Explains Megan: “My grandmother is extremely particular about her grandchildren when it comes to writing letters, especially handwritten thank-you notes. (My cousins and I often spend family events comparing the consequences we’ve endured for taking too long to mail the proper correspondence.)”
Megan recently moved, so she didn’t get around to sending Grandma a heartfelt thank you for her Valentine’s gift as quickly as usual. Instead, she got beaten to the punch. Within a week and a half of Valentine’s Day, this postcard (from guess who?) showed up in Megan’s mailbox.
related: P.S. Do you they teach you thank notes at school?
178 responses so far ↓
#1
laura
Wow, I would have just returned the check if I got that in the mail.
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:27 pm rating: 37
#2
MadelBlue
Well, did Megan have time to cash the check? Who gets a check for Valentines Day anyway??? I guess when you’re old you sit around waiting to die and hoping for thank you notes.
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:29 pm rating: 56
#3
Destructor
+1 to ‘who gets a check for Valentine’s Day?’
That doesn’t make sense any way you cut it.
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:32 pm rating: 21
#4
farcical aquatic ceremony
postcard for Megan to mail back:
Dear Megan,
Crazytown, Crazytown,
I live here in Crazytown!
I’m crazy! Crazy!! CRAAAAAAAAAAAZZZY!!!!
Love,
Grandma
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:34 pm rating: 85
#5
JR
I used to feel that this was all a bit silly — but since I started sending gifts to my significant other’s huge array of nieces and nephews, and hear no word that they even received the gift, I am beginning to understand why my mother forced us to sit down and write, write, and write those thank you notes
But the day I start sending postcards like this is the day you take me outside and shoot me!
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:35 pm rating: 67
#6
snail whisperer
I would put that card in an envelope and send it to Grandma with a note that said, “Dear Grandma, Sorry I’ve not thanked you for the check you sent. It should have arrived days ago, but, as you see, I accidentally wrote my own address on the card! I’m so ditzy sometimes! Love, Megan”
[edit] no, I really wouldn’t, though I would like to. You have to respect Grandma.
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:35 pm rating: 84
#7
Smiley4099
This is the second time in a row where you can actually kind of see where the note-writer is coming from. It really doesn’t take very long to write “Dear Grandma, thank you for the check. I bought [whatever ten bucks gets you nowadays]. Love, Megan.” That being said, that shaky handwriting suggests an old bag at the end of her days. Between SASSY meetings, she probably doesn’t do too much/interact with other humans, making those thank-you cards very important.
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:41 pm rating: 37
#8
Goldie
Why did Grandma give Megan a Valentine’s gift in the first place? What is she going to do next, propose?
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:42 pm rating: 22
#9
Quite Contrary
My aunt refused to speak to me at a family event in September because I neglected to send her a thank you note for my birthday present from the previous October. To add insult to her injury, she couldn’t comprehend that I had to ask why she appeared to be upset with me. The really embarrassing part? To this day, I have no memory of what gift she sent me for my birthday, so I couldn’t even bullshit my way through the very prolonged and painful apology.
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:43 pm rating: 15
#10
bujubee
My grandma is the same way. With her, I learned it’s best to send a note if you want the money to keep coming. One year she didn’t even send me a Xmas card because I forgot to write her a note. Now she gets cards for every little stupid holiday, about a week early, and I get a check. It’s a nice trade.
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:44 pm rating: 18
#11
JetJackson
The other side of this postcard shows just how Grandma views their relationship.
Mar 3, 2011 at 7:55 pm rating: 7
#12
Elyn
If you have time to cash the check, you have time to write a thank you note.
Mar 3, 2011 at 8:10 pm rating: 39
#13
Kay
I miss my grammas. Just saying.
Mar 3, 2011 at 8:18 pm rating: 32
#14
Anne
My grandma is EXACTLY the same. The second I get anything in the mail from her, even an email I reply because I don’t want to hear back from her about how ungrateful I am. She doesn’t even send checks, she wants thank you cards for just plain birthday cards, with no money in them.
Mar 3, 2011 at 8:21 pm rating: 5
#15
Nunavut Guy
I wonder if her Grandma is hot?
Mar 3, 2011 at 8:33 pm rating: 1
#16
Ajax
I agree with those who say that Grandma’s in the right here. How hard is it to send a little thank you note . . .
