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And you’re not invited to my birthday party, either.

March 2nd, 2011 · 240 comments

So, Dana was hanging out at a friend’s place with a bunch of people, and — as many people do these days — was texting back and forth with her significant other in the midst of the conversation. Our submitter didn’t give any indication that this was a formal dinner party or anything like that, but apparently the host was so enraged by Dana’s breach of etiquette that he or she left the room to type, print, and sign this note, and then — due to the lack of an available notary public — handed it directly to Dana.

Dear Dana, I'm not really into those people people who sit and text or talk to their significant others all the time. Especially when it's someone I haven't seen in awhile. Get out.

related: We’re ALL busy, man.

FILED UNDER: cell phone · etiquette · frenemies · most popular notes of 2011 · sig o · text message

240 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Madame Suggia

    I’d have done the same.

    Put the damn phone down and interact with some humans, face to face, you ungracious, ill mannered, self centered madam.

    It’s not all about you.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:28 pm   rating: 353  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Comradephate

      You are a joke human being if you don’t see the intense hypocrisy in your comment.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 7:43 pm   rating: 93  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Word Nerd

      So what is the line that has to be crossed to warrant such a passive-agressive response? While I agree that texting in such a situation is rude, the host needn’t have responded in this manner. This is *amazingly*PA.
      All s/he had to do was say: please don’t text while you’re here. we see each other so rarely. . . yada yada yada.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 7:48 pm   rating: 128  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Seanette

      I’m guessing anything less “in your face” had already been tried and Ms. “My phone is my life” couldn’t grasp the concept of in-person interaction.

      If all you’re going to do is text anyway, why bother being around other people IRL?

      Mar 2, 2011 at 8:16 pm   rating: 133  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   snee

      oh, i don’t know–it has a certain panache.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 10:04 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   Scix

      Whyever would you guess that? From the context of the post, I’d say that wasn’t what happened at all.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 10:11 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   JetJackson

      I SERIOUSLY loathe people who do this and I have to say I am with Madame Suggia on this one!

      sent from my iPhone

      Mar 2, 2011 at 11:43 pm   rating: 124  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   Tracy

      I agree with others. Texting during the middle of a conversation is incredibly rude.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:50 am   rating: 79  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   Precy

      I’m absolutely with the host. That is rude, ridiculous and childish behavior when you are having a conversation with friends. The fact that “many people” are rude makes no difference. “Many people” go on shooting sprees, too, but that doesn’t make it ok.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 1:42 am   rating: 89  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   Seanette

      Scix, perhaps I’m overly optimistic, but I’d like to think it’s most likely that efforts to deal with the problem started with humor or a friendly request that the people actually physically present get some of Ms. “Can’t bear to look away from my phone and face the physical world”‘s attention. I really would prefer to think that it’s much less likely the hostess went directly to aggressively confrontational and throwing the guest out.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 2:29 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   unholyghost2003 bang

      Like I mention in my post way down at #48 and karen and SoRefined say at #11 … I think the issue is who Dana is texting, not the fact of her texting. Considering the situation in that context I find it easy to imagine that the hostess went straight from one announcement that this was “Girls ONLY!” to the note. I think most women have had the experience of dealing with a chick who thinks she is Carrie Bradshaw and goes straight to nuclear response if faced with the concept that shoes, hair styles, celebrity gossip and Katherine Heigl movies are not inherently interesting to everyone with a vagina. This is not to say that texting your boyfriend (especially) when it is explicitly forbidden at the gathering isn’t rude, just that I can easily imagine women who would go straight to PA note writing.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 7:43 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   pogen

      Just because something has been written down does not automatically make it passive-aggressive. Perhaps the host wrote it down so as to avoid making a scene, so that Dana could make a graceful exit without anyone else having to know the real reason.

      Either way, Dana was being rude. I wouldn’t have kicked her out over it, but I would certainly have made a mental note not to invite her to the next get-together.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:13 am   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   The Elf

      I think I would have dragged out my phone and texted her the PA note, just for kicks.

      Count me in the Don’t-Text-When-We’re-Chatting camp. But say it – either then or after the fact. And if it doesn’t work, then you know that Dana doesn’t really want to have a conversation with you anyway, so you know not to invite her over.

      Dana, if you’re reading, texting while talking to others is terribly rude. If there is something important that must be communicated, please excuse yourself to do it. The only exception I can think of is if you all are making future plans with the recipient of the text, working out a meeting place or something.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:22 am   rating: 71  small thumbs up

    • #1.13   Junebug

      “…went straight from one announcement that this was “Girls ONLY!” to the note.”

      There isn’t anything that says that the “significant other” is a boy.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:15 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #1.14   unholyghost2003 bang

      True enough Junebug. I am making an assumption there, but odds of the S/O being male are pretty good.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.15   Soloman

      Comradephate apparently doesn’t understand the meaning of the word “hypocrite”. Or the 34 idiots who agree.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 10:40 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.16   The Elf

      He’s pointing out that by posting on PAN, we are by definition interacting with others virtually and not face to face.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 11:03 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.17   Lisa

      You want her to put down the phone and interact with a person face to face, and yet you totally condone thrusting a TYPED letter in someone’s face?

      Mar 3, 2011 at 11:23 am   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #1.18   Trish

      Good! Maybe they shouldn’t have written a note and given it to her, but I’m so sick of people doing this! I don’t mind the occasional text, but yesterday I had a friend sit for an HOUR and text with a guy ignoring everything else going on around her. If you’re not going to talk with the people you’re visiting, why even go?!

      Mar 3, 2011 at 1:43 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #1.19   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Question: If the host(ess) hadn’t already tried conversationally tapping Dana on the head a few times with a Clue Bat to try to get her attention before taking a swing, then how did s/he know who Dana was texting? How did s/he have time to type a note if Dana weren’t willfully oblivious to his/her presence? And though this is circumstantial, how did s/he get so butthurt as to tell her to “Get out” unless Dana got tired of the repeated taps with the Clue Bat and asked him/her to stop bothering her when she was talking to someone important?

      Unless the host was on a heavy dose of steroids or other mood-altering androgens, this confrontation got escalated in stages. Dana’s not an innocent victim who was handed a note out of nowhere, she just left out the details she didn’t like (or wasn’t paying attention to).

      Not a “formal dinner party”? Dana never grew out of the stage where her standard excuse was “But you didn’t TELL me I couldn’t pee in Bobby’s apple juice, so it’s your fault!” Willful ignorance of common decency doesn’t make it okay.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 3:33 pm   rating: 89  small thumbs up

    • #1.20   VZG

      It’s definitely passive-aggressive to write an angry note just to hand it directly to that person. To send it off later? Maybe not. To say it to her directly? Definitely not. To run off during a party to furiously type away and then shove it in her hands? Almost definitely. Besides, she could have just not invited her back the next time, if it bothered her that much. If it didn’t, the note probably wasn’t necessary.

      @Who passed out the Haterade?
      There are easy answers to all those questions. Dana announced it, or someone else told her (these things usually don’t start all at once; her friends have probably observed this crap before). Many people don’t party around their computers, and many hostesses have to run off for this or that during a party to make sure everything’s running smoothly. Also, it was a party — there were other people who may have gotten her attention. And the last question in that block: um, read the comments above. People are half-crazed just hearing about someone texting during a conversation. It doesn’t take much to piss people off.

      I’m not saying Dana’s innocent, because she probably isn’t, but the note-writer sounds like… well, the perfect friend for a glued-to-her-phone airhead. They deserve each other.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:21 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #2   Quite Contrary

    I think the only way Dana would understand the note is if it was written like this:

    “Im not in2 ppl who sit txt tlk to SO all the time esp when its someone I hvnt cn in a yl.

    Get out.

    Illgibl sig here”

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:34 pm   rating: 132  small thumbs up

  • #3   Mama Wrench

    I have a picture of 10 of my friends at a table, in a bar, every single one of them on a cell phone texting or playing games.

    Seriously, if your life is SO tied to your cell phone that you can’t drop it for a few hours and you’re not a doctor or a lawyer or someone else who needs to be on call, you really need to reprioritize.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:37 pm   rating: 161  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Word Nerd

      Yeah, I was in a waiting room recently where every single person was reading some mobile device. It inspired me to deliberatly put my phone away and just be.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 7:49 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   FeRD bang

      In the 5 minutes that followed, Word Nerd ignored the two phone calls that would have saved his job. He failed to see the text message that would have proved his wife’s infidelity, and allowed him to come out of the resulting divorce with more than just the shirt on his back. Worst of all, when the Amber Alert showing his face flashed up on the phones of everyone else in the waiting room, he became the only person not aware that he would imminently be taken into custody for the kidnapping he’d committed just hours earlier!

      Mar 2, 2011 at 8:30 pm   rating: 68  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Uh

      I think its a little different when you’re in a waiting room versus a group of friends.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 8:33 pm   rating: 81  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   Word Nerd

      Indeed it is different in a waiting room. You know what I did miss? Responses to my posts on PAnotes. ;-)
      But seriously, I was just getting at the ubiquity of mobile devices. It requires a conscious choice to turn em off. Which I’ll do now. Good night all!

      Mar 2, 2011 at 9:26 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   Canthz_B bang

      Thank goodness my doctor still has magazines in his waiting room.

