1. Your explanation for the following: “It’s funny, ’cause it’s true.”
2. At this point, it’s every zombie for himself.
3. Even the visual metaphors have given up.
4. And those noises you’re hearing? That’s actually the sound of your life force slowly leaching out of your body.
(Thanks to Marcus in Indiana, David in California, Bunny in Florida, and anonymous in New York for their soul-sucking submissions.)
related: Motivational posters for a down economy
53 responses so far ↓
#1
farcical aquatic ceremony
This is why you’ve gotta drop your soul off in a little dish on the front hallway table on your way out to work each morning–no-ope, an office’s NO place for a soul.
Jan 20, 2011 at 7:58 pm rating: 90
#2
farcical aquatic ceremony
Oh, also — could someone please put me on a plane helmed by a pilot who ISN’T whining and crying?
okthanksverymuch.
Jan 20, 2011 at 8:01 pm rating: 90
#3
lagne
I hate Sudoku person. Only because of those stupid swirly “Fs.”
Jan 20, 2011 at 8:26 pm rating: 90
#4
Jonathan
All my morale plants were stolen by the DEA!
Jan 20, 2011 at 8:42 pm rating: 90
#5
se
I can’t keep my size to myself. It is obvious to anyone who looks.
Jan 20, 2011 at 10:14 pm rating: 90
#6
TippingCows
Sighs are cleansing. Smiles are fake. If you smile at me I’ll punch your teeth out.
Jan 20, 2011 at 11:24 pm rating: 90
#7
sam
People that complain about their jobs really irritate me. I use to have that same crap attitude until I did some soul searching.
#1) There is a thing called professionalism. A good boss will always listen to the concerns of the employees. If an employee is being unreasonably whiny, well, they can find the door. There are plenty of overqualified unemployed people needing that job.
#2) Are you being paid to solve suduko puzzles? If not then both you and your superior need to be fired for stealing. The company is PAYING you to do something meaningful. Clean the bathroom if you have to. It might sound harsh but the cost of idle workers really adds up. If everyone did that you would all get paid more.
#3) Same as #1. Nice to see that everyone in the company thinks it is all a big joke. Either do something meaningful about it or find another job (**sneer**).
#4) I appreciate that they tried but I would have worded it slightly different. “If you don’t feel like working, then I don’t feel like paying you.”
The best bosses I’ve had were total hardasses. Their expectations were so demanding that I felt like I was really accomplishing something at work. Also the fact I felt like I was improving internally as a person more than made up for a small paycheck.
Jan 20, 2011 at 11:40 pm rating: 90
#8
pony girl
I’m confused.
What is that thing in #1?
Jan 21, 2011 at 3:51 am rating: 90
#9
Canthz_B
Sign #4 is just plain rude.
I feel sorry for the deaf people there who are being told to “shut up” or talk to themselves in the bathroom mirror.
It’s just not fair…they’d have to learn to sign backwards!
The employer should post some signage about accepting diversity in the workplace.
Jan 21, 2011 at 6:07 am rating: 90
#10
Nunavut Guy
I’m not smiling;when I show my teeth like that I am getting ready to bite you.
Jan 21, 2011 at 6:31 am rating: 90
#11
[email protected]
Maybe they could suggest to the pilots that they whine and cry over the flower pot. That plant could use the water.
Jan 21, 2011 at 12:21 pm rating: 90
#12
Divvitar
How ironic is a dying morale plant? Maybe they should add some prozac to it’s water.
Jan 21, 2011 at 12:33 pm rating: 90
#13
Miss Ash
Poor dead plant.
Jan 21, 2011 at 9:56 pm rating: 90
#14
Thorbjørn
The label on the shredder comes from despair.com – it’s included in their packages with the suggestion that you put it on the cardboard box your order arrived in.
Jan 22, 2011 at 4:19 am rating: 90
#15
tequila_mockingbird
ALL YOUR SOULS ARE BELONG TO US
YOU HAVE NO CHANCE TO SURVIVE
MAKE YOUR TIME
HA. HA. HA. HA.
Jan 22, 2011 at 10:41 am rating: 90
#16
homschlr4ever
I always love things that make me laugh. Come one, those pictures represent almost every administration I’ve ever taught for. My husband, who’s in management, can definitely sympathize. I guess being in a workplace just makes us that more sarcastic I suppose.
Jan 22, 2011 at 2:01 pm rating: 90
#17
Wil
Sighing is just taking a deep breath, which is a way of calming yourself, relaxing and refocusing. People should be ENCOURAGED to “sigh”. What, nobody has ever told you to “take a deep breath” when you are doing something stressful and need to refocus and come back to earth? Unfortunately, I was told by a boss to take a deep breath when I was stressed, but when I did I was accused of sighing and yelled at. He was an asshole, not a hardass, just an asshole.
Feb 9, 2011 at 5:56 am rating: 90
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