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I love you, you’re perfect, now leave

February 28th, 2011 · 66 comments

Writes an anonymous roommate  in Virginia: “Apparently living with me and my roommates is so terrible that after leaving the house, this girl felt the need to advise [my other] ‘rooms’ to stay at her boyfriend’s house and not with us.” Adds our (not-at-all bitter) submitter: “The only batteries she needs to recharge are the ones that go in her vibrator.”

Rooms [sic], I need to go home & charge my batteries. The energy in this house literally sucks the life out of me and I need to be somewhere that makes me happy right now. I LOVE YOU, and I hope you stay at Chris's tonight!

related: Why can’t we all just get along? Don’t be bitches!

FILED UNDER: literally incorrect word usage · mean girls · nice stationery · roommates · signed with love · Virginia

66 responses so far ↓

  • #1   j.b.

    Wait, just who’s BF is Chris? The author or the target?

    Feb 28, 2011 at 6:57 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Lauren

      yeah I’m a little unsure of that wording myself.

      Feb 28, 2011 at 7:25 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   FeRD bang

      I get the impression Chris is the boyfriend of a third roommate, who the notewriter refers to as “Rooms”. (Confusingly… tho in fairness, she didn’t compose the note with our comprehension as her primary goal.) She is the intended recipient of the note.


      Feb 28, 2011 at 9:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Lauren--NY

      Good call. I assumed “Rooms” was addressing plural roommates, but maybe not.

      Mar 1, 2011 at 12:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #2   lagne

    Seriously, what is the point of stationery where you can only write on, like, half the page?

    I find that more annoying than the various shades of pink, the panda-lookin’ shit, the trying-to-be-cool use of “rooms,” and the middle-school proclamations of roommate love.

    Anything written on this kind of paper should automatically be considered PA. Unless you’re 4. And even then, you damn well better not have had access to anything better.

    Feb 28, 2011 at 7:01 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

  • #3   Flynt

    wait, is she saying she wants the house to herself so her BF can suck the life out of her?

    Feb 28, 2011 at 7:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   literally


      Feb 28, 2011 at 8:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #4   FeRD bang

    OK, definitely needs a new Filed Under: tag for notes that have literally no idea how to use the word “literally” properly.

    Kerri? Hop to! ;)

    Feb 28, 2011 at 7:07 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   liz

      Well, let’s consider that perhaps the house has a built-in vacuum system that has turned vampire, and it truly is sucking the life out of her. She’s just giving her “rooms” a strong warning that they should stay at “Chris’s” for their safety, because she loves them and wants them to survive. She’s on death’s door, so staying in the house alone will take her to a happier place, after she dies. What a sweet roommate!
      However, I’m guessing from the silly-ass handwriting and stationery, she has no thoughts of anyone other than herself, and she overuses the words “literally,” “actually” and “ironic”.

      Feb 28, 2011 at 10:57 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Clumber

      I am against capital punishment. Except in the case of misuse of the word literally.

      Mar 1, 2011 at 8:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   oi

      I literally died from your stance on capital punishment. You too?

      Mar 1, 2011 at 10:56 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   FeRD bang

      Heyyyy, Kerri came thru!! Awesome. \o/

      You r00l, O Keeper of the Notes.

      Mar 1, 2011 at 11:40 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #5   Che


    Feb 28, 2011 at 7:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   DLo

    Usually that life-sucking thing is carbon monoxide poisoning, so they should be careful. Unless there’s a basement, in which case there could be pods down there waiting to body-snatch the “rooms”. OR one of the roommates has an ouija board, which obviously (or literally) means there’s a demon sucking the life out of this poor girl. In any event, that panda isn’t going to save y’all. Run to Chris’ place!!!

    Feb 28, 2011 at 7:48 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   quat

      Basements can have the dangerous and invisible Radon, God of later-life lung disease. Chris’ is lookin’ better and better.

      Feb 28, 2011 at 8:24 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #7   Chinchillazilla

    Why the hell do bitchy girls all have identical handwriting?

    Feb 28, 2011 at 7:57 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   AuntyBron

      It’s a requirement for being a bitchy girl. Looks almost like Comic Sans, don’t it?

      Feb 28, 2011 at 9:47 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   t^rex

      Because they were all friends and part of a secret organization in high school called, “Future Biatches of America.” One of the hazing requirements is to learn this style of handwriting and to only write with in the future.

      Mar 1, 2011 at 5:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #8   B

    I’m not a huge fan of the submitter’s suggestion that using a vibrator makes someone a worse person.

    Feb 28, 2011 at 8:04 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   O

      I thought the point was that being able to use said vibrator would make her a happier person.

