Haterade on the Rocks, with a twist

January 26th, 2011 · 133 comments

After a night of heavy drinking, Dani in Baltimore woke up with a killer hangover that turned positively murderous when she noticed that her bottle of Gatorade — which she’d been saving in anticipation of her post-hangover re-hydration needs — was missing from the fridge.

Assuming her husband must have taken it, Dani quickly dashed off this exclamation-point-heavy tirade (which, of course, is “passive” only in the sense that she chose to sit down at the keyboard instead of going straight for the butcher knife).

A few hours later, however, says Dani, “I remembered that I had actually drunkenly finished the bottle of Gatorade the night before, in an attempt to avoid said hangover. Oops!”

Why the fuck are you continuing to steal my god damn Gatorade!!!!!!!!!! This is America, not another planet! And just because I write my name on the unopened bottle of Gatorade that is mine does not somehow mean that the open bottle that I've already drank part of is no longer mine!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!! If you do it again, so help me God I will CHOP YOUR BALLS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m  hoping this little “oops” was a come-to-Jesus moment for Dani that showed her the error of note-writing ways, but if not…well, Dani’s husband: consider yourself warned. Because seriously, this is America, not another planet!

related: You are on Uncle Paul’s list!

FILED UNDER: drizzunk · exclamation-point happy!!!! · not-so-veiled threats · Oops? · questionable logic · sig o


133 responses so far ↓

  • #1   se

    wow, now it’s planet America

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:19 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Elf

      When you’re that awesome, the whole planet falls in line. Amiright?

      Jan 27, 2011 at 3:10 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   lilmegz

      no

      Jan 28, 2011 at 2:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Canthz_B bang

      Don’t call us, we’ll call you. ;-)

      Jan 28, 2011 at 5:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   raevynne

    wow, pms much?

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:20 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Angela

    I hope it was a come-to-Jesus moment in that she realized if she’s that forgetful when she’s drunk and especially that bad-tempered when she’s hung over, she might take a long hard look at how much she’s drinking. But that’s just me.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:22 pm   rating: 126  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Job

      um, do you even know how alcohol works? After 2-3 drinks your potential for new memory creation is diminished. Something as silly as gatorade is hardly memorable, even without that.

      Her note was insane; that’s why it’s here. But please, stop being such a fucking puritan.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 8:49 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Clif (a moderate drinker)

      Overreact much, Job?

      The note is insane, but you have to drink more than “2-3 drinks” to have that much memory difficulty in the morning. (assuming your memory is average in the first place)

      I don’t think assuming some level of alcohol abuse is unwarranted or puritanical.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 12:05 am   rating: 59  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Canthz_B bang

      Last time 2-3 drinks gave me a “killer hangover” was never.
      I think it’s safe to assume she had a few more than that, especially if she can’t remember until later what (or whom) she did when she got home. LOL

      Jan 27, 2011 at 5:55 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   Clumber

      I get a hangover after just a few sips of beer… but then I am allergic to hops and said allergy reaction is a death headache, sweats, and vertigo. Yeah, college cost me more $ than most.

      As far as other adult beverages, I pretty much used up the binges during college and I bet that if I drank 2-3 drinks tonight I’ll be hungover the next morning. Presuming I don’t just fall asleep after 1 drink… And since my last hangover was (cough) years ago I would probably call it killer just due to unfamiliarity.

      I’ll also bet that I will completely forget this plan by noon PDT.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 7:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   selianth

      Seriously, whether or not I’ve had 2-3 drinks, I forget stuff all the time. Haven’t you ever had a moment where you can’t remember if you turned off the stove or locked the door on your way out? This is totally something I would do (errr, the blaming, but minus the crazy). It’s not necessarily a symptom of alcoholic blackouts.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 11:51 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   reyelee bang

      I forget a lot of things as well, but seeing as I’m aware of this, I don’t write bitchy notes blaming others. I would like to know if she wrote an apology, or if she had the balls to apologize in person.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 12:08 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.7   clumber

      And therein we are back to the original question… just whose balls does she have?