Also, now I’m feeling really remorseful about all those Christmas and birthday thank you notes my children and I have yet to send. . . .
Thank you, Grandma.
Mar 3, 2011 at 9:47 pm rating: 7
#17
Kim
ok, you should send a thank you note to granny especially if you know she expects it and it makes her happy. But a week and a half later you get that PA postcard? That is just freaking ridiculous. Your granddaughter likely has a JOB. Cut her a bit of slack for crying out loud.
Also, it’s weird to get a Vday check from your grandma if you are older than say, 10 or maybe 12. I could see a card, maybe if you’re family is really in to hallmark holidays, but a freaking check? seriously?
Mar 3, 2011 at 10:08 pm rating: 11
#18
Mrs.Beasley
Oh come on. Megan is being as PA as Grandma is, for neglecting common courtesy and for submitting this as a PA entry and looking for support.
You get a check from Grandma but you can’t find 90 seconds in an entire week and a half to jot a thank you note and let her know you received it? And you and your cousins sit around ragging on the old gal for being a stickler for good manners?
How about you keep a stack of thank you cards handy, with the envelopes stamped and pre-addressed to your grandmother, and the next time she does something thoughtful for you, you write the appropriate two sentences inside the card and mail it the same day.
She’s old. She’s not going to change her ways at this point. She gives gifts to her grandkids even for obscure holidays. She wants to know they always remember to show appreciation for the things they receive in life. So play nice.
Mar 3, 2011 at 10:57 pm rating: 27
#19
Loribl
I write thank you notes for this sort of thing. It is not being PA; grandma has taken the time to do something for you. You can take the time to graciously thank her. It costs only a few cents and will make your grandma’s day!
Mar 4, 2011 at 1:08 am rating: 7
#20
Adriana
I’m surprised that people here are defending grandma. Since when is it okay to be unbelievably, over-the-top rude in response to the rudeness of others? And when you consider how long the grandmother waited to send this postcard–around a week–this note goes from rude to plain old crazy.
Mar 4, 2011 at 1:11 am rating: 28
#21
Nahhh
My father used to pull stuff like this after his stroke. He’s been dead for three years.
I’m giving Grandma the benefit of the doubt and urging Megan to pop for a fuckin’ stamp next time.
Mar 4, 2011 at 1:16 am rating: 10
#22
VZG
I’ve always found thanks to be particularly worthless when they’re demanded instead of graciously given. Don’t thank me because you think you have to — thank me because you were actually thankful. I’ve always hated it being a matter of “manners.” It’s not manners, it’s being appreciative of a gift no one was really obligated to send (even if they may have felt like they didn’t have a choice). Of course, that means grandma being a stickler for “manners” is missing the point even more. A required thanks is just an inherent contradiction.
Edit to add: the above does not apply to children, for the most part, as they can be entirely appreciative but too naive or self-centered (because they’re kids, of course) to realize they should show it. Or else they can be spoiled and not actually appreciate what they should. In either case, they need to be directed.
Mar 4, 2011 at 1:26 am rating: 20
#23
Who? Me?
I’m teaching my daughter to write thank you notes. Not because ‘she should’ but because it is in her own best interest to do so.
I read somewhere that the most successful people in life write thank you notes. And it makes sense – if you ‘make people happy’ (by writing a note) when they do something cool for you, then you will increase the odds that they will do it again. And vice versa.
She’s pretty good about writing them now. Turnaround time is more like 2 months, though. Checks don’t get cashed until thank you notes are written, which sometimes causes other problems for the giver. Sigh. We try our best.
So … a loving Grandma should do her best to encourage thank you notes from the grand-kiddies, IMHO. But writing a PA note, such as this one, is a BIG FAIL in my book.
P.S. FYI, now that she’s older, I’m also teaching her that she should also write them because ‘she should’; in other words, it’s a simple way to show her gratefulness for the kindness shown to her.
Mar 4, 2011 at 2:26 am rating: 4
#24
sara
A week and a half seems a lot longer to an elderly woman, especially if she is alone. It only takes 2 minutes to write a thank you note. And slagging off your grandma on the internet is pretty tacky. Whatever happened to respecting your elders? Team Grandma.