      They may be a bit dated, but they’re ones I don’t subscribe to so a trip to his office is an adventure.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:28 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #4   Kim

    I would have been annoyed too, but probably would have called her out on it in a half-joking way, “like, I’m sorry are we boring you?”. The whole typing out a note thing, signing it and handing it to her is pretty over the top. It’s like something I would have done to my brother when I was 10.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:40 pm   rating: 128  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Clumber

      Exactly. Given the small amount of info, i am honestly surprised at several of the reactions above. I don’t even think it is rabid speculating – I think commenters must be inserting some previous experience or imaginary one in their own world to get offended about. We aren’t given if less passive methods had already been tried.

      Personally, I would have texted her something like, “Isn’t it rude when someone is texting and ignoring friends in the same room??”. But we’re out of printer ink at the moment.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:11 am   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   The Elf

      Yes, writing out a note to people who are conversing with in the room should be reserved for times when you fart and then someone calls you on it.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:24 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   VZG

      Would that note just say, “YES, I FARTED.”?

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:24 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #5   Clifton Griffin

    You may want to proof read that last paragraph. Some typos interrupt the otherwise humorous description. :)

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   The Enclosed Instruction Book bang

      It isn’t really that bad. I assumed all the verbs save “handed” were complementary infinitives to “got up to”, in which case all that need be done is add “and” before “sign it”.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 7:45 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #6   The Enclosed Instruction Book bang

    Looks like Dana’s texting… *sunglasses* …was a bad call.


    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:43 pm   rating: 118  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   FeRD bang

      “There is no emoticon for what I’m feeling!”

      Mar 2, 2011 at 8:23 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Paulina

      If you’re referring to CSI Miami, then i totally got the full mental image…lol. Good one.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #7   Twez

    She should have texted that message to Dana.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:45 pm   rating: 63  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   liddy

      yes!!! exploiting the irony could’ve been the dig they were looking for!!

      Mar 2, 2011 at 11:18 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #8   mediabrat

    Team nobody. Dana needs to put the damn phone away and the host needs to see a doctor about getting that stick surgically removed from his ass.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:46 pm   rating: 152  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Clumber

      Then TEAM MEDIABRAT! heh

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:12 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   VZG

      Team MOUSTACHE DAD! Oh, wait, that’s the wrong game, isn’t it?

      But someone had to win at that party (I hope). Maybe there was a PAN-reader there who had nothing but glee over seeing a PAN in action.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:26 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #9   Sarah

    Team Dana. Yeah, texting while in a group is boorish and inconsiderate, but the “Get out.” really pushes the note over the top.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:48 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Ivana

      I agree. I *do* think it’s rude to text while you’re with friends – CONSTANTLY — but responding to a quick message or checking your phone doesn’t bother me…
      However, TELLING her to GET OUT — nice friend. Seriously!

      Mar 3, 2011 at 7:25 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Ashley

      Team Dana indeed — she may have been rude, but it’s one thing if the host and turned and said, “Hey, do you mind? Hang out with us.” To leave, print a note, and tell her to “Get out” because she’s texting — all without saying something to her? That’s shitty friendship, and I sincerely hope she told him where s/ he could shove this note as she left.

      Also, it’s a difference between if she was hovering over the phone, waiting for a text message to arrive, or just responding to the messages as they came.

      Sidenote: the issue seems to have been the significant other thing — new SO, jealous friend?

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:34 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #10   Laura

    Ugh this annoys the crap out of me – I was at a bonfire with friends once and everyone was just texting someone else instead of talking to each other. But so many people do that now that you just have to deal :\

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:52 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Canthz_B bang

      Maybe it’s time to find new friends. You know, the kind that actually have something to say to each other when they’re together. Almost as if they have something in common besides their AT&T circle.

      People who will be sociable in a social setting might be a good place to start.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 11:27 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Canthz_B bang

      OH! WAIT!! I missed an easy one!

      The Bonfire of the Vanities!!!

      Some of you younger folks will just have to Google it. LOL

      Mar 2, 2011 at 11:56 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   The Elf

      Seriously – if your friends like their phones better than you, find new friends.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:26 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   chesire cat

      I am not going to just deal with it. I will flat out call thm on it if goes on long enough to irritate and insult me. Then if they continue to do it or defend their actions, I will ask them to leave and I will cease to han out with them.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 5:20 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #11   karen

    The note says “text or talk” which makes me think that the sender would have been just as annoyed with Dana if her SO had been sitting next to her. Maybe texting is not the issue so much as being joined at the hip with your SO.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:58 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   SoRefined

      I also thought it was a case of “Jebus, could you stop it with the boy/girlfriend for ONCE?” too. I have a friend who is exactly the same way.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 8:34 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   famine

      I took the “talk” part of “talk or text” to mean talk as in on the phone, not in person.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 1:59 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #12   Destructor

    While typing it up and printing it up was a douche move, do agree with the sentiment- people who come to parties and just spend the whole time (or indeed, any time at all) on their phone will not be receiving a repeat invitation.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 7:59 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   VZG

      A non-invitation is one thing, a dis-invitation — as with this — is another. It’s much more passive and much less aggressive to just not invite Dana over anymore.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #13   Jill

    I think the typing of the note was a statement itself. It would have been better if it was texted.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 8:07 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #14   Odious

    And that goes for the other people present answering the phone, putting on some music or daydreaming, too!

    (Aren’t “not really into” and “get out” extreme opposites?)

    Mar 2, 2011 at 8:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #15   tabitha

    how many is a ‘bunch’ of people, and how much texting was being done? if we’re talking more than 8 other friends and 1 text every, oh, i don’t know, 8-15 minutes, then yes, this was overkill. if this was 3-4 close friends, and you’re texting every 5 minutes… that’s just wrong. if dana was texting DURING a conversation though. then yeah, i’d get pretty persnickety as well. gotta keep in mind that i don’t know what all’s happened up to this point. could be that dana was ignoring people… i’d be pissed if a ‘good’ friend was ignoring me.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 8:19 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #16   FeRD bang

    due to the lack of an available notary public

    …Claaaaaaasic! LOL. :)

    Mar 2, 2011 at 8:21 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Canthz_B bang

      There’s never a Process Server around when you need one.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 11:22 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #17   Mamabug (now with more resolutions!)

    Sounds like a friend worth having right there. (/s)

    Yeah, don’t text the whole time you’re at a party (casual or not) but printing out a freaking note and HANDING it over? wow. They must be extremely close friends.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 8:21 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #18   Down with Dana

    Go friend, I like that move. Texting back and forth–not just once–is so rude. The worst part is, Dana obviously doesn’t even see this is her fault, since she submitted it to this site. Take responsibility. The friend seems fed up, maybe Dana is always thoughtless.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 8:23 pm   rating: 71  small thumbs up

  • #19   flameonglass


    Mar 2, 2011 at 8:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #20   Valkyrie

    I’d say the friendship was over before the “Get out.” If I haven’t seen a friend in a while and all I want to do is text and talk to my SO…then it’s because this friend and I have grown apart and I’m no longer having a good time. Besides, everyone knows hipsters are no fun.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 8:26 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   We shall speak anon

      “You had me at ‘Get Out’.”
      - Jerry Maguire

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:42 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   VZG

      I know if I’m texting at a party, it’s because I’m bored. Or because no one at the party will speak to me.

      /so lonely

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:31 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #20.3   kes

      If you’re bored, why not leave? Unless it’s an obligation (like the birthday party of a cousin you barely remember) and you *have* to stay.

      And if they look at you and you’re texting, people will asume you’re not interested in interacting with them and won’t say hi either.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 10:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #21   Henry

    Dana sucks. She IS oblivious and righteous. She’s in the wrong and I hope she can’t pay her cell/internet/cable bills in the future and is forced to change her life.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 8:29 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   FeRD bang

      The irony in you posting such a mean-spirited and spiteful comment regarding someone you’ve never even met… is just plain luscious, I gotta tell ya. :)

      Mar 2, 2011 at 8:32 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   Canthz_B bang

      O Henry!

      Mar 2, 2011 at 8:37 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #22   Canthz_B bang

    Back when my wife and I were just dating she used to take phone calls while we were out and go into full conversation mode.

    Finally, we were in a restaurant and she took a call before ordering or even looking at the menu. Having had enough, I advised her to tell her party that she was currently unavailable, decide what she wanted to eat before the waitress showed up and carry her butt outside to talk on the phone if the caller was more important to her than spending quality time with me.

    Now her voice-mail gets lots of use.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 8:32 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   AM

      Wow. You sound like fun, ordering a date around.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 10:18 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   jadefirefly

      And yet it’s entirely correct, so who’s really the one with the problem? You, for failing to see that they’re now married – and thus, something must be working properly – or Canthz, for being upfront, honest, and “advising”, as opposed to ordering?

      I’ll let you think about that, but no texting anyone else for the answer.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 10:46 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #22.3   Canthz_B bang

      Oh please, AM…I’d have ordered for her if she’d have just told me what she wanted and then went outside on her phone call. But she was on the phone when she should have been reading the menu (I’ll bet the servers around here can tell you horror stories about that).
      I’m a gentleman like that, but I still don’t want to sit and listen to someone else’s phone conversation when I’m in a restaurant…especially my “date’s” phone conversation.

