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This thing is mine!

February 24th, 2011 · 72 comments

Mara’s office kitchen in New York City is shared by over 50 people, but they don’t play by kindergarten rules. (Yoohoo, Elaine? You might have a kindred spirit up in here.)

Pitcher: This is my pitcher, Not your Pitcher. Do not take what is not yours. Your mother would be very disappointed in you. Box: THIS THING IS MINE! IT'S NOT YOURS! I PUT IT HERE TO MAKE SURE THE SPACE IN THE KITCHEN WASN'T LEFT OPEN FOR EVERYBODY AS IT'S INTENDED. I DESERVE THIS SPACE MORE THAN YOU, SO HANDS OFF MY RANDOM THING!

related: Everything else in the refrigerator belongs to everybody else.

FILED UNDER: guilt trip · kitchen · most popular notes of 2011 · office · sharing is caring · smartass

72 responses so far ↓

  • #1   JetJackson

    Actually my mother is a Kleptomaniac and would be quite proud.

    Feb 24, 2011 at 9:19 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

  • #2   Jess Sain

    Team cardboard! Possibly the best PA note ever.

    Feb 24, 2011 at 9:20 pm   rating: 82  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Kay

      ROFLMBO ditto! Best ever.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 2:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   pony girl

      Why would someone roll on the floor loving their body odor?


      Feb 25, 2011 at 11:55 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   infanttyrone

      It’s not some one person rolling, it’s a pair…actually it’s two pairs…

      After being captured by SPECTRE, 007 is thoroughly brainwashed and then released back to the UK with instructions to pilfer certain items of clothing from the UnivEx gymnasium facility and to hold them pending delivery back to SPECTRE.

      During a later assignment he delivers these to his new handlers, after which he is subjected to a full gender reassignment…first surgery, and then a whole new regimen of brainwashing and training.

      Finally, he is conditioned to have a hyper-acute sensitivity to the pheromones extracted from a certain T-shirt, at which point (s)he is re-released back to the UK, where, Bond being Bond, (s)he manages in
      short order to seduce the managing director of Universal Exports, Ltd., whose office’s Persian rugs are the loci of much excitement.

      So, when (s)he texts back to Leningrad to report the successful infiltration of MI6, ROFLMBO stands for….rolling on floor loving M’s body odor.

      **After MI6 is brought to its figurative knees by the new Bond and her fiendishly clever puppeteers, someone Over There has the bright but cruel idea to send a gloating email to Moneypenny, outlining the operation (sic) from start to finish. It turns out that Moneypenny is not sexually attracted to men and was forever flirting with Bond only out of a sense of professional camaraderie. Now, Moneypenny being Moneypenny, who was a Chemistry major at Cambridge and who is now hip to the new algebra vis a vis the new Ms. Bond, goes into executive secretary overdrive-mode…ordering two first class tickets to Athens and raiding the contents of a locker not her own before whisking the new Bond off to Heathrow, whence 5 hours later they are on a ferry bound for Lesvos.

      The two currently live in private, if not quiet, seclusion on the eponymous Aegean island, where cell phones are not in use, and hence texting does not occur. But, curiously, on the mental movie screen of Moneypenny’s mind, the acronym ROFLMBO is often still projected, and because she was able to snag a goodly supply of used T-shirts before their getaway,
      it now means the same thing in Greece that it once did in England.

      Feb 28, 2011 at 3:24 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   pony girl

      It all makes sense then.

      Feb 28, 2011 at 4:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #3   Rhamza

    cardboard box owner wins this fight, wow I need to do that at my work kitchen!

    Feb 24, 2011 at 9:22 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #4   Julie

    This wall post is mine, not yours! I’m posting just to make sure that no one else takes this spot.

    Feb 24, 2011 at 9:23 pm   rating: 79  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Shirley Ayejest

      Ahhh! But I encroach on your spot!

      Feb 25, 2011 at 10:35 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Wench

      and me!

      Feb 25, 2011 at 8:40 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #5   snee

    i immediately hear paul mccartney and michael jackson argue-singing: the thing is mine! the dog-gone thing is miiiiiiiiine!

    Feb 24, 2011 at 9:23 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #6   snee

    i confess: i kinda like it when people put their hands on my random thing.

    Feb 24, 2011 at 9:25 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Smiley4099

      This comment makes me want to put my hands on your random thing.

      Feb 24, 2011 at 10:16 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Lauren--NY

      Get a room, guys.

      Feb 24, 2011 at 11:13 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #7   Karla

    I love this. Plain and simple. And yes, I WOULD marry it (and/or the person that left the thing there)

    Feb 24, 2011 at 9:29 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Liz

      The writer of the “thing” note would probably have very good genes for passing on to future generations: 1) sense of humor – check; 2) creativity – check; 3) ability to lay out a decent-looking sign – check; 4) sense of style to avoid choosing Comic Sans for his humorous reply – check. And top that off with a bit of masculine bravado in marking his space with large signs – rowr! Where have you been all my life, tiger? (Apologies if sign writer is a female – I’m sure you’re a delightful lady.)