      Jan 27, 2011 at 2:54 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.8   RadishFlavouredRhubarb

      @clumber

      I despise you.

      Jan 28, 2011 at 2:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.9   Canthz_B bang

      Why? Are they your balls?

      Jan 28, 2011 at 4:20 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.10   clumber

      RFR – Well I hope i at least earned the despising. I feel so ripped-off when someone hates me without actually giving me the chance to earn it.

      Jan 29, 2011 at 4:41 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.11   Canthz_B bang

      It’s hard work, clumb (it’s taken me years to build up my hate-base)…but it’s really worth it. Trust me! :-P

      Jan 29, 2011 at 11:15 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   ANkh

    Hopefully this submission to PAN was a form of penance.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:23 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Sandi

    No pithy comments – just thinking about what a joy she must be to live with.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:24 pm   rating: 81  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Nahhh bang

    To Dani’s Husband: Run. Run far. Run fast. I hope to god you had a pre-nup. Just RUN.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:26 pm   rating: 112  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   SP

      Hahaha! I was going to write almost exactly the same thing! Who writes that to anyone, let alone her own husband?!?!?!

      Jan 26, 2011 at 10:11 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   AndreaC

      Ok, NOT that I am defending note writer, but… I am a fairly pleasant person overall. However, I DO have this fits of rage over like insignificant crap after I had one too many happen over short period of time. As in, I had had a hugely crappy day and I had asked my husband to buy a packer of Sloppy Joe’s powder on his way home. I said POWDER. He brought manwich cans instead. I didn’t write something like that cuz I am not PA, but you bet I had a muderous rage that resulted in him slowly backing out of the house while telling the kids to get their coats and get in the car cuz he was taking them to McD’s cuz “mommy needs some alone time”

      In short (yeah too late) PMS, hangovers, a very crappy day can turn anyone’s De Jekell into a Mr Hyde.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 6:57 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   Liz

      No shit! I was just thinking, wow, and to think I’m divorcing my husband over his tirades (which are pretty much along these lines). To be fair, my main complaint was that he was not able to stop even in front of the kids, but still, I wasn’t prepared to take it any longer.

      This note was making me second-guess my decision.

      No, not really, just making me think, wow, perhaps I was wrong, maybe everyone else DOES have it this bad. Glad to see I’m not the only one that thinks this is intolerable.

      Of course we all have our moments, but a moment in a normal household involves taking a long shower and a run, crying or screaming by yourself while you try to gain composure to speak to your spouse, and then barely keeping it together when you mention the Gatorade. Not threatening to chop his balls off. PMS or not… this crosses a line in my book.

      Jan 28, 2011 at 2:14 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   clever name

      Typically when some one goes for the extreme (I’m going to kill you, chop of your balls, eat your children) then we should assume that if she had a knife, she would not in fact chop off balls. Where I come from we say extreme things and bitch, so we DON’T have to do something like chop off your balls. Do you think Lorena Bobbitt told her husband her plan? I think not…

      Jan 28, 2011 at 4:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   rob

    what does her husband have to say about this is what i would like to know. she just sounds aggressive and scary and he ought not be dumb enough to wake next to her while she’s consuming.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:29 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Sonya

      I love it, that last part made her sound like a minotaur feeding or something!

      Jan 27, 2011 at 10:31 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   mycaricature

    this is just conjecture but *maybe* she was going to use it to take her mood stabiliser..