      For the record, I wouldn’t have married her if she’d proven unable to grasp this simple concept…”YOU’RE NOT AT HOME. YOU’RE OUT. YOU’RE BUSY AND CAN’T TALK RIGHT NOW!!”

      Yes, I was a damned fun date, but only if the person I was dating was engaging with me not someone on the phone. ;-)

      Mar 2, 2011 at 11:39 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #22.4   Serenity

      oh for sure CB. If I go up to a table and someone is on the phone, and tries to give me the “hold on” finger., I smile politely…and walk away until they’re done. I’ve got other people to take care of, schmuck! I’ve also seen lots of “victims” of this behavior…their date, kid, friend, whoever, literally dying of boredom while the person they’re with stays on the phone the whole damn time they’re there. It’s unbelievably rude, and no way would I ever put up with someone doing that to me.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:24 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #22.5   Canthz_B bang

      Rude, inconsiderate, selfish…

      I could be here forever!

      Let’s just say lacking in good taste and manners and leave it at that. ;-)

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:37 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #22.6   Ivana

      I don’t think I have ever witnessed someone LITERALLY die of boredom…

      Mar 3, 2011 at 7:29 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #22.7   Clumber

      Crap. Thanks a lot, Ivana. My brain tried protecting me by not seeing ‘literally’ in the post, but now that you have pointed it out I have to hunt down and *kill Serenity. And I am already out of leave time, dammit.

      *Which is an awesome concept, really.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:16 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #22.8   unsatisfied


      Before my wife and I got married and were shacking up together… night, she was watching some despicable Katherine Heigl movie. I laid down on the couch and started watching it with her because 1) I wanted to spend time with her and, 2) Katherine Heigl is eye candy, at least.

      About 10 minutes later, my future wife gets a phone call…..and, keeps talking. In the meantime, I am trying to watch this movie that I really didn’t want to watch but was watching anyway. I look at her and I’m like, “Hellooooo….can you take your conversation to another room?” She did leave but, boy, did I catch hell for that when she came back into the room. How dare I ask her to leave the room?

      The result?

      If one of us gets a call while we are both watching the same TV, we leave the room.

      Boo yah.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:55 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #22.9   Serenity

      ha, yeah, well I shouldn’t type after I’ve taken my sleeping pills, but you know what I mean :)

      Mar 3, 2011 at 11:06 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #22.10   *snerk*

      I bet that troll who was here a while back has spit in someone’s food if they were on the phone when he was ready to take their order. But he’s not proud of it.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:54 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #22.11   ctc

      One of my ex’s used to that and wouldn’t stop even when I repeatedly told him how it bothered me (every text was “important” you see…). He’d even to it in the middle of what was supposed to be a romantic dinner to respond to a generic “anybody have any bar plans tonight” texts from people who wouldn’t reply back to him for hours. Yeah…

      I replaced him with a dog and couldn’t be happier.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:49 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #23   GG

    The friend may have guilt tripped the girl into going to begin with, if she wanted one on one time… maybe have something more private than a party (I mean really, how much time do you get to spend with the host of a party?), and a Please Leave would have been just as appropriate without being as insulting as Get Out.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 9:19 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Clumber

      Honestly, I have filed this as a way to be tossed out of parties that I don’t want to attend in the first place. Dana, OP, could you give me a guideline for how long you have to text before you are asked to GET OUT? I mean, should I start texting about 5 minutes before I want to be thrown out, or is it more of an hour-long process?

      [shooting down the obvious] Because my beloved spouse has guilted or demanded I attend, that’s why.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:20 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   VZG

      Also: because they made it sounds good. It wasn’t.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #24   Sivart Navi

    The worst for me was a friend who was complaining about how RUDE it was for people to regularly text while in a social situation. For some reason, she has never paid attention to herself in social situations. She’s the text queen.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 9:23 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #25   jen

    I had a friend that was doing the same thing while we were out and about on the town to have some girl time. I got up and left. She had the nerve to ask me where I went to the next day. (I don’t have a cell for her to have texted me earlier to ask). I wish more people would do the same.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 9:35 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Canthz_B bang

      We need to organize a Walkoutathon Day when we all walk away from people we’re talking to who have to take “important” calls that start with “Hey, whatcha doing?” or decide they need to text someone over nothing in particular.

      We could organize it using Twitter and Facebook!! ;-)

      Mar 2, 2011 at 11:14 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   The Gecko Hunter

      I’d like to see a “Get-Out-athon”! The person in front of me at the grocery store, talking about her weekend instead of paying attention to the transaction: Get Out! The person at the table next to mine at the restaurant, telling everyone about his date last night: Get Out!

      Mar 3, 2011 at 4:16 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #26   Lauren--NY

    That’s pretty psychotic.

    Texting while sitting casually around a living room or den with a bunch of people is not the same thing as texting at the dinner table. It’s not appropriate when someone is trying to engage you in conversation, but if everybody’s sitting around chatting and there’s either a lull in the conversation or everyone else is engaged in speaking and she’s not involved in the conversation at the moment, there’s nothing wrong with having your phone out. People need to chill.

    Even if she was being rude and pointedly ignoring people, this kind of response is weird and terrifying.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 9:39 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   TippingCows


      Mar 2, 2011 at 9:59 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   pony girl

      The fact that you hold that opinion is what I find weird and terrifying.

      If there is a lull in the conversation you pull out your phone to text someone??
      Are you 12?

      Mar 2, 2011 at 10:01 pm   rating: 54  small thumbs up

    • #26.3   Canthz_B bang

      See, there was a time when if everyone else was involved in a conversation, the person not involved would take that time to pay attention and learn something.
      When you start texting when you’re with a group of friends, you’ve in effect left and gone home…so just leave and go home, because it is impolite to ignore polite company.

      Too bad these devices hit the market without etiquette manuals, because some people just don’t have a clue what “civility” means (Formal politeness and courtesy in behavior or speech.)

      I wonder if the Roman Empire was anything like this near the end?

      Mar 2, 2011 at 11:03 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

    • #26.4   Guy

      Having a text conversation at a party is like turning your back on everyone else at the party. Sadly, some people learned how to text before they learned any social graces. They don’t know it’s rude – like a child that has never been taught to close his mouth when he chews his food.

      Mar 2, 2011 at 11:19 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #26.5   Lauren--NY

      No, dear, I’m not 12. However, your double exclamation points and unadulterated panic that someone would take his attention away from you for ten seconds is the height of emotional maturity, so thank you for setting an example for everyone.

      There is a difference between a formal gathering and an informal gathering. The author of this blog post obviously knows that, as s/he pointed out that there is no indication that this was a formal dinner party.

      And yes, even if she was being rude–the host goes into the next room, types up and prints a note that ends with GET OUT, signs it, and hands it to her? You don’t find that sociopathic, but texting at a casual gathering is a sin? Okay, then. Different strokes…

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:28 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #26.6   Canthz_B bang

      Could be a generational thing, but even during informal gatherings I was taught to respect those with whom I had gathered.

      Just seems, well, unseemly to reach outside of that group while you’re with them, as if their company is inadequate for your needs.

      No one is saying the note was the right way to go about it, but to ignore or be oblivious to the slight to the host just shows a lack of understanding of good etiquette…of having some sense of class.

      Nothing personal mind you, but true nonetheless.

      Those look like double question marks to me (and the rest of the educated), and while texting during a gathering is not a sin, it’s damned rude to start texting just because you are not involved in the conversation at the moment. It’s like you’re telling everyone else they are incapable of holding your interest.

      Maybe if the discussion were about punctuation marks you’d be transfixed.
      Maybe you were bored in class the day exclamation points and question marks were being taught and you were busy texting. :-P

      Mar 3, 2011 at 1:00 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #26.7   Lauren--NY

      Disagree. You’re hypersensitive.

      Sometimes people like to have private moments in a crowd. If no one is talking to me, it’s ruder for me to butt in. I can take a time out and let them have their own semi-private moment. It’s the “casual” part of a casual gathering.

      Of course, the note is the freaky thing. If the host shared your opinion, she could have actually opened her mouth and spoken to her, and pulled her aside to save embarrassment, rather than handing her a note (for which she had to ignore her guests for at least several minutes to compose, type, print and sign–hypocritical?) that said “You know what, I’m just not that into you; GET OUT.” The fact that people are more freaked out by texting in public than by that display of madness is pretty interesting to me.

      Haha, you totally got me on the punctuation; I typed exclamation points instead of question marks. No idea why I did that! Having said that, double question marks are no less hysterical.

      No cell phones yet when I was learning (failing?) punctuation in elementary school. At least not that my little eight year old self saw. They definitely weren’t texting phones in 1994!

      Mar 3, 2011 at 2:43 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #26.8   The Elf

      If it’s a generational thing, then it’s a Millenial thing. I’m Generation X and still find texting in a social situation to be rude. Or maybe I’m just a crusty curmudgeon before my time.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:40 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #26.9   Canthz_B bang


      Lauren, I’m not hypersensitive. I just have self-control and a little class. ;-)

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:59 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #26.10   pony girl

      I don’t require constant attention, the person texting obviously does. Needing constant stimulation is immature.
      Needing to be in almost constant contact with others is immature.

