Entries from January 2011
When her company recently relocated, says Sara in St. Louis, her department and several others were thrown together in a new office where the marketing group had already staked its claim.
“Marketing had tagged the soap they supplied in the bathroom because it was getting thrown away,” says Sara, “but when the other groups moved in they started tagging their products too.”
At this point, she says, “It’s getting a little awkward. I’m not in any of these departments — I just want to wash my hands.”
related: Everything in this drawer belongs to Elaine.
Tags: bathroom · office · St. Louis · washing your hands
1. Your explanation for the following: “It’s funny, ’cause it’s true.”
2. At this point, it’s every zombie for himself.
3. Even the visual metaphors have given up.
4. And those noises you’re hearing? That’s actually the sound of your life force slowly leaching out of your body.
(Thanks to Marcus in Indiana, David in California, Bunny in Florida, and anonymous in New York for their soul-sucking submissions.)
related: Motivational posters for a down economy
Tags: most popular notes of 2011 · now that's management · office
You can be sure our submitter wasn’t the only rubbernecking bystander on Facebook to feel pained by the awkwardness on display in this public wound-picking.
Dear “C”: A word of advice? Back away from your computer. Disconnect your WiFi. Channel your feelings into a Taylor Swift song or a six-pack or something. Unless, of course, you want to end up like this 20 years down the road…
related: Another example of why you should never publish your relationship status on Facebook
Tags: ex drama · Facebook
It was a the peak of the lunchtime rush, explains our submitter, a waitress at a busy Chili’s restaurant, and these customers made it clear early on that they weren’t happy with their meal. As you can see from the check, she says, “My manager already comped $18 dollars worth of food that they complained about” — not to mention that when the entrees were remade (for free), the customers ate every last bit — and enjoyed a free dessert as well.
“Apparently, that wasn’t enough, however,” our submitter says. At the end of the meal, “they were still charged for the appetizers they ordered (which they devoured and didn’t complain about),” but somehow they still felt morally superior enough to dine and dash. Adds our waitress: “Tipping may be optional, but walking out on your bill is still theft.”
Meanwhile, this customer’s approach (as submitted by Thomas in Palo Alto), is just bad form. Homophone fail!
related: A friendly tip from your waitress
Tags: restaurant · that's illegal · tipping
To me, this note is like that scene about 17 minutes into an episode of Law & Order, when the detectives run into an overly-talkative building manager and ask him he’s seen anything suspicious lately. Then, inevitably, the guy says something like, “Well, now that you mention it, ’bout two days ago, one of the residents tried to burn some old bloody clothes in that fireplace over dere. I guess the guy wasn’t too smaht, cause he didn’t figure out that fireplace ain’t real. You know, it’s just for show.”
related: When sleeping, you will get burned and die immediately.
Tags: Boston · neighbors · Oops? · Too good to be real? · WTF?
Is your toilet acting up again? Has your plumber already thrown up his hands and said he’s done everything he can? Perhaps it’s time you turned to Dr. Josiah Carberry, foremost expert in psychoceramics, to determine what’s really got your pot cracked.
Just take a look at these real-life examples:
1. Diagnosis: Irritable Bowl Syndrome
2. Diagnosis: Gross motor skill impairment
3. Diagnosis: Projection and Displacement behaviors potentially indicative of a narcissistic personality type…or too many episodes of The Sopranos
(Thanks to Adam in New York, Janet in Northern Virginia, and Tamie in Tampa for their submissions…and apologies to any readers offended by the excessive use of puns.)
related: Five reasons to be glad you’re not a plumber
Tags: anthropomorphism · kinda creepy · toilet · unnecessary "quotation marks"
While scanning the Celebrations section of the local newspaper, Caroline in Raleigh, North Carolina was amused to see this unusual little “non-wedding announcement.”
And while I’m sure the editors (bless their hearts) were just pleased by this cheeky bit of “outside the box” feature-writing — with no implied judgement regarding a young woman’s lack of an MRS. degree — the “tsk-tsking” feel of the last line (unintentional or not) still made me feel like I was reading a Junior League newsletter from 1962.
related: The “Next to Marry” List
extra credit: Dad glad for three weddings [newsobserver.com]
Tags: newspaper · North Carolina · Raleigh · weddings and bridezillas
One day, says Nancy in Arizona, her dad was getting in his car during his lunch break from Lowe’s (the home-improvement big-box store), when he found this note tucked into his door frame.
“He was surprised,” Nancy says, but instead of taking the contrarian approach, dear old Dad decided to humor the person and move his car one spot over. At the end of the day, he actually got a glimpse of the notewriter — a “rather old lady” who works as the store’s phone operator.
“We spent a lot of time discussing her possible reasons for wanting that specific parking spot back,” Nancy says — especially given that it doesn’t seem to have any particular advantage over the other 500 or so spots in the lot — but in the end, they just had to laugh.
related: I’m gonna say this in the nicest way possible: don’t park in my spot.
Tags: Arizona · old folks · painfully polite · parking
Our submitter, Rob in Cleveland, says he found this note on his computer screen upon returning to his desk after lunch one day. “I honestly don’t bring my toenail clippers to work,” Rob says. “They were just hurting inside my pocket so I put them on my desk and forgot about them, and this is what I get.”
At first glance, I thought the note must have been sarcastic — surely, no one would actually borrow another’s toenail clippers, right? — so I asked Rob for some clarification.
As it turns out, Rob is pretty sure the note was no joke. “The guy who wrote it is one of the grossest people at work,” he explains. And as for why he had toenail clippers in his pocket to begin with? Says Rob: “I cut my nails in my car on the way to work.”
Of course. Well, I’m glad we cleared that one up.
related: The Jake Issues
Tags: Cleveland · hygiene · questionable logic · that's unsanitary · TMI · to/too · WTF?
Hannah spotted this warning (and the accompanying Fire-Marshal takedown) posted at the University of Alaska art building in Juneau. On the ground floor.
“It’s the ground floor; only an idiot would use the stairs to escape a fire. There’s a door over there -> - if it’s on fire – <-There’s a door over there.”
“WHERE’S YOUR IMAGINATION?”
“DUH, HE SOLD IT TO PAY FOR COLLEGE.”
“What are you talking about? I’m imagining students cramming into the stairwell per this sign’s advice, just to get upstairs and see an identical sign directing them back down into the flames.”
Adding to the sign’s absurdity, Hannah says, is the fact that “the building is only two stories, and built at the base of an embankment. The upper floor can be accessed by the street on the upper level, and the lower level can be accessed either by stairs from the upper level or by at least four exit doors on the lower level.”
Tags: Alaska · college life · elevator · questionable logic · saga · smartass · that's a fire hazard