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:30 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   sleeps

      Aaaaaand, I just snorted cereal milk up my nose. Kudos.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 10:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   clumber

      Fuckitol® – So that others may live.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 2:55 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   CBS

    I feel sorry for that poor husband. He should get while the getting is good.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:33 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   k8

    AND it’s in Comic Sans.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:33 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   OliveOyl bang

      No, it’s not.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 9:00 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   farcical aquatic ceremony

      Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s just plain old Arial. Workmanlike and not at all frilly when restrained to, say, 10 pt., it just gets a bit goofy looking when bolded and pumped up to double that. Hmmm…perhaps much the way Dani gets all crazy when she pumps her body weight in alcohol into her system.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 2:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   anglophile

      I hate Arial almost as much as Comic Sans, not as much as Papyrus.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 5:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   Canthz_B bang

      Well, it is lacking comedic effects…

      Jan 27, 2011 at 5:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   spoko

      It’s definitely not Comic Sans, and I don’t think it’s Arial. Looks to me like Calibri. She obviously has one of the newer versions of MS Office.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 8:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   reyelee bang

      Comic Sans? Just snorted coffee out my nose. God, I needed that. The laugh I mean. Not the burning of my nasal passages.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 12:02 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Yo, Seriously

    DTMFA

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:38 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   LainTexas

      What does DTMFA mean? I’m not up to date on my acronyms.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 9:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Hirayuki

      “Dump the motherfucker already”, courtesy Dan Savage.

      I’d have DTMF once things got to the point where we had to label things in our own home fridge. Creepy.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 10:11 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Odious

      NIUTDOA
      PMUNOED

      (people make up new ones everyday)

      Jan 26, 2011 at 11:44 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Hastur

      There’s really nothing terribly creepy about labeling things in the fridge, especially if people work different hours. (I mean, how else are partners supposed to tell each other that they’re saving a food item for something, if one of them is sleeping or not present?) Losing their shit about it, yeah, maybe somewhat creepier.

      Jan 31, 2011 at 12:13 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Melenie

    Maybe it’s time to stop drinking. Team husband.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:40 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Courtney

    Boy, that’s some serious anger issues right there. If I were her husband, I’d sleep with one eye open if I pissed her off.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:42 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   The Elf

      Yeah. I’ve been pissed – supremely pissed – at my husband before and I’ve never gone that far off the deep end. There’s something wrong here.

      Hilarious for us, though.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 3:13 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Quite Contrary

      I’d sleep with one eye open, whether I pissed her off or not.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 4:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Crisp Flows

      Just don’t piss her off while in a hangover. I doubt many people are in a cheerful mood, bursting with rainbows and sparkles while in a hangover.

      Is this common sense logical step missing somewhere in your cognitive process?

      Jan 30, 2011 at 10:52 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   M L

    Uh, wow. Even if the note wasn’t so obscene and vicious in its delivery, I’d still think it was hugely bitchy in its sentiment. I mean, yeah, it’s shitty when things go missing that you wanted, but he’s your husband. Shared assets and all that. He has every right to expect that shit in the fridge is communal. No?

    If this “keeps happening,” maybe try buying two gatorades instead of just one?

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:43 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Angie

    Someone wrote this to their spouse???!?!
    Some people seriously need to grow up before getting married.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:57 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Ali

    What kind of married couple labels their food!?

    Jan 26, 2011 at 8:58 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   emmz

      that is what i was thinking! ?? the fact that she labels stuff is grounds enough for divorce. forget the note.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 9:12 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   RedDelicious

      “What’s mine is yours” apparently does not apply in their relationship. I know better than to assume anything is strictly mine in my house. If it’s in a fridge or a pantry or cupboard and not sitting next to me, it’s pretty much fair game.

      At least the divorce won’t be messy. She’s labeled everything that’s hers.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 11:13 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Clif (a moderate drinker)

      Haha. Excellent point.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 12:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   Canthz_B bang

      It’s really something very simple every husband should repeat to himself often:

      “What’s mine is hers, what’s hers is hers.”

      Secret #34 to a long and happy marriage.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 5:42 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.5   Russian

      Why does she have to write a note anyway? If she’s that angry, I presume she’s not trying to play the polite confrontation-evasion card. He’s your husband! Ring him at work if you’re THAT mad! But first time through the note I missed that it was her husband and assumed it was a roommate. Which made it very marginally less crazy.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 11:50 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.6   The Elf

      Well, I’ve stuck a do not eat note to something if I bought or made it in anticipation of some sort of event. You know – I made brownies to take to the pot luck at work, don’t eat the brownies. But ownership labels? No, this isn’t the office fridge!