      Going to a party and texting instead of interacting with other party goers is immature and rude. It reminds me of the 12 year old who has been forced to attend a family function and spends their time sulking in the corner because they’re ‘So bored!’

      People are rarely invited to social situations to take up space and text people who are not there.

      Does Dana think that she is so important and so exciting that just her mere presence is enough? Does she think that the host has invited her over to sit on the sofa and eat his food, drink his drinks, take up space and ignore everyone?

      Is she the dalai llama? Do they just want to bask in her glow and maybe sneak a touch of her robe to absorb her awesomeness?

      No, she was invited to interact with the others there. If she doesn’t want to, she should leave.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:28 am   rating: 46  small thumbs up

    • #26.11   ltv

      Actually Lauren, you are at the height of immaturity. Regardless of the formality of the party, you should not be texting in front of other people. That is immature.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 3:50 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #26.12   VZG

      “you should not be texting in front of other people”


      Texting is the new flashing! I had no idea I was so crude. I’ve texted IN THE STREETS.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:43 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #26.13   Odious

      You’re at a friends house with a bunch of people and (I know I already said this above) one person is thumbing through a magazine, one went to the bathroom, one is perusing the CD stacks, one is digging in the fridge, one is looking at a painting. The person texting is just involved as the others (provided it’s not more than a few minutes of texting). What’s the big deal? A host making demands; that’s f-ed up. Some of you are delusively pretending that hanging out with friends is socially akin to High Tea at Westminster. Dinner at your house must be a lot of fun.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:33 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #26.14   Lauren--NY

      @VZG: You whore! ;-)

      @pony girl: You are hypersensitive AND hysterical.

      @ltv: You’re crazy.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #26.15   Canthz_B bang

      Lauren, you don’t see the irony here?

      In the given group situation, texting is an anti-social behavior. While at the same time texting to/with an outside party is a social behavior.

      They are matter and anti-matter. Bad things happen if they try to exist in the same space at the same time.

      Odious, if that’s what happens at your cocktail/dinner/ get together parties, you either have boring friends, or have a really poorly planned guest list (examples: don’t invite your homophobic friend and your gay couple friends or your skin-head friend and your black friend to the same gathering).
      Ideally, you’d have a couple of people looking at the CDs discussing the collection or music in general. A couple of people looking at the artwork discussing their impressions or art in general. That one jackass who thinks your fridge is open season, and a couple of people in the bathroom doing who knows what. :-P
      But no one sitting alone texting as if they’d rather be anywhere but there.

      Don’t people “mingle” anymore? Dance? Talk to one another? Laugh and tell jokes?
      Aren’t those the things we expect to happen when we invite friends over? Not fly away from each other as if our homes are full of dark matter and our guests are galaxies?

      Hell, who’s going to call the cops on you if everyone is just sitting around texting? Who’s going to break your favorite lamp? Who’s going to knock over your aquarium? You call that a party?! :lol:

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:47 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #26.16   .

      Team Lauren.

      LMAO at all these people horrified that at a casual party, someone might tune out of the various conversations for a couple of minutes.

      I’m sure every single one of you is a fascinating diamond every second of every minute of every day, but sometimes casual get-togethers involve a few people talking about a TV show they’re all following or a movie they all saw.

      Should a partygoer listen, rapt, to every detail of The Real Housewives of Hullaboo Holler? Or might it be okay to enjoy her drink, text her SO, and wait for the conversation to come around to something she cares about again?

      Jesus. I guess if someone at a party excused herself to go out for a cigarette or just some air, you’d all call for her head.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:34 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #26.17   Canthz_B bang

      I think you’ve missed the point, but be that as it may.
      Idiots and morons tune out of various conversations because they don’t have anything insightful to add to ANY of them.
      When they find themselves in over their depth, the better idiots pay attention and try to learn something new, the lesser functioning know it’s time to go home.
      Morons go off and play with their cell phones.

      Hope I made that clear enough, and that you’re a better idiot and learned something, though you’ve probably tuned out by now because you really had nothing new to add! ;-)

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:48 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #26.18   Lauren--NY

      I think you’re assuming she’s doing it for hours on end. While the note makes it seem like that–consider the source. The source is the person crazy enough to write the note (which, again, requires ignoring her guests for much longer than jotting off a text message), so we can’t really trust her.

      I also don’t trust her sense of what is “constantly” talking to one’s significant other.

      If she’s being invited to a gathering and spending the ENTIRE evening texting others instead of engaging, of course you’re right. I don’t think there’s any indication that she is.

      If I’m not being included in a conversation, I don’t think it’s necessarily my place to listen and try to learn something–although I obviously can’t be accused of eavesdropping since it’s a conversation that’s happening in public. I like the “private moment in a crowd” feeling, and I know other people do, too.

      I also stand by the fact that even if Dana was being *insufferably* rude, the way the host handled it was psychotic.

      Of course people mingle. But they don’t dance on my watch, that’s for damn sure. ;-)

      Mar 5, 2011 at 3:24 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #26.19   Canthz_B bang

      Well, let’s consider the source as you suggest. The source is NOT the Host as you mistakenly believe (“Our submitter didn’t give any indication that this was a formal dinner party or anything like that, but apparently the host was so enraged by Dana’s breach of etiquette…”) nor was the submitter Dana, but a third party who says Dana “was texting back and forth with her significant other in the midst of the conversation.”. So it wasn’t an isolated text.
      If you’d like to believe that the host wrote the note over one text or two, you’re welcome to do so, but here we work with what we’re given within reason, and reason tells us she was texting more than enough to piss someone off.
      Literacy tells us the submitter was NOT the host.
      Don’t know where you got “constantly” or “hours on end” from but, while we’re choosing to believe facts not given, I choose to believe the submitter, the host and a few others had had more than enough of Dana by the time the note was created, and I KNOW I can create a note like this one in about two minutes.

      As for assumptions, I’m assuming the host had an inkling she’d be texting for hours on end, that’s the reason Dana received the “get out” note.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 12:43 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #27   Lucy

    I probably would have sent a text asking if I was boring her…. Yes, lots of people sit and text in social situations, ignoring their friends. Yes, it’s still incredibly rude.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 9:47 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

  • #28   mspassive

    Not going to lie it’s annoying when someone is using the phone when you’re trying to eat dinner with them. especially if it’s someone I haven’t seen in a while. The obviously think the person on the line is more important.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 9:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   The Elf

      Oooo, way to sneak in the spam.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 11:25 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #29   pony girl

    Would anyone go to a dinner party and go to use the landline phone to call someone every five minutes (just to chat) ??

    Would anyone go to a dinner party and leave every five minutes to walk next door and chat with someone??

    If they’re rude they would.

    Dana needs to learn some manners.

    Dana was rude and got her ass handed to her on a platter. I don’t see anything wrong with this note.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 9:59 pm   rating: 66  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Clumber

      PG, In a time not as long ago as CB yearns for further above, your 2nd example was very, very common.


      Here’s a sugercube and a carrot for your trouble. Good pony! You have such a sexy nicker! (Not the same as your sexy knickers, of course.)

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:25 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #29.2   The Elf

      No, either it was a smoking house and they just plain lit up right there or a little sub-party formed out at on the porch/deck/stoop with the smokers, or the lone smoker took less frequent breaks. It’s not the same as leaving every 5 minutes. Plus they would excuse themselves instead of just whipping out a phone, which makes a big difference.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:36 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #29.3   unholyghost2003 bang

      I am with The Elf here … as a smoker I can tell you that to this day smokers, when in a non-smoking house, either form a little sub-party in approved smoking areas and/or take few smoke breaks.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:56 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #29.4   chesire cat

      What he says about the smokers is true. I have a non smoking house and a bunch of smoker friends back in the day. They all crowded up on my little porch no matter what kind of weather we were having to smoke. Thus why they always whined about coming to my place because at their place they can just light up whereever. It got annoying. At least I was welcome to come outside with them if I wanted to and talk to them. Whereas with texting it is an A and B conversation and there is no room for me in it.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:55 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #29.5   Canthz_B bang

      Another cool thing about smokers is that they will almost always ask, “Do you mind if I smoke?” before lighting up.
      Ever heard anyone ask, “Do you mind if I ignore you and send some text messages?”

      Mar 3, 2011 at 7:46 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #30   snee

    there is only one winner in this scenario: the PAN community!

    Mar 2, 2011 at 10:07 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

  • #31   Kat

    While the note may have been a little overboard, bitch put your damn phone down and SPEAK to people. It’s flat rude to text while talking to someone else, especially in their home at their dinner. And if it is THAT important excuse yourself and call the person.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 10:50 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

  • #32   TCHICA

    The note was extremely PA. The hostess waited long enough to get that pissed; then, instead of saying something in a civilized manner; she LEAVES her guests to type this snotty note. If she had an issue with her “friend’s” behavior, she should’ve said something in an adult manner. Passing notes (typed, no less) is for children. Grow up and talk to your friend like a FRIEND would.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 11:03 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Henry

      Maybe she didn’t leave her guests for long to type this wonderful note. Perhaps the host/ess anticipated Dana’s behavior beforehand and was prepared! People like Dana aren’t surprising, they are creatures of habit. I can think of people that are forced to spend real time with others and spend the whole time texting or on the phone, and they do the same thing when they are at dinner or any other function. And there are others that are crammed together in a vehicle, while one forces the radio volume higher and higher AND tries to carry on conversations that are inaudible. It’s predictable, and I bet the notewriter had the note prepared for the last time she would do it around her.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:37 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #32.2   Janellionaire

      I assumed she didn’t want to embarrass Dana by calling her out in front of everyone, so she went with a note, but to type it out, print it, and then sign it is just overboard.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 1:12 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #32.3   chesire cat

      Why should she? Her friend was not talking to her, she was texting her boyfriend.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #32.4   ctc

      Hmmm… maybe more people did sign it? The note is too cropped down to see. Maybe we just got the large signature at the top!

