 7:01 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Madrias

      Too true. That being said, I don’t need long toenails to shred through a pair of shoes.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 8:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   WMDKitty


      Dude, I have claw-like toenails, myself, and have yet to ruin a pair of socks or shoes with them.

      (Yes, I need to clip them. No, I can’t reach them.)

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   The Elf

      If that isn’t an argument for regular pedicures, I don’t know what is.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 12:48 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #6

    Well, at least Rob has the better sense to do his business in the privacy of his car.

    On the subway I have seen people clipping their nails, and just letting the dregs fall to the floor.

    (it being NYC, I have seen a lot worse on the subway, but thats for another day)

    Jan 11, 2011 at 7:02 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   FeRD bang

      As a fellow New Yorker, I can vouch for the previous comment… as gross as it is, it happens.

      There’s little worse than sitting down in a subway car, and then noticing the sound of, snikt…. snikt…. snikt…. snikt.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 9:20 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Canthz_B bang

      7 Train to Mets game at Shea Stadium, early 1980s, guy with a dead squirrel, never bothered to ask why. Mets lost, don’t think squirrel gave a damn.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 9:47 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Kate from Iowa

      If he was from New Jersey, it may have been dinner. And no, I’m being neither sarcastic, or judgemental.

      Jan 14, 2011 at 3:39 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #7   Abby

    Oooh, that’s nasty.

    Jan 11, 2011 at 7:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #8   shwo! bang

    Being from Los Angeles, I can say with some certainty that this is the first time the Clippers have been of any use.

    Jan 11, 2011 at 7:11 pm   rating: 80  small thumbs up

  • #9   aaa bang

    Hm. When my toenails get to the point of tearing up the insides of my shoes, I just stop wearing shoes.

    Jan 11, 2011 at 7:35 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   thrall

      But then they snag in the carpet…

      Jan 11, 2011 at 9:59 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   WMDKitty

      Mine just kinda break…

      Jan 11, 2011 at 11:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   Nunavut Guy

      I have a post in the living room.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 6:46 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #10   castle

    Those toe nail clipping were F*cking Delicious…… lol

    Jan 11, 2011 at 7:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   ashmeadow

      Did they scar you esophagus on the way down?

      Jan 12, 2011 at 7:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Woman on the Verge bang

      Dear castle,

      Shut the fuck up.



      Jan 12, 2011 at 8:52 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #11   se

    I’m confused. did the clippers tell Rob they were in pain or were they just crying so loudly that it was bothering him?

    Jan 11, 2011 at 7:47 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #12   Odious

    So, in other words, the claim “I honestly don’t bring my toenail clippers to work” is not actual honesty? And since the Thank You note was authentic, Rob is the P/A in this case? Is that the story?

    Jan 11, 2011 at 7:50 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Odious

      OK, so I guess I had it right the first time:
      The guy says he’s never brought clippers to work but then one sentence later says he put them on his desk AT WORK. Some guy borrows them and then leaves a thank you note so that Rob knows where they went. I think it’s clear that Rob is being P/A and that, in this case, this is the P/A people website. Not sure why but whatever.

      Jan 13, 2011 at 12:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #13   Merm

    I think I am missing how this note is passive-aggressive? This isn’t the Weird Things that Happen to Me at Work website.

    Jan 11, 2011 at 7:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   se

      OMG, I completely missed that. thank you for pointing that out. We can all go home now.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 8:00 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   liddy

      I’m thinking this poster was thinking (and probably hoping) if it is sarcasm. then it is P.A. However, realizing that it is not sarcasm, it then becomes weird and/or disgusting . I guess I would rather work with someone who is sarcastic versus that level of weird.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 9:31 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   Janellionaire

      I think this has become the Handwritten or Typed Notes People Take Pictures Of website. I’m ok with that.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 12:02 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   KJS

      I wonder how many times Kerry has needed to point out the sub-heading? My guess is too many.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 1:08 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   Russian

      It’s not just pictures of notes! The only notes I ever get are shopping lists, or ‘please meet your supervisor at this time’ notes. I haven’t submitted them. Let’s bring it back to All Funny Notes. However, a note that is funny AND passive aggressive is one of my favourites.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 6:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #14   Mel K

    He should label his clippers. Labeling solves everything. These clippers belong to Rob. He has Hep C. Please feel free to use.

    Jan 11, 2011 at 8:09 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   liddy


      Jan 11, 2011 at 9:32 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #15   VerityBrown bang

    I can’t imagine why anyone would bother to leave this guy a note informing him that they’d used his clippers. Sounds to me more like someone saw the clippers lying there and decide to be “smart.”

    Jan 11, 2011 at 8:11 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Janellionaire

      I agree. It’s not like Rob would have known that they’d been used if the notewriter hadn’t told on himself. Don’t know that it’s necessarily PA either, although it is fun to imagine the type of person who is so offended by the mere sight of toenail clippers on someone else’s desk that they seek revenge by pretending to be a stranger who has borrowed them. That takes a whole lotta crazy.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 12:07 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #16   Divvitar

    I think it’s time to get a new pair of clippers, Rob!

    Jan 11, 2011 at 8:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Mel K

      Agreed. This reminds me of the old urban myth about house burglars and toothbrushes.

      Jan 11, 2011 at 10:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Russian

      What’s that myth, Mel K? Do people say burglars stop to use your toothbrush while robbing your house? It’s probably something more boring than that, but thanks for the funniest mental image I’ve had in a long time!

      Jan 12, 2011 at 6:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   Mel K

      Urban myth, I am sure it is on snopes.
      Yes they use them, but different orifice. That’s all I can comfortably type.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 3:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   Russian

      Oh. That’s not a funny image at all (sadface).

