Dear Grandma: Thanks for saving me the trouble of sending you a thank-you note by writing one yourself.

March 3rd, 2011 · 178 comments

Explains Megan: “My grandmother is extremely particular about her grandchildren when it comes to writing letters, especially handwritten thank-you notes. (My cousins and I often spend family events comparing the consequences we’ve endured for taking too long to mail the proper correspondence.)”

Megan recently moved, so she didn’t get around to sending Grandma a heartfelt thank you for her Valentine’s gift as quickly as usual. Instead, she got beaten to the punch. Within a week and a half of Valentine’s Day, this postcard (from guess who?) showed up in Megan’s mailbox.

Written on a postcard addressed TO Megan:

related: P.S. Do you they teach you thank notes at school?

FILED UNDER: etiquette · Grandma · old folks · thanks (but not really)


178 responses so far ↓

  • #1   laura

    Wow, I would have just returned the check if I got that in the mail.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:27 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Splint Chesthair

      I did that once, I wouldn’t recommend it. They never learn the lesson and it only makes things worse.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:17 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   micromachine

      I can really feel the rage behind the mask of this Claude Monet postcard. Better write gramma back before she has to bust out the Edvard Munch!

      Mar 5, 2011 at 6:42 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   MadelBlue

    Well, did Megan have time to cash the check? Who gets a check for Valentines Day anyway??? I guess when you’re old you sit around waiting to die and hoping for thank you notes.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:29 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   clumber

      My dear maternal Gma sends me a nice card with a check for $25 in it for every typical card-sending holiday/day. Including Valentine’s Day, and in fact I can see her card as I type this. For my bday $50.

      As SplintC mentioned above, returning such a check will only make it worse, even if (and perhaps especially if) you do not need the $ or you think your MeMaw needs it more.

      Anyone remember the Seinfeld ep where Jerry was talked into cashing such checks and only mayhem and guilt ensued? Yes, that was more a documentary.

      I strongly recommend spending a few moments this weekend to buy an entire pack of thank you cards and pre-address & stamp them to any similar relatives you have. Keep the cards in a prominent place on your desk. Studies have shown that for each guilt trip avoided, you’ll live an extra 5 months longer.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:47 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   clumber

      Other studies show that a full 89.64% of all quoted statistics are made up on the spot.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:47 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Hmmm

      “The problem with quotes and statistics on the Internet is that you can’t always be sure of their authenticity.”
      ~ Abraham Lincoln

      Mar 4, 2011 at 5:04 pm   rating: 100  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Lauren--NY

      Excellent. ;-)

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.5   Canthz_B bang

      Honestly, Abe…didn’t you steal that quote from me?

      –Mark Twain

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:29 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Destructor

    +1 to ‘who gets a check for Valentine’s Day?’

    That doesn’t make sense any way you cut it.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:32 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Canthz_B bang

      Makes about as much sense as getting any Valentine’s Day gift from your Grandmother.

      My Grandma loved me, but not in a romantic sort of way. That’s just sick…but I’d have cashed the check if she’d sent one!

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:05 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Lauren--NY

      I’ve heard people say that Valentine’s Day is more for dating people and for marrieds without children, because once there are kids involved the holiday becomes all about the kids. I think people find it malleable in that way; it can be about familial love that isn’t necessarily romantic.

      I got cards and checks from my grandmother and aunts for V-Day when I was a kid, and still get a card from my aunt, so it’s not regional (I’m in New York, not Madison). I don’t know! :-)

      Mar 5, 2011 at 3:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Canthz_B bang

      Valentine’s Day is about romance for adults (a bit different for school children. That’s more about social skill learning and flattery…glorified note-passing). If someone is married with kids and stops showing romantic love to their spouse they probably won’t be married for the long haul.
      You don’t stop showing affection to your spouse and transfer that love to your kids, because the love you have for your children is not romantic love…it’s parental love.

      No, it’s not regional (I’m from NJ), it’s logical. WTF does Cupid have to do with how you love your kids?

      Let’s see how much “affection” the guy who doesn’t come through for his wife with a nice gift next V-tine’s Day gets when his excuse is “But Honey, I bought candy for the kids!”

      Candy for the kids is nowhere near equal to jewelry and/or flowers. A well chosen card works wonders as well.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 5:29 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   farcical aquatic ceremony

    postcard for Megan to mail back:

    Dear Megan,

    Crazytown, Crazytown,
    I live here in Crazytown!

    I’m crazy! Crazy!! CRAAAAAAAAAAAZZZY!!!!

    Love,
    Grandma

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   JR

    I used to feel that this was all a bit silly — but since I started sending gifts to my significant other’s huge array of nieces and nephews, and hear no word that they even received the gift, I am beginning to understand why my mother forced us to sit down and write, write, and write those thank you notes

    But the day I start sending postcards like this is the day you take me outside and shoot me!

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:35 pm   rating: 72  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   spoko

      Not for nothing, but why do you keep sending them stuff? Who expects a gift from the “significant other” of one of their parents’ siblings?

      Mar 3, 2011 at 7:39 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   snail whisperer

      Agreed, though that doesn’t excuse Grandma’s response.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 7:40 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   VZG

      Meh. If they’re not close enough for you to call them without it being awkward (during which you could slip in a “so are you enjoying that thing I so nicely purchased for you?”) they’re probably not worth the hassle of getting gifts for.

      Not that it’s not nice that you do, of course, but maybe your SO could just tack on your name to her gift and call it a day; then she can call them and ask why they haven’t thanked you yet.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:14 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   iruleuruniverse

      I thought my comment posted, but I guess not? I couldn’t agree more with VZG. As I was planning my wedding, I received SO many (stupid, if I may say so myself) gifts at my bridal shower from a)people who weren’t invited to the shower OR the wedding and b)distant family members on my husband’s mother’s side whom we – and yes, WE, not just I – didn’t even know!!! And then his mother expected us to send thank you notes to all these people. I’m sorry, but sending a thank-you note for a shitty gift to someone who felt pretentious enough to SEND yet another Swedish cook-book i just not my idea of a fun time — and my husband refused to do it, too… Blergh.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:48 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   Gwan

      Really? You’re complaining because people you didn’t invite to the wedding were nice enough to send you a gift? The impudence!

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:22 pm   rating: 109  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.6   liddy

      I’ve read about this horrible practice: People being nice just for the sake of being nice. I am glad you are doing your part to stop the insanity!

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:34 pm   rating: 54  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.7   autumn

      irulurniverse, you are the biggest bitch I have ever come across. I hope you die in a fire soon. Jesus Christ.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 11:54 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   snail whisperer

    I would put that card in an envelope and send it to Grandma with a note that said, “Dear Grandma, Sorry I’ve not thanked you for the check you sent. It should have arrived days ago, but, as you see, I accidentally wrote my own address on the card! I’m so ditzy sometimes! Love, Megan”

    [edit] no, I really wouldn’t, though I would like to. You have to respect Grandma.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:35 pm   rating: 89  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Smiley4099

    This is the second time in a row where you can actually kind of see where the note-writer is coming from. It really doesn’t take very long to write “Dear Grandma, thank you for the check. I bought [whatever ten bucks gets you nowadays]. Love, Megan.” That being said, that shaky handwriting suggests an old bag at the end of her days. Between SASSY meetings, she probably doesn’t do too much/interact with other humans, making those thank-you cards very important.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:41 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Canthz_B bang

      Madison, Wisconsin?