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #33   Lana

    Dana totally deserved. How incredibly rude. I just can’t decide if she needs help more for her co-dependence or her texting.

    She’s incredibly arrogant.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 11:20 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #34   aaa bang

    Dana’s not rude, she’s just way ahead of everybody else in solely devoting herself to the high tech glory of electronic communication and telling face-to-face interaction and everybody who engages in it to fuck off. She’s totally ahead of the curve, riding the wave of the future. Talking to people directly is so last century. What kind of fucking loser does that? I mean, you all don’t actually expect people to bother speaking with each other in person in fifty years, do you? Jeez, get with it, people!

    Mar 2, 2011 at 11:50 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   chesire cat

      yeah haven’t you ever seen Wall-E? People talk to screens non stop all day and never actually look around or have physical contact.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #35   aaa bang

    Hm, I think it would be the bee’s knees if Dana had a conversation with her significant other via Facebook. I bet it would be gloriously STFU Couples-worthy.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 11:52 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #36   aaa bang

    Also, because I can’t stop spewing my thoughts at people today, like I said a few posts ago, I’m seriously hoping that the people involved in this note decide to grace us with their presence. I MISS THE GOOD OLD DAYS, DAMMIT. WANGST AND NET-BITCHING FOR ALL! MY LUST FOR CONFLICT HAS NOT BEEN FULFILLED.

    Mar 2, 2011 at 11:54 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #36.1   Janellionaire

      Yeah Dana, you know you’re reading this. Pipe up! I needs some dramaz.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 1:13 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #37   Edhla

    PA or not, the letter is awesome. I wish more people (like myself) had the zero tolerance attitude to guests being so incredibly self-centred and rude. Alas, for myself it isn’t politeness that stops me, more like passivity ;)

    I HATE trying to have a conversation with someone who is clearly more interested in texting someone else.

    I also hate being the guest of somebody who answers a phone call, usually from their SO, and then strands me for anything more than about two or three minutes while I wait for them to finish their phone call and be a gracious host.

    Seriously, if you have a guest and you get a phone call, whatever happened to having manners and explaining to your caller “I have a guest just now, but I’ll call you back”?

    If I am with friends or family and get a text, I excuse myself, read the text, and only if it’s CRUCIAL do I apologise for the interruption and go onto a balcony or something to call in response. If it’s “hey, how was your day?” from my SO, he can wait!

    Dana sucked and deserved this. How utterly rude of her.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 2:05 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Roto13

      When I was in high school, I had a friend who would sometimes invite me over and then just talk on the phone the entire time until I just got bored and went home. Ugh.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 2:34 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #38   Nahhh bang

    I’m going to get one of these signs and hang it on my front door:

    Or maybe I’ll make my own…and print it in Comic Sans. With a smily face at the bottom.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 2:13 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #38.1   Clumber

      Clip art is mandatory. Penis clipart garners bonus points.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:27 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #38.2   VZG

      But Comic Sans is just cruel!

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:48 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #39   Laura Brown

    For heaven’s sake, Dana, that’s what the bathroom’s for. And if you need to go there to text your SO so often that people start thinking you have diarrhea, then maybe you should just stay home with your SO in the first place.

    And I agree that the host’s note should have been texted.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 2:54 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #40   Spag Hoops

    Ironically, all of the texts can now be read on damnyouautocorrect.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 2:54 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #41   boxes

    Team Dana, if only because the sort of person that goes and composes, prints and signs a letter instead of saying something to someone’s face- you know, like normal human beings do- is probably not worth visiting in the first place. That’s a seriously creepy way to communicate with someone you’re in the same room with. That’s sitcom material, there.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 3:06 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #42   Silence

    While I empathize with the letter writer, I can’t help but think it was a huge overreaction. I mean, if someone had handed me a note like this, effectively evicting me from their home, I’d consider the friendship over. It’s shocking to me that letter writer was willing to risk that outcome, and if so, I’m wondering why they invited Dana in the first place.

    Also, how is it NOT equally rude to storm off to a computer and type out a nasty note to a guest? The other guests were put in a terrible situation. Bad, bad hosting.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 3:13 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #42.1   Canthz_B bang

      1) Considering the friendship ended would be the right reaction, as you’ve just been told they’re not into people like you.

      2) Maybe Dana didn’t notice the dirty looks and mumbling about what to do about her texting as the other guests along with the host decided on the eviction notice tactic.
      People tend to miss a lot of what’s happening around them while staring at cell phones. Like the lady in the car ahead of me yesterday texting while doing 30mph in a 45mph zone, the real world tends to escape their notice.

      Sucks to be the last one to know.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 6:22 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #42.2   *snerk*

      And there was no indication of “storming.” It would take no longer to excuse yourself to type and print a quick note than to use the bathroom. It’s not like the host left her company floundering for an hour.

      Miss Manners is unequivocal on a couple points: 1. it is rude to be preoccupied by someone on the other end of your cell phone in company; and 2. it is rude to publicly correct someone’s rude behavior.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 1:06 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #42.3   Silence

      I dunno. It seems odd that an entire group of people would be so offended that they’d want someone in their party (and a supposed friend at that) to be banished. She was texting, not getting railed by the hostess’ husband. I just can’t imagine that it was an entire group action…it seems much more like the actions of one hurt and vindictive hostess.

      Also, if you’re bothered enough to tell someone to leave, I’m thinking you didn’t make a quiet escape to another room to compose your opus. That kind of anger (enough to end a friendship over) is usually somewhat evident to those around you (unless they’re texting, natch). And still, the other guests had to have seen what transpired…a note given, a shocked facial expression and departure.

      But, from what you wrote, Snerk, it looks like Miss Manners would frown on both parties involved.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 9:26 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #43   Who? Me?

    This just goes to show why knowledge of etiquette is so important.

    Please get out” would have been much more polite.

    But she seems to have tried … I like the use of Dear at the beginning of the note, before she brings the hatchet out.

    And I hope she enclosed the note in an envelope, so that none of the other guests would see it’s contents. ;)

    Mar 3, 2011 at 3:30 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   VZG

      Hmmm. If she closed it with a wax seal, I would have to agree that all fault on Ms. PAN’s side would be removed.

      Wax seals are just that damn classy.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:50 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #43.2   Who? Me?

      I like the way you think! Are you thinking red wax? Red just screams “elegance” to me. And might I add a nice silver tray to hold said note?

      But a long white glove on the hand that extended the tray would be too much – it was an informal gathering, after all.


      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:06 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #43.3   Who? Me?

      Oops the timer got me and I couldn’t ETA this onto my previous post.

      For the official record, I’m on Team Nobody. I like the analogy of passing notes across the table. Rude. Non-stop texting is kind of like two people whispering back and forth into each others ears at a party. If Momma never told you, let me: such behavior is in extremely poor taste. You might feel ever-so-special, but it makes everyone else feel left out. That’s not what parties are for, and if you don’t know how to behave at one, you won’t be asked back again.

      One or two whispers, one or two texts – I’m gonna let that slide, but when it’s non-stop – you are being rude to everyone else at the party, which is socially unforgivable.

      But Miss Hostess hasn’t learned that two wrongs don’t make a right. As pointed out above, indeed, Miss Manners forbids us from publicly pointing out the rudeness of others. There are other ways of handling the problem. She could have said, “Dana, thank you for reminding me … I forgot to hang the No Texting During the Party sign on the door … Now where did I put that sign? ” and then wander into the next room to try to “find it”.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:39 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #44   Trevor

    Interesting article on phone etiquette here:

    Mar 3, 2011 at 3:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #45   juniper

    I love it. And I got the sense that the medium was chosen as a means of mocking Dana’s inability to respond to anything other than text. Not to be passive aggressive.
    The ‘get out’ is a bit harsh though.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 4:48 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #45.1   VZG

      If that’s the case, it would have been better to hand-writer it and go for a no-tech option. Plus, then she could have doodled a smiley face in.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #46   Penny

    in the dim and distant past, up to about 15 years ago, couples used to pass each other flirtatious, or possibly PA, written notes across the dinner table. Just as annoying

    Mar 3, 2011 at 6:54 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #47   Alyssa

    Haha that is pretty hilarious. While the method of delivery was a bit extreme (but funny) I can’t stand texters either. I understand certain situations (my grandma’s in the hospital, my mom just texted me an update) but the constant back and forth texting a significant other or whoever is rude. I can’t stand hanging out with people like that, if you are WITH me, give ME your attention.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 6:57 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #48   unholyghost2003 bang

    I am firmly team NOBODY but I think we have a very rare situation here that is resulting in the team splits. The responding PAN-ners are all sane.
    Team Hostess folks are having trouble imagining that someone might be tightly wound enough to throw a giant hissy-fit in the middle of a party and leave, compose, and print out a note without having first tried less dramatic methods of communication. Let me tell you, those folks ARE out there. There are plenty of people with short fuses that go straight for the sledge hammer when dealing with a fly.
    Team Dana seems to be having trouble imagining that there are people who text constantly about inane things and are unable to multi-task while doing so. There are plenty of folks out there who WONT STOP TEXTING and yet can not interact with people around them WHILE they are texting. trufax. It is that last bit about multitasking that is the key (and is probably part of the generational difference CB was wondering about).