Mar 4, 2011 at 3:11 am rating: 11
#25
chesire cat
I like this Grandma! bwhahaha she has balls! I plan on being a super loving and indulging grandma with lots of candy and toys and gifts for my future grandchildren. But like this grandma I expect to be thanked properly for it. I am super big into always sending Thank you notes. My mother raised me that way. I am raising my kids that way and I expect them to raise their kids that way.
I have been known to completely cut people off for not lack of thank you notes so much even though when you don’t send thank you notes you piss me off…but I had a relative who could not acknowledge that I sent a gift whatsoever. No emails, no phone call, nothing. So I was sitting around wondering if it ever got there for months. I am not going to call them and ask because as the gift getter that is their job. After this happened multiple times I finally told them I was never sending a gift again. Actually correction, after long enough would pass without hearing anything I would call and leave a voicemail asking if they got it and they would not return the call….. So stupid bitch SIL is never getting a gift for her kids or for her from us again.
Mar 4, 2011 at 6:41 am rating: 3
#26
Splint Chesthair
My grandparents do this. I actually got in trouble because my grandparents sent a gift with my mom when she came to visit. I accidentally let slip that my mom arrived around noon and I didn’t call my grandparents to thank them until around 6 in the evening. In their minds, I must of had better things to do for a whole 6 hours and therefore I snubbed them.
Quite frankly, I think they are a bit crazy.
As for the written note. Jeepers, I can’t tell you the last time I bought stamps. If you want a postcard from me, I have to make a special trip somewhere to get stamps. hell, I don’t even know if you can still get them at the grocery store. I’d have to go to the post office, take time off work most likely. Get with the times grandma.
Mar 4, 2011 at 6:50 am rating: 13
#27
Odious
Freaking Valentine’s Day??
Oh, here’s your new house for Flag Day. Did you get that car I sent you for Columbus Day?
Mar 4, 2011 at 7:44 am rating: 3
#28
Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
The handwriting looks like Grandma has a stroke while writing it, so the issue of having to send her thank you notes should probably resolve itself shortly.
Mar 4, 2011 at 7:56 am rating: 5
#29
unholyghost2003
My question is does Grandma send Megan thank you notes for the gifts Megan sends her? You can’t assume she does. I know TONS of old people who believe that they should receive handwritten thank you notes but NEVER bother to send any to the children and grandchildren who send them gifts.
Also, a check for Valentine’s Day comes off as less a nice gift and more like blackmail. Forced indebtedness and PA swipes about lack of gratitude regarding the situation are not sweet. I am not saying that people should not be grateful for gifts (even if it isn’t something they wanted) but forcing things on people and demanding gratitude is poor form.
Mar 4, 2011 at 8:49 am rating: 16
#30
unholyghost2003
Not all Grandmas are created equal. You know the bitchy, evil mom in playgroup who just LOVES to have people “Owe her”? She LOVES to have people in her debt so much she goes out of her way to give “help” that no one asked for or wanted just so she can hold it over their heads. She may very well go on to become a Grandma and her children and grandchildren will not be immune to this behavior. Women like this are not new, this is not the first generation to produce these creatures. So while many of you are getting misty eyed with thoughts of your own sweet Nanas who just want to send you a little love and be remembered in return, please know there are plenty of us out there with Passive Aggressive Grandmothers who deserve every ounce of ire the internet can spit at them.
Mar 4, 2011 at 9:09 am rating: 35
#31
oi
I love my grandam to death so I don’t have anything to say here.
Why did I comment here? Well I just wanted the world know I love my grandma to death.
Mar 4, 2011 at 9:10 am rating: 11
#32
GhostWriter
I don’t understand Megan’s problem; Grandma clearly explained herself in her earlier Valentine card…
“Dear Megan,
Happy Valentine’s Day! Enclosed is a $5 check which, if cashed, obligates you to handwrite me a sweet note fake-telling me how much you appreciate my gift. Please include only topics that are wholesome. Feel free to exaggerate your devotion and appreciation- in fact, you may even wish to call me the “Best Grandma Ever.” Remember to mark your calendar with a specific weekend in the next month when you will visit and take me out to Furr’s or Friendly’s, following which we will return to my home where you can model your Mom’s old sweaters for me.
…because that, my dear Megan, is what Valentine’s Day is all about.“
Mar 4, 2011 at 10:32 am rating: 15
#33
Laura Brown
Apparently Megan’s grandma has been to Paris. She should cheer up.
