It’s hard being an 11-year-old girl.

February 15th, 2011 · 37 comments

Katie doesn’t remember writing this note (which she found while going through old papers of her mom’s) but says, “I do feel sorry for little 11-year-old me, having to deal with being falsely accused of *gasp* faking illness to get out of school, and then having to deal with the humiliation of public grandma affection.”

Adds Katie: “My favorite part is at the beginning where I unintentionally implied that my mother was some kind of slut. (At the time, she worked around a lot of truckers and always had funny stories about them trying to hit on her.) Also, you can totally tell that we had worked on letter-writing/dialogue skills in school recently.”

Dear Mom, I love you a WHOLE LOT! You are a really cool and pretty person. Just ask Benjamin, Kerry, and all your other boys! I want to tell you what Granny said this morning. She said,

related: A thinly veiled tattletale

extra credit: “I Enjoy Being a Girl, Sort of” [This American Life]

FILED UNDER: Grandma · kids · Mother-daughter notes · signed with love


37 responses so far ↓

  • #1   wright1

    Sounds like a clear-cut case of grandmotherly sloppy public affection, Katie. Nice work, including physical evidence on the note itself.

    I certainly hope those brown stains are from the lipstick, anyway…

    Feb 15, 2011 at 1:00 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Katie

      Actually, I think the brown/purple stains are from stamps that bled through from the other side of the paper.
      I also just noticed those little green spots are footprints from those crayola shapes markers.

      Feb 16, 2011 at 5:10 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Terrible T

    Eeeeeeeeek granny smooches are gross unless they are from my meemaw then they are okay. She always smelled like cookies or something sweet.

    Feb 15, 2011 at 1:02 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Kay

    There’s something very creepy and egocentric about submitting your own notes to PAN… until of course I find or write one of my own worthy of submission.

    Feb 15, 2011 at 1:07 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Laura

      Considering the letter writer is now late teens/early 20s I would say there is a good chance that she is egocentric.

      Feb 15, 2011 at 5:26 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   trillium

      I wonder if she is still as bratty today as she was then?

      Feb 15, 2011 at 10:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   The Elf

      I think it’s fine when they submit their own, especially from childhood, and acknowledge the PA. Weren’t we all a little bratty and passive aggressive at age 11?

      Feb 16, 2011 at 8:55 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   TKD

    Mom’s a slut, Grandma is an over lipsticked habitual liar… add an overweight, immasculated husband and Katie has the makings of yet another sitcom.

    Hmmm, what could we call it?

    Feb 15, 2011 at 1:07 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   JetJackson

      I think you have to base it off the three generations thing, like the novel Wild Swans and then bring in the trucker reference… something like – ‘Wild Truckettes’

      Feb 15, 2011 at 5:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Divvitar

      “Two and a Half Brain Cells”

      Feb 15, 2011 at 8:23 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Zorin

    Am I the only one a little amused by the numbered-line stationary, and the fact that Katie correctly wrote her name in the “Prepared by” space and the date in the “date” space, as well as numbered the page? :)

    It’s like she wrote this note to her mother the way one would fill out a form!

    Feb 15, 2011 at 1:18 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Melissa

      I also like how the writing devolves, and you can tell she’s getting more and more worked up, and then she pulls her shit together for the sign-off. I picture her putting the pen down, sitting up straight, couple deep breaths, remembers her letter writing skillz, and signs off with rather nice cursive.

      Feb 15, 2011 at 5:30 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Divvitar

      It reminded me of a school project. Maybe she was expecting it to be graded?

      Feb 15, 2011 at 8:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   shwo! bang

    Wait: That says Page 2. What’s on Page 1?

    Feb 15, 2011 at 1:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   easily distracted

      The cover page?

      Feb 16, 2011 at 5:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   TKD

    I tried not to… I even turned off the browser. But I had to come back and do it.

    Bad KissYou!

    (sniffs and hangs head in shame)

    Feb 15, 2011 at 1:26 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   TAG

    It could be worse – Grandma could’ve accused her of farting and stinking up the whole store.

    Feb 15, 2011 at 1:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   se

      or Grandma could have farted and stunk up the store. now, that might be embarrassing for an 11 year old girl.

      Feb 16, 2011 at 11:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   *snerk*

    Grandma was just practicing her technique for full embarrassment when you became a teenager, Katie. She must have been a real pro by the time you turned 13.

    Feb 15, 2011 at 1:38 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   uhm

    “she kissed me in the midd leof” sent my mind places it didn’t really want to go.

    Feb 15, 2011 at 2:27 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Quite Contrary

    Try dealing with a mom and grandmother who act like this when you are 35.

    Feb 15, 2011 at 3:15 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Caitlin

    Is that date 03/23/00? Jesus, now I feel old.

    Feb 15, 2011 at 3:18 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Chesire cat

    This is cute. It sounds like my mother. She wears lipstick and always kisses my boys and leaves marks. Then she like freaks out and thinks they have a bruise or something on their face when you know, its her freaking lipstick mark!!
    Has happened numerous times. Crazy woman never learns! haha

    Feb 15, 2011 at 3:31 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Smiley4099

    I sympathize. Too many times was I subjected to the affections of a grandmother who took fashion and make-up tips from the Cheetah Girls.

    Feb 15, 2011 at 4:13 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   bigfatmeanie101

    Purplish brown lipstick doesn’t look good on anything.

    Feb 15, 2011 at 4:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   meri

      it helps you look sick at Albertson’s when you really should have been at school that day, FAKER!
      Love, Grandma

      Feb 15, 2011 at 11:44 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Divvitar

    Wait a sec here… Is mom a stripper or a prostitute? Why are there so many “boys” telling her how pretty she is?

    Feb 15, 2011 at 8:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   padme

      Well if you had read the whole thing you’d know that her mom worked around a lot of truckers.

      Feb 15, 2011 at 11:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   FeRD bang

      Yeah, duh! See, Divv? Lots of truckers. That makes it totally not weird at all.

      Feb 16, 2011 at 1:14 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   Who? Me?

      can’t ….. stop ….. laughing ….. :-)

      Feb 16, 2011 at 2:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   Divvitar

      Ok, so she’s probably a truck-stop hostess, which doesn’t rule out prostitute! :P

      Feb 17, 2011 at 2:33 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   wannabewriter

    I like how every quote is neatly followed with “she said”. I think she’s going to continue the story on page 3 and get credit for her creative writing class.
    Two birds with one stone!

    Feb 16, 2011 at 4:43 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Mark bang

      “That’s what” she said.

      Feb 16, 2011 at 9:23 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Lauren--NY

    I love how she dorkily wrote out the dialogue like she was writing a novel. I totally would have done that at her age.

    Feb 16, 2011 at 7:03 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Mark bang

      Claw would have totally done her at that age. *or any age*

      Feb 17, 2011 at 9:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Syb

    I feel old. It was 1991 when I was 11 :(

    Mar 2, 2011 at 11:58 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   The Elf

      You’re not allowed to make those statements for at least another 4 years.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 12:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     

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