    My husband and several of our friends have jobs where they are never really off the clock. They get texts and emails about work stuff all day and all night. These are not life or death situations, but replying to them in a timely fashion can mean the difference between a pay raise or not, keeping their jobs or not, making sure others keep their jobs or not, etc. Everyone I know who has a job like this is really good at texting while holding a conversation in person.

    I have no problem with people texting while talking to me, as long as they are also actually interacting with ME, the person right in front of them. 99% of the time casual party chat IS less important than work issues.

    I think Karen and SoRefined bring up a key issue that is getting forgotten in the debate over who is rudest. “I’m really not into those people who sit and text or talk *to their significant others* all the time.” To me this smacks of a Type-A girly who declared the gathering a “~*Girls Night*~” and is pissed about WHO Dana is texting, not the fact that Dana is texting. I wonder if the hostess would have cared had Dana been texting someone with a vagina about the latest episode of Gray’s Anatomy.
    I get a “how DARE you find your S/O more interesting than our discussions of vagazzeling and Taylor Lautner’s abs?!?” sort of vibe.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:03 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #48.1   Splint Chesthair

      Oh yes, the response is totally over the top. When people are texting while talking to me, I just walk away and find someone else. Not everyone does that.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 7:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #48.2   Canthz_B bang

      All due respect to those who NEED their phones for important business purposes, the vast majority of folks are just farting off on their toys.

      I really suspect that oftentimes it’s more about letting others see what type of device they own than the content or importance of their messages.
      It’s also the mistaken belief that, since they have them, they must constantly use them.

      It’s a telephone. A tool. We use tools when we NEED them. You don’t see carpenters banging hammers all over the place for no good reason.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:20 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #48.3   The Elf

      Well, some do, but those kind of crazy carpenters aren’t usually invited to parties…..

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:30 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #48.4   Canthz_B bang

      Yeah, there aren’t many roof-raising parties these days! :lol:

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:44 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #48.5   unholyghost2003 bang

      CB, I get what you are saying, I just mentioned the job thing because it means I know folks who can text and talk at the same time. If someone can competently do both at once I don’t really care about the content of the texts they are sending (it makes no nevermind to me if they are just screwing around or if the text is important). It only matters to me if they are texting instead of interacting with those around them, some folks can do both.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #48.6   The Elf

      A caveat to that: It had better be some important work stuff, the equivalent of a doctor taking a call from a patient, the investigator being informed of a fatal crash, or the IT specialist getting a text that the mission critical database is down. I find a lot of people who “need” a cell phone for work and “have” to be in perpetual contact with it don’t actually need that kind of 24/7 interaction and they just plain like it. Unless it’s critical, put it aside, and I don’t care how good of a multitasker you are.

      Honestly, if my job tried to foist that sort of thing on me – and some people here do the blackberry 24/7 thing (unnecessarily) – I’d tell them where to stick the phone. My job or my promotion is not worth the sacrifice of the rest of my life.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 11:37 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #48.7   The Gecko Hunter

      I have one of those jobs. I get calls and texts all of the time. In social situations, I generally just check the message, or the text. If a response from me is required, I apologize to my companions, and excuse myself from the room/area, and return the call/text. All of my friends are aware of my job, which does involve responding to crises. I’m sure they would be okay with me responding to the call, but I feel like it is more respectful to those around me, and the person on the other end, to leave the room/ go outside.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 4:01 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #48.8   chesire cat

      You are a gentlemen Gecko

      Mar 3, 2011 at 5:25 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #48.9   Canthz_B bang

      I can’t tell you how often my wife has gotten angry because she was called on her day-off and asked if she could work.
      To my mind, there’s a simple way to handle this:

      Check the caller ID and don’t answer the phone if it’s your job calling. They have no right to expect you’d have no plans for your day-off in the first place.

      “We tried to reach you yesterday but couldn’t…”

      “Yeah, I was out having a life…”

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:42 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #48.10   VZG

      “You don’t see carpenters banging hammers all over the place for no good reason.”

      Well, there’s this song…

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:54 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #48.11   chesire cat

      Absolutely CB! I always always always said no when I got called on my day off. My explanation was maybe you should hire more reliable workers like me who always show up when they are supposed to so you don’t have to call me in on my day off. It pissed them off, but I don’t give a crap. If I can show up when I am scheduled so can everyone else. Finally I just stopped answering.

      The really funny part is one boss who literally called me almost every day off I had because the other girl never came in would get mad at me for not coming in, not the girl who never shows up when she is scheduled! Basically the girl’s mother was the boss’ friend so she overlooked whatever mistakes that bitch made.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 6:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #48.12   Canthz_B bang

      VZG, that was no carpenter. It was some maniac who was turned away from Carpenters Local 1199…that’s why he was lamenting “If I had a hammer…” ;-)

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #49   BB

    I wrote out this story and it gave me an error, I hit back and it was gone. Friggin A, thanks for not putting “required” beside the email block.

    TEAM NO ONE. They obviously weren’t that close to begin with and you don’t do that to friends(texting during a convo AND writing a simple note like that.) They were both wrong in my opinion, but I still enjoy this thoroughly because it’s not meeeee :)!

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #50   Splint Chesthair

    Apparently, from articles I’ve read, people are actually addicted to texting. Sending off the message is a rush and when we get a reply there’s a little dopamine release. It’s why people get so angry if they don’t get an immediate response.

    My daughter does this, and yes, it’s annoying especially when you’re trying to tell her something important. I don’t get angry, I’ll just walk away in the middle of the conversation. Sometimes she doesn’t even notice.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:51 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #50.1   The Elf

      If your daughter likes your phone more than you, get a new….. wait that one doesn’t quite work so well for this situation. Damn.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:29 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #50.2   oi

      You don’t get angry?!! somebody needs to let new generation know it’s rude to text while having a conversation. (This is so incredibly absurd that people don’t think it’s rude! You would not dream about calling up somebody and switching your attention to a new person in the middle of the old conversation, right?) It’d be much better if it’s a parent (at a young age especially) than somebody like NW.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 10:48 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #50.3   Splint Chesthair

      No, I don’t anger easily. I usually just walk away in mid conversation. Then she gets upset that she has to come find me if she wants to hear the rest of what I have to say. I have seen that she doesn’t check her phone as much when she’s talking to me and I think it’s because she knows I’ll walk away. You can teach through actions much better than getting angry.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 6:46 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #50.4   FeRD bang

      …Your daughter seeks you out because she wants to hear what you have to say????

      Have you submitted her for experimental evaluation yet? It appears you’ve discovered a previously unknown form of life! The scientific community could learn enough to advance the field of behavioral science by decades, given the opportunity to study such a find!

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:00 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #51   Theis13

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:52 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #52   Lindsaur

    I honestly think I’m Team Host just because it’s so brazen. It also seems like the choice of note wasn’t based on avoiding confrontation, but to emphasize Dana’s attachment to written communication rather than spoken.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 8:23 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #53   The Elf

    Quick – somebody bring up tipping or outdoor cats! I think this thread might be dying!

    Mar 3, 2011 at 8:46 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #53.1   pony girl

      I always tip the outdoor cats in my neighborhood.
      I certainly don’t want them to spit in my food.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:43 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #54   I donno

    I work with labouring mothers in the delivery room. I have been so ready to throw people’s phones in the trash – mom actually texting or updating her facebook before she’s held her newborn for the first time, as the nurse stands next to her waiting to hand her the baby… Dad on the phone answering the never-ending text messages during labour. Prenatal meetings with the parents where dad sits there on his blackberry. Post-natal meetings where both mom and dad are on their phones while an auntie is holding the baby, neither of them looking up from their phones as they’re talking to me.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 9:17 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #54.1   Ashley

      While all that is extreme, I feel like people against mobile devices in laboring rooms forget that extended families are scattered — and being able to text my mother* during labor is the next best thing to having her there with me. Picture messages are the only reason I saw my niece when she was born.

      I’m appalled that for some people phones come before their baby, but I firmly believe there’s a place for cell phones and texting in a scattered world.

      Like someone said above, we tend to assume that everyone is as reasonable as we are about phones, though; just like I understand the practical applications, I also understand entirely the kind of people who would just be texting,”OMG the bb iz SOOOOO loud :(” to their best friends. :/

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:51 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #54.2   I donno

      I’m talking about situations where the mom is in the middle of a contraction and screams at the father to “put that fucking thing down and grab my hand” as he’s standing by her bed texting everybody in the world. Or the mom who was busy updating her facebook status as the nurse stood there waiting to hand her her newborn. I totally get having the lines of communication open in the delivery room but at the same time too much of it takes away from what a magical moment it is. Too many people staring down into their cell phones instead of being in the moment.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 1:35 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #54.3   .