      Jan 27, 2011 at 3:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   I'm Rick James Bitch

    D-I-V-O-R-C-E.

    Do it now.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 9:03 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   shwo! bang

    Note to husband: Want to see exactly how bug-fuck crazy Dani is? At the bottom of the note, write “tl;dr”.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 9:06 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   LainTexas

      What does tl;dr mean?

      Jan 26, 2011 at 9:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Seanette

      Too Long; Didn’t Read.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 9:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Meri

      Bug-fuck crazy says so much, so well! I am filing that one for future use.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 11:20 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   anglophile

      Does no one know how to Google anymore?

      Jan 27, 2011 at 5:24 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   The Elf

      That’s what IT support is for.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 3:17 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   JetJackson

    Metaphorically speaking his balls are already cut off.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 9:37 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   AuntyBron

      Which she no doubt keeps in a jar on the table next to her bed.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 10:16 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.2   ashmeadow

      And she labeled it.

      Jan 26, 2011 at 11:23 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.3   Canthz_B bang

      Yeah, but he’s a really hard worker now.

      He’s always going “Balls Out”!

      Jan 27, 2011 at 5:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #19.4   AndreaC

      I’m guessing earrings.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 7:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #20   Divvitar

    Instant psychopath, just add alcohol.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 9:43 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   cali

    Aw come on! Yes it’s bitchy. Yes it’s brutal. But she at least recognized the bitchy, brutal error of her ways and posted it so we could all lambaste her. She’s come clean and is full of shame. Give her a break.

    Now if her husband had posted it…

    Jan 26, 2011 at 10:00 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   KarenW

      No. She only realized that she drank the Gatorade. No reason at all to assume that she wouldn’t have given this note to her husband if he was the one who drank it.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 11:01 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Liz

      Why should verbal abuse be any different if it’s a man?!?!

      Physical abuse is easier for men because they’re bigger. And it’s more visible and threatens life and limb. But emotional and verbal abuse are no joke, either, and it goes both ways.

      Jan 28, 2011 at 2:20 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   snee

    if her husband posted it, he did it using an anonymous isp address. from another country. or planet.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 10:36 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Meri

    If I didn’t already know her name was Dani, I would have sworn this was Elaine of the ‘everything in this crisper drawer is MINE!’ post a while back. Seriously, some of these angry ladies need to invest in their own fridge with a lock on it. Would save some poor guy’s balls.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 11:16 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Odious

    No doubt! Run away, husband, run away. Danger ahead.

    Jan 26, 2011 at 11:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Cake Train bang

    Ahahaha!! I would definitely love to be on the receiving end of this note. It would give me such opportunity to counter with a note of my own!

    Dani,
    Get your motherfucking ass out of my god damn liquor cabinet and come to bed at a decent hour. I am asleep in “our” bedroom while you are out “getting your swerve on” with all your slutty girlfriends until I wake up to my alarm going off and you stumbling in the front door. Next time I hope you have the decency to leave me at least a half bottle of vodka so I can forget we are married for a few hours.
    XOXO
    BALLS

    Jan 27, 2011 at 12:14 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Oink

    What’s wrong with water?

    Jan 27, 2011 at 2:28 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Kate from Iowa

      It’s not Brawndo. It has no electrolytes.

      Eh. Maybe not the best joke, but “it’s got electrolytes” is the main reason I hear cited when someone says they’re going to drink Gatorade or Pediasure to keep from/get over a hangover.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 2:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   The Elf

      It’s what plants need.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 3:19 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Who? Me?

    Oh dear.

    Not only did Dani write the note to her hubby, she submitted the note to PAN, and presumably she is reading our reactions as we post them.