      Oh, I get it.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:08 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   kanzus

      I think that’s part of what makes PAN so funny–along with all the crazy notes from paranoid shut-ins and petty coworkers, there are many notes that actually make sense. (I’d get sick of it if people kept taking my food at work or my roommate had loud sex.) It’s just the weird, funny, passive and/or aggressive delivery that makes them so delightful.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:28 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Innana

      YES! I see a lot of mockery of grandmothers on this site. Common courtesy: when you get a gift, you take time to thank the person, right away. Not when you “get time.” The person giving the gift always has spent more time on the effort.

      And my family sends valentines to each other — it’s not a romantic holiday per se, just a time toe xpress love.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:29 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      It arrived a week and a half later. Allowing for weekends that means there was about 7 post days between her recieving the check and recieving grandma’s note. Grandma’s note would take a couple of days. That means that Grandma sent it about 5 post days after the submitter had recieved the check. Had the submitter sent a note immediately it would have taken a couple of days to get to Grandma, so Grandma would have recieved 2, maybe 3 days after the submitter recieved the check. That means Grandma waited until the thank you note was all of 2 days overdue before sending her passive aggressive reminder.

      Seriously, who gets pissed when a letter is 2 days late? Letters go missing or get delayed all the time. That’s part and parcel (rimshot) of the very nature of snail mail.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 8:01 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Edwina the Defrocked Nun

      “Madison, Wisconsin?

      Oh, I get it.”

      what’s THAT supposed to mean, Canthz_B?

      Mar 4, 2011 at 9:29 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   unholyghost2003 bang

      Edwina the Defrocked Nun,
      Smiley4099 said “This is the second time in a row where you can actually kind of see where the note-writer is coming from.” CB was making a joke based on the fact that you can make out the blurry postal mark that reads Madison, WI … so on this note you can literally “see where the note writer is from”

      Mar 4, 2011 at 9:34 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   clumber

      Wow, that is totally awesome funny! Not even punfunny, just plain FUNNY! Kudos to CB & Ghost!!

      (hits ‘play’ for YakkitySax)

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   Flip-Flappin'

      +1 for “(hits ‘play’ for YakkitySax)”

      I love thinking about Benny Hill, any time, any day.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 2:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   Canthz_B bang

      It is better to give than to receive.

      We shouldn’t give gifts in expectation of praise or thanks. The giving of the gift should be our reward, anything more is just gravy.

      That having been said, if you want to be in the Will, you’d better get with the program!

      Mar 4, 2011 at 10:22 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.10   Smiley4099

      @Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
      That’s true, if Megan received the check on Valentine’s Day. Chances are, though, that she got it at least a few days beforehand. My grandparents sent my brothers and I checks for Valentine’s Day when we were younger, and they always made sure to send it about a week in advance so we could spend the money on stuff for our friends/significants, if we so desired.

      @CB
      Alas, the inheritance has been squandered on Monet-backed postcards.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.11   Canthz_B bang

      Then screw the old battle-ax. Who cares what she thinks anymore?!

      Money is leverage. The only reason my kids and grandkids listen to a word I say is because they know what side their bread is buttered on.

      I don’t need thank you cards…just that they worship me and all will be well.
      Anything wrong with that? ;-)

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:53 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.12   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Smiley – careful with your hypothesis of “Chances are, though, that she got it at least a few days beforehand.”

      I made the same suggestion yesterday and one sensitive spirit here called bunk on it because there’s no hard evidence to support that possibility!

      FWIW, I agree that it’s likely Megan got the gift early.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 2:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.13   Smiley4099

      There’s no hard evidence disproving it, either: the closest solid argument is that Megan wouldn’t have sent this in if she was really at fault, and that’s not always true. (I think we’re all familiar with that bread-eating witch of a roommate, Michelle.)

      Mar 6, 2011 at 12:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Goldie

    Why did Grandma give Megan a Valentine’s gift in the first place? What is she going to do next, propose?

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:42 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   VZG

      Well, she thought she was Megan for long enough to write and send a note… maybe she thought she was Megan’s SO before that.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Quite Contrary

    My aunt refused to speak to me at a family event in September because I neglected to send her a thank you note for my birthday present from the previous October. To add insult to her injury, she couldn’t comprehend that I had to ask why she appeared to be upset with me. The really embarrassing part? To this day, I have no memory of what gift she sent me for my birthday, so I couldn’t even bullshit my way through the very prolonged and painful apology.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:43 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   bujubee

    My grandma is the same way. With her, I learned it’s best to send a note if you want the money to keep coming. One year she didn’t even send me a Xmas card because I forgot to write her a note. Now she gets cards for every little stupid holiday, about a week early, and I get a check. It’s a nice trade.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:44 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Innana

      Ah, yes, now I see how the dynamic is supposed to work — the breathing ATM.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:30 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   JetJackson

    The other side of this postcard shows just how Grandma views their relationship.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 7:55 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Mrs.Beasley bang

      I agree. I’d like to think Grandma selected it with that intent. It’s an incredibly poignant choice, actually.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 11:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   FeRD bang

      Tea and recriminations in the west garden, oh it’ll be ever so much fun! I dare say I shall even have to bring my fainting couch.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 11:40 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Will

      P.G. Wodehouse described this sort of thing in Right Ho, Jeeves:
      “I remember Jeeves saying on one occasion–I forgot how the subject had arisen–he may simply have thrown the observation out, as he does sometimes, for me to take or leave–that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And until tonight I had always felt that there was a lot in it. I had never scorned a woman myself, but Pongo Twistleton once scorned an aunt of his, flatly refusing to meet her son Gerald at Paddington and give him lunch and see him off to school at Waterloo, and he never heard the end of it. Letters were written, he tells me, which had to be seen to be believed. Also two very strong telegrams and a bitter picture post card with a view of the Little Chilbury War Memorial on it. ”

      My grandmother was famous for the frosty postcards herself.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:41 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   Ally

      Hooray, another Wodehouse fan!

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Elyn

    If you have time to cash the check, you have time to write a thank you note.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 8:10 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Scix

      Always someone in the crowd that misses the point.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 9:37 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   VZG

      Did she cash it? I’ve gone months without cashing a gift check before. I mean, once I get through the thank you phone call, it just took away all the stress and I forgot I even got something.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:18 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   clumber

      OH GAWDS OH GAWDS OH GAWDS! NEVER forget to cash the check! NEVER! I swear, your life will become a vapid empty slogging through lifeless greyscale days… For the love of all you have ever held holy, always cash the check. You think a “where is my thank you note” punishment by guilt is bad…. Shit, even your great grandchildren will end up cursing the day you decided not to cash your MeMaw’s Arbor Day gift check of $5.

      Cash it. Donate the $ to the local foodbank or guy wearing a banana suit on the intersection if you wish, but please – cash it.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 1:59 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Kay

    I miss my grammas. Just saying.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 8:18 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   clumber

      Exactly.
      I miss my Gma who now spends her days trapped in a chasm of black empty zones where grey matter used to be. I wish there was still enough of her left to send me silly cards. I wish she still knew who I was.