      Hey, perhaps how people choose to go through labor is their business.

      It’s like complaining about how obnoxious it is that fathers video the birth rather than experiencing the moment. Some people really want a video document of the birth, or to get the news out to family and friends right away via text, and their priorities are their right and their business.

      You know, maybe mom doesn’t WANT to hold the baby right away. She just pushed that kid out of her body. Maybe she wants a few moments to herself. Maybe dad is freaked out by this whole process and texting updates via his phone is what’s keeping him together.

      It’s really not up to you to moralize about how people deal with a very individual experience.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:51 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #55   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    Being so dull that your interlocutor feels the need to text someone else during the conversation is also pretty rude.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 9:24 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #55.1   chesire cat

      Then don’t accept their socializing requests. No matter how boring they are is no excuse to show up and ignore them and text the whole time. Sounds like you might have lost a couple friends over your texting addiction and are trying to justify it to yourself.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:40 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #55.2   Farticus

      If you’re so bored, then why not contribute to the conversation? Make things interesting. Your host(ess) should try to provide entertainment, but (s)he isn’t a fucking dancing bear. Adult social relationships require give-and-take, a sharing of skills and talents and knowledge, not just sitting there waiting to be entertained, you passive, slack-jawed couch potato leech.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 1:59 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #55.3   dave

      oh so that spit in food guy is back again?
      Welcome back!
      We hope you will bestow us with a compelling and convincing argument for being a jerk just like last time.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 2:14 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #55.4   The Elf

      Think of the laughs that could be had if she was a fucking dancing bear, though.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 2:53 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #56   Kathryn

    The details of the party are irrelevant. Anybody who thinks the typed note is “way over the top” is more than sort of missing the “evidently-you-don’t-do-human-interaction-so-here’s-your-text-message” element. This isn’t even close to passive aggressive. It’s freaking funny. And if you think it’s anything other than funny, well… quite simply… you’re an idiot. Good luck with today.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 9:25 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #56.1   VZG

      If it was irony she was going for, she needed to either match the medium (text; it wouldn’t take any longer) or go the opposite route with paper and pen(cil). And she also missed the mark with the none-too-level-headed quality of the message.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:03 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #57   oi

    I was team hostess until the last sentence. I was appreciating the her guts and honesty but then she pulled out “Get out” and I did too.
    Seriously constant texting is rude when you are with somebody. No question about it. One text in once in a while (obviously something like be late, drunk pick me up etc) is ok. Nobody would care. If you are going to keep your face in your phone then why does it matter that you are sitting on somebody’s couch or on your own toilet sit.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 9:28 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #57.1   pogen

      Keep in mind that we don’t know what preceded the note. If it came out of the blue, then yes, it was a bit extreme. But for all we know, this was the last in a series of escalating attempts to get Dana to stop being so rude.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 10:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #57.2   liz

      Could be spoken words were already attempted, but did not get through. Host/hostess decided the only way to communicate with Dana was with text. The somewhat formal note (with signature!) indicates an older person, who might not have a newfangled text-capable cell phone, so typing out the note on a computer was the solution. And I’m guessing that final “Get out.” statement is like the email that I write in anger, but leave unsent until my anger abates enough for me to see straight, then delete. The huge signature shows the fury behind the letter.

      If I had received that letter, I would have left – daggers might be following quickly behind the ones in the host(ess)’s eyes!

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #58   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    Team Dana. All texting involves is moving your thumb. Is it really rude to move your thumb while having a conversation with someone? If I move my thumb in a rhythmic fashion without holding a cell phone is THAT rude too? I don’t see the material difference. Human beings of both genders are perfectly capable of multi-tasking and holding a conversation while performing small-scale manual tasks with their digits; no problem.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 9:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #58.1   pony girl

      All texting involves is moving your thumb. Is it really rude to move your thumb while having a conversation with someone?

      No, texting does not only involve moving your thumb. It involves your brain and your attention. When you are texting you are giving your attention to the person that you are texting, and not the people that you are physically with.
      That is rude.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:41 am   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #58.2   chesire cat


      Mar 3, 2011 at 12:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #58.3   Broketaxpayer

      You’re probably the same guy who doesn’t listen when his wife is speaking. Spend your time alone moving your thumb and don’t bother going out to parties. Save the rest of us from your boring self.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 2:53 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #58.4   TippingCows

      I think we found Dana.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 3:08 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #58.5   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Pony Girl,
      Are you saying that you can’t perform minor tasks with your hand while talking to someone? You must be a fucking retard then.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:53 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #58.6   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Sure, it’s possible to perform “minor tasks with your hand” while talking to someone. But most of us wouldn’t do that out in public. (>.<)

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:41 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #58.7   pony girl

      @Dr. Chalk

      No. I am not saying that I can’t perform minor tasks with my hand while I am talking to someone. In fact I am flipping you off whilst I type this.
      So, obviously, I am not a fucking retard as you so eloquently phrased it.

      What I am saying is that when someone invites a person to their home for a get-together, they have not invited you to take up space, eat their food and ignore everyone present. I am also saying that if someone feels the need to be in almost constant contact with others with people via texting they are mentally and emotionally immature.
      I’m not sure if you will be able to comprehend this though, seeing as my previous posts are well-written and articulate, and yet, you have not been able to comprehend them.

      I won’t call you a fucking retard though.
      That would just be rude.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 5:46 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #58.8   Canthz_B bang

      The Dr. must be an exceptional person.

      Imagine, he/she can compose a well thought through letter to text whilst listening to someone else and preparing a coherent response.

      Face it, you’re not paying full attention to the person you’re with while you’re texting.
      That, or those flying thumbs aren’t saying much more than “nxdgskfjni’manasshole!cfcf.lbgsrdjfvxd”.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:12 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #58.9   Canthz_B bang

      I think we can all agree that spelling takes more concentration than speaking, and listening takes more concentration than hearing…so if you think you’re a great multi-tasker, think again. You’re just human.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:35 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #59   Persephone

    We seem to have a clash of world views between Dana and her hostess (I’m going with female): Dana has submitted this because obviously she doesn’t think she was rude (“Can you believe this person? “) while her hostess has decided: “This is rude and everybody knows this, so get out.” (Dana’s probably an Aquarius; hostess is definitely a Leo.)

    Personally, I would go the truly passive-aggressive route and not say a thing, but quietly cut Dana out of my life — which Dana wouldn’t notice because she’s too busy texting….

    Mar 3, 2011 at 9:33 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #60   oi

    I think hostess could have handled it little better. I would not write a note ever. I would probably take a friendly jab about her texting and people not getting her majesty’s company or something like that.
    Hope that she gets the hint. If she does not well then she would not be invited again. Obviously she is not having fun at my home. Why herself and others and in the party? If she can’t make that call I certainly will.
    The note would be fine too without blunt get out.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 9:35 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #61   pony girl

    Ooooh, read the ‘Get out’ in that voice from the original Amityville movie.

    ps – Tocqueville, Brazzaville, Amenability, Artillerymen: all word options given to me when I misspelled Amityville with two m’s. Just thought it was funny.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 9:49 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #62   Selphie

    Kind of uncalled for. Sure, I also absolutely are annoyed of people who text all the time, but that note is JUST as rude. Probably more so, since people who text all time may not know how much it’s bothering people. They’re just doing something they do all the time normally. Sad, but true.

    I would have just said something (politely) to the person’s FACE. It doesn’t even have to be explicit. I usually say something like “Wow, you text a lot,” and that’s enough to give the person a hint and get her to apologize. Why write a note? Might as well just have texted it to her.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 10:07 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #63   fitzy

    So what in Dana’s opinion is a “formal” dinner party? Does there need to be placecards and 3 different forks… evening gowns perhaps?

    If you have come over to my house and I have gone to the trouble of making food for you, put the bloody phone away!

    Mar 3, 2011 at 10:26 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

  • #64   BonzoGal

    Team Get Out FTW!

    Mar 3, 2011 at 10:44 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #65   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

    Don’t like your guests’ behavior?

    Don’t invite them to your next party. Simple.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 11:57 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #66   SarahG

    To be honest, texting at dinner or in the middle of a conversation (Ex: “Did you end you end up getting that promotion– oop, just got a text!”) is rude but we don’t know if that was the case here. I tend to check my phone every once-in-a-while when I’m out, but certainly not when I’m eating or in the middle of a conversation.

    That out of the way… Why does everyone assume the “host” was a woman? It could have been a jealous man. I can see the name of the soap opera now: Texts of Our Lives

    Mar 3, 2011 at 12:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #67   chesire cat

    Team note writer

    An occasional text or something here and there is fine or stepping out for a quick phone call is fine. However doing that for a long period of time is rude to your hostess and the other guests. I don’t know if I would have said something at the time, but said person would not have been invited into my home again.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 12:34 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #68   Resident Grammarian esq bang

    I would have printed out the note, signed it, scanned it back into my computer, then save that scan to my phone, then sent it as a picture message to Dana. It’s less formal, but more awesome when she expects a text from her BF and instead gets a note like that.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 12:43 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #68.1   Nope

      Or you could’ve just typed it in a photo editing program or the like and then saved it to your phone’s SD card, then sent it as a picture message that way. Or if you have a smartphone, use a mobile photo editor and save it, then send it.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 2:42 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #69   Heirloom Vegetable Seeds

    Do you think it would have been more apparent it the person who typed the note would have texted “Dana” this message?