    Dani, I sincerely hope that you can get some psychological counseling. Your note is not funny, it is incredibly hurtful … *especially* considering that your accusations were completely groundless. Your drinking is not funny – it is ultimately responsible for your writing a very threatening note to someone you theoretically should care about. Such a note is not easy to forget. And hungover or not – you have not acquired communication skills that will serve you well in life and especially your marriage. “Ready, Fire, Aim” is not a recipe for success.

    I hope you find help, I really do.

    Jan 27, 2011 at 2:42 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   KarenW

      I have a huge problem with anyone submitting a note that they write themselves. It shouldn’t be allowed. How do we know that the whole story isn’t faked, and Dani isn’t just some pathetic attention whore?

      Jan 27, 2011 at 10:21 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   TKD

      Being a pathetic attention whore is not one of her biggest issues. Clearly she has more dire problems with sentence structure and punctuation. She needs to learn to focus on the important things in life.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 10:30 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.3   tl;dr

      *yawn*

      Jan 27, 2011 at 10:45 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.4   DanT

      Am I the only one disturbed that KarenW was the only one to suggest that this, along with any other note created by the same person who submits it, is likely fake?

      Good job Dani, you’ve proved all these people to be really gullible.

      Feb 3, 2011 at 6:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   teehoe

    Dani, also, please look up “passive aggressive.” There’s nothing remotely passive about your note — just aggressive.

    Jan 27, 2011 at 3:22 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   nicolas

      The fact that it’s a note is what’s passive. Also, check the website’s tagline: “funny (if not necessarily “passive-aggressive”) notes from pissed-off people” [/arguing about the definition of PA]

      Just like someone complaining about the lighting in crack houses, it’s not the note itself that’s frightening here, it’s the assumptions that come before it. Unless this is a one-off going-crazy thing, in which case, come on guys: still TEAM HUSBAND, but this is a hilarious mishap.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 4:43 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   Grant

    That should be finding it’s way into a solicitor’s file for a divorce petition.

    Jan 27, 2011 at 4:31 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   Canthz_B bang

    Is Gatorade theft still punishable by castration in America? We need to update the “penile” code!

    Jan 27, 2011 at 5:31 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Kate

    What the fuck kind of married couple labels their food separately? Pretty sure you’re meant to share stuff.

    Jan 27, 2011 at 5:38 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   brandine

    Oh everybody leave her alone. She’s already paid her dues — she lives in Baltimore.

    Jan 27, 2011 at 6:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Jill

      Wait a second – that’s just mean.
      I LIVE IN Baltimore, and it’s not bad at all!

      Jan 27, 2011 at 2:54 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #32.2   unsatisfied

      yeah, it’s bad. and, your football team sucks.

      love,
      pittsburgh

      Jan 27, 2011 at 9:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   pegolasgreenleaf

    I wonder what kind of note she’ll write when her husband wakes up & serves her some divorce papers.

    Jan 27, 2011 at 6:37 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   cathy

    just imagine if the husband had written his wife an angry note saying “i’ll chop your ovaries off, bitch.” a lot people would see that as abusive and threatening. but somehow the other way around is perfectly okay?

    Jan 27, 2011 at 8:17 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Rachel

      Anchorman, anyone? “I’ll punch you in the ovaries. Straight shot to the babymaker.”

      Meant comedically, hysterical. Meant aggressively, alarming scary. Don’t mess with the reproductive organs!

      Jan 27, 2011 at 9:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   M L

      You’ve clearly pierced right to the heard of the equality issue, here. Because everyone in this thread is saying “LOL SHE THREATENED TO CASTRATE HIM THAT’S SO ZANY LOL!”

      Oh no wait, everyone here thinks she’s abusive and threatening.

      There are plenty of totally legitimate and troubling instances of gender inequality in the world. This thread, alas, isn’t one of them.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 12:49 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.3   Russian

      Damn, M L. I wanted to get my fix of gender inequality here!

      Jan 27, 2011 at 5:33 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   divaandwriter bang

    Wow! Dominatrix in training!

    Jan 27, 2011 at 8:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   TexasBlueEyes

    Whoa, who would talk to their husband like that. Dump that bitch.