      I am grateful for the cards from my other Gma sends; her mind still a steel trap and her guilt-trips like a cattle prod encased in razor wire.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 2:03 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   Anne

    My grandma is EXACTLY the same. The second I get anything in the mail from her, even an email I reply because I don’t want to hear back from her about how ungrateful I am. She doesn’t even send checks, she wants thank you cards for just plain birthday cards, with no money in them.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 8:21 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Caitlin S

      That is a little odd, a card for a card? By that logic, she should then send you a card for sending her a thank-you card, to which you’d have to respond in like kind, and then you’d end up in a vicious cycle of cards.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 1:17 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Nunavut Guy

    I wonder if her Grandma is hot?

    Mar 3, 2011 at 8:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Nunavut Guy

      And she’s writing cheques; so she has cash………..wow, hot and loaded.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 8:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Ajax

    I agree with those who say that Grandma’s in the right here. How hard is it to send a little thank you note . . .

    Also, now I’m feeling really remorseful about all those Christmas and birthday thank you notes my children and I have yet to send. . . .

    Thank you, Grandma.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 9:47 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Nunavut Guy

      Thank you,HOT GRANDMA.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 10:42 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Kim

    ok, you should send a thank you note to granny especially if you know she expects it and it makes her happy. But a week and a half later you get that PA postcard? That is just freaking ridiculous. Your granddaughter likely has a JOB. Cut her a bit of slack for crying out loud.

    Also, it’s weird to get a Vday check from your grandma if you are older than say, 10 or maybe 12. I could see a card, maybe if you’re family is really in to hallmark holidays, but a freaking check? seriously?

    Mar 3, 2011 at 10:08 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   FeRD bang

      I find V-Day anything from blood relatives to be universally creepy. No exceptions.

      Everyone needs to stop pretending that V-Day is a “holiday” they can observe in traditional ways. If it helps, try telling yourself it’s a dirty, pagan sex ritual that only heathens or Italians would celebrate. And then just skip the card aisle, thankyouverymuch. ;)

      (…Now, if you’ll excuse me, my Italian ass has got some observin’ to do! Nasty, nasty observin’.)

      Mar 3, 2011 at 11:45 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   chesire cat

      Hey I am never going to complain about any checks written to me regardless of the holiday or reason why….

      Mar 4, 2011 at 6:46 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.3   unholyghost2003 bang

      Not just a job, but she recently moved … how much you want to bet that G-Ma’s card and check were involved in the crazy mess that is mail forwarding?

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:12 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Mrs.Beasley bang

    Oh come on. Megan is being as PA as Grandma is, for neglecting common courtesy and for submitting this as a PA entry and looking for support.

    You get a check from Grandma but you can’t find 90 seconds in an entire week and a half to jot a thank you note and let her know you received it? And you and your cousins sit around ragging on the old gal for being a stickler for good manners?

    How about you keep a stack of thank you cards handy, with the envelopes stamped and pre-addressed to your grandmother, and the next time she does something thoughtful for you, you write the appropriate two sentences inside the card and mail it the same day.

    She’s old. She’s not going to change her ways at this point. She gives gifts to her grandkids even for obscure holidays. She wants to know they always remember to show appreciation for the things they receive in life. So play nice.

    Mar 3, 2011 at 10:57 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Henry

      Oh no! Don’t pre-address AND stamp a stack of thank you cards to the grandmother (or anyone for that matter), she may pass unexpectedly and leave you with something like 25-50 wasted stamps and stationary, plus labor costs. That would totally cut into your profits if you had to figure all of that into the last check received before she kicked off. Besides, how big do you think such a check would be? You could easily go into the hole on such an investment.

      Mar 3, 2011 at 11:23 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Mrs.Beasley bang

      I see your point, Hank. It’s not like you can count on exactly how big your piece of the action will be at the reading of the Will…

      Mar 3, 2011 at 11:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Taki

      I had the same idea but grandma won’t be fooled by your prehomemade crap. She wants heartfelt gratitude and possibly fancy stationary. She likely even deserves it.

      Is it just me or do you feel a guilty need to call & visit the grans now?

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:22 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Mrs.Beasley bang

      I wish I would have known my grands. All dead before I was a toddler. Never knew them, but always wished I had some like everybody else.

      Now I’m arriving at proper grandmother age, but my kids are childfree by choice. So I don’t have grandbabies, and I’m never going to BE a grand, and I hadn’t really counted on this ever happening but it did.

      So maybe that’s why I can so easily see the error of Megan’s ways in trying to make her Grandma out to be the bad guy when it’s really Megan’s lackadaisical approach to manners and common courtesy. Sure, Grandma resolved it with a smart-arse post card, but I say good for her! Sounds like Megan needed it!

      Mar 4, 2011 at 3:15 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.5   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Imagine this scenario;

      Grandma sends check on Monday.

      Megan receives it on Wednesday – possibly even Thursday.

      That means that the absolute earliest that Grandma could reasonably expect to receive her thank you note would be the following Monday; and that’s IF Megan managed to make the final post on the very day that she received the check. Which she probably wouldn’t because she’d probably have to go and buy stamps and probably has a job (seriously, who under the age of 70 has stamps on hand? )

      So Grandma finds no note on Monday morning. Then again on Tuesday, nor Wednesday. Uh oh! Megan’s note is now two whole days late! So Grandma sends her note, which arrives on Friday, a week and a half after the check arrived.

      In summary; Megan would only have had a two day window in which to satisfy Grandma, and that’s what makes Grandma passive-aggressive.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 8:13 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.6   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Except, Dr., that we don’t have any indication as to when Megan actually received the gift.

      Given Grandma’s penchant for courtesy, I’d be willing to wager that she sends such greetings well prior to the actual holiday date, so as not to be “late.”

      So even adding a little more time to your “window” of time for Megan to respond, we’re at three or four days.

      And since it takes less than two minutes to fire off a thank you note to someone you know is waiting for one, Megan had umpteen opportunities and still chose not to respond. And that’s what makes MEGAN passive-aggressive.

      That, and posting this as a PA note in order to make herself feel justified by inciting others to bash Grandma as well.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 10:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.7   unholyghost2003 bang

      Except, Mrs. Beasley, we know that Megan recently moved and is likely still having her mail forwarded. So, even if Grandma sent the card early, a big chunk of time was spent with the card getting shuffled around the postal system.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 12:15 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.8   clumber

      18.1 Henry – dude, seriously. Use the last check she wrote to buy the stamps. Then they are HER stamps anyway.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 2:07 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.9   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Except, ghost, the story doesn’t say the check was delayed due to the move, it says Megan “didn’t get around to sending Grandma a heartfelt thank you for her Valentine’s gift as quickly as usual.” And seeing as how Grandma’s post card got to Megan quickly, it’s not likely the card with the check didn’t.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 5:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.10   unholyghost2003 bang

      Except, Mrs. Beasley, my little “what if” story is JUST as likely and better supported than your assumption that grandma sent the card “well prior to the actual holiday date.” There was no mention of cards arriving early at all in the story, while the move is given at least partial responsibility for the reply being too late after the card was sent.
      So, you can offer totally unsubstantiated and unsupported claims that increase the reply window but my possible scenario should be rejected because it isn’t explicitly stated in the back story?