      Feb 28, 2011 at 8:09 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   N

      I’m a huge fan of the fact that the usernames in this comment thread are going to spell something sooner or later.

      Feb 28, 2011 at 9:45 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   E

      I just wanted to do my part in the spelling.

      Feb 28, 2011 at 10:01 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   R


      If I were a guy, I’d have one right now. :)

      Looking for some batteries…

      Feb 28, 2011 at 10:11 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   Canthz_B bang

      Well done all!! That’s entertainment. :-)

      Feb 28, 2011 at 10:34 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #8.6   pony girl

      These youngsters and their over-dependence on technology. So, your batteries run out, big whoop. What’s wrong with the old-fashioned way of flying solo?

      Besides, how can one run out of batteries ? Just steal some from someone’s remote.

      Mar 1, 2011 at 12:42 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #8.7   Canthz_B bang

      Double-A’s?…really? Think BIG Pony Girl…think big! LOL

      Mar 1, 2011 at 12:55 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #8.8   unholyghost2003 bang

      If you are really going to “Go big or Go home” you should be able to plug that shit into a wall socket.

      Mar 1, 2011 at 9:03 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #8.9   pony girl

      I have issues with electricity, that would not end well.

      I have to be able to function the next day, so I’ll stick with my little buddy.

      Mar 1, 2011 at 7:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.10   Canthz_B bang

      Bob Denver?

      Mar 1, 2011 at 8:19 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #8.11   pony girl


      Thanks a lot, CB. Now I’ll have to fight the image of Gilligan popping into my head.

      Now, the Professor, he was hot!

      Mar 1, 2011 at 11:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #8.12   Canthz_B bang

      You can always hum Just My Imagination by The Temptations while you’re at it…always worked for me and Valerie Bertinelli!!

      Mar 1, 2011 at 11:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #9   Who passed out the Haterade?

    Am I the only one who thinks this looks like it was written on a maxipad? (Which wouldn’t be quite so disturbing if it weren’t for the hair on the top.)

    Feb 28, 2011 at 8:20 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   pony girl


      Mar 1, 2011 at 12:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   oi

      Me too! Even before I read your comment.

      Mar 1, 2011 at 2:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #10   Kimberly

    They cleverly cropped the photo above the Greek letters but… this was definitely written on sorority stationery — the old design from Alexandra & Company. The panda is Alpha Omicron Pi.

    Feb 28, 2011 at 8:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   FeRD bang

      No, the Panda is nausea incarnate, birthed unto this world to plague humanity for a thousand generations.

      …Its twisted, satanic midwives are the evil sisters of ΑΟΠ.

      Feb 28, 2011 at 9:15 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Canthz_B bang

      Wasn’t there a Federation vs. Romulan battle at Alpha Omicron Pi? :-)

      Feb 28, 2011 at 10:38 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #11   Smiley4099

    I think this note was written by Chris in an attempt to get ladies in his place. Oh, Chris, that silly sausage.

    Feb 28, 2011 at 9:23 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Melba


      Mar 22, 2011 at 1:10 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #12   Canthz_B bang

    The life was literally sucked out of her. She’s gone on to a better place, one that makes her happy.

    RIP, Roomie.

    Feb 28, 2011 at 10:31 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   joey

      Is Chris in a better place too? Such a morbid suicide note.

      Mar 1, 2011 at 2:07 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #13   matt

    hmm, I would have a similar problem in this situation, except that my “batteries” would need unloading not charging. I bet Chris was happy enough to plug her in to ‘charge’.

    Feb 28, 2011 at 11:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   pony girl


      It took me 20 hours to get that.

      This may explain why I’m single.


      Mar 1, 2011 at 7:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #14   James

    Maybe don’t fuck so loud?

    Mar 1, 2011 at 12:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #15   pony girl

    I sort of hate her just for using the word rooms in that way.

    Mar 1, 2011 at 12:39 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #16   joey

    The energy in these replies are literally sucking the life force out of me. I LOVE YOU.

    Mar 1, 2011 at 2:04 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #17   The_Great_G

    Those ladies can stay at my place any night, so long as they don’t mind that one of my roommates likes to get blacked-out drunk and puke everywhere

    Mar 1, 2011 at 6:28 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #18   madrugada

    I’m still trying to figure out how many roommates there are. Were there three, one of whom is the dumbass with the sorority stationery who doesn’t like the submitter? And she’s writing to the third roommate – um, er, rooms, who has a boyfriend named Chris? But the submitter ending her explanation with “advise her ‘rooms’ to stay at her boyfriend’s house and not with us” seems to imply that there is yet another roommate/rooms lurking about.

