Entries from February 2011

I love you, you’re perfect, now leave

February 28th, 2011 · 66 Comments

Writes an anonymous roommate  in Virginia: “Apparently living with me and my roommates is so terrible that after leaving the house, this girl felt the need to advise [my other] ‘rooms’ to stay at her boyfriend’s house and not with us.” Adds our (not-at-all bitter) submitter: “The only batteries she needs to recharge are the ones that go in her vibrator.”

Rooms [sic], I need to go home & charge my batteries. The energy in this house literally sucks the life out of me and I need to be somewhere that makes me happy right now. I LOVE YOU, and I hope you stay at Chris's tonight!

related: Why can’t we all just get along? Don’t be bitches!

Tags: literally incorrect word usage · mean girls · nice stationery · roommates · signed with love · Virginia

A friendly FYI from Big Brother

February 27th, 2011 · 74 Comments

At Joanne’s office in Lancashire, England, her team had a temporary agency administrator working on-site with them for a few days. Well, “working.” Joanne says her boss was well-aware of what this fellow was actually up to, but rather than report him through the official channels, decided to drop him a little hint instead. (No word about how the lucky employees seated next to him felt about that decision.)

DEAR AGENCY ADMIN PERSON: YOU'RE CLEARLY UNAWARE THAT IN SOCIAL SERVICES, PC, EMAIL AND INTERNET USE IS CONTINUOUSLY AND CAREFULLY MONITORED. WORDS SUCH AS

related: The Jake Issues

Tags: actually totally reasonable · big brother-ish · most popular notes of 2011 · office · sex sex sex · smiley · U.K.

This thing is mine!

February 24th, 2011 · 72 Comments

Mara’s office kitchen in New York City is shared by over 50 people, but they don’t play by kindergarten rules. (Yoohoo, Elaine? You might have a kindred spirit up in here.)

Pitcher: This is my pitcher, Not your Pitcher. Do not take what is not yours. Your mother would be very disappointed in you. Box: THIS THING IS MINE! IT'S NOT YOURS! I PUT IT HERE TO MAKE SURE THE SPACE IN THE KITCHEN WASN'T LEFT OPEN FOR EVERYBODY AS IT'S INTENDED. I DESERVE THIS SPACE MORE THAN YOU, SO HANDS OFF MY RANDOM THING!

related: Everything else in the refrigerator belongs to everybody else.

Tags: guilt trip · kitchen · most popular notes of 2011 · office · sharing is caring · smartass

Dear nice person: you will get caught or cancer and that makes me happy.

February 23rd, 2011 · 62 Comments

Laura in Tempe, Arizona found this note posted in the laundry room of her apartment complex, where it’s common knowledge that if you wash your clothes late at night, you’d best grab as they’re done.

Now, I realize not everyone will appreciate the subtlety of this kind of crazy. And sure, notes about stolen laundry aren’t all that uncommon. But for some reason, the peculiar syntax and semi-twisted tone of this one really got me. English majors, can we get a close reading here?

Dear nice person whom stole my laundry out of dryer 17, you are a low-life and I still recall your acts. You will get caught, or cancer and that makes me happy.

related: Panty raid!

Tags: Arizona · laundry · neighbors · spelling and grammar police · stealing · Tempe

Mario’s response: “Mamma Mia! I’m a plumber, not a janitor!”

February 22nd, 2011 · 52 Comments

Like the angry woman/women who wrote this note, Katie in Lexington, Kentucky works on the third floor of her building — but she’s never noticed any problems with the custodian’s work.

“Sure, sometimes a stall runs out of toilet paper, but within a couple of hours, he has refilled them,” she says. And besides: “I, for one, would prefer that Mario doesn’t hang out all afternoon in the women’s bathroom.” So, notewriter…maybe it’s time to take your massive craps elsewhere, hmm?

Mario -- Consider this fair warning... The women who work and study on the 3rd floor are no longer going to tolerate the lack of bath tissue or hand towels in this restroom. We do not want to complain to your supervisor, but we will have to if you do not maintain the paper products in this restroom.

related: Who cleans your bathrooms? “A strange black lady with a knife.”

extra credit: Luigi finally snaps [CollegeHumor.com]

Tags: bathroom · disgruntled janitor · Kentucky · office · office cop · paper product fairy · toilet paper

Well, that’s one way to get your landlord’s attention. (If you’re lucky.)