      Mar 4, 2011 at 5:15 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.11   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Silly ghost. It’s not true that in the original story “the move is given at least partial responsibility for the reply being too late after the card was sent.” It does, however, specifically say that Megan “didn’t get around to sending [a thank you] as quickly as usual.

      So your “possible scenario” and mine are both just that – possible scenarios. I believe that mine better interprets the available information. You feel the same about yours. Hmm… guess we’ll just have to depose both Megan and Grandma to get to the truth.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 5:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.12   unholyghost2003 bang

      Silly Mrs. Beasley. “Megan recently moved, so she didn’t get around to sending Grandma a heartfelt thank you for her Valentine’s gift as quickly as usual. ”
      “moved, so” yes, the move IS given partial responsibility. :) reading comprehension time! :D

      Mar 4, 2011 at 6:06 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.13   Mrs.Beasley bang

      And yet, ghost… the given statement about Megan moving clearly implies nothing about things getting delayed in the mail, which has been the crux of your position, but rather explicitly states that she “didn’t get around” to it. Which has been the crux of MY position.

      I mean, just to be clear on the “comprehension” issue… :)

      Mar 4, 2011 at 6:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.14   unholyghost2003 bang

      and STILL, just to be clear, there is nothing, save your own assumptions, to support your position while my position could still be reasonably inferred even from “didn’t get around to sending [a note]”
      All we know is that her move delayed her response, it doesn’t matter if it was caused by postal delays or just Megan being incredibly busy with the various stresses and time consuming chores of moving, grandma dashed off a note full of accusation without regard for the possibility of postal delay or what was going on in Megan’s life. I suppose this is reasonable, because there is nothing in life more important than appeasing Grandma.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 6:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.15   Mrs.Beasley bang

      So now we’ve segued the alleged excuse for Megan’s faux pas from a mail delivery delay to the stress and chores of moving. Puh-lease.

      Ghost, do you think it’s possible that your defense of Megan could be a result of psychological projecting.

      No big deal. Perhaps I’m doing it myself. You know – you have (by your own description) a “bad” Grandma, and while I’ve never had a Grandma I’d like to think that if I did she’d have been a “good” one.

      So you refuse to give feisty Grandmas the benefit of the doubt, and I refuse to think the worst of them.

      Which means we’re going to have to agree to disagree. That work for you? And if it doesn’t, go right ahead and leave me whatever response you’d care to and you’ll get the last word. As for me, I’m off to dinner!

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:00 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.16   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Oh jeez – I misspoke. I meant “transference,” not “projecting.” I hate it when that happens. OK, NOW I’m off to dinner for real! :)

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:08 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.17   clumber

      Ok all – let’s get a fund drive going to get Ghost and Mrs. B a room at the closest Holiday Inn Express!

      XOXO

      Mar 5, 2011 at 1:40 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.18   unholyghost2003 bang

      clumber, I don’t swing that way. ;)

      Mar 5, 2011 at 5:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.19   Canthz_B bang

      Mrs. B., yes it says she “didn’t get around” to sending a thank you card, but aren’t you reading “because she was just too lazy or inconsiderate” into it just as much (or more in fact) as UHG is reading (actually reading “Megan recently moved, so she didn’t get around to sending Grandma a heartfelt thank you for her Valentine’s gift as quickly as usual.” mind you) mitigating circumstances into it?

      Mar 5, 2011 at 11:24 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.20   Mrs.Beasley bang

      I think I covered this in #18.15

      Mar 6, 2011 at 1:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.21   oi

      Lisa is that you?

      Mar 6, 2011 at 1:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.22   killjoj

      @18.20 no you did not address what Canthz asked with “So now we’ve segued the alleged excuse for Megan’s faux pas from a mail delivery delay to the stress and chores of moving. Puh-lease.”

      There was no excuse just a series of given facts. Your the one making things up to fit your worldview. The facts are there for all to see. She moved and as a result didn’t get back to her grandma as quickly as she would normally get back to her so grandma sent her this card.
      That is what it says right?

      Mar 6, 2011 at 2:51 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.23   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Among the “facts” that are there for all to see, killjoj, is Megan’s admission that “My cousins and I often spend family events comparing the consequences we’ve endured for taking too long to mail the proper correspondence.” Which means this isn’t the first time GM didn’t get a prompt thank you. Now, I’m going to go out on a limb as ASSume that Megan and her cousins don’t move residences regularly, so there is obviously a pattern of not getting back to GM quickly.

      So no, I don’t agree that this incident was an exception in Megan’s usual behavior, caused by a move.

      Look. You can take issue with GM “demanding” written thank you for unsolicited gifts, and you can take issue with her snotty post card, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that Megan has a pattern of dissing her GM. I’m thinking it’s just to jerk the old girl’s chain, but that’s just me.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 3:06 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.24   killjoj

      How do you get to Megan herself having a pattern of being late sending notes just because she may have one or two stories to add to those conversations, yet totally discount the fact that she just moved and the intro tells us that that’s the reason she was late this time?

      Are some kind of a lunatic? Making up the facts you like as you go along just to suit what you would like the situation to be?

      Mar 6, 2011 at 3:15 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.25   Mrs.Beasley bang

      GoodNIGHT, CB.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 3:17 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.26   killjoj

      Yea.Your a lunatic. And a paranoid.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 3:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.27   Mrs.Beasley bang

      “Paranoid” is an adjective, not a noun. Just sayin.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 3:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.28   killjoj

      And a grammer nazi.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 3:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.29   Stepbackforyourownsanity

      CB and MB: How many thank you notes to friends/relatives/co-workers did neither of you write during this exchange?

      Mar 6, 2011 at 9:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.30   unholyghost2003 bang

      Thinking CB didn’t miss writing any since he only posted the once.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 10:51 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Loribl

    I write thank you notes for this sort of thing. It is not being PA; grandma has taken the time to do something for you. You can take the time to graciously thank her. It costs only a few cents and will make your grandma’s day!

    Mar 4, 2011 at 1:08 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Adriana

    I’m surprised that people here are defending grandma. Since when is it okay to be unbelievably, over-the-top rude in response to the rudeness of others? And when you consider how long the grandmother waited to send this postcard–around a week–this note goes from rude to plain old crazy.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 1:11 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Susan

      How is this over the top rude? I think it’s an amusing nudge. Megan’s rude for not writing the thank-you note. And yes, they are supposed to be written soon. The least Megan could have done (assuming she was insanely busy or something) is call and say thank you, and mailed the note later.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Nahhh bang

    My father used to pull stuff like this after his stroke. He’s been dead for three years.

    I’m giving Grandma the benefit of the doubt and urging Megan to pop for a fuckin’ stamp next time.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 1:16 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   GhostWriter bang

      Your father would send thank-you notes from beyond the grave? I find that both creepy and yet interesting.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:23 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   liz

      You would find that interesting, GhostWriter…
      How long have you been in YOUR grave?

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:59 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   VZG

    I’ve always found thanks to be particularly worthless when they’re demanded instead of graciously given. Don’t thank me because you think you have to — thank me because you were actually thankful. I’ve always hated it being a matter of “manners.” It’s not manners, it’s being appreciative of a gift no one was really obligated to send (even if they may have felt like they didn’t have a choice). Of course, that means grandma being a stickler for “manners” is missing the point even more. A required thanks is just an inherent contradiction.