    Jan 27, 2011 at 9:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   ashmeadow

    Who is in such a high dungeon after binge drinking, that they are still sufficiently angry to type a note, print it out, find tape, and put it up, without once thinking that perhaps the sentiments therein are slight irrational?

    Who is capable of putting this much effort into anything with a monster hangover?

    Jan 27, 2011 at 11:32 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   sleeps

      Indeed! Clearly, binge drinkers should not be in high dungeons, but low, low dungeons!

      Jan 28, 2011 at 11:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   Hastur

      I ATTACK THE DARKNESS!

      Jan 31, 2011 at 12:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   Russian

    Craziness aside, I’m already casting my vote for best note of 2011, because this is all round hilarious. And there’s already been several contenders! Best January ever. :)

    Jan 27, 2011 at 11:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   QBALL

    The funniest part was the threat to chop her husbands balls off,, geez if it were me I think I’d sleep with one eye open and one hand covering my junk

    Jan 27, 2011 at 12:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #40   Delicious

    That gatorade was fucking delicious AND I BITCHED AT MY FUCKING HUSBAND FROM MARS FOR DRINKING IT. EVEN BETTER. *burps*

    Jan 27, 2011 at 12:58 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   Kate

    I cannot imagine a marriage where you label your food.

    You might say ‘please don’t drink the Gatorade’ but to label it is just freaky.

    Jan 27, 2011 at 2:03 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   dave

    Let me get this straight. She woke up hung over, couldn’t find Gatorade and she went into frenzy! She turned on computer, printer, went to MS word and typed this long note to her husband then printed it out! Instead of, I don’t know, taking water and aspirin?
    Ride to the crazy town for sure!
    Who the hell writes notes to their spouses who is 5 feet away?!

    Jan 27, 2011 at 2:05 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Seanette

      My husband and I have had arguments via Facebook chat while sitting 4 feet apart :).

      Some people (like DH and me) leave the computer on all the time anyway, so starting up the computer might not be a factor. ;)

      Jan 27, 2011 at 3:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.2   oi bang

      You seem to be proud of that :!: :?: :?

      Jan 28, 2011 at 12:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #42.3   Evil Empire

      Yeah, and all your friends on fb are either embarassed to know you and your husband or think you a couple of idiots.

      Jan 31, 2011 at 9:03 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #43   Jill

    having dated several drunks (and not being a drinker myself) this is light on the anger for the morning after. Good composure, and way to not jump right to the cutting off the balls!

    Jan 27, 2011 at 2:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #44   oi

    Bitches be crazy!
    Sorry.
    Always wanted to say that.

    Jan 27, 2011 at 3:51 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #45   MitziBell

    It’s a good thing this is America, where the penalty for Gatorade stealing is only the THREAT of castration. On some planets, hubby’s balls would be marinated in the actual Gatorade, chopped off, and then served to him.

    Alas for Dani, on most of those planets, exclamation points are severely rationed, so raving alcoholic-bitch rants are much more difficult to make sufficiently menacing. ;-)

    Jan 27, 2011 at 4:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   clumber

      Wait… am i reading the recipe correctly? You marinate the balls before chopping them off?

      Jan 29, 2011 at 4:43 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #45.2   MitziBell

      Absolutely. That way hubby is full of electrolytes and fully conscious for the disemballing. I mean, cripes, HE DONE STOLE HER STUFF.

      Jan 29, 2011 at 11:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #46   Andie

    So this married couple labels things in the fridge and then she leaves hate notes when he steals her food? This marriage seems kinda weird to me. Why can’t she just scream at him directly like a normal person?

    Jan 27, 2011 at 4:17 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #47   Doug Stephens

    What a catch. The husband must be so happy he married El Drunko the Ball-Cutter.

    Jan 27, 2011 at 6:08 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #48   lelu

    I dunno. I’m kind of Team Dani on this one even if she is sort of a bitch.

    I don’t know what kind of husband she has…maybe he’s the douche who forces the labeling of items in the fridge. Maybe she drinks to get away from him…who knows? Maybe it was a once a year girls night out?