    This sorority twatwaffle needs to take a remedial writing course. And can the person who submitted this give us an accurate count of the number of ‘rooms’ there are in this now twatwaffleless household? That is…assuming that none of the surviving rooms, not to mention Chris, is a twatwaffle. Perhaps a dangerous assumption.

    Mar 1, 2011 at 6:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   *snerk*

      There are at least 4:
      1. submitter
      2. writer (aka twatwaffle)
      3. Chris’s girlfriend
      4. nameless other roommate to make up the “us” Chris’s girlfriend is not supposed to stay with.

      Mar 1, 2011 at 9:27 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   wright1

      “Twatwaffle”; this site is good for grammar AND vocabulary! Thanks, *snerk*!

      Mar 1, 2011 at 1:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.3   oi

      I think there are only three roommates.
      1. Submitter
      2. Self important, Sanitary napkin stationary using idiot
      3. One (named “rooms” apparently)
      You know how people make up pert names that inevitably have “s” as the last sound. Tracy: tish, Pramila: pams etc. My guess is she thought roomy was too boring so she went with more “exciting” rooms!

      Mar 1, 2011 at 2:03 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #18.4   Rachel


      Mar 1, 2011 at 6:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.5   FeRD bang

      …Now I’m concerned that this thread is in imminent danger of devolving into a Monty Python routine.

      Mar 1, 2011 at 11:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #18.6   Clumber

      The Larch.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 8:05 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #18.7   TippingCows

      I like to push the PRAMALOOOOOOOOOT.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 9:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #19   divaandwriter bang

    In the old days a note like this would have just been stuck up on a bulletin board or a fridge door for everyone in the house to laugh at. Now it is posted on the internet for the world to laugh at. My, how times have changed!

    Mar 1, 2011 at 9:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #20   meta

    you know how when you google a company and the top result is their main page, with several sub-categories linked in columns underneath, such as “Housewares” or “Ordering” or “Support”? When you google this site, one of those subcategories is “Fucking delicious.”

    Now that’s fucking delicious!

    Mar 1, 2011 at 10:11 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #21   micromachine

    Pandas are very sensitive to energies in small spaces. If their space isn’t properly feng shui-ed they tend to write passive-aggressively on pink stationary and maul bringers of bad chi.

    Mar 1, 2011 at 1:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #22   aaa bang

    Is it just me, or has it been a really long time since somebody involved with the note (submitter, writer, friend of a friend of some person who knew about the epic bitchfest between note writer and submitter, etc.) has gotten on here and “clarified” things? I kind of miss that. Maybe the submitter and/or note writer should come on here and regale us with tales of living with each other.

    Mar 1, 2011 at 3:13 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #23   Canthz_B bang

    You know, lots of girls will go out of town and leave their boyfriend a video or voice recording, maybe a nice picture of their tits.

    Setting Chris up with a threesome shows she really likes to take care of her man!

    Mar 1, 2011 at 7:05 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #24   graham_cracker bang

    I sincerely hope that stationary isn’t the kind that’s made out of recycled panda turds. That shit’s nasty…

    Mar 2, 2011 at 2:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #25   Bunny

    Did she write this reply on a pantyliner wrapper?

    Mar 2, 2011 at 8:44 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #26   People Person

    She is using “literally” quite correctly, folks. Her batteries need to be recharged but due to the dampening field in their apartment which sucks the life force (i.e., charge) out of her and her batteries, she needs to recharge them elsewhere. Case closed.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 11:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #27   Farah

    This looks like a note my robot vacuum cleaner Roomba would leave for me, right before it goes back to the docking station.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 11:24 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #28   Submitter

    Submitter here,
    Ok so I would like to point out a few things:
    A) You all just made my day.
    B) I never suggested vibrators were a bad thing, I was advocating their useage. LITERALLY hahaha.
    C) Unfortunately, the word ‘rooms’ is referring to one person. Apparently it’s acceptable to pluralize words to make them cutesy nicknames. As you can see the writer’s writing skills are undoubtedly fantastic.

    Clarification: There are four roommates in total : ‘Rooms’ and the writer in one room, and myself and another roommate in the other. The note was intended for ‘rooms’ to let her know that the writer was leaving for the night and ‘rooms’ should also leave to go to her boyfriend’s house (because the house is apparently a death trap). However, it was strategically placed so that we (the other two roommates) could see it. So we would know how much she dislikes living in our presence. Lovely, rooms, just lovely.

    Mar 8, 2011 at 7:34 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up


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