    Edit to add: the above does not apply to children, for the most part, as they can be entirely appreciative but too naive or self-centered (because they’re kids, of course) to realize they should show it. Or else they can be spoiled and not actually appreciate what they should. In either case, they need to be directed.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 1:26 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Mrs.Beasley bang

      So maybe that’s why I can so easily see the error of Megan’s ways in trying to make her Grandma out to be the bad guy when it’s really Megan’s lackadaisical approach to manners and common courtesy, and pure PA resistance to follow Grandma’s simple request for an acknowledgment when a gift of cash is sent to Megan. And her equally ungrateful cousins. Sure, Grandma resolved it with a smart-arse post card, but I say good for her! Sounds like Megan needed a wake up call!

      Mar 4, 2011 at 3:24 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      Having a Grandma that reveled in some pretty evil fucking head games makes me understand why Megan and her cousins might feel less than grateful about being toyed with regularly. Grandma forces you into her debt and then emotionally punishes you for not being grateful about owing her? Grandma COULD stop setting the grandkids up to fail her by not sending them checks, but then who would she punish?

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:37 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   Who? Me?

    I’m teaching my daughter to write thank you notes. Not because ‘she should’ but because it is in her own best interest to do so.

    I read somewhere that the most successful people in life write thank you notes. And it makes sense – if you ‘make people happy’ (by writing a note) when they do something cool for you, then you will increase the odds that they will do it again. And vice versa.

    She’s pretty good about writing them now. Turnaround time is more like 2 months, though. Checks don’t get cashed until thank you notes are written, which sometimes causes other problems for the giver. Sigh. We try our best.

    So … a loving Grandma should do her best to encourage thank you notes from the grand-kiddies, IMHO. But writing a PA note, such as this one, is a BIG FAIL in my book.

    P.S. FYI, now that she’s older, I’m also teaching her that she should also write them because ‘she should’; in other words, it’s a simple way to show her gratefulness for the kindness shown to her.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 2:26 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   sara

    A week and a half seems a lot longer to an elderly woman, especially if she is alone. It only takes 2 minutes to write a thank you note. And slagging off your grandma on the internet is pretty tacky. Whatever happened to respecting your elders? Team Grandma.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 3:11 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Mrs.Beasley bang

      sara, my sister, we stand in solidarity on this one!

      Mar 4, 2011 at 3:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   chesire cat

      I am with you.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 6:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   Heroin

      Ditto. Yeah, Grandma’s passive aggressive note is a bit much. Complaining about Grandma on the internet is certainly no better.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 8:42 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   chesire cat

    I like this Grandma! bwhahaha she has balls! I plan on being a super loving and indulging grandma with lots of candy and toys and gifts for my future grandchildren. But like this grandma I expect to be thanked properly for it. I am super big into always sending Thank you notes. My mother raised me that way. I am raising my kids that way and I expect them to raise their kids that way.

    I have been known to completely cut people off for not lack of thank you notes so much even though when you don’t send thank you notes you piss me off…but I had a relative who could not acknowledge that I sent a gift whatsoever. No emails, no phone call, nothing. So I was sitting around wondering if it ever got there for months. I am not going to call them and ask because as the gift getter that is their job. After this happened multiple times I finally told them I was never sending a gift again. Actually correction, after long enough would pass without hearing anything I would call and leave a voicemail asking if they got it and they would not return the call….. So stupid bitch SIL is never getting a gift for her kids or for her from us again.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 6:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Splint Chesthair

    My grandparents do this. I actually got in trouble because my grandparents sent a gift with my mom when she came to visit. I accidentally let slip that my mom arrived around noon and I didn’t call my grandparents to thank them until around 6 in the evening. In their minds, I must of had better things to do for a whole 6 hours and therefore I snubbed them.

    Quite frankly, I think they are a bit crazy.

    As for the written note. Jeepers, I can’t tell you the last time I bought stamps. If you want a postcard from me, I have to make a special trip somewhere to get stamps. hell, I don’t even know if you can still get them at the grocery store. I’d have to go to the post office, take time off work most likely. Get with the times grandma.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 6:50 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   chesire cat

      So you never mail anything??? I find that bizarre and said. So no nice mailed invites when you throw a party? No handwritten thank you notes? So basically if someone does not have email or internet or texting they get no thanks for a gift they sent from you? I am not a phone person. I love mail. Love it and I am 30. So it is not just an old person thing. Nothing makes me happier than going out to the mailbox and instead of junk mail and bills finding a nice thank you note from a friend or a nice invitation to a party or a nice card from a friend or a letter.

      Thank God my friends don’t think like you. Most of them love sending things by mail too.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:11 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   Ponytail

      So they expected you to ignore the guest who had come to visit you (your mum) and make a phone call that was not at all urgent ?
      In which case, your mum would have been quite within her rights to type out a PA note complaining that she’d come to see you and instead of paying attention to her, you were ringing someone else. And to get out.
      I love it when PA entries meet…

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:23 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.3   Odious

      Sounds okay to me. It’s been years since I’ve mailed anything. It’s been years since anyone’s mailed anything to me. But if you want a VCR, CC, I can stick one in the mail for ya. You might get it. Might not. Give it a couple weeks.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:51 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.4   unholyghost2003 bang

      I mail next to nothing. I have had the same book of stamps for almost a year now. All bills are paid on-line, party invitations (excepting HUGE events, like my wedding) are done over the phone or through email/FB, thanks are also sent via email or a phone call. I don’t really see why that is sad. The e-cards I send are just as lovingly chosen or digitally crafted as any paper card and don’t create a pile of paper for the recipient to store or throw away.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 8:13 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.5   Splint Chesthair

      @chesire cat

      Your infatuation with receiving mail is fine with me. But no, the only thing I use the mail for is Gamefly (video game rental for my kids) which is postage pre-paid. Invites are done electronically (rather spend time on party goodies and food than invites) and if someone gives me a gift I thank them in person, or with a nice dinner at my home or at a nice restaurant rather than a thank you note.

      I don’t see why that’s so weird. But I guess you see my lack of mail usage as weird as I see the hysterical joy it seems to bring you.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 8:44 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.6   Splint Chesthair

      @Ponytail

      Yeah, I already said I think they’re a little bit crazy. They’re also the only people I get physical checks from, so I need to make a special trip to the bank to deposit the birthday checks they send. I appreciate it but if I don’t get to the bank the next business day, they’ll call and ask if I’ve lost the check! lol

      I have to explain that I go to the bank once a year, to deposit your check. It’s not like 30 years ago where everyone basically had to make routine trips to the bank.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 8:47 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.7   chesire cat

      I hate e cards. They always look so cheesy.

      I do awesome food and goody bags etc for parties too but the nice thing about real paper invitations is that someone has something to save in a scrapbook and look at again and again and remember the party it went with.

      I know that is more of a girl thing but I have every card my kids have ever gotten from someone saved in a box along with invites to parties. When I was a little girl my mom used to do that for me too and I would sit and go through the scrapbook and look at all the cards fondly.

      So yeah I am probably a little too in love with mail but I feel there can be a happy medium between never mailing anything and mailing everything.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 5:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.8   Splint Chesthair

      I don’t send e-cards. I just send an email or tell people or have my wife FB it. It’s not a complicated communication system.