    Maybe Dani is just an evil bitchface.

    I think her note was incredibly mean and incredibly hurtful over some dumb shit like Gatorade, but I kind of do understand that sort of instant rage while married. Resentment can build, and eventually someone blows…been there. Ideally that doesn’t happen, but no marriage is perfect, and I know lots of my happily married friends have had similar issues. My husband and I hardly ever argue, we spend lots of time laughing, we talk together. We have so much fun with each other…but man, occasionally he can piss me off like no other and I him. I could see myself getting this pissed off over something small like this.

    Skip the divorce…invest in marital therapy with a GOOD therapist.

    Jan 27, 2011 at 6:28 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #48.1   AndreaC

      Yeah I can see that. Plus some stuff on the note implies that he has done it before. I don’t label stuff around my house, but I can see being this pissed off if say, I keep buying my favorite ice cream and every single time I want to snuggle up with a big ole bowl after a hard day the damn thing is gone.

      Just putting out other possibilities.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 7:09 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.2   Nunavut Guy

      A good therapist is like a good lawyer;someone who stretches out problems and perceived pain in order to maximize profit.

      Jan 27, 2011 at 9:15 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.3   lelu

      Opinions are like assholes…

      Jan 29, 2011 at 11:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.4   Canthz_B bang

      …sometimes they’re full of crap?

      …they’re strongly held just before a prostate examination?

      WHAT?!! DON’T LEAVE US HANGING!!

      Jan 29, 2011 at 2:14 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.5   Evil Empire

      Everyone has one, my friend.

      Jan 31, 2011 at 9:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.6   Canthz_B bang

      Really? I never would have guessed that! Here’s your I’m So Smart trophy! LOL

      Jan 31, 2011 at 7:08 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #48.7   kmd

      Sorry, but nobody who *plans for a hangover with gatorade* is coming off of a “once a year girls’ night out.”

      Just sayin’.

      Jan 31, 2011 at 7:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #49   havingfitz

    I’d be gone in a heartbeat, but I’ll admit that being a child of a raging she-beast drunk my opinion is a bit biased. And after “WTF is your problem” she should have either used ?!? instead of all exclaimation points, or the useful but highly underrated interrobang. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interrobang

    Jan 27, 2011 at 7:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #50   Canthz_B bang

    The fallout from the acquittal of Lorena Bobbitt continues.
    “The Gatorade Defense”, however, may not reach the emotional distress bar.
    Only time (and a set of severed balls) will tell.

    Jan 28, 2011 at 5:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #51   Chiclet

    My husband and I have had many fights over who ate the last whatever in the fridge, but none of them have ever ended with my threatening to chop his ball off…

    Jan 28, 2011 at 9:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #52   Niveus Pluma

    Never mind the rant, what sort of marriage have these two got that they communicate by note and write their names on their food in the fridge? What happened to “to love and to share” etc?!

    Jan 28, 2011 at 12:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #52.1   RadishFlavouredRhubarb

      @Niveus Pluma

      You’re completely right. What kind of f**ked up relationship involves identifying “this is mine” other than a divorce?

      Jan 28, 2011 at 2:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #53   Ajax

    Do grown ups really keep Gatorade on hand in anticipation of a serious hangover?

    Jan 29, 2011 at 4:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #53.1   Russian

      Lots of married people aren’t grown up ya know!

      Jan 30, 2011 at 3:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #53.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      meh, if it was a “once in a blue moon” type gathering they might. Suzy’s bachelorette party only happens once (hopefully) and even responsible, for real grown-ups might lay in a stock of “just in case” Gatorade because they know over indulging might happen. Hell, that might even explain the labeling. “I know Frank always grabs a bottle of Gatorade to take to the gym. I want to be sure I will have one in case we go a little crazy. I’ll put my name on it so he knows to pick one up on the way to the gym rather than grabbing this last one from the fridge.”

      Jan 31, 2011 at 10:00 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     

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