Mar 4, 2011 at 10:50 am rating: 0
#34
Splint Chesthair
I was hesitant to share this one, but why not. My grandparents got scammed when someone from Europe called them and told them that “their grandson” was hurt in an accident and they need $500 for the hospital and that I couldn’t talk. They sent it. It’s OK, they’re pretty well off so it wasn’t a huge deal but the guy called back and asked for more and that’s when they called me about it.
Long story short, I had to thank them for sending me the money. Seriously. That’s how they spun it, they actually asked me why I wasn’t being grateful. I have never asked for money from any of my relatives. I’m very independent so having to thank them for giving me money was pretty rough even though I kept saying, “Yes, I do thank you, but again, I DIDN’T ask for money.”
Mar 4, 2011 at 11:13 am rating: 20
#35
GhostWriter
Do you think Grandma will be sending back a handwritten thank-you note to Megan’s belated thank-you note? If not, Megan must create her own in-kind self-thanking postcard.
Mar 4, 2011 at 11:32 am rating: 5
#36
I donno
A Valentines Day cheque? For real? To your grown up grandchild?
Wow. My grandparents must suck then.
Mar 4, 2011 at 9:53 pm rating: 2
#37
Susan
Team grandma all the way. It’s just plain freaking rude not to send a thank -you note for a gift.
If I don’t get a thank-you note, I don’t give that person any more gifts, ever. Obviously the person doesn’t appreciate my gift enough to spend five minutes writing a note, so why should I waste my money/time giving them anything? Grandma’s a lot nicer — she sends a humorous postcard nudging the kid to mind his manners.
Those of you who think thank-you notes are out of date do not deserve gifts.
Mar 4, 2011 at 11:47 pm rating: 2
#38
aaa
I don’t send thank you notes anymore. But then again, I don’t get gifts anymore. I think you have to interact people outside of a computer screen to be guaranteed gifts in life. I think. I don’t remember anymore.
As for grandparents sending their grandchildren cash monies on Valentine’s Day, maybe Megan’s G-ma is sending her money to celebrate her finding somebody suitable to fuck on a regular basis. People do that in the meatspace, right? I mean, I’ve seen parents and what have you being super-interested in their progeny’s sex lives in videos online before. Granted, they always seemed to go in a really awkward direction about a minute or two in, but those are based on real life, right? I still have some grasp of how people are supposed to behave, right?
Mar 5, 2011 at 12:34 am rating: 8
#39
clumber
Occurred to me that a proper full-monty PAN response would be for Megan to start sending thank you cards to her Gram about a week before the holiday arrives.
Go on, Megan. Let us know how that works out for you. Me, I am still properly terrified of my Gma. I should probably send her a thank you card for that right now….
Mar 5, 2011 at 1:45 am rating: 7
#40
Canthz_B
Alls ya gotta do is give Grandma one of those old-people phones with the extra-large buttons.
Then you can text her a thank you the moment the check arrives.
But do it right away. Don’t wait until you’re out with friends.
Mar 5, 2011 at 11:41 am rating: 3
#41
HisN
I send thank you cards immediately as a matter of habit–but my paternal grandma guilt trips me to this day about a thank you card she claims she never received. Either she’s batty, or the post office lost it.
I’m betting on the former.
Mar 5, 2011 at 12:04 pm rating: 1
#42
kermit
I find it hilarious that the people who adamantly insist on the importance of sending thank-you cards are also freely admitting that they themselves haven’t sent thank-you cards for the Christmas gifts they received last year.
Mar 5, 2011 at 12:22 pm rating: 3
#43
Mrs.Beasley
Mrs. Beasley is mildly surprised at the number of comments implying that Valentine’s Day is exclusive to romantic partners.
None of you did the exchanging of little kid Valentines when you were young, in a classroom decorated by your teacher with paper hearts and flowers? You didn’t make homemade Valentines for your Mom every year? Never received a stuffed toy wearing a Be My Valentine sweater from a favorite Auntie?
Heck, my husband and I still get a funny Valentine card from my brother and his wife every year and we’re all – well – old!
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have regulations. It’s about LOVE, right? The more, the merrier!
Mar 5, 2011 at 6:38 pm rating: 3
#44
Mrs.Beasley
If you were as happy as you claim to be, CB, you’d be able to live and let live.
Mar 6, 2011 at 2:09 am rating: 0
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