      I’m not one of those people who gets mad if someone doesn’t show up to a party. Whatever, I understand people have things to do. I won’t not invite you the next time.

      I think people get so wrapped up in party invites, decoration, etc. that they often fail to have a good time at the party.

      Give me people, good food, good wine and beer, and good music and a good party I will have. Everything else is just fluff.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:49 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.9   chesire cat

      Or you can be a super hostess and have nice invites, food, drink, decorations and a good time…which would kick your party’s butt.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 4:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.10   unholyghost2003 bang

      I have never been to a party and afterward thought “You know what really made that fun? The invitation. I was worried that the beer or the conversation might be flat, but as long as I had that invitation that matched the themed decorations I knew I was having fun.”

      I had super kick-ass wedding invites that were featured in bridal magazines, yes people thought they were cool but years later people are still talking about how much fun they had at my wedding reception and no one mentions the invitations.

      chesire cat, I am not suggesting that people don’t have fun at your parties but if you think that the reason people like your parties is that you mail invites and have decorations you are not giving yourself enough credit. The joy of a celebration is measured in the quality of the company, not the trappings. Pleasant company is never marred by a lack of paper cards and no amount of decorations can make a dull gathering fun.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 4:32 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.11   Splint Chesthair

      It’s true. I don’t know how many parties I’ve been to where I left thinking, “You know, that party was OK, but it seemed to be missing something: commemorative paper invites!”

      Fuck those people, see if I ever come to another one of their parties.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 5:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   Odious

    Freaking Valentine’s Day??

    Oh, here’s your new house for Flag Day. Did you get that car I sent you for Columbus Day?

    Mar 4, 2011 at 7:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    The handwriting looks like Grandma has a stroke while writing it, so the issue of having to send her thank you notes should probably resolve itself shortly.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 7:56 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      “had had a stroke”

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:56 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #28.2   Splint Chesthair

      So you’re saying she was giving her husband a handie while writing it? Gross man.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 8:50 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   unholyghost2003 bang

    My question is does Grandma send Megan thank you notes for the gifts Megan sends her? You can’t assume she does. I know TONS of old people who believe that they should receive handwritten thank you notes but NEVER bother to send any to the children and grandchildren who send them gifts.

    Also, a check for Valentine’s Day comes off as less a nice gift and more like blackmail. Forced indebtedness and PA swipes about lack of gratitude regarding the situation are not sweet. I am not saying that people should not be grateful for gifts (even if it isn’t something they wanted) but forcing things on people and demanding gratitude is poor form.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 8:49 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Splint Chesthair

      That’s another thing about my grandparents. If you give them a gift they don’t say thank you. I bought a nice homemade pottery jar for them with the name of my hometown on it (it’s a quaint little town) and I told her I had it to give to her and I’d send it back with my mother.

      My grandmother says, (and I quote), “Keep it.”

      WTF?

      Mar 4, 2011 at 8:51 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   chesire cat

      She may not have meant it in a mean way….my grandma always tells me practically NOT to visit or to leave and get on the road within minutes of my arrival. At first I thought it was because she didn’t like me and want me to visit. Then I realized it was because she worries about me and in her day women didn’t travel alone that much. So sometimes they are trying to be nice but it does not come off that way.

      Maybe your grandmother was trying to tell you not to spend your money on her or something like that? Mine also tell me not to buy them anything because they would rather I spend my money on myself. My mom does that too.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 5:32 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   Splint Chesthair

      Well, I don’t think she set out to think up a mean response but when compared to not getting a written thank you note, telling someone who bought you a gift to just “keep it” has to be equally, if not more rude, regardless of reason.

      And again, you don’t know my grandparents, I love them, but they have an issue where they go out of their way to put themselves in situations where people will be beholden to them, and thank them. It’s not about helping people, it’s about people praising them and being obligated. They’re not bad people, they just got the whole thing twisted.

      I mentioned before I’m independent. I’ve fought hard to make sure I can proudly say that I got to where I am based on my abilities and didn’t take handouts from my financially well-off grandparents.

      I’m the only one of my siblings that can say that and my grandparents resent that about me.

      With love of course.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   unholyghost2003 bang

    Not all Grandmas are created equal. You know the bitchy, evil mom in playgroup who just LOVES to have people “Owe her”? She LOVES to have people in her debt so much she goes out of her way to give “help” that no one asked for or wanted just so she can hold it over their heads. She may very well go on to become a Grandma and her children and grandchildren will not be immune to this behavior. Women like this are not new, this is not the first generation to produce these creatures. So while many of you are getting misty eyed with thoughts of your own sweet Nanas who just want to send you a little love and be remembered in return, please know there are plenty of us out there with Passive Aggressive Grandmothers who deserve every ounce of ire the internet can spit at them.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 9:09 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   oi

      I thumbed you none the less (#31) because you speak nothing but truth!

      Mar 4, 2011 at 9:12 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.2   Splint Chesthair

      spot on, spot on.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.3   chesire cat

      Or maybe because you never do nice things for people or to the same degree they do, you are jealous of them and like to attribute negative motives to their good deeds?

      I am one of those people who always go above and beyond for others and I do it to make people happy and so that people will like me and because it makes me a good person and makes me feel good about myself. Then I had people like you that would criticize me for not doing something just right or even make stuff up to hurt me and discredit me so they can feel better about themselves and their lack of effort for others.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 5:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.4   oi

      Wow dude! That’s way out of line. You don’t know her or her grandma! Why are you so keen on blaming her for her grandma’s behavior?
      Some women are genuinely nice and some are not.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 6:19 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.5   oi

      I meant “Some PEOPLE are genuinely nice and some are not.” I am not sexist before anybody jumps to any conclusion.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 6:30 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.6   unholyghost2003 bang

      Glad you said this oi. I stopped myself out of concern my own familial relationships were coloring my reading. The facts are that becoming old doesn’t some how magically turn assholes, jerks, or even those who are not malicious but act and speak w/o regard for others, into nice, caring people. Young jerks turn into old jerks. Some people learn how to not be jerks but this is not guaranteed with age.

      chesire cat, you see me as a horrible person who doesn’t do nice things for people … so someday should I become a grandmother you believe my behavior will suddenly change and I will become kind and caring? Or will I still be a nasty person jealous of the kindness of others? If the magic “nice” aging dust doesn’t work on me why assume it would work on my grandmother?

      Mar 4, 2011 at 6:42 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #30.7   Russian

      Chesire cat – your attack on unholyghost is totally over the top and ludicrous. Also, the fact that you believe ‘so that people will like me’, ‘because it makes me a good person’, and ‘makes me feel good about myself’ are good reasons to do something nice for someone indicates that you don’t really get the point the ghost was making. If you want to do something nice for others, fine. But they don’t owe you anything. To demand a reaction from them is manipulative.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 3:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #31   oi

    I love my grandam to death so I don’t have anything to say here.
    Why did I comment here? Well I just wanted the world know I love my grandma to death.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 9:10 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Splint Chesthair

      I love my grandparents as well, it doesn’t mean they’re not crazy.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:08 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.2   oi

      oh splint you are taking it wrong way. I meant that my grandma was not crazy so I am kind of biased towards them. If my grandma had sent something like this, it would not bother me at all because she was an angel from the sky.
      However I do acknowledge that it is not always the case, see 30.1.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 11:35 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #31.3   aaa bang

      I tried loving my grandparents to death once. The rest of the family and the police didn’t like that.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:28 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #32   GhostWriter bang

    I don’t understand Megan’s problem; Grandma clearly explained herself in her earlier Valentine card…

    Dear Megan,

    Happy Valentine’s Day! Enclosed is a $5 check which, if cashed, obligates you to handwrite me a sweet note fake-telling me how much you appreciate my gift. Please include only topics that are wholesome. Feel free to exaggerate your devotion and appreciation- in fact, you may even wish to call me the “Best Grandma Ever.” Remember to mark your calendar with a specific weekend in the next month when you will visit and take me out to Furr’s or Friendly’s, following which we will return to my home where you can model your Mom’s old sweaters for me.