      Feb 25, 2011 at 12:49 am   rating: 54  small thumbs up

  • #8   KayKay

    This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine…

    Feb 24, 2011 at 9:39 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Shaftoe to the rescue

      is this a Cryptonomicon reference? <3 <3

      Feb 24, 2011 at 11:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   matt

      ..without my thing, I am useless. Without me, my thing is useless. I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to cum me

      Feb 25, 2011 at 5:59 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Canthz_B bang

      This one time at boot camp someone stole my pitcher…

      Feb 25, 2011 at 7:47 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   George

      Did you then splatter your commanding officer’s guts all over the litrenes? Followed closely by your tonsils and brain matter?

      Feb 25, 2011 at 9:30 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   Canthz_B bang


      Feb 28, 2011 at 2:22 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #9   Canthz_B bang

    What? They have nothing to say about food particles left on the scrubby/sponge?

    And they call themselves PA…HA!

    Feb 24, 2011 at 10:37 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #10   Chinchillazilla

    That thing is not even a pitcher.

    Feb 24, 2011 at 10:40 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Canthz_B bang

      But it’s only a short stop away from being one.

      Feb 24, 2011 at 11:28 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Janellionaire

      Ahhh…I see what you did there.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 1:05 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Canthz_B bang

      It was cool, but no home run. It needs some foul language to steal the day, but nothing fitting would pop up in my mind. I should have touched base with someone else before submitting it, but I’ll just let that slide for now.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 1:58 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   anglophile

      Man, CB, you have a lot of balls starting another pun thread. I feel like I want to strike you.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 6:08 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   Canthz_B bang

      Well, I tried to play it safe. Didn’t want to pitch out just anything…or catch anyone with a curve ball because we know some of our readers are high and inside.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 7:22 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   shwo! bang

      What a silly bunt

      Feb 25, 2011 at 11:39 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #10.7   Canthz_B bang

      I know…I balked at doing any of this. I really didn’t think I’d get to first base with it, let alone score.

      Funny how things can wind up.

      Feb 26, 2011 at 9:05 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.8   matt

      haha @CB, there may be hope yet for foul language. With a slight twist of “pitcher” you can make “picka” (pronounced pichka) – slavic for ‘cunt’. That may explain why mother is dissapointed : b

      Feb 27, 2011 at 6:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.9   Canthz_B bang

      Not a baseball fan, eh matt. :???:

      Feb 28, 2011 at 1:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #10.10   Leif P

      This thread made me cry with laughter.

      Mar 10, 2011 at 5:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #11   VerityBrown bang

    Sorry, I’m with Team Pitcher (even though it doesn’t strictly look like a pitcher). If I kept a container like that in a shared kitchen, it would probably be for a specific purpose, and if someone kept using the container for their own purposes (putting stuff in it that was incompatible with my specific use for it), I would be very tempted to put a label like that on it.

    Feb 24, 2011 at 11:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Liz

      Agreed. BUT, after the first unauthorized usage of said “pitcher”, I would sanitize it and keep it in my desk to avoid further misuse.

      Or if the misuse was too disgusting, I would buy another and donate the spoiled pitcher to the shared kitchen.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 12:03 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Ben

      That’s the point. You shouldn’t keep a container in a shared kitchen for any purpose. Fifty people share that kitchen. What would it look like if all 50 decided they wanted to leave a pitcher in the kitchen for a specific purpose?

      The only thing Team Pitcher deserves is to be beaten about the head with said “pitcher” until he or she realizes that personal spaces are for personal items and public spaces are for public items.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 12:41 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   JBee

      I mean, yeah, I would be on team “pitcher” if people were taking her pitcher out of her personal space, like out of her cubby or her locker, and using it, but from the context it looks like she’s sticking it on the sink that everyone uses and getting mad when people use it. I’m with team box, it’s not nice to clutter up communal space with your own random stuff, what if everyone decided to put a “pitcher” or a mug or cup or bottle on the sink, it would be covered with crap!

      Come on, let’s not cause a tragedy of the commons incident here, store your personal shit in your personal space, or take it home everyday, and no one will mess with it.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 12:47 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   The Elf

      If the kitchen was shared by 50 people, I wouldn’t keep a dish there. Seriously – that’s just asking for theft/unauthorized use and with the note is a guarantee. Keep it in your desk or take it home every day. Plus it’s rude – that’s communal space and I bet there is not enough room for everyone to keep their “pitchers” in the kitchen.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 7:17 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   unholyghost2003 bang

      yup yup yup. I would also be on team “Pitcher” if people were EMPTYING the pitcher to fill it with their own crap (esp. then. that is just disgusting) I would understand getting upset if you had a pitcher of your own homemade beverage of choice sitting in the fridge and people were dumping it so they could make their own beverage of choice. If you leave an empty, unlabeled container in a communal space you can’t blame people for thinking the Kitchen Fairy has stocked the place with items for their use. If you leave an empty, labeled container in a communal space you can’t blame people for throwing the container at your head. THESE ARE THE LAWS OF OFFICE KITCHENS!