      Jan 13, 2011 at 9:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #17   Clevegal42

    There is nothing I hate worse than ruining a nice pair of shoes with my toenails. Unfortunately, I don’t have considerate coworkers to leave their nail clippers on their desk. I usually have to go through a few drawers to find them.

    Jan 11, 2011 at 9:17 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #18   WMDKitty

    Oh, ghaaaawd. Time to sterilize those clippers… and then incinerate them, and buy a new pair.

    Jan 11, 2011 at 11:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Canthz_B bang

      Yup, because now there’s probably a fungus among us.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 12:20 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   park rose

      Spore! Huh! What is it good for? (Absolutely Nothin’). Say it again . . .

      Jan 12, 2011 at 8:35 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   Canthz_B bang

      ♥ rose.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 1:16 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #19   farcical aquatic ceremony

    I call “foul!”–in every sense of the word.

    Yuck to the idea of sharing under-nail goodies with coworkers, but yuck, too, to the interior of Rob’s car: anyone who’s used clippers knows the whimsical way they shoot nail shards everywhere, so I can’t help but picture slivers in the cup/change-holders, seat crevices, etc. Basically, in my horrified mind, they’re filling up all the car-interior-volume that, say, a GIRLFRIEND might occupy if Rob’s car weren’t just…overFLOWing with nasty nail chips.

    Jan 11, 2011 at 11:45 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   park rose

      I call “fowl”! Everything’s plucked (you know, that chook was pl*cking delicious).

      Jan 12, 2011 at 8:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #20   Summer

    Pedicures, people. PEDICURES! Get them!

    Jan 11, 2011 at 11:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #21   Canthz_B bang

    Clips his toenails in his car on the way to work, huh?
    I need to work on my multi-tasking skills.

    I too have an automatic transmission, so I’m sure I should be able to think of something productive to do with my left foot while driving to work.

    I’m thinking maybe I’ll try doing a few paintings down there…of the scenery along my route perhaps.

    Stay tuned for the movie “My Left Foot 2, The Marvelous Commute”.

    Jan 12, 2011 at 12:30 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   The Elf

      Yes, I really can’t think of a scenario under which “I cut my nails in my car on the way to work” actually would be a plus.

      Clipping while driving. Ugh, no. As if cell phone users weren’t bad enough. I ride a motorcycle so I really can’t picture doing this myself, but even with an automatic transmission car it just doesn’t work.

      Clipping in the car before leaving for work. Why not do it at home? You’re right there.

      Clipping in the car after arriving at work but before entering? I guess sometimes you get lucky with traffic and have a few minutes to spare, but it would occur to me to use that time to get coffee or listen to the a good song on the radio. Clipping nails would be about 346th on the list of things I’d do with those minutes.

      Clipping nails during lunch or other work breaks. I suppose there’s some spare time there, but isn’t that what PAN is for?

      Jan 12, 2011 at 12:56 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   RP

      I can only assume he has a traffic-jam commute and he’s doing the clipping while basically parked in traffic.

      This doesn’t explain why he doesn’t do it the night before but it would explain why he has the time to do it in the car.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 2:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.3   The Elf

      If he’s clipping while stopped in traffic, he’d have to slip his shoe off, work the foot up, probably bracing it on the steering wheel, then lean forward to see, and then start clipping.

      If he has that kind of flexibility, why would he even leave the house? If you get my drift.

      Jan 13, 2011 at 8:01 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.4   Kate from Iowa

      That reminds me, I need to paint my toenails. In the car. On the way home from work.

      Jan 14, 2011 at 3:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #22   snuzzled

    I carry nail clippers around, too, but I’m terribly prone to hangnails so it’s a necessity. Otherwise they bug me and I end up ripping them off, causing even more pain.

    But seriously, who sees someone’s nail clippers laying around and thinks “Oh, that’s right, I should clip my toenails!”? Major yuk.

    Jan 12, 2011 at 4:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #23   Nahhh bang

    It would have been way cooler if the note-writer had posted this message to Rob’s Facebook wall, and it had ended up on Failbook.

    Yeah, way cooler.

    Maybe not.

    Jan 12, 2011 at 6:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #24   red velvet

    This should have ended up on his facebook wall instead. The gross guy really missed a great opportunity to bring up TWO bad habits of the people working around him; Facebook at work, and personal hygiene in the vehicle.

    My clippers have never left my bathroom, therefore I think both people involved here are the grossest ones in the office.

    Jan 12, 2011 at 8:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #25   Lidda

    Eeewwwwwww! (a la Scrubbing Bubbles commercial)

    Jan 12, 2011 at 9:06 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   TKD

    If Rob did not want to share Rob’s clippers, he would have done what any sane person would do…

    Commandeer a drawer in the communal refrigerator, place them inside, label it with a proper note and eschew personal pronouns. OOPS, another one slipped out.

    Jan 12, 2011 at 10:09 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #27   tzed

    They deserve each other no matter what the scenario.

    Jan 12, 2011 at 11:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #28   Canthz_B bang

    This one could really benefit from some clip-art…toenail clippings and Elmer’s glue would do the trick nicely.

    Jan 12, 2011 at 11:53 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #29   Megan

    This may have been addressed in the other comments, but I haven’t read them:

    Why don’t either of these people clip their nails (finger and toe) at home?

    Jan 12, 2011 at 12:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   anglophile bang

      I’d answer your question, Megan, but I can’t be bothered to read your comment.

      Jan 12, 2011 at 6:14 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up


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