    …because that, my dear Megan, is what Valentine’s Day is all about.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 10:32 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #33   Laura Brown

    Apparently Megan’s grandma has been to Paris. She should cheer up.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 10:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   Splint Chesthair

    I was hesitant to share this one, but why not. My grandparents got scammed when someone from Europe called them and told them that “their grandson” was hurt in an accident and they need $500 for the hospital and that I couldn’t talk. They sent it. It’s OK, they’re pretty well off so it wasn’t a huge deal but the guy called back and asked for more and that’s when they called me about it.

    Long story short, I had to thank them for sending me the money. Seriously. That’s how they spun it, they actually asked me why I wasn’t being grateful. I have never asked for money from any of my relatives. I’m very independent so having to thank them for giving me money was pretty rough even though I kept saying, “Yes, I do thank you, but again, I DIDN’T ask for money.”

    Mar 4, 2011 at 11:13 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   chesire cat

      That is a sad story. Are they senile and maybe didn’t really understand what had happened?

      Old people are just you know old and so out of it most of the time about how things work and how times have changed. I try to go easy on them. I know it means the world to my grandparents to get a thank you note or letter from me or pictures of me and my kids so I do it for them. A small effort on my part to make their day better. My grandfather never asked anything of me except to visit and write letters and I happily did it. He passed away in November and I miss him. I will always miss his letters back to me with the silly smiley faces or sad faces and silly jokes.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 5:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #34.2   Splint Chesthair

      Look, I visit my grandparents often. I love them to death but it doesn’t mean I can’t joke about their foibles. The scam was unfortuntate, but no they aren’t senile, they just jumped at the chance to help me so that I would have to thank them. Like I said, I have never borrowed money from anyone, unlike my other siblings and I think they resent that i don’t have to come to them for money. And even though it wasn’t me, I was still chastised for not being grateful for the money they didn’t give me.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 7:41 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   GhostWriter bang

    Do you think Grandma will be sending back a handwritten thank-you note to Megan’s belated thank-you note? If not, Megan must create her own in-kind self-thanking postcard.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 11:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   clumber

      My experience, GH, is that the last people I ever want to go toe-to-toe with in any battle is my grandparents. They can kick my ass from the north pole to the south and back again, all before breakfast at IHOP, and without even smudging Gma’s blood red lipstick.

      Cards and stamps are cheap.

      Mar 4, 2011 at 2:14 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #36   I donno

    A Valentines Day cheque? For real? To your grown up grandchild?
    Wow. My grandparents must suck then.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 9:53 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   Susan

    Team grandma all the way. It’s just plain freaking rude not to send a thank -you note for a gift.

    If I don’t get a thank-you note, I don’t give that person any more gifts, ever. Obviously the person doesn’t appreciate my gift enough to spend five minutes writing a note, so why should I waste my money/time giving them anything? Grandma’s a lot nicer — she sends a humorous postcard nudging the kid to mind his manners.

    Those of you who think thank-you notes are out of date do not deserve gifts.

    Mar 4, 2011 at 11:47 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Splint Chesthair

      That’s weird. I put no conditions on the gifts I give. I expect nothing in return. You should try it.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 5:55 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      In addition to not putting conditions on gifts, not sending a handwritten thank you note does not mean I don’t thank people for gifts. If I receive the gift in person I thank the giver (there are usually even hugs!) If the gift was shipped I call with my thanks upon opening (for events like Christmas, where gifts often arrive long before they are opened I also send an email to let the giver know that the package of gifts has arrived and thank the sender for thinking of me in the email) The whole “thanks only count if delivered in a specific way” thing seems weird to me. I would much rather get one heartfelt hug thanking me or a phone call so I can hear the happiness in the person’s voice than any number of handwritten cards that may or may not have been written only out of duty. If I am not thanked in my preferred way (say, I get a card instead of a call) I don’t say “Fuck them! They do not deserve gifts from me!” I am glad to be thanked and I move on.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 7:02 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.3   Splint Chesthair

      I know, right? I don’t understand how someone can go from liking another person enough to get them a gift, to “fuck that person” because they weren’t thanked the way they expected. Fucking superficial friendships, I guess.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 10:56 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.4   Canthz_B bang

      See #7.9

      I expect a thank you gigglebrax for that gem of wisdom too, or I’ll assume it’s not appreciated. ;-)

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.5   Splint Chesthair

      Thank you CB, really, thank you. I don’t have your address but if I write it out, take a photo and upload that, will that be enough?

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:35 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #37.6   Canthz_B bang

      Splint, to whom much is given, much is required.

      Yes, that’d do it for me.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 12:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #38   aaa bang

    I don’t send thank you notes anymore. But then again, I don’t get gifts anymore. I think you have to interact people outside of a computer screen to be guaranteed gifts in life. I think. I don’t remember anymore.

    As for grandparents sending their grandchildren cash monies on Valentine’s Day, maybe Megan’s G-ma is sending her money to celebrate her finding somebody suitable to fuck on a regular basis. People do that in the meatspace, right? I mean, I’ve seen parents and what have you being super-interested in their progeny’s sex lives in videos online before. Granted, they always seemed to go in a really awkward direction about a minute or two in, but those are based on real life, right? I still have some grasp of how people are supposed to behave, right?

    Mar 5, 2011 at 12:34 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #39   clumber

    Occurred to me that a proper full-monty PAN response would be for Megan to start sending thank you cards to her Gram about a week before the holiday arrives.

    Go on, Megan. Let us know how that works out for you. Me, I am still properly terrified of my Gma. I should probably send her a thank you card for that right now….

    Mar 5, 2011 at 1:45 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   Splint Chesthair

      No, what she should do is get like 50 postcards, And write all thank yous for all the major holidays for the next 10 years. Send them in a big bundle.

      Mar 5, 2011 at 5:57 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #40   Canthz_B bang

    Alls ya gotta do is give Grandma one of those old-people phones with the extra-large buttons.
    Then you can text her a thank you the moment the check arrives.
    But do it right away. Don’t wait until you’re out with friends.

    Mar 5, 2011 at 11:41 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #41   HisN

    I send thank you cards immediately as a matter of habit–but my paternal grandma guilt trips me to this day about a thank you card she claims she never received. Either she’s batty, or the post office lost it.
    I’m betting on the former.

    Mar 5, 2011 at 12:04 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #42   kermit

    I find it hilarious that the people who adamantly insist on the importance of sending thank-you cards are also freely admitting that they themselves haven’t sent thank-you cards for the Christmas gifts they received last year.