February 21st, 2011 · 73 Comments

But you were just providing a valuable public service to potential tenants, right? Nothing passive-aggressive about that!

WE HAVE MOLD & ROACHES - DO NOT RENT HERE!!

This space has been rented for three years without any consistently operating temperature control.

(Thanks to Nina in Raleigh, North Carolina and Greta in Alexandria, Virginia for their submissions!)

related: You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard.

Tags: landlords and property managers · most popular notes of 2011 · public shaming

In the words of former President Bush (Yale ’68): “Childrens can learn!”

February 20th, 2011 · 45 Comments

Nope, it’s not just a West Coast thing — you can has exemplary higher education all over the country!

To wit: Marybeth spotted this totally [sic] bulletin board at Central Connecticut State University back in 2006.

HOW IS YOUR EYES? My eyes? My eyes [is] great. Yours [is] not so great.

related: Yes, this is from a college campus.

Tags: college life · Connecticut · smartass · spelling and grammar police

Mother of hair? Is that like mother of pearl?

February 18th, 2011 · 69 Comments

I’ll admit it: I had to read this note and the accompanying explanation about three times before I grasped that “hair baby” was supposed to refer to the leftover strands that someone in Tricia’s dorm keeps leaving in the shower drain.

Dear Mother of Hair Baby, Please take care of your disgusting little child, I'm tired of seeing it. I don't care if you love it with all your heat, I don't want to see it. If you care for it so much take the little varment [sic] to your room & care for it there. Your Truly, Disgusted

But speaking of babies…as Massimo noticed, this Boston-area Walgreens is apparently hoping to capitalize on your drunken New Years/Valentine’s Day sexual escapades. (Or else they’re just really, really curious?????)

BABIES????????????? FIND OUT HERE!!

related: Please clean ALL your feathers.

extra credit: The incredible hair baby of Manchester [Dailymail.co.uk]

Tags: college life · confusion??? · hair · most popular notes of 2011 · preggers · shower · that's disgusting · WTF?

The Huffing & Puffing Post

February 17th, 2011 · 67 Comments

When he first moved in, says our submitter in Melbourne, the apartment across the way already had the two big handmade nuclear posts in the window. Two months later, up went the note at the left about unneighborly acts like obscene “jestures” (which makes me envision of motley crew of courtyard jugglers giving the finger to nosy busybodies in the apartments above.) The cigarette notice is the latest addition.

Says our submitter: “I’m tempted to strut about without trousers and see if I can get a mention, too!”

If you have problems with residents of the apartment blocs e.g. antisocial behaviour, laundry on balcony, noise, music, mobile phone conversations, shouting, obscene jestures [sic] Contact: [redacted]. NO Nuclear AUSTRALIA! BAN URANIUM MINING and EXPORTS! First floor flat opposite throwing cigarette butts into the street. Ground floor flat likewise.

In the meantime, his other neighbors seem to already be getting in on the act.

POLITICAL MESSAGE - POINTLESS SIGN

(As always, just click on the images to enlarge them.)

related: WiFi for Passive-Aggressives

Tags: "helpful" advice · Melbourne · neighbors · note wars · raging against the machine · smoking

We will not stand for this crap.

February 16th, 2011 · 31 Comments

Nope, the note below isn’t from a old folks home: it’s actually from a music camp for the young’uns.

So, is the writer taking liberties using the royal we? Or is the entire woodwind section really so backed up that prune juice has become a hot commodity? These are questions I’d rather not think about.

Please do not eat. We are really constipated & we really need to eat this. Do not eat.

On that note, when you complain about your missing Activia — the yogurt Jamie Lee Curtis euphemistically claims will “regulate your digestive system” — referring to said yogurt as “ma shit” may not be the best choice of words to get your point across.

I would appreciate if you fuckin stop taking my stuff. Whoever took my Activia if I find you I will kick the shit out of you. I am a student just like you with no money! So please STOP TAKING MA SHIT

related: Live and not-so-active roommate culture

extra credit: Activia Won’t Cure your Constipation, says FTC [cbsnews.com]

(Thanks to Isaac in Missouri and Kim in Chicago for their submissions!)

Tags: eww · not-so-veiled threats · shit · stealing · TMI · yogurt