    Mar 3, 2011 at 1:07 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #69.1   VZG

      Yeah. I mean, who knows when she’ll stop texting long enough to read something on paper?

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #70   *snerk*

    Since the hostess typed and printed the note in an “all you can take in is text communication” spirit, I’m betting she doesn’t have a cell phone, or if she has one, it does not text easily.

    If that’s the case, then it was truly a clash of not just hostess/guest, but non-texter/texter. No wonder there were fireworks. Dana’s probably thinking, “She just doesn’t understaaaaannndd!”

    Mar 3, 2011 at 1:15 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #70.1   chesire cat

      That is also what I was thinking. I am way behind the times and don’t have texting or fancy cell phones. I have a busted old cell phone just for emergencies that is on my mom’s minutes. So I would have had to print the note like the NW. I am cool with not having all the texting and technology.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 5:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #71   lili

    They’re both rude but the hostess wins in passive aggression.

    Seriously, who texts at a dinner party? I text. I like texting. I can put down my phone. It’s called self-control.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 1:36 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #72   Na

    It is a bit of an overreaction and could have been handled much differently, but I have a friend who does this and it is quite rude.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 1:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #73   Roto13

    There’s nothing passive about that (completely founded, imo) aggression.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 2:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #74   hehe

    The funniest part of this whole thing was when Precy compared texting during a conversation to going on a shooting rampage. Dumbass.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 4:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #75   VZG

    Do I have to choose a team before I write my message? I don’t see a “team” part on this form and it leaves me so confused. Also, I notice there is a “team nobody” and now I’m curious as to what sport this is that plays with three teams.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 1:10 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #76   ghostbuck

    I think I would have just asked Dana to leave. Formal or not, I loathe these people who seem to think so highly of themselves they can’t finish one conversation before starting another on their phone. Dana, if you don’t have the good manners and upbringing or are so insecure in your relationship with your “significant other” to pay attention to the people who are right in front of you… maybe you should skip the dinner and just wait at home till he texts you.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 2:40 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #77   Will

    I am truly astonished at how many people are condoning and/or applauding the behavior of the letter typing wacko in this PAN.

    Seriously, it is 2011, and people text on their phone. Get over it. If it personally bothers you, fine, that is YOUR issue. Something is not inherently rude simply because it bothers YOU.

    That said, if it was this person’s home, I suppose in the 50′s tupperware party sense of things, they have a right to say something…but to excuse yourself, type up an incredibly rude note (which ends with the phrase, “Get out.”) and then hand it to this person, is beyond rude. It is is absolutely crazy. What on earth did this person expect the texter to do? Stand up and leave without an explanation? Stand up, explain WHY she was leaving? In which case, why not just say something out loud in front of everyone?

    If this was me, and I was hosting some super official, everyone-pay-attention-to-me, snobby dinner party, and I was oh-so-offended by someone sending a few text messages to their boyfriend, the most I might do is make a few joking comments about it, to see if the person might recognize on their own that it might be bothering some people.

    This is truly a paradigm shift in the commentary for PAN. I am astonished. Is everyone commenting here like 60 years old with some cell phone allergy? Seriously, a typewritten note in the middle of a dinner party that ends with “Get out” and a signature, and you’re all defending it?

    What the fuck is going on? Seriously! I have been reading these comments for 10 minutes with my mouth agape. Am I alone on this?

    Mar 4, 2011 at 4:00 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #77.1   Mandi

      I’m making assumptions here, but I got the vibe it had been happening all night. And yeah, it’s 2011… so that makes it ok to be on your phone CONSTANTLY?? Being annoyed by that is not the host’s problem. It’s rude to ignore people (presumably her friends) right in front of you to text your bf. Geez.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:53 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #77.2   Farticus

      Yes, you are alone on this, because all of your real-life friends left you for ignoring them in favor of texting, you self-centered cow.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 2:12 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #77.3   Silence

      No, Will, you are not alone.

      Thinking Miss Hostess has major anger issues is not the same thing as condoning Dana’s behavior. There are about 1,001 different, more tactful ways Miss Hostess could have handled this.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 9:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #77.4   Will

      Thank you! Yes, I understand it is “rude” to sit and text and ignore friends. But honestly, we don’t know the actual situation, here. Maybe 20 people were all sitting around chatting, and this one person wasn’t participating, but rather texting their significant other. So what?

      Seriously, given that this super special party was hosted by someone who was so batshit crazy that they though it was appropriate to leave their own party, type up a letter imploring one of their guests to leave, SIGN IT LIKE IT WAS A GODDAMN RENTAL AGREEMENT, and then hand it to someone in front of everyone….I’d say we might want to err on the side of logic and say that the texter might not have been guilty of all the egregious, earth-shattering lapses in manners that you all are ascribing to her.

      Texting and ignoring might be rude, but the insanity of the letter writer is just astonishing. That all of you are defending this nutcase is seriously making me question reality. Or at least the reality of commenters on PAN.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 10:59 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #77.5   boxes

      No, you’re not alone. (Nor are you necessarily a maladjusted text message addict like some overly aggressive commenters here seem to assume, simply for not wanting Dana to be executed for her crimes.)

      Mar 5, 2011 at 8:44 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #77.6   lili


      I don’t interrupt people. I don’t talk to another person while I’m holding a conversation with someone.

      Not on my phone, not to another person in the room, and not even using ESP.

      Pay attention to the person you’re talking to.

      Do you have to be sixty to believe in common courtesy?

      I wouldn’t ask anyone to put their phone away, but texting repeatedly at the table during a conversation is a different story, and I’m not making that up. It was in the backstory!

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:58 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #78   jilly

    The site informs me I cannot have an empty comment, but then i cannot delete it either…

    Mar 4, 2011 at 8:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #79   The Undertaker

    The hostess sounds like Dana’s obsessive-compulsive roommate that used to chide her for slicing vegetables improperly.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 11:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #80   Mandi

    I’m not going to read all the comments, so sorry if this was already posted… but MAYBE this wasn’t PA. Maybe the host was trying to make a point about how this chick communicates. You can’t do face to face? Here’s a letter, jerk. I would’ve texted her.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 11:50 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #81   paw print pet tags

    The hostess didn’t pull any punches either…just “GET OUT”.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 3:36 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #82   Drunk and Bitter Jesus bang

    I had to register just for the privilege of commenting on this note. I think “Get out.” was a little over the top, but otherwise Dana seems to have deserved a comeuppance. Even better would have been to have everyone in the room quietly surround her and stare at her until she bothered to pay attention to them.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 5:48 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #83   DC

    The “Get Out” made the note slip from amusing-nudge-ha-ha to Enraged Overreaction. Both were wrong, but they are clearly not well-matched as friends…and thus, both are better off.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 7:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #84   Meg

    I gotta say, that’s pretty damn rude. When you’re at someones home, with other people, put your damn cell phone away.
    Though, a note was a bit over the top as well.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 9:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #85   ChillyChilly

    Team Nobody. I kinda look at this and think “Yeah, you really shouldn’t text at particular social gatherings where talking is usually expected. Especially when the host probably invited you to try and rekindle a lost friendship. It would’ve been more polite to just say no thank you and stay home.”
    Although I also have to say that texting in some social situations is perfectly okay. A lot of my friends text each other BECAUSE of the social gathering, in DnD (I know, I’m a huge nerd. But what to do when its -25 outside for 3/4ths of the year?) we use texting as a way to communicate when the entire group ISN’T supposed to hear things. Like between particular players and the DM. Previous generations were raised to believe that ignoring a host is incredibly annoying and rude. Current generations are just adapting to what’s around them in the times. And if texting is something that isn’t accepted in a particular situation maybe tell them you’ll catch up with them later? I dunno. Its hard to talk to people in a place where meeting outside your home can be a hazard. Texting is nice. and So is internet surfing and Facebooking.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 11:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #85.1   Lauren--NY

      You make a good point, too. Some pull out their phones during a social gathering to let people know that it’s happening and invite them to join.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 3:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #86   boxes

    Sure are a lot of people filling in the details about the event with their own version of things.

    Note to potential submitters: Make sure to include a highly detailed account of the situation, lest the CSI: Passive Aggressive Notes squad put together some crazy fiction to justify the insults they want to sling at you and anybody that disagrees with them.

    Mar 5, 2011 at 8:50 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #87   FunFunRaRa

    This is gloriously passive aggressive. From now on, I’m dropping all use of “Kind Regards”, “Sincerely” or “Your Friend” from my written communications and replacing them with terse, aggressive instructions.

    Die painfully,
    *Insert massive signature here*

    Mar 6, 2011 at 2:51 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #88   stinkbait

    Reguardless of what the person did, I find it epically funny that this person took the time to get out, type the note, print it, sign it and then just hand it to her. (crazy people do this).
    I would flip the back over, grab a pen, and write a retort.

    A good retort.

    Mar 6, 2011 at 8:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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