    Mar 5, 2011 at 12:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #43   Mrs.Beasley bang

    Mrs. Beasley is mildly surprised at the number of comments implying that Valentine’s Day is exclusive to romantic partners.

    None of you did the exchanging of little kid Valentines when you were young, in a classroom decorated by your teacher with paper hearts and flowers? You didn’t make homemade Valentines for your Mom every year? Never received a stuffed toy wearing a Be My Valentine sweater from a favorite Auntie?

    Heck, my husband and I still get a funny Valentine card from my brother and his wife every year and we’re all – well – old!

    Valentine’s Day doesn’t have regulations. It’s about LOVE, right? The more, the merrier!

    Mar 5, 2011 at 6:38 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #43.1   Canthz_B bang

      “It’s about LOVE, right?”
      WRONG!
      It’s about ROMANTIC LOVE.
      CHRISTMAS is supposed to be about all-inclusive LOVE (Peace on Earth, goodwill towards men), not Valentine’s Day.

      I believe I addressed what V-Day is for school-aged children above, never said it has no place for them.

      My position is and always will be that for adults V-Day is primarily a couples holiday…not a family holiday (though you may stop at a local pharmacy and pick-up some candy for the kids). It’s not an occasion for a family gathering or a family feast like Thanksgiving, Easter or Christmas.
      It’s not just about LOVE, it’s about ROMANCE as well, not any kind of love you may happen to feel.
      Jewelry stores don’t sell LOVE on Valentine’s Day…they sell ROMANCE, and romance is the province of couples. You don’t feel or express romantic love for your children, siblings or extended family unless you’re on the Jerry Springer Show.
      When was the last time you saw a commercial advertising something as the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for a brother or sister? NEVER!
      For children, it’s more experimental. A way to secretly let Becky know you like her without letting the guys know…so you can still say publicly “I hate girls!”
      But for kids that’s not love. It’s attraction, and they don’t even know that’s what it is yet, why it is or what to make of it. All the little boy knows is that Becky isn’t icky like the other girls.

      But really, exchanging cards and gifts with a brother, sister, aunt, uncle is just dumb.
      Might as well just jump into the heart-shaped hot-tub naked with the family too, because hearts mean love, and the more the merrier!

      Go to any restaurant on Valentine’s Night and see how many family specials you find as opposed to couples specials.

      Favorite aunties and uncles that feel the need to celebrate every holiday of the year with their nieces and nephews are usually homosexual anyway.
      GOD, how they love to glam onto their straight siblings’ kids! :-P

      Mar 5, 2011 at 10:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.2   Mrs.Beasley bang

      CB, your narrow view of Valentine’s Day seems to have been highly influenced by marketing: “Jewelry stores,” “commercial advertising,” “heart-shaped hot-tub,” “restaurant specials.” Congratulations on being a model consumer! I’ll bet you’ve got some of that infomercial stuff, too!

      I’ll say it again, “Valentine’s Day doesn’t have regulations!”

      So, what’s it to you if other people include their family members along with their significant others in this particular Hallmark Holiday? Nobody said anything about including them sexually. Personally, I think you just have a dirty mind.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 12:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.3   Canthz_B bang

      You’re wrong. Valentine’s Day as an actual holiday IS nothing more than a marketing driven holiday.
      You’ve been even more market-driven than I have…having allowed “them” to make you believe that you should purchase gifts for any and all you feel affection for, rather than just the one you have romantic feelings for…sucker.

      I didn’t say sexually, I said romantically…so which of us has the dirtier mind (or the more limited vocabulary…take your pick)?
      Or did I not say: “You don’t feel or express romantic love for your children, siblings or extended family unless you’re on the Jerry Springer Show.”?

      Congratulations on being a model consumer…and functional illiterate! ;-)

      Mar 6, 2011 at 1:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.4   Mrs.Beasley bang

      No, CB, you’re the one that’s wrong. You bought the retail VD message hook, line, and sucker… er, sinker. You’re buying jewelry, hot tub soaks, and romantic dinners for somebody who (one would hope) already knows you love them. Romantically, that is.

      Compared to you, the greeting cards for the family bunch is getting a lot more bang for the buck.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 2:01 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.5   Canthz_B bang

      No, I’m banging mine and it’s worth every buck.

      They’ve got you spending bucks you needn’t spend, and wouldn’t if they hadn’t sold you a “holiday”.

      I spend money on romance as a matter of course without holiday pressures because I love my wife.

      You know, you’re a real loser if you think that once you know someone loves you, you can stop showing them that you love them. Stop sharing intimate moments. Stop doing the things that make them feel they are special to you…unless it’s February 14th.

      I don’t need Hallmark or Valentine’s Day for that…I do that year-round. ♥

      Mar 6, 2011 at 2:05 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.6   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Oh, BTW, as far as your “No, I’m banging mine and it’s worth every buck” comment, good luck with that. You sound like a REAL romantic guy.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 2:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #43.7   bobby t.

      He sounds like a guy with a real sense of humor to me. Nice play on Beasleys words there Canthz!

      Mar 6, 2011 at 2:59 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #44   Mrs.Beasley bang

    If you were as happy as you claim to be, CB, you’d be able to live and let live.

    Mar 6, 2011 at 2:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #44.1   Canthz_B bang

      Are you kidding?!

      Nothing makes me happier than my wife than putting the likes of you in their rightful place on the internet.
      Opinionated assholes with very little intellect (like you) are my secondary source of joy in life! :-P

      Mar 6, 2011 at 2:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.2   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Oh, sorry, am I supposed to feel put in my rightful place on the internet? That’s a fail.

      Your flaming insecurity is showing, my friend. Does somebody need a hug??

      Mar 6, 2011 at 2:20 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.3   Canthz_B bang

      Not me. My wife has her arms around me right now and has asked me to tell you “hello” .

      Gotta go now…if you know what I mean. ;-)

      Mar 6, 2011 at 2:25 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.4   Mrs.Beasley bang

      Good one! :) My best to whomever married you!

      Mar 6, 2011 at 2:27 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.5   bobby t.

      I’m loving how Mrs Beasly ignores Canthz points but still yaps away like she has a valid point to make.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 2:55 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.6   Mrs.Beasley bang

      CB, I thought you went to bed. Isn’t it considered bad form to continue to post under another name.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 3:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #44.7   unholyghost2003 bang

      That is twice now you have accused CB of posting under a different name. (here and up there with killjoj) but here is the thing, CB DOESN’T post under other names in the course of discussions on this board. (One BIG hint is the “your” “you’re” mistake that killjoj made and you failed to catch while incorrectly mocking hizzer use of “paranoid” as a noun* is not one that CB would make w/o correcting it. Another clue is the sentence structures in general, the people you are saying are CB use different writing styles than he does.)
      You seem to be so devoted to the idea of your own righteousness and rightness that you can’t imagine multiple people might actually disagree with you. Whether you are actually right or not I can assure you that there are more than two people who have read through this thread and think you are a nattering wack-job. Welcome to the internet. Here you could say “Sky is up, ground is down” and still find 30 people who disagree with you. When you start discussing cultural mores and passing judgement that number grows exponentially.

      *paranoid CAN be used as a noun, it is short for paranoid schizophrenic.

      Mar 6, 2011 at 10:46 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     

Comments are Closed