      Feb 25, 2011 at 9:08 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #11.6   Janellionaire

      I just noticed the pile of empty tupperware containers on the right side of the picture. Maybe people do leave stuff there routinely. Not saying it makes it right, but it looks like it’s normal.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 1:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   Nahhh bang

    All those thousands of thumbtacks in the wall behind the random thing, they’re all MINE, MINE, MINE!

    Feb 24, 2011 at 11:50 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Who? Me?

      Dang it. Now I can’t get the sound of those seagulls out of my head.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 2:51 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #13   Canthz_B bang

    “Random Things” is Stephen King’s planned sequel to “Needful Things”.
    The trilogy will be completed when “Needful Random Things” is published.

    Feb 24, 2011 at 11:53 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #14   nora

    Touching of random things aside, I am impressed by the amount of shine on the chrome — very clean for a clean “shared” space.

    Feb 25, 2011 at 2:52 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   shwo! bang

      Well, they, uh, spend a lot of time, uh, polishing the chrome.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 11:42 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #15   Nameless

    The writer of the “thing” note seems like a jerk. They put THEIR junk in a public space and are arrogant enough to think they deserve the space more than everyone else!? I’d throw their stupid “thing” in the garbage!

    Feb 25, 2011 at 7:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Canthz_B bang

      Brightest bulb?

      Feb 25, 2011 at 8:19 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   pit pat

      Humor much?

      Feb 25, 2011 at 8:21 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   Nameless

      Oh, wait, they were being sarcastic?
      *is ashamed*

      Feb 25, 2011 at 8:36 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #15.4   Janellionaire

      Oh you really didn’t know? I find that sort of cute.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 1:19 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #15.5   Nunavut Guy

      Yah,me too,in a pathetic get an education kind of way.

      Feb 27, 2011 at 9:37 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #16   The_Great_G

    That cardboard was fucking delicious!

    Feb 25, 2011 at 8:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Madrias

      I will make you eat more, then.

      Feb 25, 2011 at 9:18 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #17   divaandwriter bang

    I think I’m in love with the “random thing” cardboard sign writer. That is one of the best passive-aggressive notes ever.

    Feb 25, 2011 at 9:44 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #18   raychel

    This is awesome and pure 100% good ol fashion crazy! Makes me feel better and less crazy. At least I can play nice in the office kitchen.

    Feb 25, 2011 at 10:29 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #19   oi

    I love that sweet sweet sarcasm in the response. It’s quite disarming.

    Feb 25, 2011 at 11:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   ljc

    I own a pitcher like that. It holds a gallon of liquid. Why would you leave a gallon of anything in a public kitchen? The random thing writer has a point.

    Feb 25, 2011 at 1:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #21   Quite Contrary

    Oh, please. I don’t have to steal a stupid pitcher to disappoint my mother.

    Feb 25, 2011 at 1:19 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   JetJackson


      Feb 27, 2011 at 8:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #22   Sarah

    I thought only the Phantom wrote notes, not Carlotta too!

    Feb 25, 2011 at 1:35 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   brother

    About the cancer. Did you know we are working on blackwidow vinom to stop cancer. I know your mad, but wishing someone harm is not the way to go. Big brother may not have all the answers but I’m almost sure wishing bad things is not a resolution. It soves nothing. But if your just letting out steam you shoud state it.

    Feb 25, 2011 at 11:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   unholyghost2003 bang

      no cancer in this one Bro. you take “bad nest you!” up to 11.

      Feb 26, 2011 at 6:43 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   VZG

      I can only imagine that “vinom” is a combination of wine and venom.


      Feb 26, 2011 at 8:48 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #23.3   Nunavut Guy

      You shoud know that your spelling soves nothing.

      Feb 26, 2011 at 11:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.4   Canthz_B bang

      MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!

      Feb 26, 2011 at 8:39 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #24   graham_cracker bang

    Haha! Reminds me of that scene from Fiddler on the Roof where Tevye’s like “This is mine, and this is mine, and this is mine, and this is mine, and this is mine, and this is NOT mine! Oh, and this is mine, too!”.

    Feb 26, 2011 at 8:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Canthz_B bang

      And to think I spent good money on a car alarm when all I had to do was write on it:

      “This is my car, not your car. Do not take what is not yours. Your mother would be very disappointed in you.”

      Or maybe a simple :

      “Got Mom?”

      Feb 26, 2011 at 10:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #24.2   graham_cracker bang

      What about:

      “I know who you are. I know where you live. I have a taser and I’m not afraid to use it.”


      “Big Brother is watching.”

      Feb 28, 2011 at 2:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #24.3   Canthz_B bang

      Just as (in)effective, I’m sure.

      Best to go with UHG’s method and just shoot the Mothers!! :evil:

      Feb 28, 2011 at 2:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #25   SoupySales

    I’m just impressed that *both* notes used proper punctuation and were spelled correctly…

    Feb 28, 2011 at 5:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   Amy

    I’m just psyched someone sent this in. I work at the same office (don’t know Mara – hi) and I didn’t have my camera phone handy. By the time I went to take the picture it was gone. Thanks for sharing a legendary PA note, Mara!

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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