We will not stand for this crap.

February 16th, 2011 · 31 comments

Nope, the note below isn’t from a old folks home: it’s actually from a music camp for the young’uns.

So, is the writer taking liberties using the royal we? Or is the entire woodwind section really so backed up that prune juice has become a hot commodity? These are questions I’d rather not think about.

Please do not eat. We are really constipated & we really need to eat this. Do not eat.

On that note, when you complain about your missing Activia — the yogurt Jamie Lee Curtis euphemistically claims will “regulate your digestive system” — referring to said yogurt as “ma shit” may not be the best choice of words to get your point across.

I would appreciate if you fuckin stop taking my stuff. Whoever took my Activia if I find you I will kick the shit out of you. I am a student just like you with no money! So please STOP TAKING MA SHIT

related: Live and not-so-active roommate culture

extra credit: Activia Won’t Cure your Constipation, says FTC [cbsnews.com]

(Thanks to Isaac in Missouri and Kim in Chicago for their submissions!)

FILED UNDER: eww · not-so-veiled threats · shit · stealing · TMI · yogurt


31 responses so far ↓

  • #1   shwo! bang

    If they ate your Activia, there will be no shit left to kick out of them.

    Feb 16, 2011 at 12:44 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Canthz_B bang

      Who needs to buy Activa if a swift kick will do the trick?

      I seriously wonder if “Kick-in-the-Ass Therapy” for constipation relief is not just over the horizon!

      Feb 17, 2011 at 5:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Woman on the Verge bang

    If she kicks the shit out of you, you won’t need the fricking Activia.

    Feb 16, 2011 at 12:50 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   unsatisfied

    AC-tiv-eee-YAAAAAAA!

    Feb 16, 2011 at 12:57 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   clumber

      I *might* hate you. If I can’t get that stupid not-even-a-jingle out of my head by the end of the comments, I’ll shake my fist at you, I will!

      Feb 20, 2011 at 8:45 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Rebekah

    making people lose their appetite to prevent their eating your yogurt = WIN!

    Feb 16, 2011 at 12:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   unholyghost2003 bang

    When I worked at an ESL camp for Japanese Exchange students the second week of camp meals always switched from regular American cafeteria style food to high fiber with a side of prune juice because by the second week the dietary switch would make 95% of the students constipated. So what I am saying is, I don’t doubt that at band camp (with the stress and the food changes) Metamucil would be in bigger demand than E at Burning Man.

    Feb 16, 2011 at 1:02 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   kweef

    their shit was fuckin delicious.

    Feb 16, 2011 at 1:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   The Elf

    This one time, at band camp…..

    Feb 16, 2011 at 1:14 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   liddy

      ….I had a flute…..

      Feb 16, 2011 at 9:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   unsatisfied

      that’s what she said.

      Feb 16, 2011 at 9:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   MD bang

    You do NOT want to know what happens to those found ‘dipping their spoons’ into the bran or the Fibre-One….

    Feb 16, 2011 at 1:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   The Elf

    These music camp students need to get with the program. Don’t stick a note on your yogurt! Put your yogurt in the crisper drawer and stick a note on the entire drawer. That way, you don’t have to get into the gory details.

    –Elaine

    Feb 16, 2011 at 1:17 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   MD bang

      No, no, no…

      The solution here is to UP the gore.

      Hide your yogourt inside a clear vat of flour, oatmeal, cocoa, and your own personal preference of water.

      Visually represent the fight you’re up against!

      Feb 16, 2011 at 1:29 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Jodi

    If the trombone section would get their slides out of their asses, they wouldn’t need the activia!

    Feb 16, 2011 at 1:33 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   coco

    I’ve had it with you and your emotional constipation!

    One word for ya: Laxative. Sold in many easy one step forms at the same grocery store you bought the prune juice and activia from. This thing called laxative can be be stored in your toiletries bag and no one is the wiser. Also water helps, lots of water.

    Feb 16, 2011 at 2:30 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   unsatisfied

    The more that I keep reading this, the more I need to take a shit.

    Feb 16, 2011 at 3:57 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Gecko Hunter

      Don’t take any of mine! I’ve only got two left and the weekend’s coming up!

      Feb 17, 2011 at 2:40 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   red velvet

    What they wrote was “ma shit” when what they meant to write was “my ability to shit”.

    Feb 16, 2011 at 4:46 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   umlimo

    I suspect the thief couldn’t give a shit…

    Feb 16, 2011 at 6:08 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   aaa bang

    People are actually willing to eat something as horrid as Activia? You’d probably be better off eating the shit that the non-constipated people crap out.

    Feb 16, 2011 at 7:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Chicken Underwear

    http://www.hulu.com/watch/10304/saturday-night-live-colon-blow

    The original

    Feb 16, 2011 at 8:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   cizzerhand

    when she says “STOP TAKIN MA SHIT” what she means is, she would like the opportunity to handle her own bidnaz. thanks.

    Feb 16, 2011 at 8:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Cynta E.

    Man, this brings back not PA memories, but downright aggressive ones. I was working my way through college and really cash-strapped and this rich, trust fund beyotch in my dorm used to steal ma fruit every day from the community fridge – she was completely unapologetic and even dismissive of me that I left a pleading note asking the dorm not to take my food (I was on a special diet). When I asked the dorm as a group about it, she didn’t even consider it theft! Way classy broad. I shoulda decked her. Food bandits are one of the lowest life forms. I totally sympathize with the note writers, and an Ex-lax, poison curse on all food thieves!

    Feb 16, 2011 at 10:41 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   divaandwriter bang

      The rich, trust fund beyotch probably never actually had to go out and buy her own food. One of the servants always did that. She also had no idea that some people actually don’t have money. What she really needed was one month on her own, living in some crappy one-room apartment, with a $50 a week allowance and no access to credit cards or bank account. Then have someone steal HER fruit and see just how mad she would get!

      Feb 17, 2011 at 10:05 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Lauren--NY

    I’m mostly impressed by the fancy ampersand in the first note.

    Commenters one and two must now hook pinkies and say “jinx!”

    Feb 16, 2011 at 11:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Divvitar

    Reminds me of my college days. I stopped a chocolate thief in my Quad by replacing a Symphony Chocolate bar with Chocolate ExLax. Suddenly, there weren’t any more being stolen!

    Feb 17, 2011 at 2:42 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Nunavut Guy

      Ya,I had a friend who knew some guy that did that too.

      Feb 17, 2011 at 6:21 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Sure

      Yeah a cousin of a friend’s sister’s boyfriend knew of a guy’s brother that did that.

      Feb 17, 2011 at 8:00 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.3   divaandwriter bang

      Believe it or not, I actually DID know someone who tried this, not on a food thief but on a guy who had horrible table manners. He and the guy he gave the Ex-Lax to were on the same tour bus. The results were not pretty.

      Feb 17, 2011 at 10:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Grant

    Ah. Prune juice. A warrior’s drink.

    Feb 17, 2011 at 3:27 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     

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